Every Day Is a Challenge :( Thoughts Would Be Appreciated x

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by VickiD, Jun 7, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. VickiD

      VickiD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No idea :(
      Hey everyone, my name is Vicki.

      I have been reading posts on this forums for 3 months (since my tinnitus started) and I have scared myself so much I have had suicidal thoughts and then I have read good news stories that stopped me tipping over the edge. I am just about managing to get through each day and it's the toughest thing I have had to deal with (and that might sound crazy when you read my story and how my tinnitus came about).

      My tinnitus started in mid March 2016. I have no idea where the hell it came from but it appeared and I haven't managed to calm down properly since. For the last 10 years I have worn ear plugs to bed because I couldn't stand outside noise (traffic etc) so I wore foam plugs but later started to develop Ottitus Externa (Swimmers Ear). So, the doctor told me to stop using the plugs and I had to have a few doses of ear drops to get rid of the outer ear infection. I believe the ear drops I used were potentially Ototoxic (Soradex and Optimize) and I am worried damage has been done to my ear canal. That said, the ear that was mainly infected and I used copious amounts of these drops isn't as noisy (touch wood!) as the other - which sounds like a fax machine with two tones flitting fast between each other. It's hideous :(

      People talk about spike - mine spikes every 10 minutes. It's like the mad fax sound between notes then it settles to one tone and quietens then BANG back to fax machine again. This makes no sense to me at all.

      So, going back to when it first hit. I had had these ear drops and used them in January. No Tinnitus in Jan, Feb or beginning of March. My friend was having an operation in March (8th) and my tinnitus started after that. Previous to that, I lost my best friend who died of a heart attack only age 37 in November 2013 and then my mother was battling Cancer all throughout 2013 and died in the April 2014. I had lost two people I loved so much within 5 months of each other. I didn't have tinnitus then.... I was coping. I coped.

      Then in November 2015 it was announced my job was to be made redundant and I got so upset, depressed and angry. I felt like my life was crumbling down because my job was the thing that kept me sane when my friend and mum died and now that was being ripped away from me too. Again, I thought I was coping because I started applying for jobs and tried my best to keep going. Then my friend had an operation and I don't like hospitals at the best of times and went to make sure she was okay. Few days later tinnitus started and it hasn't gone since.

      It started and I panicked and ended up in A&E crying. I feel ashamed of myself for going to A&E over tinnitus but I was and still am so scared. I had a blood test for diabetes and thyroid. Both fine and then I was sent away with Diazapam. I needed the Diazapam to sleep because my emotional state was so bad and the Diaz would help me calm enough to sleep with the noise going at me. I couldn't believe how it all happened..... a little whistle to a fax machine and it whistles on and off fast all day like a kettle and the fax thing goes off all day too. I can drown it out with the noise of the TV or if I go outside, if I walk, drive the car etc. It is there in quiet rooms but it's still worrying me as I am terrified it will get worse.

      I read about the woman who killed herself because her tinnitus was like a train going through her ears. I couldn't cope with that. I am barely coping now so I am living each day on a knife edge worrying it will ramp up again and i'll be like that woman, desperate and suicidal.

      I am sat here typing this with the noise in my ear. I refuse to drown it out all the time because I want to get used to it so I am not as afraid anymore but it's so hard.

      I started taking mirtazapine (Remeron) to help me sleep as the doctor refused to keep giving me diazapam. It helped for 2 weeks (I was halving the dose 7.5mg because I was afraid to take 15mg. When my tinnitus went a little quieter I began to relax until my long awaited ENT appointment came through. So, on the 23rd of March I went along and was sorely disappointed. No cure, can't really help, referred for an MRI - scared the shit out of me as he mentioned acoustic neuroma. I have T in both ears but he still mentions that which worried the hell out of me. I have this object inserted into my ears to test for fluid behind the ear drum and then low and behold my T is going through the roof when I walk out of there. It ramps up after it and hasn't really gone back down properly since. So, I started on 15mg of Mirtz, thinking maybe it was the pills that quietened it down. 15mg didn't do anything other than make me groggy as hell so I started halving the dose again. I know I shouldn't be messing with the dosage but I didn't want to just stop taking them so I have started 7.5mg again and get myself off them.

      Yesterday I tried acupuncture and have had a banging head for two days. T is still there - no change.

      If anyone can offer some words of wisdom! please.... or advice. Does T get better? has anyone ever heard of it sounding like a fax machine? It's scary but here is the weird thing.... it's usually very faint in the morning, pretty much non-existent. It builds as I get up. I don't drink caffeine and I have cut out all bad stuff so I don't know what else I can do. The oddest thing though, when the noisy ear has a quiet moment the other ear starts compensating and making noise. Does this ever happen to anyone? when one ear stops the noise the other starts making a noise?

      Thank you for reading

      x
       
      • Hug Hug x 6
    2. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Welcome to the forum and sorry for your suffering with your new T. You ask does T get better? Yes, many people do report that they get better over time, especially when they stay more calm & positive and give it time for the ears to heal and also by pursuing some proven successful strategies. Try to read as many success stories as you can to learn others' insights and strategies. If you have time you can't hear your T, like you say in the morning, do count that as a positive. There are many members whose T don't subside at all and can scream non-stop 7/24.

      This is not to put down your suffering and your condition, but just to point out that in the battle with T, the more positive we are, the less stressful and anxious we remain. This is very important to the brain, as a stressful and anxious reaction to the T sound will only signal to the brain that T is a mortal threat, and with that the brain will zoom in on the ringing. It doesn't help to focus on suicide stories. We don't know the full extent of the background of people who did the unthinkable and there is no need to draw a parallel to them. There are millions with T and thousands and thousands with intrusive T and yet we don't hear suicides all over the place because of T. Each person is different. There is no need to worry too much and trying to compare. Doing so will only add more fear and panic to each of T's spikes and make matter worse.

      We need to do what we can, to focus on positivity and trust that we can get better. I suffered a lot initially by not learning how to stay positive, and I suffered horribly for that with my ultra high pitch T 7/24 and with also the dreaded hyperacusis. I never thought I would be well again and wasn't positive about my future. But today I live a normal and absolutely enjoyable life. I posted my success story and list some helpful strategies. If you have the time, check it out. Don't panic and despair. Good life can be back. Believe it. Give it time and stay hopeful for better days to come. Take good care & God bless.

      http://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Agree Agree x 1
    3. VickiD

      VickiD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No idea :(
      Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate you taking the time to write back to me.

      I know what you're saying is right- as a lot of people don't get a minutes peace/silence with their T. It's just mine is quiet in the morning and I thank God for that every day. I read success stories of people who habituate and I am really confused about habituation and complete cessation of T. My T has got a little quieter at times and I wonder if this is habituation or whether something physiological is happening in my ear. The aforementioned ear plugs and ear drops do worry me slightly as I have read about ototoxic drugs being a contributing factor in the onset of T. If this is the case does this mean the damage is permanent or could it repair?
      The noise is very irritating, I would rather have one higher pitched noise than a multitude of tones going off like a fax machine. So far I've heard a chain saw, crickets, bells ringing in the distance, tins rattling and a high pitched hiss which I thought was my T going away but back came the multi tone fax machine again a few days later to remind me it's still there!!

      :(
       
    4. Dominic1955
      Depressed

      Dominic1955 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Waverly, Pennsylvania
      Tinnitus Since:
      4/2/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic hearing loss
      have read about ototoxic drugs being a contributing factor in the onset of T

      There are drugs that are ototoxic but only if they get into your middle ear, this would only happen if you have a perforated ear drum
       
    5. Robert44

      Robert44 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud concert
      sorry ur going this. hang in there. I was suicidal but now I'm much better. I thought I would never get better. Hang in there.
       
    6. The Red Viper
      Angry

      The Red Viper Member Team Research

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      March 15, 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Current Theory: Leftover infection ETD + neck muscle injury
      As far as I can tell, the eardrops shouldn't have been able to get to your inner ear. That leaves hope that your T might go away;)
       
    7. nmackintosh

      nmackintosh Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise ruptured eardrum
      Hope you feel better soon
       
    8. VickiD

      VickiD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No idea :(
      Hey

      Thank you for this.

      I don't think my ear was perforated? I'm sure I'd ave known because I would have had pain.

      I stopped using them in January and the t showed up in March. I'm not convinced it would have waited 2 months to give me symptoms.

      I've noticed my t has moved into my other ear which is making me stress as the only way I can sleep is putting the noisy ear onto the pillow as the noise fades into the pillow but the other ear has started whistling and I'm stressing because it wasn't always there.

      It sounds like an off tune violin this morning humming at me. The other ear is whistling a bit. When I yawn I know exactly how loud my t is going to by the strength of the noise inside my ear (does that make sense) got so used to knowing when it will be loud because a sound plays through my eardrum

      I pray for the day it will go. It has really impacted my life in ways I never thought could.
       
    9. VickiD

      VickiD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No idea :(
      What changed for you?
       
    10. Robert44

      Robert44 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud concert
      somehow my brain got used to it. When I first got T i couldnt sleep for 3 straight days. I did cut out caffine and I try to eat better and take some supplements. The sound is still there though but most of the time I don't hear it. It's worse in the morning and at night. Hopefully you will get used to it also
       
    11. VickiD

      VickiD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No idea :(
      I have noticed it appearing in the other ear too. I honestly won't cope if it gets as loud in the other ear. Every day is such a struggle with anxiety :( not knowing WHEN or IF it will worsen.

      It makes me feel terrified.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    12. william adams
      Wishful

      william adams Member Benefactor

      Location:
      S Jersey
      Tinnitus Since:
      December 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      one week after leg surgery plus hearing loss in higher freq.
      Vicky I was freaked out just like you when I first got T six monthes ago. I was a wreck with clammy hands, couldnt sleep and could not seem to be distracted from the sound of the T. Ambien was what my MD gave me to sleep and also 0.25 of xanax one in the morning, afternoon and then evening. After a few monthes I could sleep without the ambien but I still do the low dose of xanax every day. I go to the healthclub 4 times a week which reduces adreniline and seems to help with the T although you get a spike for a little while when done your workout. I sleep with nature sounds on my computer on youtube {Birds chirping]. Also use an MP player with volumn just under the T level a few hours a day to help your brain habituate. Currently I will be starting a course in Tai chi or you could do Yoga for both are good for the nervous system. Go on youtube and listen to Julian Graham Hill and he will comfort you that you can heel to reduce the volumn of your T or hopefully eliminate it all together. You are going to be alright Ive been there..
       
      • Like Like x 1
    13. VickiD

      VickiD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No idea :(
      I hope so. I think the issue is - I want it to go away. It is so unpredictable :( it scares me.
       
    14. just1morething
      Benevolent

      just1morething Member Benefactor

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      barotrauma from airplane descent, noise exposure? ETD? TMJD?
      I'm currently looking at neck caused tinnitus. Do you have any neck problems? Whatever the cause, it definitely is highly annoying. Sometimes it is very difficult to find the cause, and what to do for some relief? Everyone is a bit different. My tinnitus changes ears too, so I thought it may have something to do with neck muscles or compressed nerves. Seems to depend on how I sleep.

      Post on stress caused tinnitus:https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...l-treatment-comments.1891/page-15#post-186718

      I see there is a lot of apps on iPod, iPad to mask the noise. Thunderstorm, crickets, etc. I'm new to apps. I can't believe all the sounds you can load. I hope you can find the cause of your noise. Maybe stress? Some meds may help.

      ETD post:https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-earpopper-machine.1061/#post-36217
       
      • Informative Informative x 1
    15. VickiD

      VickiD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No idea :(
      Can stress and anxiety cause tinnitus alone?
       
    16. Mike TerMaaten

      Mike TerMaaten Member Benefactor

      Location:
      California
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 20, 2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      2013 GMC Sierra pickup truck
      EXCELLENT Post ! ..by William Adams

      My T. is ticking my off today, so i came here to TT ( tinnitus talk ) for a bit.. ( my T. these days just being kinda a weird sound that bugs me sometimes ..now after over 3 years )

      ..About to go outside and lay under a tree for awhile ..as i do everyday



      I've been swimming at night, 8-9pm ..and that's been really good


      VICKI D. ...make sure you don't have any TV or anything like that on in the evenings.

      I have completely silent evenings and my ears calm down about 30-60 minutes after going to bed.

      The only exception, is i keep a iPod with my high-quality headphones ( Sennheiser momentums ) on hand, if i really need something

      ...Or i go outside for awhile


      ......So you have no idea what 'knocked out' (damaged ) your ears ?

      I bet it was too much exposure to speakers. That was the case with me ( and a high pitched electronic squeel inside a vehicle ) and is the case with a lot of People here.

      In that case, that's hard to get relief from.

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/2-years-of-dedication.10991/


      That LINK above is my story. A 2013 GMC Sierra truck had a horribly high-pitched sound inside the Cab.


      I'm a quite a bit better these days.

      I've learned through Trial and Error ..that my Ears basically cannot tolerate ANY exposure to electronic audio or Speakers ( however you want to say it ) ..these days anymore.

      Tinnitus, or attempting to live a life free of tinnitus, controls every bit of my life.

      I used to be into Car Audio, and then Home Audio ...HA ...i've now given all that up.



      Tinnitus incredibly fascinates me. I can't believe such a horrible Living Hell can exist ..and yet i hardly heard anything ( really nothing ) about it growing up.
       
    17. just1morething
      Benevolent

      just1morething Member Benefactor

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      barotrauma from airplane descent, noise exposure? ETD? TMJD?
      Not sure? But you had a lot of trauma @VickiD. Sometimes trauma can cause many anxiety symptoms.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    18. VickiD

      VickiD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No idea :(
      I know but I don't believe tinnitus comes from anxiety. I will never be convinced.

      When I feel calm I hear t roar and when I'm feeling anxious it can go quieter. No pattern to the pattern. All I know is it is hideous and so stressful. The two tone fax is difficult to habituate.
       
    19. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      I know but I don't believe tinnitus comes from anxiety. I will never be convinced.

      Hard to say, @VickiD. Research definitely points to a connection between tinnitus and anxiety. But it's not really known which comes first and exactly what the mechanism is. Reality is, many people never learn the true cause of their tinnitus. And in most cases, it doesn't matter because there are limited treatments and no cures.

      At some point, I found it helpful to stop fixating on what caused my T (although I am sure mine was barotrauma from a plane flight, even though my ENT/barotrauma specialist respectfully disagrees) and start concentrating on what I COULD do to lead me back to a more normal life. I would say it took me about four-five months to get out of the "what caused it???" phase.
       
    20. rose rose

      rose rose Member

      Location:
      new york
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      dont know
      Hi Vicky, my name is Rose. I tried to contact you but they said I was not able to... I also think it might come from anxiety. I came down with this 6 years ago and then slowly it faded away. I just was under a lot of stress 6 weeks ago plus I had a bad flu and bronchitis . Then I woke up with it and here I am 6 weeks later
       
    21. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      High stress and anxiety, also trauma & grief from the loss of loved ones are known to trigger T. But LadyDi is right. Sometimes it is very hard to pin-point the exact cause or the combination of different causes. Too much attention to that can cause us to be nervous and anxious about things, ending up tip-toeing around too many suspicious causes. T is known to thrive when we cave in to its tyranny and supply the fuel with more negative emotions. Try your best to stay calm and positive. Of course you may not be able to do this when your T is new. It gets better when you consistently focus on the positive. It is definitely a good sign when you don't hear T sometimes. It can only get better when you gain time and experience living with T, and when you apply some of the strategies you learn from others. Take care. God bless.
       
    22. Laurie1961

      Laurie1961 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown--Suspect dental work
      I think I know what you mean by the fax machine noises.I call them tone changes. For me, tinnitus causes anxiety. The few times mine suddenly disappears I get very anxious as it comes back. I've had the same experience as when you visited the ENT except I was at an ER, a doctor, and dentist--I walk out and bam--it's back full force. Instead of listening to my complaints--I've been labeled as having anxiety and my complaint of tinnitus as an auditory hallucination. Mine is like a cicada or sometimes like a balloon screeching as air is let out---that is when I definitely notice tone changes. Other times it sounds like a faucet not quite shut off. Do you ever notice that swimming or showers relieve or lesson the noise for a bit?
       

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