Madi H

I am a 15 year old girl that has probably ruined her entire life from being irresponsible. Ok so Jan 1 my parents were fighting and about to split up and my brother has been away at college for the last year. I worked very hard to keep my family together and it worked for the time being. Around that time i started listening to my headphones more and more, never at school. At the beginning of Feb. my mom got a job in vegas (other side of the country), so my parents left ad I stayed behind to finish school. My great aunt spent the night with me and had me wake up early so I could lock up the house, so i started listening to music in the early morning to prevent going back to sleep so i wouldn't miss the bus. My ears probably started to hurt from my headphones around a week after they left. Around mid feb my grandma and 2 other aunts moved in with me because my grandma was terminally ill and had her house under renovation. Again I was listening to more music because I didn't want to take naps and let them down if they really needed me. They had people going in and out of the house all the time visiting her. And they were usually very loud. I noticed the ringing in school and immediately called and went to the hospital. the next week i went to the ENT and they told me it could be either stress related or from my headphones. They were from my headphones. I knew they hurt but I kept listening. After finding out I moved in with my parents, started a new school and haven't gotten to the ent yet. I pray this is temporary and If it isn't I feel like I should kill myself. I ruined my entire life before it started. my ears hurt all the time and i'm happy sometimes and sad the next. I can't continue with this. I had anxiety and depression before this, but now my parents want to split again. I've made no friends, my teachers don't even like me and my dad wants me to do sports. I hate sports more than anything. i'm so lost and confused and upset I ruined myself. I was trying to get better and learn to love myself before this happened. I was working on projects to make me happy and transform myself into someone i'd actually fucking like. But I can't. I hate myself for doing this. I've lost so many friends and my parents want me to just tough it out. thats their response to everything. i can't. I attempted suicide before, but i think this is the best time to just go ahead and do it.