Another Sleepless Night... Tinnitus for a Few Years, Possibly from Medication

When I began to notice the sound, I naively went out the door to check the trees for crickets. It was strange to realize it was actually quiet outside. The phenomenon of this sound inside my head piqued my interest, so I began researching tinnitus. Like anyone, I've known ringing in my ears after a concert that gradually faded away. I never knew about this cicada and cricket type. As days turned into weeks and months, it was a back-and-forth battle between the tinnitus owning my brain and me getting very serious about learning to cope. I fantasized about horrific, self destructive solutions. Depending on the environment or activity, at times I'm too busy to let it affect my mind. It's just there; like an unseen but unforgettable major scar. Is it a scar within the auditory system? Is it a wound of some kind? Whatever it is, I dread coming to bed to sleep. Maybe tonight I'll be blessed with falling asleep soon. When absolutely necessary, a sleep medicine provides rest, but I dislike needing hours to become functional the next day. It's the heightened awareness when all is dark and quiet that the onslaught asserts itself to the max. If I listen to tinnitus counter-sounds or designed music, eventually I just become aware of two sounds in my head and begin desiring final peace. By then, it's too late to take a sleeping pill; but also way too early to get up. I'm thankful and grateful to have a loving home and a few good friends.

When I saw the audiologist, I asked that she raise the decibels until the tone drowned out the tinnitus. Up, up, up and up some more... She reported 90dB. That's comparable to living next to a steam factory 24/7/365.

This cicada-cricket sound is like an amplified high intensity electronic beam radiating through my brain like a constant screaming implant that can't be found, much less removed. I'm developing a form of Stockholm Syndrome: I might as well accept it as a friend and just imagine camping in the woods with thousands of 90dB crickets and cicadas in every tree. The campground is on Neptune!