A Few Good Days

As you all know, I've had this new "friend" T in my head for about a month, maybe a bit longer (hard to keep track now) over the past month I've had a lot of bad days, a lot of panic/anxiety but recently (last week or slightly longer) I've noticed I've also had several good days. Two days ago I had a day where for almost the whole day I didn't hear anything at all. I found myself searching for the sound and even having anxiety wondering if it would come back (crazy right, anxiety if its there, anxiety if its gone). Even when I was watching TV (normally makes my T much louder) it didn't cause a reaction. It was amazing.. The next day was only slightly worse with quiet T although when I watched TV it did flair up again at night. So, it seems I'll have one fairly good day followed by a day where I can clearly hear the T all day, followed by a semi-good day etc followed by a bad day..

It changes so much. My noise is also more like a white-noise static most of the day unless aggravated by the radio/tv. I've also noticed when I wake up at night I can clearly hear the static noise when before, I couldn't at night when it was quiet. All in all, it seems the good days are coming more and more or I'm learning how to deal with it better. Over the last week, I also have been more succesful at controling panic that flairs up by using meditiation/positive affirmations so I'm not sure if that's made a difference in how I'm reacting to the T. The ENT I saw, my OBGYN and my therapist all recommended accupuncture for stress/anxiety relief (poss T relief) and I tried that yesterday. I didn't notice any improvement initially, although she is confident she can help me with several issues.. I've been awake about an hour and my T so far seems pretty noisy this AM following the session, so hopefully it calms down.. I am still frustrated everyday hearing this sound, it drives me crazy but I am trying SO hard to not let it get the best of me and keep this panic at bay. I've also found it interesting that I tell people about my T and several of them also have had it, some lasting a year and going away others 3 months and disappearing seemingly without reason which gives me hope. I have been telling myself "it will go away after pregnancy" or "this is only temporary and will improve with time" and that seems to help also..

Some days are better then others, today is not looking great and I'm feeling a bit down from it but thinking maybe tomorrow will be better seems to help me get through the bad days.

Anyway, just wanted to post an update and say thank you again for all your support.

 

Hi Natalie,
Great to hear your having better days and coping better with mixed emotions.
Won't be long till your bundle of joy is here.
Do you know what you are having or keeping a surprise..lots of love glynis

 

Today I feel sort of down this morning, since the T is much louder then my last 2 days but trying desperatly to stay positive.. We don't know if the baby is a girl or boy. We're keeping it a suprise. Only 8.5 more weeks to find out! I suspect boy though, because of all the health issues I've been having and I didnt feel this way with my girls..

 

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Some nice treats give you a lift .
Its lovely having little ones around.
My sons are grown up now 20 and 27 and have a little grandson who is 2 called Sebastian and see him lots.
Your a very busy mum so make some time just for you. .lots of love glynis x

 

Yesterday I had the acupuncuture session (was weird, don't know if I necessarily enjoyed it) and then in the evening an hour long pre-natal masage followed by a (quiet) movie with my boyfriend. It was a relaxing evening and even though I could hear hissing/white noise T in the background I just tried to ignore it/not let it get to me and be present in the current with him and enjoying our time together. Positivity has made a difference, so I've been trying to kick my negative attitude this morning.. I'm glad you get to see your grandson children are truly a blessing, although being around them during a bad T day is difficult as they screech, cry etc...

I'm wondering, since we don't really know the cause of my T what types of loud noises I should avoid. For example, when giving my children a bath in the evenings they tend to talk very loudly or the little one cries when I wash her hair (which of course is amplified by the bathroom). I was thinking earplugs may be helpful for this, or when I run the vacuum to make my T not react.. Do you think thats a good idea?

 

Hi Natalie,
Many of us have been where you are so try not to be too hard on yourself. The T will reduce as habituation occurs and in time it could go away, although it might not seem so at the moment. It is good to hear that you're getting better days and they are lasting longer.

The onset of tinnitus often brings with it mixed emotions. It’s like you’re on a roller coaster. One day up and the next down, or in morning everything is bright and by evening dark clouds are overhead. I think you are handling things quite well with all that’s going on around you. If the sound machine has arrived hopefully you’re using it and will soon realize the benefits. During the day try to have low-level non-intrusive music playing in the background. Avoiding quiet rooms and surroundings is usually best.

Although it’s difficult try not to focus on the tinnitus and monitoring its every little change. This is easier said than done for I used to do the same.
Michael

 

Hi Natalie,
Enjoy bathtimes with your little ones and bubble fights are fun....
Getting all snuggled up in towel's and cuddles on the sofa with your little ones is great and well Christmas not far away.
Love the build up to Christmas and tinnitus just wont have a chance with all the positivity in your house too....lots of love glynis

 

Yes I have a difficult time not looking for and monitoring the tinnitus. I know I shouldn't do this but it is very hard not to do! My sound machine should be in tonight.. I didn't used to notice the T at night but the last few nights it's been there when I wake up, hissing away although usually I am able to control my panic and go back to sleep fairly easily. I'm hoping the sound machine does help though. I feel like I am always worried about the things im doing will make it worse instead of just trying to live my life. That's something I need to work on as well..

 

You have a lot going on at the moment Natalie, and when the baby arrives I think your focus will be taken away from the tinnitus. I still think you're doing well so keep on doing what you're doing. The sound machine takes a while to get used to but you'll get there. All the best Michael.

 

Tried the sound machine. The first night I used it, my t was virtually gone the next day (yesterday) I didn't notice the noise all day until we started watching tv. I'm not sure if it's because it was thanskgiving and I was enjoying the day and not thinking of my T or because it genuinely wasn't there but it was great. Used the sound machine again last night and my T is back with a vengeance today. It's still pretty low volume compared to what some of you are dealing with but it's driving me bonkers. I'm trying super hard to control the panic that sometimes accompanies the T and just letting it be there.. I know the sound machine is not a magic cure and it will take time to notice improvements and so I will continue to use it. I just get frustrated with the way the T changes so much.. I had a great day yesterday and I was thinking fabulous! Maybe I'm on the way to improvement! But it's back now I know this is the way it works and still hoping to improve even more !

 

Things will improve Natalie. I was very similar to you when I first got tinnitus. Good days and bad days but I just wanted it to go. Keep using the sound machine even when your tinnitus stops, which I believe it will. The good thing is that you've got it and you will notice the benefit. It's good that you are carrying on as nomal and that is progress. Keep it up. Michael

 

Thank you @Michael Leigh . I plan to use it all the time because it actually keeps me from noticing my partner snore so much too so double bonus. I'm trying very hard to be positive that my T will go away especially since I've had some good days mixed in so early! I've been using the rain or ocean sounds at night and I find them relaxing. I keep it so I can still hear my T as you suggested (although I haven't really found anything to mask my T completly anyway). Hoping for even more improvements to report!

 

It is important not to mask your tinnitus Natalie, as the brain cannot habituate to the tinnitus if it can't hear it. Positivity comes in time and musn't be rushed. Try to relax by doing something that you like. Cooking can be theraputic anything to take the attention away from the tinnitus. Michael

 

Hi Natalie,
You are doing really well and great to hear your having better days and I'm sure your sound machine will help you .
Great to read your posts helping others too....lots of love glynis