Depressing Mark of Tinnitus

It isn't the tinnitus that kills me. It's the fact that I can't enjoy the things I used to do. That is why I break down over 5 times a day. Silence. Something that is precious to introvert like me. Stolen.

Now I hear this buzzing sound as I read books and write stories. Simply pampering myself isn't something I enjoy anymore. I like going to the cinema but when I put my earplugs in, it hits me. That I can't be like my regular self and not worry about carrying earplugs everywhere. When the children at my school are blasting music in their eardrum. I cringe and then cry.

I can no longer listen to music without it sounding like static and with this buzzing in the background. Music was the only thing that could ease stress and look at it, taken from me. I cry as I write this. All these memories flood my mind. It's homecoming season. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going. I have to decline because I don't want my T to worsen.

I travel frequently. When I go on cruises, they blast the music loudly. Smiles are creeping across their face, enjoying their vacation. Meanwhile I have to walk out and spoil the fun for my parents. I'm called a lame for walking out the club early when the music is way too loud. My mom tells me that I'll be able to enjoy life and listen to music once again. I'm waiting for that day. All of these doctors saying it'll pass in a few weeks and I have to live with it.

My grades are going down the drain. My dream of going to a prestigious college is slowly fading away. I'm waiting for that day I can have silence again.

Life is no longer a pleasure when you're constantly reminded of this noise. I wouldn't wish this condition on anyone I dislike. That would be evil.

 

Hey no problem, you came up with the solution yourself only a few days ago.

What changed? Lied to yourself?

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...fe-wishing-for-the-tinnitus-to-go-away.17967/

 

I'm trying to have a positive attitude but it's hard to do so when I'm reminded of this noise. Trying to keep my head up. Yes, I do eat healthy and try to keep myself occupied but the truth comes crashing down when it gets quiet. When I'm no longer around people.

 

Aha! Self-deceit. Don't sell that shit around.

You should be removed from here for writing a "found a cure" post when you are struggling just as much as the next guy! Shame on you boy... admit that you can't just "ACCEPT IT AND ENJOY LIFE AGAIN!"

 

If you say so. I can just accept it and enjoy life. It just hits me sometimes, ya know. Sounds like you need a hot glass of calm down.

 

I feel your pain.

Friends contacted me this week to go to a concert where old school classics are played via orchestra. Obviously I had too decline but the old me would have been there like a shot, I seen it on the vids on Facebook today, looked amazing.

It's my birthday soon, I usually get taken out for my birthday for dinner and drinks and a bit of a party which usually Last the whole weekend. Not this year though.

Christmas is coming up and I honestly dont think I will make it.

Today I have a banging headache, I am 5 months since I was blasted with the alarm and my life was destroyed. The T is mighty today, I am exhausted.
The thing about this is that it dosent let you get up from the second I open my eyes I am disabled.

So much regret. I hate the fact that I will not get too see my daughter growing up. She's only 7 now.

I know what I am doing and I don't like it. I am making arrangements, turning assets into cash for my family, sorting paper work etc

 

Seriously???!!

@Kazue

I hope you'll just ignore this post.. I know exactly how you feel! Same for me! I have huge ups and downs.. often sadness catches me out of the blue. Similar situations as you mentioned. Life is just not that carefree anymore.. and we are both still young. That is even more difficult then. I think you are very brave and you will get through this. We just have to believe in it, it will get better and in the end you'll be a stronger person.

 

I think all of us have moments that we are negative or positive. @Kazue I completely understand you.
I hope you will be better soon.

 

@Kazue u are finding your way around this, trying to stay positive is not always easy, you have tried and keep on trying darling. Don't be hard on yourself, give yourself a chance.
We're here for u, it's a journey, ask your parents to help u find a cbt therapist. Not sure how loud your t is...if it's mild you'll get there with some psychological help.

 

@Jason C

Firstly, happy early birthday. I still think you go somewhere and enjoy yourself. Maybe you can wear some earplugs while you're out.
I hope I don't have any headaches soon because I refuse to take any anti inflammatory medicine. That's what got me into this mess almost 2 months ago. 2 months doesn't sound like a long time but that's when reality sets in. When you realize that you can't turn back. And you start to miss your old self. Like you said, regret starts to build up. That's unfortunate for you though. I wish the best for you.

 

@snow47 @Candy

Thank you both. Just going through a rough time since reality is starting to set it.

 

Thanks.

Miss my old self would be an understatement.
I'm done with ear plugs. I won't be doing anything for my birthday this year and have already told everyone that, Of course they cannot understand the problem.

I'm sorry too sound so negative but knowing I will be done with this soon actually makes me feel better.

 

Down times will come and go in general as life is a rollercoaster of emotions.
If you find your mood not lifting and impacting on every day,then it's time to get help.
CBT,TRT,counselling and medication,mental health crisis team ,Samaritans etc.
Even for a tough cookie like me ,I find times are hard but do your best not to dwell on them and grab every chance in life to smile and be happy.
Don't let anyone put you down or think you are less important.
Push that extra bit hard to enjoy the day and not curl up on the sofa letting tinnitus win and take over your day.
Winter is coming so keep your ears warm and protected from cold winds and keep smiling and people will smile back and help lift your day.
Don't be lonely and don't give in,keep pushing as you deserve to have a happy life even with naughty ears.....lots of love glynis

 

having ups and downs is part of the journey!
i have had days of peace and some days that are hellish.
its normal.

 

Listen, im the same age as you and although i keep getting spikes and different ear symptoms and tones it definitely gets better, i was at your stage but now im at the 3-4 month mark and it is much better than before but im still feeling depressed i dont know why

 

@jason, got mine a few days after you. Stopped looking at Facebook, try to forget my old life - am starting over. Otherwise it's too painful.
Have a 9 year old girl.
Don't do anything drastic, give it time, there will be more help for us as time moves on. I feel your pain, you feel debilitated, so do I.
Go to the tinnitus Clinic in London if you can afford it, try everything you can with managed expectations. Are you coming to the info day in London?

 

Nothing can be done to cure cochlear damage, no amount of talking, time or anti depressants is going to make my life sound well again. Believe me if it was only a matter of money I would pay what ever it takes to fix this.

I know its depressing and easy for people to say do this and do that etc but I cannot move on. My life wasn't that noisy but come too think of it I loved noise lol

London... No.... London is very very noisy. I loved London.

 

Jason C I feel your pain to , I'm in the same condition, my son is 9 years old he loves me so much he prays every day for me and makes me cry, I try to be strong for him but this monster is too much for almost 2 years now, I think this metallic sound in my head and my ears plus other 4 different sound is not normal and doctor don't want to listen, GOD please help us and make some day someone important come to this forums to see how much we suffering.

 

@Jason C please do not do anything to yourself. Think of your daughter. You being gone will certainly affect her!
I have a nearly 2 year old and 3 month old twins. I know they need me and they give me strength to keep going.
Tinnitus is not nice, but we cannot transfer this pain to our loved ones.

 

May I ask what caused your problems??

 

Well done Sam.

 

Believe me I have though about this and I know it's a selfish act but existing simply for someone's happyness is not enough for me.

I really admire people on here who can deal with this so well (not easy though). Many of you have more problems than I do yet I can't deal with it and just throw the toys out of the pram.

My father died of a stroke when I was a kid so I do understand this all too well.

 

Definitely not easy Jason. What else can we do?

 

A little something for my friend Kazue!

I hope you know we love you.
We know your pains and tears.
Troubling times and emotions.
We know all of your fears.

Remember that we love you.
Remember we share your sorrows.
Fight hard to get thru this day.
And Pray for better tomorrows.

Peace sweetheart! Mike

 

M9 in the mouth??

I don't know how you do it fella. You are a better man than I.

 

I don't believe this Jason. I am just a man, ordinary and with the same feelings as my fellow man. I think you will get to the point that it slowly becomes less of a burden for yea.

 

I doubt it. Noise induced usually gets worse over time, it's bad enough now lol

 

And that's what scares me. I'm so young, I have so many years to live. My hearing is only going to get worse.

 

Acoustic trauma, Jason C my history is a little bit longer, when I was 14 my father accidentally shot very close to me and since then I have mild tinnitus in my right ear, never bathers me for the last 30 something years till last year another accident, a car engine blew close to my head, 3 weeks later my nightmare started catastrophic noises into my ear and my head,hyperacusiss and reactive, the worst part I'm a professional musician, i was music professor, music is my life, I was teaching my kids, now no more my life is going, suffering every single second of my life, and that is how tinnitus kill us not for the noise , because the suffering little by little, and guests what NOTHING to treat this horrendous condition, in 5 or 10 more years people going to live in the mood and tinnitus still a "mystery condition no body can fix ".

 

@Jason C I saw in another post you mentioned you can get your tinnitus to quiet down, and it's barely there in the mornings when you wake.
That is a great thing - I am sure many tinnitus sufferers would welcome that.
The last few mornings, I woke up and my tinnitus was gone! It did come back, but I hope this continues because I can hopefully still enjoy my sleep ins and morning cuddles with my babies. I just lay in bed until midday on Saturday, enjoying the silence again. It was amazing.
If I am blessed with quiet mornings, I will take that and be happy.
You do need to give it time. I know it's hard. When I am up overnight feeding the twins in our quiet house, my head is sizzling. It makes me sad because tinnitus has robbed me of so much joy with my newborn babies. It should be one of the happiest times of my life. But I look at the content face of my baby as they happily feed and I know I can do it, I can beat this.