Daniel Has Lost His Mind, His Life

I am suffering so bad. The sound in my right ear is so loud and relentless. My life is falling to pieces. I'm struggling to hold on. I feel destroyed, my soul is aching. I love my kids, I hate my life now. I can not get a minute's peace...

If it wasn't for the kids I'd kill myself. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

Daniel, it kills me to see this level of suffering and I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I wish more could be done to lift you out of the hole that you are in and give you some happiness back. Life itself can be such a cruel thing at times, but everyone gets tested by it and these moments of emotional torment are almost inescapable. Everybody wears a mask so we never truly know what others are thinking or feeling, but dig beneath the surface and you’ll find there are many who are fighting their own hidden battles. You are not alone and are loved by everyone here.

All I can tell you is that I’ve felt suicides arm on my shoulder a few times, and one memory that will live with me forever is after I awoke from major surgery that had failed. I lay on the trolley thinking of ways to die and this feeling completely consumed me. I was as low as a human being can get and I no longer saw a future for myself, especially not a happy one. When my tinnitus became highly intrusive 4 years ago I felt every bit the same as I did back then. I quit my music career - the passion of my life - and became extremely sad and isolated. I had nothing and believed my life was no longer worth living with the torturous noises that I heard in my head. Every day was a massive challenge to get through.

However, 4 years later and I have a daughter and my tinnitus no longer bothers me (by and large). The effect it has had on my life remains (the fact I can no longer just go to loud places without earplugs, etc) but I’ve made adjustments to accommodate it otherwise I would have gone crazy. What I’m saying is that life can change from one extreme to the other in a heartbeat, and we can’t feel the extreme highs if we never experience the extreme lows. No one can be happy all the time.

Talk with friends and family and pour your heart out to them. It will help take some of the weight off your shoulders.

Take care of yourself, Daniel.

 

Exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you.

 

Thanks man. A lot of stuff is spiraling down. You're kind. Thank you.

 

@Daniel Lion, you are doing much better now based on your posts. Can you update us with the timeline and other details of your improvement? Maybe a post in Success Stories?

 

I've changed, my tinnitus has not. It's taken nearly 7 years, maybe 8, I forget. I love my kids, my wife, making art, building projects where I delegate and wear double hearing protection. I exercise a lot, have sex, and my tinnitus is there 24/7. I breathe, I accept it and often am distracted. Maybe before my tinnitus my mind was a mess and I have learned some kind of awareness thing. I don't know.

I did have suicidal ideation and researched how to kill myself.

If your tinnitus is not catastrophic, and catastrophic means exactly that, then with acceptance, embracing and learning to be handicapped, you can go on to have an awesome life. I have followed you but have not weighed in as I can see your often, understandably, angry and frustrated. These emotions won't help you. Acceptance and learning techniques will serve you well. If you can exercise, then do so. Kiss your children and wife everyday and love yourself. You deserve that. Know you are a beautiful soul. Let love help you on your journey.

I am sincerely praying and hoping you get better, stronger. And that you feel happy once again. I believe you can.

 

@Daniel Lion, I must say, many days I feel exactly like you did when this thread started. I keep holding on, some days are better than others. I am glad to see that you are doing better.

 

Thank you, @Daniel Lion, I really appreciate your words. Yes, I am still angry, I admit. Hyperacusis means I am often assaulted by the incessant noises of "civilization", not to mention my house is not truly well setup to avoid noise annoyances. I have had misophonia for a long time, but only to certain sounds, and it was very manageable, not even 0.1% of my current problems. Having hyperacusis on top of it, feels like cruelest thing the devil (or the universe) could do to me. Then the raging tinnitus most of the day, most of the days. All perfectly preventable if I only knew.

You are quite right anger won't help me, but so far nothing have... I still can't quite accept the situation I am in, it's just too painful, too uncomfortable, too exhausting. I am trying to distract myself working, in breaks from which, crying and hoping for things to just get a little bit better. I hope my brain will somehow eventually adjust, if the volume level does not get lower...

As far as love helping me, yes, that's the only reason I am still around. I don't think I'd otherwise be.

I hope for and wish you continued strength on your journey through this as well.

 

Brother, hyoeracusis is a vicious killer. I had to wear Peltor earmuffs to tickle my little kid. It is truly debilitating.

For most people silence, quiet sounds and time seem to help.

I did take Magnesium and Garlic, not sure if it did anything.

God willing your hyperacusis will get better and this will give you a new lease on life.

Nerve damage is freaking slow going. Take it slow and don't diminish any victory or good day.

Everybody here understands your situation and want you to be better.

Talk to you soon,
Daniel