Not Coping

Tired, very tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

Before this disease started, I was happy. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my life.

I also have high-functioning autism and A.D.H.D. Was that not enough?

I wish for a good night's sleep. Havent got more than 4 hours lately. I've become very cranky and very depressed. My recent thoughts have been on suicide, and how easy it would be. Before T I promised myself I'd never contemplate it. I had no reason to.

It has become the biggest struggle to focus lately, and for some reason my jaw has been aching a lot too.

Mine's not a pulse. It's a constant, seamless ring. But it's also 'jumpy'. If I were to animate it, it'd be a stickman bouncing off the walls.

I've become very irritable at college, too. I can't stand being around noisy people. Whislting, singing, humming, shouting, banging. I think it might be hyperacusis.

Today I'm going to see the doctor again. Last time they gave me nasal spray. It didn't help. This time I want to be referred to a specialist.

My know-it-all parents seem to think it's because I listen to loud music, but the first time it started was after a series of sneezes way back in Febuary 2014. I wasn't listening to music then.

I need some form of relief. I can't stand being so unhappy. Before this, I was the happiest person alive. Now I'm just a miserable wreck.

 

I know how you feel... but if you let your unhappiness pull you in that spiral of sadness, you will live terrible days only. This is one of those days where you feel miserable, I understand very well such feeling, but you have to react. You have no other possibility and you know it, right? It's your life, you have only this one, don't waste it. Stop thinking about how it was, but begin thinking how it will be Hugs.

 

Try to do some physical excercises, the endorfines that will be realised will make you feel better, promised.

 

If you've got hyperacusis, keppra cured mine, so might be worth a try. I hope you get better soon.

 

Try to stay as busy as possible. Even if you have to do volunteer work. The worst thing for me was sitting in bed and hibernating - my anxiety shot through the roof! Lots of exercise, lots of water, and try some meds, they worked wonders for me. Ambien for sleep - Nortiptiline for the ringing - Celexa for depression, and ativan for anxiety. I am almost a new person, until the drugs run out . . ..

 

You are still in the 1st phase of tinnitus suffering. Much of it is mental. Your reaction to it is making you miserable. But don't think you are unique. The success stories are full of people (some very young too) who wrote about their initial sufferings, some even suicidal. Yet, given time and with some strategies, they get better and well enough to write their success stories. I hope you spend time reading them to give yourself some hope about the future. You just need to learn some insights and proven success strategies. Here are some suggestions from TT's resource material and there are masking tracks too. Use masking to help alleviate your fear to T:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/panic/

You are not alone. We here understand your struggle. Give it time and be patient. Try to be positive about it as @valentine suggests. There are young people who have learned this concept and then get better. Here are some of them:

AnneG success story and she was attending college:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/came-back-to-say-it-really-does-get-better.6166/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/thank-you-message-for-everyone.2292/

success story of 17 years old Zach:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/fake-it-until-you-make-it.7590/

success story of Jari with T since 12 years old:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new.7670/

 

Jaw pain? Series of sneezes? This could be TMJ disorder causing tinnitus and not hearing loss. A dentist could use an xray to see if you have any jaw problems.