An Introduction

Hello all, wow that's four weeks now , an unexpected emotional journey. Yes , it really does appear to me to be an emotional challenge albeit with physical origins .

I'll give you a brief overview as to when all this kicked off . First I love music , it saved my life ... Seriously I tell myself that....

Anyway first part of this year ,I've been obsessed with building diy fx pedals for music , I love my hobbies . After many days and hours ,ok that's enough , let's put this good work to use.

So I had a couple of digital interfaces for ipad and laptop for recording and was trying to get a clean strong signal as you do , and I'm hearing digital interference ( so I think) , this isn't uncommon on devices. I have headphones on , not loud , some acoustic guitar and soft clapping for rhythm guide on playback. The noise seems to get louder , is it me , is it the device ? You know what's coming next , before I know it TADAA it IS me and T been here now for four weeks 24/7....... Mwaaaaaa.

Wait there's more. Well ,never got to the GP. til week four, so of course I relented and spent hours online ... This is where ETD possibilities come in.

For years I guess ,I've had a sticky ,sometimes bunged up right ear, a bit like wax, I've always assumed that cos I got syringed once 20 yrs ago and a spud came out

My first visit to the surgery by the way was a nurse who confirmed no wax or external infection , so I was somewhat down after that .

Anyway the doc prescribe 1 steroid a day and pills for meniere's ( is that right?) whatever , I'll take em and am waiting on ENT appointment , all of which I assure you I have placed just about zero expectation in !

Noise abuse ? Well I used to go to barrowlands in the 90s and sometimes ringing aftergig but I haven't been to loud gigs for ten years , and since then good hearing apart from very occasional ear bunged up feeling . Also power tools at work (part time) in which I've become increasingly aware of the potential damage so started using EAR defenders some time before the T arrived. T itself hadn't entered my mind , just didn't seem right, had fleeting thoughts of how bloody noisy it can be in the cities etc. I do/ did use headphones for deep listening at night , sometimes a bit too loud ...... Oh dear it's all accumulating.

Don't know how I've got by , because it is of of course relentless and totally mind consuming.
I just want to say now that the best advice that works for me that I've seen on this forum is not to listen or analyse it . This is essential , of course it's there , I mean this morning when I woke screeching like a braking loco , but I stood at the window, a rare blue fife sky and I was calm in its face . It subdued after a shower.

So yes, it's emotionally draining and even reading some of the comments here has made me emotional close to tears because of all the LOVE . That's what I'm all about (I guess ?) mmmmm , no that IS what I'm all about .

I appreciate to the max ! The simple things in life , a moonlit shadow on a wall , watching ants and bugs , chilling with the birds , playing guitar and keys (usually quietly) listening to "out there" music and laughing at home with my partner and Son who tells me he LOVES me EVERYDAY

Even before this all kicked off , these things gave me great belief in my own power, as I repeated this in my partners arms with my son painting his Star Wars stuff in the corner ,blurting in tears , the mantra, we are so powerful Sob Sob we are so powerful ...phew !.

My avatar of flight connects with the way I'm dealing with this emotionally , I dreamed ecstatic flights as a preteen and now realise this superpower I conjured up helped me be strong in the face of domestic adversity. It helped me to not bother ,now I look back....

So I'm finding tools , white noise at night, not listening or analysing ,keeping myself busy , relying more on our cosy little family unit and looking for positive mental solutions that work for me , on this board, you guys n gals are amazing .

I've probably more to say. But I'll knock it the head for now......