Contemplating Suicide

Hi , my name is Tiya I'm 20 years old. I listen to music over 10 hours a day with my headphones with the volume very loud and I've done this for years! Music is the only way that calms me and makes me forget about how much I hate my life.

Now I'm experiencing vertigo and my ear felt clogged for 1 day (I had a panic attack when it happened) this happened about a month ago and fortunately it went away. I do not have tinnitus but I am confident that I will have tinnitus very soon and I don't know how I will deal with it. I am already battling BDD/Social Anxiety/Panic Attacks and have suicidal thoughts atleast 3-4 times a week.

Tinnitus will be the end of me, it's just too much to deal with! I experienced the ringing 3 times it only lasted about 10-15 seconds but still... it happened and I'm scared it will happen again and won't go away.

Is there anyway I can prevent it from happening? I keep ear plugs in my ear I'm so scared if I take them out I will set the ringing off.

Please help me :'/ I do suffer from hypochondria so sometimes I will start to think about it and start to hear it but it's just me creating the sound because I plug my ears and don't hear anything...

 

I hope you aren't serious... committing suicide over 30-45 seconds of tinnitus...?

 

Life is too precious and you are only 20 years old. There is a lot more to explore and experience in the future. The grave can wait as we all go down to it anyway at some point. Why rush it for seemingly next to nothing. Even those of us who have tinnitus for years manage to live a normal and even enjoyable life. I have suffered from anxiety and panic disorder for decades prior to tinnitus and severe hyperacusis. We all have had dark thoughts at some stage of suffering but very few will commit suicide. It is a one way street with no return. If you are having a lot of issues in life causing you to have dark thoughts, perhaps have some social counselors to help you out to get to the root of the problem. You can still enjoy your music, but it is best to not hear it with too high a volume and try to listen away from speakders and not earphones or earbuds. Take care. God bless.

 

Stop listening to loud music, whether for short or long periods of time. If you do that the chances of it happening are dramatically lowered.

 

Do you have a therapist? Taking any antidepressants? Given the issues you are dealing with — BDD, hypochondria, social anxiety, suicidial thoughts, and panic attacks — I think you need to address those first before worrying about a chronic condition that you do not yet have.

Take precautions to protect your hearing, of course. But realize that it’s not unheard of for people to experience a few seconds of fleeting tinnitus.

And I do not normally say this: but do not spend your time here. As a hypochondriac, this forum is likely to feed into your fears and increase your focus. Get the information you need to protect your hearing (no loud music and wear earplugs at loud events), but then move on.

 

Hi Tiya,

Being alive is the very best thing in the universe, literally. Only a very, very, very small number of living things get the chance to live in this world.

But, sometimes, systems does not work properly. Alot of people think about suicide, and is not something to blame, but yes it is something not normal that needs professional help. Please, go and find someone you trust, and ask for councelling.

About your tinnitus... you are right in one thing, and you are not in the other.

First, yes, you have and increased risk of getting Tinnitus if you do not take care of your ears. But not only you, everyone that do use earphones very loud, go to concerts, clubs, and gigs without proper ear protection.

Second, no, the 10-15 seconds of ringing does not says you are developing Tinnitus. What you have experienced is something called Fleeting Tinnitus (you can find more info here in TinnitusTalk). The causes are not understand. What it is known, is that MOST of the people experience this kind of temporary Tinnitus. It is also accompanied with fullness in the ear and muffled sounds.

I dont know why you ended knowing about Tinnitus. Well now that you know about the condition, you are in a GREATER chance of avoiding ever having it. Most young people does not know about the condition, do not take care of their ears, and end up having Tinnitus. Now that you know, you have an advantage, start protection your ears, and you will be ok, for sure.

The best for you,

 

10-15 seconds and 3 times in not anything you need to worry about. Everybody gets fleeting tinnitus. I've had it too and never thought once about it. You are fine.

I only ever experienced tinnitus when I would go to a bar or club. And out of a total of a total of 25 times in a span of 5 years I probably had tinnitus for a few minutes to an hour after 4 or so times out of the 25. The thing is tinnitus is a warning of sorts. But I got my tinnitus by having blasting music on my headphones while mowing the lawn for an hour and not realizing how loud it was until I turned the lawn mower off. If that lawn mowing incident never happened, and I went on living like I normally did, I doubt that I would have gotten tinnitus.

But dont do STUPID things like listening to music for 10 hours a day with headphones and loudly. I would refrain from headphone use all together, just listen to music normally through regular speakers at a safe volume. I personally dont trust headphones in ears even at normal volume anymore. At least if the speaker is away from you the sound waves can diminish before they reach your ear, while a headphone is directly in the ear canal sending out sound waves.

Like the poster above me has mentioned, now that you know about tinnitus you can take better measures at protecting your hearing. But dont go overboard. Live normally but make smart decisions. A stupid decision is suicide for something you dont even have.

 

I hate it when people tell me to address my depression and anxiety first, but in your case, that's what I would recommend. It seems your mental illness makes your reaction to tinnitus worse. It's not like with the severe cases, where tinnitus makes their mental illnesses worse (or in some instances, is even the cause).

 

Look, the only way we can really help you is by telling you to stop from listening to loud music, calming down and just reprioritise your values and goals. I'm not sure if I am annoyed or angered by your post. You say clearly that you "do not have tinnitus..." however you don't seem to really care about preventing this very serious condition that millions of real people actually suffer from, no matter what people say or tell you on this site.

I understand that you have anxiety/ hypochondria, however you must know that there is NO CURE for tinnitus. We all know that on here. It's a harsh reality that we all face. However, your post seems to be taking the piss out of real life sufferers of this condition.

You either have it or you don't. That's the bottom line of all of our lives. You are very fortunate that you do not have this condition. Bottom line, you don't. Whatever you're trying to gain out of this, perhaps an ego high or dare I say attention; please take it somewhere else. Post something on Instagram/ Facebook/ Twitter or wherever and get your likes elsewhere. This is a forum for people who have this very serious condition, people who have experienced what we all experience and we are here to help each other. I have browsed through your feed and really don't find anything aside from "Me, me, me!" Tinnitus isn't a fashion statement, it's not fun, it's a living Hell for real people.

You really need help, I understand that. However, this is not the place.

X

 

To be fair, I think that's a blanket statement from doctors because they don't have a treatment to offer.

 

What you experienced with Tinnitus was likely fleeting T. Its not permanent. It usually doesn't mean anything at all. It doesn't mean you'll develop permanent tinnitus. I've had fleeting T all my life with an acute chronic T and now louder chronic T from acoustic trauma.

I listened music very loud for years for the same reason. As an escape. I'd suggest turning the sound down. You could damage your ears. Id suggest keeping it at 30-50% volume if you're listening to it for nearly 10 hours.

I've dealt with depression and anxiety all of my life and it has been very crippling. I've been able to over come it though. Lots of mental problems run in my family.

Whatever you may be going through suicide is never the answer. I thought the same thing for many years. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child and neglected for many years. But on top of that I was very poor. Which made me get bullied in school because I looked homeless. I almost went and turned to drugs and other things as an root escape. I have a very addictive mentality when it comes to things. So its a good thing that I didn't. Through all of this, I had depression for many years and suicidal thoughts. Not only that, I isolated myself. It got to the point where when I'd go out anywhere, to even the grocery store I would shake and freak out to be around people. I dealt with many toxic and destructive people that I felt unsafe. I knew this wasn't healthy. But I never told anyone until last year what I went through.

Because of what I experienced within my younger years I promised myself I'd never let it happen again. So I began analyzing my surroundings and seeing what I could change to make my life better. I was told that if you work hard, things in life would fall through. That is what I did. I worked so hard despite being poor living in a nasty ghetto as to this day. I became the top of my class. I had good chance of being my school valedictorian.

However, the problem with this is that my hard work is what I defined my self worth. Not only that, I was so busy that I never had free time. I never got to experience what it was like to be a kid. Because I was always working. All of this smashed together I developed terrible anxiety. When I developed acoustic trauma it all went down hill. I developed some sort of hearing loss, Tinnitus and Hyperacusis. This brought my anxiety to the point I was bedridden. This was a new low in my life. My hyperacusis was so bad it was painful to attend school. For a brief time I became scared of sound itself. Which made everything worse. It had got to the point I had leave school. All the friends and teachers that I loved. I had to stop volunteering and participating in clubs such as FFA. Which I held very dear to my heart. All what I compared my self worth to went downhill. I thought I had lost everything I had worked for, for years. However, that was far from the truth.

Fortunately, almost a month later and my Hyperacusis is gone. My T has diminished tremendously. My hearings uneven still, but I'm not deaf. I can still understand and communicate to others. And that's the most important thing. Life does get better. Even for people who are unfortunate enough to have permanent long lasting tinnitus.
I am now 17. Doing better than ever. I'm more motivated than ever to turn my life around.


I tell you my story because depression and anxiety are mutual feelings. It doesn't matter what your story is or what you're going through at this moment in comparison to me, because the feeling of depression and anxiety are mutual. I understand the pain. However, what I learned from all of it was that; you as a person choose your own fate. You choose how to live your life depressed or happy. It may not seem that way, but that is the truth. Depression and anxiety is a monster. They creep up on you like a thief in the night. I could have chose to not fix what has been wronged. If I had not, I would still be the same as I was then, lonely depressed and suicidal. It was hard. It was hard to change the way I thought about myself, about my life, about everything. But it is possible.

Life gets better. Choose a more positive mindset. Analyze what is wrong in your life and go out and strive to fix it. If you cant? Don't sweat it. Suicide is never the answer for anything. Today may be dark and gloomy but tomorrow could be a ray of sunshine. You are what you make of it. If you want to live better. Change what is wrong. If you can't. At least change your mindset.

Everyone on this forum is going through many of the same things. We are here for you. I aspire you to talk to people about whats wrong. All these negative emotions locked up can feel hopeless. So speak to anyone, a friend you trust, a family member or even someone on this forum. I hope that you also seek help with a counselor or therapist. Going to see a counselor or a therapist or going to rehabilitation is nothing to be ashamed of. I do it. I'm not ashamed. It helps me and I think it would help you too.

Having anxiety and depression can make Tinnitus go full circle. Tinnitus gives people anxiety but anxiety can also heighten Tinnitus. Try keeping your stress down. Please seek some sort of help. This is the first time in my life I'm seeking some sort of help. It has helped me tremendously.

I'm a firm believer that healing is as just as much physical as it is mental.

Feel free to give me a private message on Tinnitustalk if you ever need anyone to talk to.


Much love.

Taylor

 

I agree. Sometimes when medical science cannot cure the disease or condition, they try to treat the symptoms. This can be frustrating when the condition (tinnitus) is the cause of the symptoms (depression), but sometimes it’s all doctors can unfortunately do. This is true for other conditions, too.

 

Turn the volume down or better yet use a portable speaker at a comfortable volume and you can enjoy your music all you want.

 

Yes, my friend has restless leg syndrome. She said that sometimes she can't sleep because of the pain (which apparently feels like acid trickling down her legs) she said that she's had it since she was a baby. There isn't a cure for it however. They treat it like a mental disorder whereas she says she's fine.

 

Tiya,
If you don't have tinnitus you don't need to be on this form, it will only make your anxiety worse. This form is filled with a lot of negativity ,and people suffering.

Stop listening to music at high volumes!! This is how you get tinnitus.

Please consult a doctor/therapist and get help with the following "I am already battling BDD/Social Anxiety/Panic Attacks and have suicidal thoughts atleast 3-4 times a week."

 

You probably don't have tinnitus. The best way to test is to go to a completely silent room at night or early morning where there is no noise. If you just hear silence, you are fine. Let us know if you are certain you have tinnitus and we can help you out.

For now the best thing you can do is to stop listening to headphones at high volumes/long periods of time and preferably not at all. I might not be able to relate but I don't understand why people can't just listen to music through speakers? I know you have other problems but honestly you should find some other way to help you through them than something that could potentially alter your future. Try picking up a new hobby.

 

She never came back....

 

Your point? There are a lot of individuals who do not return to TT. She experienced only 10-15 seconds of fleeting tinnitus three times, was a hypochondriac and was encouraged not to come back because doing so would feed into her anxiety as a hypochondriac. Being an anxious hypochondriac was a far greater problem for her versus 15 seconds of fleeting tinnitus — something many people experience.

 

The trolls are out today and the fish are biting

 

Suicide is NOT the answer!
Turn the volume down significantly on the music... This will lessen the chance of the ringing substantially! I dealt with non stop ringing for almost a year because of loud sounds... now i know to protect my ears! Our ears werent designed for the power of todays noises; including some music... remember we all used to be cave men and women at one point lol Hang in there TURN THAT VOLUME DOWN!