In the Dumps — Tinnitus for Years, Three Days Ago I Just Latched Onto It and Can't Shake It Off

This is me venting, to those that read it and respond bless your heart and I am so sorry for the typos-I am struggling. I've been on this forum lurking for many years but decided to post. Have had this awful thing since 2004. Personally, and only speaking for myself, I would rather have AIDS or cancer. There is no peace in this.

There have been highs and lows, but the past 2-3 days it's been awful. Just woke up 3 days ago and noticed the ringing, it's always been there, but for some reason I just latched on to it. Maybe because it seemed louder than usual? Now I can't shake it off. It's all I think about it. Before I could put it aside build walls around it. Now I've let the "beast loose" and it's growing and growing louder, as my anxiety and depression spikes along with it. I've always been an anxious person, sometimes I wonder if that's been the cause of it. I've made appointment with the psychiatrist this Monday, as I don't have the strength to fight it and block it as I did when I was younger and I am feeling suicidal. I know the routine, it's likely going to be some form of SSRI or TCA. I'd rather fight it and stick another week. But I ain't Rocky Balboa, and I don't think I can get up.

 

Hi @MichaelSF -- Sorry to hear what a difficult time you're going through. Interesting choice of words you used in describing how you used to be able to deal with your tinnitus. It's actually fairly similar to how I've come to deal with mine, especially when going to bed at night, when it can often turn into a "beast" and get louder and louder. For the most part, I've found a way to get that beast under control. Although it's not everybody's cup of tea, I'll share it in case you have an interest.

Essentially, it involves singing a spiritual mantra HU (silently as I lay in bed). Here's a LINK to a 3-minute video which explains a bit about it. It's been working really well for me for the past year, and seems to be becoming more effective at walling off tinnitus as time goes by. Just last night, my tinnitus was even louder and more intrusive than ever (which can make my whole system tremble). I thought I was in trouble, and that even silently singing HU to myself just might not work this time. Lo and behold, it was a bit of a struggle, but after about 5 minutes, I had again successfully walled it off, perhaps even better than in the past. It felt pretty astonishing.

Like I say, this kind of thing won't be everybody's cup of tea, but it sure works for me, and helps me a lot. In fact, I consider it a lifesaver. -- I hope you can find something that will help get you over this hump! Take care...

 

You impress me more and more, with what you write and how you write. I am a firm believer in what you have written. Deep breathing, plus the chanting/talking has been my foundation for many years.

 

Just curious, when you say you chant it silently, do you form the words/lengthen the exhale? Or silent as in you're only thinking it?

 

@HeavyMantra -- Hmmm, I guess I never really thought about this before. I don't move at all physically; I guess I'd say I lay still, and try to become as inwardly still as I can (not always easy with the t blaring away). I then "sing to myself" the word HU, in a fairly long, drawn out manner. Sort of like HUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuu, for perhaps 5-10 seconds, then repeat several times.

Each time I do this seems to bring more stillness (and calmness). Usually after about 5 minutes or so, the tinnitus that felt like Goliath now feels like a mere mortal. And then (normally), I'm asleep a couple minutes later. I'm pretty amazed that I can lay down with what seems like raging tinnitus, and somehow make it into what feels like the calm of the eye of a hurricane, and be asleep in a relatively short period of time.

 

Ok, you probably can't reply just yet because you are new to the group.

I know it is easier said than done, but try to calm down because anxiety and stress make tinnitus worst. Like I said before, you may only have a spike that can very well subside in the next few days or weeks.
Try a sound machine at night.

Do you know what caused this sudden spike?
I pray you sleep well tonight.
Once

 

Now you need to make a video and show us how you do it.

 

You must try and stay calm, easier said than done I know but the more worked up you get over the tinnitus, it will take over even further. Distract as much as you can and listen to relaxing music at a low volume at night. Anxiety and depression are often linked with tinnitus unfortunately so trying to get these under control is a good start.

 

I would rather have AIDS or cancer. No you would not . My T is spiking because I have a loved one dying of cancer. This is just a bump in the road, not the end of the line. Keep the tv on all night if you must or cell phone loud enough with masking sounds to match your T sound. I cannot put anything in or over my ears with sound. I keep the phone about a foot away or under the pillow. I still need it for tough times. It will get better, God Bless

 

Speak for yourself.

 

Would you prefer cancer? I'm assuming because of the chance you could get cured?

 

The worst thing about tinnitus is that the suffering can last decades. The best thing about cancer is that the suffering won't last for decades - there is an end in sight.

 

This. I wouldn't swap my current mild tinnitus for a cancer, of course, but if it increased significantly in volume, I can easily imagine finding that to be a good deal...

Cancer has an insane amount of research money pouring into it, and stating "I have cancer" triggers an immediate wave of sympathy and help. Tinnitus funding is also finally ramping up but it's still a drop in the bucket compared to cancer. And stating "I have this noise in my head" triggers incomprehension, or maybe a few "just ignore it"s, while the suffering isn't any less for a severe case. Constant torture 7/24... and no pain meds for it, either.

 

So sick of people trying to get into a pissing match about what illness they would rather have. My aunt died of cancer and my sister in law has just been diagnosed. There are people who have committed suicide because of loud tinnitus. Been put into pych wards. Both diseases (technically tinnitus being a symptom) suck. It serves no purpose to compare illnesses and suffering.

 

You quoted me out of context. It was a response to people saying "at least you don't have cancer."

 

To be fair, I get what people are coming from when they say they'd prefer a terminal disease. It has nothing to do with implying that one is worse or "better" than the other. It's about having a clear timeline set out, with (in general) two possible outcomes on relatively short term: either you get better, or you die. Next to that, there is a clear understanding and support from both doctors and people around you.

Then there is T. Hardly any research, doctors dismissing you, people saying you should stop complaining when it doesn't get better. The lack of support can be astonishing, caused by a complete misunderstanding of the condition. Since T does not cause any type of physical damage by itself, the suffering is hidden from the rest of the world, and it can make someone feel like they have been condemned for the next 40-50 years to come, until they die of old age.

I completely understand the "preference" of having a lethal disease here. Not to say that cancer is better in any way. My grandfather died of bone cancer, and it was horrible to see him suffer like that in his last years. But because of that, I could be sort of relieved for him when he passed away, as this would get rid of the pain. This foresight seems very distant for anyone with T.

No one here wants to die from cancer, all we want is relief: that's all what is being said.

@MichaelSF I'm sorry to hear about your recent worsening. Is masking an option for you?