Utdmad89
Mood:
Depressed
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Dec 5, 2022
Messages:
175
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206

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Gender:
Male
Birthday:
May 7, 1989 (Age: 34)
Location:
United Kingdom
Occupation:
Homemaker

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Utdmad89

Member, Male, 34, from United Kingdom

I just want to die Apr 11, 2024 at 8:52 PM

    1. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      I just want to die
      1. _Shoto_ and L along the way like this.
      2. L along the way
        L along the way
        I symphatize... we just don't want to suffer so badly.. i know t isn't measurable or comparable.. but just speaking from own expreience.. this has been worse than i could imagine. Don't know what to say.. i say to myself.. focus on breathing & give myself time... time..
        Apr 12, 2024 at 12:21 AM
      3. SumGuy
        SumGuy
        I wouldnt be mad if an astroid hit us anytime soon lol
        Apr 12, 2024 at 3:14 AM
    2. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      And miserable as time goes on. Properly hate everything. Fuck the world (5)
    3. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      No hope, no future, no research, no treatment. What is the point, seeing everyone else living and your just getting more bitter (4)
      1. L along the way, SumGuy and Kiyomi like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        I don't want to be bitter. It's just getting worse and worse
        Apr 10, 2024 at 8:19 AM
      4. SumGuy
        SumGuy
        I feel this, walking around I see people using headphones and listening to music loud asf without T
        Apr 10, 2024 at 9:55 PM
        Utdmad89 likes this.
      5. crescentsky
        crescentsky
        Same. T has made me bitter beyond words.
        Apr 11, 2024 at 1:00 AM
        L along the way likes this.
    4. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Back to feeling life is pointless and wishing I was brave enough to end my miserable existence (3)
    5. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      I wasn't even on here till I had T for 2/3 months. (2)
    6. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      I can't lie, that I'm abit jealous seeing aload of new members on here having improvements in a matter of weeks! (1)
      1. Ngo13 likes this.
    7. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      I see no point in life. It keeps getting lower and more isolated.
    8. BB23
      BB23
      How did you get VSS?
      1. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        It started about 6 months after T
        Apr 8, 2024 at 4:49 PM
      2. BB23
        BB23
        @Utdmad89 what do you think caused it for you? are you still "not sure"? or do you have some ideas by now? mine was from mirtazapine. sorry to hear you have it as well...
        Apr 8, 2024 at 5:32 PM
      3. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        No idea at thr timr I wasn't on anything not taken a pain killer for 18 months. Recently I had to go on metformin for diabetes but had to stop because pain in my ears
        Apr 8, 2024 at 6:45 PM
        BB23 likes this.
    9. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      18 months of tinnitus this month. I guess that it's not going to go away on it's own
      1. _Shoto_, BB23 and BrOKeN_1 like this.
    10. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      I'm so sick of this. Time just slipping through my hand. No hope no life. Suicide is inevitable. How I'd do anything to improve.
      1. BB23, Sansa and L along the way like this.
      2. L along the way
        L along the way
        I feel you.. sorry, and i cannot give any real advice.. just to share my experience.. yesterday was horrible, such a want for the pain to end. I don't know what to say.. i guess.. what i say to myself is.. not getting stuck on any sort of thought.. for me it was very harsh yesterday evening i couldn't sleep, and just have thoughts of wanting to be out of this
        Apr 7, 2024 at 12:04 PM
        tpj and Utdmad89 like this.
      3. L along the way
        L along the way
        I tell myself too (what else can we do, than also try to find some inspiration).. a new day.. time, patience. Going into nature & distractions with gaming. Praying for things to soften in time
        Apr 7, 2024 at 12:05 PM
        Utdmad89 likes this.
      4. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        Cheers mate, just feeling low, and thinking how much life I've lost before and after this. I game in silence every night. Just feels like a waste.
        Apr 7, 2024 at 8:41 PM
        L along the way likes this.
    11. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Life feels so pointless
      1. BB23, Sansa, tpj and 3 others like this.
      2. SumGuy
        SumGuy
        rooting for you mate
        Apr 7, 2024 at 2:57 AM
        Utdmad89 likes this.
      3. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        Cheers mate!
        Apr 7, 2024 at 8:39 PM
    12. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      I need some hope back! Is there anything coming for H/N. Can it heal on its own
      1. Sansa, tpj and Kiyomi like this.
      2. crescentsky
        crescentsky
        I hope so. I am even willing to be religious and pray if we can somehow get some healing. Life has become sooooo exhausting.
        Apr 6, 2024 at 3:43 AM
      3. ZFire
        ZFire
        I recalled hearing an anecdote, think it was from @Brian Newman, about a Hungarian man who suffered from noxacusis for 5-6 years. He was on the brink of suicide. Miraculously, the day he was planning on committing suicide was the day his noxacusis just suddenly disappeared.
        Apr 6, 2024 at 6:33 AM
        SumGuy, Utdmad89, tpj and 1 other person like this.
      4. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        @crescentsky I have prayed every night for 18 months for healing for all those who suffer witht these conditions. I've only got worse.
        Apr 6, 2024 at 6:38 PM
        SumGuy likes this.
    13. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Literally no one gives a shit. H/N are rare. Those that preach don't have it. Wish I only had T and really mild H still, I had hope
      1. Sansa likes this.
    14. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      There really is nothing coming anytime in the next decade. What is the point. Missing out on my sons life not being able to have another
      1. BB23 likes this.
    15. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Life is pointless. Hope is BS. Early death is inevitable. No one cares. Most gaslight.
      1. Sansa and BB23 like this.
    16. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      When you realise nothing is coming for H/N. And your only choice is complete isolation or suicide! Both means your life is over. No one care
      1. Sansa, Pinhead and BB23 like this.
    17. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Getting gaslit by those who don't have Noxacusis is infuriating.
      1. BB23 likes this.
    18. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      I dunno why I even bother looking on here. Most don't have H/N, there is fck all treatments coming. What's the point
      1. Sansa likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        @HighleyTall mate would be really nice if you answered my question please!? If you was talking poop it's cool just say.
        Apr 5, 2024
      4. HighleyTall
        HighleyTall
        Hi, I think the work of Dr. Megan Wood and Dr. Mc Naughton are very important. They made some great discoveries for both H and T respectively. It is just a matter of time before they find a compound that works.
        Apr 6, 2024 at 6:51 AM
      5. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        They are nowhere near treatment
        Apr 6, 2024 at 4:28 PM
    19. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      I just want to fucking die
      1. Sansa, L along the way and Karolina like this.
    20. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      At least those with T and nothing else have many things too be hopeful. There is jack shit for H/N
      1. Sansa and Karolina like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. crescentsky
        crescentsky
        is your pain constant?
        Apr 4, 2024
        L along the way likes this.
      4. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        @gameover there is lots of reaserch being done for T. And some treatment on their way to market. H/N there is one person that is researching, that is it.
        Apr 4, 2024
        gameover likes this.
      5. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        @crescentsky, if I'm in silence it's alot better, but still get the aches and stabbing pain here and there
        Apr 4, 2024
        gameover likes this.
    21. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Never have I been so close to killing myself. And what is there to stop me, absolutely nothing.
      1. Sansa likes this.
    22. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Just isn't the same having T on it's own. H/N there isn't any hope. Why just as I was starting to get my life sorted all this shit happens.
    23. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      A day closer to ending it all
      1. L along the way
        L along the way
        I know those feelings & thoughts.. pff.. it's brutal.. 'let it all just end please' on repeat.. what does help me, is hope that it can and will get better somehow with time, and for now endure.. and make sure to get enough sleep.. trying mindfulness, and just plain distractions (gaming). Day to day.. hope it may be a better day
        Apr 3, 2024
      2. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        It won't magically get better, though. The damage is done. There is no cure or even treatment. All I do is isolate and miss out on my family. What is the point
        Apr 5, 2024
    24. LukeYoung
      LukeYoung
      3. You will still have tough days. Hold on. Don't end your life. Try every distraction possible, and i know how hard it is when you don't enjoy what you once did. Keeping busy is one thing that has helped my mental health and even tinnitus. i Still have Bad spikes, going through one right now due to loud fire alarm at work.
      1. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        Cheers, it's not actually my tinnitus that's causing me problems, it's hyperacusis and Noxacusis. My tinnitus sucks but I'm getting used to it. I'd love for it too do one though
        Apr 2, 2024
        LukeYoung likes this.
      2. LukeYoung
        LukeYoung
        Are you using plugs or muffs often?
        Apr 3, 2024
      3. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        @LukeYoung, I have too around my son, when driving, when in the kitchen, and when I sometimes leave the house.
        Apr 3, 2024
    25. LukeYoung
      LukeYoung
      2. It took probably 2 years to for me to habituate or for my tinnitus to calm down, not sure which one.. maybe both. The main thing is to give yourself time, It's absolute HELL going through it and waiting for it to POSSIBLY get better, but it can, and has for a lot of people.
    26. LukeYoung
      LukeYoung
      Hey mate, i see you posting a lot. You sound a lot like me in my head when i first got T, everything was meaningless, wasn't sure if i had the strength to hold on. 8 years later i still battle, it's just the days i battle are less often. Honestly it took me 6 months atleast to have a slight bit of habituation.
      1. JeffToob likes this.
    27. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Any treatment available yet? ..... don't be stupid 10 years away...atleast.
      1. Sansa and Kiyomi like this.
      2. Ryan Scott
        Ryan Scott
        I'm doubtful there will be a treatment in 10 years personally.
        Apr 2, 2024
    28. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      Gaslighting mild cases! Honestly fuck off.
      1. RunningMan and gameover like this.
    29. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      But how can I keep going with this low quality of life. I'm a useless burden. Fcking piece of shit.
      1. Sansa, Kiyomi and gameover like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        @L along the way thanks. But I am a piece if shit burden. My family will be better off when I'm gone. I just don't see me getting relief I just get more and more health problems.
        Mar 31, 2024
      4. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        I'm missing out on my sons life, he won't have a sibling now because of me and I won't be able to do anything woth him. I just don't see the point in living anymore
        Mar 31, 2024
      5. Utdmad89
        Utdmad89
        Nothing is being done. Meds that people are hoping for won't be anywhere near in time to be properly involved in life
        Mar 31, 2024
    30. Utdmad89
      Utdmad89
      I love him so much. I fucking hate myself even more. No hope no future no help no cure. Wish it was as easy to leave. How can I leave them 5
      1. gameover likes this.
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  • About

    Gender:
    Male
    Birthday:
    May 7, 1989 (Age: 34)
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Occupation:
    Homemaker
    Tinnitus Since:
    2018
    Cause of Tinnitus:
    Not sure