A Day of Silence / Trouble at Work

Tuesday I had one day of relative silence without depression, I was filled with energy. The old me was back for a day. I didn't feel like visiting TT. I was doing good and started to feel confident again.

Then yesterday morning, the noise was back. I had two appointments with people to assess if I could start work again because I'm on sick leave. The interviews were absolutely horrific. I faked feeling better in order to keep my job. One man was especially mean. He kept asking me why I was not able to do my job, why I was not working. Kept hammering away. I am on Xanax and Remeron so could not feel or show my real emotions. I was a total mess the rest of the day. Last night my left (good) ear started crackling and since then it's like someone is using a blow torch in my head. My head is splitting.

It seems like there is no way out. My god T. what are you doing to me. I have to be a mother to my children. This has to stop. I can't live like this.

 

This is the path to habituation -> you feel better, forget TT etc first for a minute, then an hour, then a whole day and so on. These periods last longer and longer. Of course there are occasional setbacks when for example your T spikes, but they will pass and you're back in the habituation path!

 

@Sound Wave
Thank you so much. This morning I was panicking because T was extra loud again. At this moment I'm not feeling deeply depressed and that is a blessing.

I don't trust T. I've been traumatized by my GP who, on my first visit about T. told me: "Oh god, I feel so sorry for you. Have you seen the documentary about the mother in Hoofddorp (Gaby Olsthoorn) who asked for euthanasia"? And that was that, no ENT referral, no nothing. Because I insisted she contacted my cardiologist but couldn't convince my cardiologist that I should stop using my heart medication.

Someday I will go to her and tell that she should never ever do that to someone. Especially someone who lost his/her father to suicide and is in total despair.

 

That's a terrible thing to say to someone in that situation, yeah, especially coming from a doctor!! Bizarre! I assume you switched to another one?

I heard about that lady too, Gaby Olthuis. Shocking story... I'd like to think it's an exception though. Most people find a way to live with it. There's even people on this forum who say they've habituated to 'jet engine' level T. But yeah, such stories do sometimes make me nervous, especially now that I recently suffered a significant worsening of my H.. Gotta try to keep a positive mindset though. A lot of this is in the brain.

 

@Karel Ik zie dat je ook Nederlands bent . Het is beroerd gesteld met de hulpverlening in Nederland voor T en H patiënten .

Indeed it is a completely irresponsible thing to say to a patient. Even though at that moment my husband was shock and I just thought: "at least she understands how terrible I feel". The doctor was a substitute.

I've read a paper that people who catastrophize T. suffer the most. Well she sure helped me in that category.

 

Yes, indeed, but I guess we should stick to English, haha. And yes it is... GPs usually don't know much more about T&H than that it exists and that there's no cure, and even the ENT I've been to basically just told me "you'll get used to it, good luck". Yes, I know there's no cure, but can't you guys think of something to at least help me manage it a bit better? How odd! Really should be more T&H awareness in this country, among the public but also in the medical community..

I'm not sure. I think people who have both T and H are generally bothered by their H more. I know I am. T mostly troubles me at night, H troubles me always... But I guess it's different per person, also depends on the relative intensities of one's T and H of course.

 

I had H. before I started using Xanax. H and very bad ear pain and fullness with sound explosions. Now I'm tapering Xanax I'm scared it will return. Couldn't bear to hear the TV (all sounds were distorted), plates, cutlery.

 

Xanax, I looked it up, sounds like that's something that calms the nerves? Or did it actually reduce the intensity of your H too? Then I'm definitely gonna ask my ENT about it next time I see him. My T is louder than ever but I think I could get used to it again. But this H... street, supermarket, bus, workplace, everything is too loud now. And yeah, don't get me started on plates and glasses, ugh...

 

My H. totally went away from Xanax. But if I had know then what I know now, I would have never started using it. It's highly addictive and I have been fighting with very severe withdrawal symptoms. If my H. returned I would go to Into Ears in Tilburg and start TRT training with sound enrichment. Seems like the way to go when you have H.

 

Hm, I see. Yes, I did a quick search for 'Xanax' on this forum and a lot of warnings popped up... And I guess it just makes H go away temporary, not permanently, else lots more people would be using it right? Too bad, I'd be willing to suffer almost any torment for a few weeks if it meant my H would disappear forever.

Yes, I think I'll try TRT as well. I could manage on my own before but I don't think I can anymore now sadly.. and all things considered TRT seems the best chance there is at the moment.

 

@Karel Will you let me know if you ever go to Into Ears?

 

Yeah, okay. But it will be a while. First I have an appointment with the ENT next month and I'm sure Into Ears has a waiting list too..

 

Increased stress & anxiety = increased T. Sounds like that guy who was questioning you was just being a dickhead. Don't let him get to you. You're obviously doing a good job - he's just a naturally terrible person. I'm willing to bet that when you start working again, settling into a routine, you'll feel a little better.

 

I think people with T have to practice stress management. An older gentleman told me when I was struggling with severe stress on the job to expect problems with employees, production machinery, unreasonable customers and when it happened it was much easier to deal with. When you think everything is going to run perfectly smooth and there is a problem you will get much more upset. My father also was a office MGR had T and took valium and later xanax for as long as I can remember with no problems. He lived to be in his late eightys and my mother also on xanax died at 102. But they never abused their prescriptions....

 

@william adams
If there is no other solution I'm going to keep using Xanax. I'm only on 0,375 mg a day. Want to bring that down to 0,25 mg and see how that goes. I used to be psychologically healthy and not in need of any drugs. Now I'm using medication to keep calm and to make me sleep when only half a year ago I slept like a baby and was happy and content. Ughh..I find that so hard to swallow.

 

I am not an advocate to taking any drugs for most have side effects. When I first got T about the same time you did 12-14-15 and was a basket case. Could not sleep and was listening to my t 24 hours a day and was in the fright or flight mood and was really upset. My MD put me on .05 xanax 3 times a day and ambien to sleep. Since then I sleep very well without the ambien and when I have habituated more I will work on weaning off the xanax. According to Kevin Hogan a specialist in T low dosages of xanax are not addictive and has treated over 900 patients. He puts most of his patients on low dosage of xanax and zoloft and physcotherapy sessions for a large reduction in T loudness and in some patients has illiminated the T completely. I do not really want to do xanax but it is making it tolerable and I am slowly habituating...I know how you feel for this is the toughest thing that I ever had to deal with. I try to not focus on my T keep my brain engaged in better activities and when resting have music or nature sounds in the background.

 

Hey there! Are those Kevin Hogan CDs helping you ? I know you had them and were using them.....wondering how you are feeling on them...I am trying to meet a physcratist for the medication....were your medication given by the GP or the physcratist ? Also is Zoloft not a oxotic drug that can cause ear ringing....has your T improved on these ?

Thanks, Mita

 

Hello Mita, I no we are all trying different things to get relief from the T. To answer your question according to a study which was done low dosage of xanax gave 78 percent of the people in the group a reduction in the volume of their T. Personally I havent experienced to much of a volumn decrease but am much more relaxed where the T doesnt bother me as much. I havent talked to my GP about zoloft yet and really dont know that much about it. I will inbox you when I talk to my GP about zoloft and if I decide to take it. There again I have read that many have decreased and almost got rid of T with this medication. As far as the cds im only in them about two weeks for 20 minutes a day and its going to take much more time to get results but I will let you no one way or the other..

 

I'd keep taking benzos, but I'm concerned that they can make tinnitus worse over a long period of time. so, i learned to sleep and calm myself down without drugs. my experience was that it was difficult but not impossible to do so. I also hate how benzos make me feel dumb and emotionally distant.

 

True., I hate not feeling like myself. For me Xanax actually lowers the sound. Made H completely go away. I was so far gone in Januari I almost ended up in a psychic ward. I refused drugs for two month but in the beginning of Februari I had no other choice. I was in the darkest place I've ever been. T has traumatized me. Now I'm afraid to taper Xanax, I'm stuck. In a month I have to start new medication for my heart. Scared to death of it.

 

@Karel ik doe het maar even zo omdat het mij niet lukt jou een persoonlijk bericht te sturen. Ben je inmiddels begonnen aan je TRT en hoe is het met je hyperacusis? Ik zelf heb heel erg last van h. T ben ik aan gewend. Wil gaan starten met de TRT bij into ears

 

@hartje5 i know how you feel. Last year, right before i gave birth to my son i was getting a bunch of crap from my employer. Little to no understanding. My main boss even had T and thought it was weird that it bothered me so much. I felt so hysterical and alone. This forum gives me hope. It helped me through a really dark time and is helping me again. Look at your kids, and find strength through their smile and hugs. It helps. And a nice long shower. I'm on zoloft, it helps me stay calm most days. There is nothing wrong with needing something to help you stay strong.

 

Hoi @bekker, ik ben nog steeds niet begonnen aan de TRT, dat heeft vooral te maken met de kosten. Dat is geld wat ik op dit moment helaas niet echt kan missen. Misschien dat ik later alsnog TRT probeer.

 

@Karel ja zonde het is aardig prijzig. Moet nog contact opnemen met intoears of ik zelf draagbare generatoren ergens anders kan kopen voor rond de 200 a 300 euro anders kan ik er helaas ook niet aan beginnen. De kosten van de draagbare ruisgeneratoren die zij aanbieden zijn 1500 euro per stuk. Veel en veel te duur. Er zijn vast wel ergens goedkopere te krijgen