PennyCat

I truly feel what you say when you feel down each time you feel ok. I hope you find relief soon PennyCat.

Hi @PennyCat. Sending you a big hug. Wish there was something I could do to help you.

@eagerUser @tpj @Joe Cuber Thanks everyone :,)

My anxiety is so dumb. I hate how easy it is to convince myself that it’ll never be okay, that it’ll only get worse, and that I’ll have no choice other than death because I won’t be able to handle the suffering.

@PennyCat that's exactly how I feel every day. You couldn't have described it better. The hopelessness and anxiety are just exhausting

@PennyCat it's gotta get better, it just has to.

Sounds like your cliche GAD to me, believe it or not this time next year I doubt you’ll be focusing on either of those things

Unlike tinnitus, anxiety is all in the mind and can't affect you unless you let it. Keep reminding yourself of that.

and give my love to THE Penny Cat, also. ♥

@Joe Cuber Thanks Joe, I had been doing a little better with my anxiety but I know it’s often an up and down journey, much like tinnitus.

@Damocles Thank you :) and will do!

Thanks @Joe Cuber :) I have felt a bit less anxiety over the past few days, it’s hard to tell whether that’s due to being in the IOP, taking Zoloft, time passing, or a combo of all 3. I think I’ll end up doing the 8 weeks of treatment if that’s what they think is best for me

Nice to see this ☺️ What are you reading lately? Reading is also one of my main hobbies.

@RainbowCat I just finished the book I was reading last night - it’s called The Perfect Stranger by Megan Miranda. It was great, I highly recommend if you like mystery/thrillers. I rated it 5 stars on Goodreads. I’m in the process of reading all of her books, 2 down so far :)

I didn’t know you were only 5 months into onset! I’d be very hesitant to call what you have worsening or a spike. Just the natural progression of tinnitus in the early stages. I’d be very confident to see improvements 6-12 months down the line @PennyCat :)

Thanks @Hardwell, that gives me some reassurance :)

@Joe Cuber Thanks, I’ll try my best :P

Any ear issues in the family? Tinnitus and menieres runs in mine. @PennyCat

@Strawberryblonde Both of my parents have very mild tinnitus but it’s likely just due to age

The same thing happened to me when I was 18. I'm now in my mid thirties and still have no answers.

@Joe Cuber @Hardwell Thank you both! I appreciate it :)

@ErikaS Thankfully I’m not by myself, I’m at home with my parents, although I am alone a lot of the time. It really is nice to have that support, I’m glad we both have it!

Woah-ho @PennyCat, you think this is me serving up TOUGH love?

Let me tell you now, what you're receiving from me here, is LOVE love.

Lord Almighty Jesus! Pray hope I don't have to dish out the TOUGH love at any point! https://bit.ly/3HFJ2CB

@RainbowCat Thank you <3

There will come a time when it'll become better for you to manage :) I have ocd tendencies and my ability to manage the T got better it just took mental strength and time :)

@Strawberryblonde Thank you, I really hope so!

Saw your photo @PennyCat. Beautiful dog. Keep doing what you mentioned and remember, it's still early days.

@Damocles Thank you, that’s a really nice way to look at it. I think I will take it as a sign for sure.

@tpj Thank you, my dog is the thing that helps me stay here when things are hard. And Penny cat too of course :P

Thank you @Joe Cuber :)

Yep! I also have multi tones in each ear and crazy fluctuations throughout the day. It’s definitely hard to adjust. But there’s nothing we can do about the T. We can however try to get on top of the anxiety

I have distortions too, started nearly a year ago with morse code beeping from flushing and all that, on top of stuff like the fridge being louder due to increased sensitivity to sound, it was maddening at first.

But it does improve over the span of months, I know it's really rough but you're gonna get through this Penny.

@TheCapybara I think I’ve read some posts where you’ve mentioned that. It’s good to hear that it can improve as time goes on, I think that’s the general consensus that I’ve found. It’s just hard in the meantime, which I’m sure you relate to. Thank you for the encouragement :)

I did finally take my first Zoloft pill just now. Fingers crossed it doesn’t make things worse for me

Hang in there, we’re in the same boat and I’ve been reassured by many 3 weeks is still very early. The mighty @Bill Bauer advises not to panic until 3 months at least

@Hardwell We are in the same boat, I really hope it goes back to baseline for both of us soon

@tpj @Joe Cuber The earplugs did help some. I’m a little worried about using them though, I don’t want to overprotect and make things worse.

Don't be worried about using earplugs when you need them.

Filtered ear plugs can help when things get noisey. Takes the edge off while allowing you to hear things.

For me I never know what to expect so I can't really make plans. Not easy for other people to understand

@SamRosemary Thank you for the encouragement as well <3 I hope we both return to our baselines soon :)

I came here to say what @Joe Cuber said... I believe in you!

I don't know anything about Zoloft, but I hear that these outpatient programs are helpful. Maybe you'll learn some really good techniques for stress relief.

Glad to hear you are challenging a "What if". It was hard for me to start a ssri as well. I hope everything goes well for you. A combination of ssri with therapy can really help, but it takes time.

You'll be fine, some medication works differently for other people.
For some, Zoloft will work like a charm, while others may not feel like it's doing much.
Only way to know is to just take it and ALWAYS follow your doctor's instructions to a T.
Don't skip doses or change them unless you ask your doctor.

I won't say you should give up. If you can, carry on. But I'd agree having people depend on you, makes this way more tragic.

I've also been in a dark space lately so I can completely empathize with where you're at. At the same time... what if it gets better? The uncertainty is scary indeed... but where there's uncertainty, there's also hope. Sending lots & lots of love!

There's always a chance it can get better too like Madeleine said. The thing with hearing issues is that it can take months or up to a year and beyond to start seeing some improvement. I know it's really difficult Penny, but with time you may be able to handle it better.

Good luck with the Zoloft.

@tpj Thanks! I’m a bit nervous

I know @PennyCat. You'll be right.

@PennyCat we do share the same spike day! I too hope that it disappears for both of us although I’m losing said hope day by day. I currently feel like I’m grieving for the life I had pre spike

If it’s hope you still want, I too have seen many posts where it’s taken months for spikes to settle. I’ve been emailing a chap who’s had T for almost 20 years. Had lots of similar spikes with new tones and reactiveness. His two longest ones were 6 and 9 months

I have had longer new tones for months that disappeared. But you have to mask it and not listen to it as long as possible

I was where you were 2 months ago. I had a 3 month everyday long EXTREME mental breakdown. I am now mentally stable for the past 2 months. I am 5 months in from onset.

Please hang in there! I had to take low dose Xanax one time a day for 3 weeks until I was finally capable doing life again without it. I still need meds for sleep and now only take Xanax AS NEEDED. Here for you!

Thanks, I really hope it all goes away or at least reduces :,) I have pursued treatment for the pulsatile T but everything else started taking a bigger priority, the pulsatile T is intermittent and the least of my worries atm. I believe I just have loudness H but the TTTS causes pain

@PennyCat so sorry you’re feeling so heavy with all of this. I too have reached my limit with the depression. Talking with my psych tomorrow about a med game plan. Going to hopefully try muscle relaxer that has helped some with T, then go from there. It’s exhausting, but we have to keep trying to move forward.

@SamRosemary Thank you so much for the encouragement <3 And I’m glad you’re doing much better, that gives me hope.
@ErikaS Thank you, I’ve seen several of your posts and I know you’ve been dealing with a lot. I hope meds will give you some relief :,) You’re right, pushing forward is all we can do

@Sammy0225 Following your story has been giving me hope along the way, I have T, H, TTTS, and now new reactive/distortion tones as well and I know you’ve been seeing improvement lately so that gives me some encouragement to keep going. Thank you for the kind words :)

My reactivity comes and goes. With no rhyme and reason, it does what it wants when it wants.

@Joe Cuber Any chance it goes away or improves?

@ECP I feel like after the pleasant/safe moment ends, the realization of how life is outside of the moment sets back in, and makes me crash. Yes, let’s try to keep persevering together. I hope there is relief on the horizon :,)

That’s progress tho. Baby steps. I was doing well for a month and had a breakdown with panic out of no where. It happens. This journey and the progress with T and mental health is not linear.

I agree with @SamRosemary, mental health is not lineal and you actually get better very slowly. You'll probably have setbacks, it's normal. Celebrate every win, even being able to get out of bed. Going to therapy is a big win!

It won't necessarily get worse as you get older. Read successful stories and not other type of post (don't even read the comments after the original post). That said, what helps me is not focusing in my symptoms getting better or not, but in my mood... Doing the things I can still do that I enjoy, and I observe how that affects my mood.

Of course, you will still feel low often, that's normal... But it won't be like that forever. We are rooting for you, @PennyCat ☺️

@Joe Cuber @TindalosKeeper @Rb86 @RainbowCat Thank you all for the encouragement. It means a lot to me. I feel like a scared little crybaby

Yeah, we've all been there.

And yet, here we are.

Just keep pushing through, and you find there's a point where... believe it or not... you're able to cope with it.

@SamRosemary I relate a lot, I have generalized anxiety and OCD. My OCD has been having a field day w/ all of this especially new tones. I try to distract but it doesn’t work well atm, I’ll keep trying though

@Damocles I really hope so :,) right now it feels impossible. My TTTS is going crazy because of the stress on top of these new tones. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but I hope there is one