All Over Again, Like Day 1, My Own Fault

I am back on the thread after several years probably 5, my situation is a bit crazy but here goes. I got tinnitus in 96, I went crazy posted here a million times and decided that Xanax and TRT would be the things that I would try. It worked and I was back up and living again. Got a good job went back to school ECT.. T was under control. Then during a softball game I blew out my knee and hand at the same time wrist to be exact. Anyway reason I say that is I was put on heavy pain medication and my t went down to nothing but a little whisper, then every time I tried to stop the T would come back with a vengeance. This went on for a year. So I was a doc to try to get off meds and he prescribed me suboxine which at time I knew little about other that he said it would help me. So I take for a month and it's very expensive so I try to get off the next month and same thing the T is crazy like 10 times louder than normal. So I end up on the drug for 4 years putting it on a credit card, I went to a detox facility to get off it, the day the T came in was telling them I can't handle it . They told me it was voices in my head I was like WTF . now I am left with T that is unbearable it's louder than jets that pass over my head everything that use to mask it does not anymore. It makes me angry at myself for getting addicted to pain medication over a softball game 5 years ago. I went from thinking about T once every other month to every second of everyday that's how numb the medication was making it. Then every time I tried to stop I could not bear with what I am dealing with now. I am very suicidal like some of the rest of us . Oh and the good job I had moved away 3 years ago. I spent the last 3 years not working batteling the addiction every other month it seems like now I got a new job not a great one but I need to try to live again. I have a 5 year old that I am so depressed when I look at because I feel like she is getting 3 percent of what her dad has to offer . I don't know it's been 2 months now and the T is the same just horrific I can't really be on any meds as they are addicting to me now I realized the T will make me take whatever whenever to make it go away. I am on nothing and it feels like brand new T I am desperate and don't know what to do. I feel like I beat the drug addiction and the T is making me pay

 

Thanks glynis the thing is I have my wng from when I did trt back in 97 so I'm wearing them and they help a bit, I had tinnitus before I got hooked on meds, the meds just made it way worse over years of abuse, I am now part of 12 step program and get lots of support there, I saw my trt doctor and he didnt seem to care about how it got worse just how to deal with it now. I understand that I have to give it time and that it's suppose to not have importance in our lives I just feel like I beat it once and now it came back with 10 friends to beat me. I was wondering if there's a chance it will return to the baseline it was at? Thanks again any support is like a million dollars to me now.

 

@gevanko I'm just a little confused. Was it the pain med over a long period of time that caused the spike? Did the spike happen when you finally got off the meds? Did you have the spike while you were on the meds? I feel your pain. Don't quit. Things will get better

 

Robert thanks for asking I was wondering if i got my point across correct, I had Tinnitus since 96 I got it from playing large venues (music) for many years in front of giant speakers, and with rock n roll I guess I was like the louder the better I never even heard of tinnitus at the time, anyways I quit touring after that and got into the film business, it was about 1.5 years after I had tinnitus that I started taking pain medication for multiple injuries, (oxycodone) I was like OMG i cant hear tinnitus, I thought well this is amazing while I was on it, then when came time to stop I could stop but my tinnitus was always coming back like a monster. From music I had plenty of money saved so I was like I will worry next month, and next month and next month, then I went to doctor were he gave me suboxone to come of opiate meds, so it worked but same thing T was back like crazy but it took away all the withdrawl symtoms from pain meds, so I was then on that stuff for the next few years with same attitude next month, try to quit and T would always drive me back. When i first got it little things like the shower driving with windows down on freeway ect... would mask it, it was loud and intrusive but after a year or so after xanax induced relaxing I was habituated and on my way, I never stopped xanax all through the opiate use as well, so I came off alot of meds when I went to rehab here in Los Angeles, after 14 days of detox the first day with nothing in my system my T was like a MONSTER that i never heard before, the rehab was by the burbank airport and jets flying right over us did not even come close to masking it, I am 100 percent drug free and want to remain that way I have a 5 yr old that is counting on her dad to be around, as my wife as well. I since started a new job after not working for a while now because I was so drugged up and afraid to deal with my T, I just started a new job after years of being laid off, and they drug test so I cant be on anything, I want to try anyways because I truly believe that one of my side effects from T was becoming a drug addict, I never really touched drugs even on the tour buses, drank some well alot but never did the drugs, now I feel them calling me everyday to calm my T, I feel ok, depressed and dont wanna do anything but my mind is clear a little to clear from what I am use to but I have to give this a shot. MY T is louder than anyones i know I know only a handful of people about 4 with it, they all manage fine, mine is like a pure tone that is loud no matter were I go or what I do. I guess I am just freaking out I thought I went through the tough years of T and now my brain is rebooting from the drug abuse and brought a new level of T with it, I feel like crushing my head with a vice every other second, is it normal to think about it like every other second all day???? that part bothers me I went from never thinking about it to 98% of the time its on my mind.