4-Month Update: I No Longer Care About My Tinnitus & Hyperacusis — I'm Back to My "Normal" State

Hi guys,

I will start by saying that i wrote this before, but it never posted for some reason.
I PUT MY HEART AND SOUL IN TO IT. (just kidding)
I am writing this update at my desk, during work while my manager is behind me. But who gives a shit. Let's do this.

It all started on June 28th. I woke up feeling tired, exhausted and WARM. It was so terribly warm that day. Pollen count was HIGHHHHH and the heat killed the grass, no joke lol.

Fast forward. I was diagnosed with labyrinthitis (no hearing loss, but I had mild tinnitus). I was given treatment and was told 'it will go away' I held on to hope and prayed for a cure or a healing time that apparently 'takes time'.

Let me start by saying that I went through all the stages of grief over and over again. I had a hard time accepting it and I refused to accept it. I would not sleep, eat, live or do anything. I wanted to die or end my life altogether.

It was not an easy process for me as I suffer from health and social anxiety and my brain does not cope well with change at all.

I lost 7kg in a matter of 3 weeks as I had one slice of toast a day. I hated my existence, I envied everyone who was healthy enough to walk around with no buzzing in their ears, they looked happy, listened to music through their headphones and dealt well with loud noise.

I ended up with hyperacusis along the way. I do believe that I had it once my tinnitus started, but I was too occupied and focused on the noise in my ears that I avoided and ignored all the other symptoms. My noise sensitivity was a pain in the ass. It was sore and terribly triggering. I could not sit around the family table, have people talk by my ear, get too close to loud cars, stores, music, movies, sound, etc. It really put me in a dark dark cave that I could not get out of. I tried everything to cope and prepare myself to get used to it, but my anxiety was all over the place. I masked my noise pretty well as it was mild and I masked it 24/7. I did not want to hear it AT ALL.

I did get spikes along the way that terrified the soul out of me and sleeping was a terror for me. Staying in my room alone was a disaster, leaving to walk outside was horrible on my ears and night time was the WORST as many of you know and understand. It took me about nearly 2 months to stop using noise mask to sleep. It did not come easy for me. I struggled an awful lot as I felt alone and isolated. My friends tried to take me out, but I wanted to stay alone and stay alone for the rest of my life. I though my life was over, my future was ruined and that I would have to use earplugs for the rest of my life. I cried everyday and honestly felt like slitting my throat clean at the time. I was going through a terrible time, enormous amount of stress and a horrible illness that I could not control.

It has now been 4 months and I can finally say that I am coping pretty well with tinnitus & hyperacusis. It has improved and it has not spiked since. I tune it out majority of the time and I don't hear it as much anymore. I don't listen out for it as much as I used to, I don't fear it, I don't mask it and I don't care for it anymore. It can be a bit of an annoyance sometimes (especially at night), but it doesn't bother me. My brain is finally trying to ignore it and I'm doing okay in terms of the noise and noise sensitivity. It's still there , but I can manage it.

What is the bad?
My vestibular symptoms. It is no joke. This illness strips you out of everything that you have got. It takes away EVERY bit of energy and every bit of happiness that you had. It is ongoing and self limiting. Some recover in weeks, others in months and rarely takes years. It is never known how and when it happens, but we are assured that it will happen and you will recover. I have improved a lot, but it takes time... a long long time. I am in therapy and I have started exercising and working again. It feels great to be around people and it feels nice to feel somewhat human again.
I still have my bad days/weeks, but it is only temporary and I am back to my 'normal' state. It takes time to feel normal, but I have faith that it will happen one day and I will not regret the fight that I decided to carry on with regardless of how defeated I felt/feel sometimes.

My main advice in regards to tinnitus & hyperacusis would be...
TIME. TIME. TIME. PATIENCE. PATIENCE. PATIENCE.

Nothing comes easy. You'll struggle. It'll be hard. You'll refuse to accept it. You'll hate it. You'll hate your life and you'll want to kill yourself, but believe me and I promise you, it will get better, you will be able to get used to it. I still have hope that maybe this will fade or go away, but I have reached a point where I actually don't care for it anymore. I don't care if it does or not because it's not an issue for me anymore. This is coming from someone who struggles with horrible health anxiety, so if I can do it, you can do it too. You're not weak, you're just afraid right now which is normal, but you will get there eventually. Give your self some time and use any sort of distraction to help you get there faster and smoother. Don't be too harsh on yourself, your body needs you and your brain is trying to help you. Work with it, don't work against it.

I am currently working with a physio to help me with my vestibular symptoms and I will reach recovery eventually.... I won't give up.

You will get there.

 

Thank you for sharing !

 

It's good to hear this, I'm going down a dark path and I feel I'm by my self. Even my girlfriend who I sleep beside everynight(when I can sleep) doesnt understand the struggle I'm going through. Friends dont get it either. Why does it seem like most of us have a underlying problem with anxiety and stress. It's like they come as a team with tinnitus. After 10 years with tinnitus it never bothered me at till over two months ago. Now my life is upside down and I'm barely hanging on. For now one day at a time and hope for the best. Glad you made it through, back to the good side!

 

Is it just me or is there a plague of these types of stories as of late? Must be the new years rush.

 

Sorry for replying so late. Hope you’re doing well.

Tinnitus causes anxiety and stress or it may trigger your anxiety or make it worse if you were already struggling with an anxiety disrorder. No one really understands the struggle no matter how many times you explain it to them. I stopped explaining to people how i feel because they would always refer to my issue as “ extra stress” and “a good movie night will help”. Its a battle that you will win eventually, but it will take time. You done it once before , you will do it again.
Wish you nothing but the best.

 

What do you mean about

“ these type of stories” ?

Please elaborate.

 

Do you still have any trace of hyperacusis left?

By hyperacusis I mean "audiotory nociception" as do you have burning, aching, numbness, heaviness, tenderness, tingling, shock, itching, when exposed to sound?

Reactive tinnitus is not hyperacusis.

 

Yes. I still do , but its not as bad as it was. Its slowly fading away. I still get the ‘shock’ feeling at loud noises that are too close to my ear.

 

I wouldn't write a success story with such a horrifying condition you are doing a dis-service to those who suffer from noise induced pain.

Mental toughness is completely genetic, not everyone has it. From an evolutionary stand point mental toughness in times of suffering is just an alternative to depression.

 

Sir , no offence to you , but I believe you should mind your business as to what i can and cant post.

If this is a “bad service” to you it may not be a “bad service” to some.

This is my story and my struggle. You have no clue what its like to live with labyrinthitis and an anxiety disorder all together at once. This has nothing to do with “ mental toughness”. So please , do not downgrade how hard i worked to reach this stage.

Have a good day.

 

I have with autism spectrum disorder and borderline personality disorder.

Mental toughness is an illusion.

 

Thank you for sharing!

 

I like this story. Is there any chance I could talk to you privately?

 

Hello. Sorry for replying really late. I’ve been rather busy with work and all that stressful stuff lol. Yes , of course you can

 

Hi, Fatima,

Thanks for your story. I have TTTS and hope I can be like you and don’t care about it anymore. I am wondering how long it took for you to stop caring about your symptoms and did you use any therapy?

Thanks!