Feel Like I'm Running a Marathon with This... Needing Some High 5's from the Crowd!

Hey guys,
Firstly, big hugs to you all who live with tinnitus and hypercausis!! This is undoubtedly the most challenging situation that I've ever had to deal with in my 44 years of life. What an awful thing, truly indescribable how soul destroying it is to live with something so wearing, no hiding place, no respite, only fear and stolen moments of pleasure.

Sorry if I'm sounding all negative, I do try so hard to get up and get on with it each day, for the sake of my lovely family but jeeze... this is ball bursting!!!! I want nothing more than to enjoy my life, like you all but this incessant noise just steals SO MUCH pleasure from EVERYTHING.

I've had t since Jan 16, just woke up with it and been here since. Suspect the cause could be emotional stress but what a ride I've been on, like most of you guys, I expect and I'm ready to disembark NOW! Suppose it's the would destroying thought of living with this noise foreverrrrrrrrrrr and it possibly becoming louder! That just fills me with so much fear! I feel like everything I've tried to do to help myself just hasn't made much difference or made it worse. Wax removal.... Tinnitus retraining therapy..... counselling.... it's just the soul destroying nature of this that really upsets me" and how it affects everything in life.

I have SO MUCH to be grateful for in my life which I cling onto and work with and have made adaptations in my life. I don't go to social functions, my children's concerts, busy venues,even with my custom fitted plugs as it's just too uncomfortable and my ears are very easily irritated. Some days just feel like your risk assessing every step! Which is so exhausting!!!! .

I do lots of walking which seems to help to lift my mood.... can I ask... would anyone know or have they experienced a spike in their t because of being at a higher altitude and it being really windy?!
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Suppose I'm just no where near habituation as this affects me so much and I hear it all the time. Right now, my ears are ringing so loudly and I'm just so exhausted by being greeted by this noise every morning/night. It's like a mental endurance getting through each dayhour/minute/second.... and wonder how long it's possible to sustain it before I blow a fuse!!

I keep active and healthy, take supplements, have Epsom salt baths, drink herbal tea... do everything I should to help but just find it soul destroying how there's just no help/cure to this!! Showering is my only respite and I can't spend my life in the shower! Suppose I just feel life is passing me by/stopped in 2016 and that makes me so very sad. It's like arm wrestling Goliath every day...... .

Thank you so much for reading my post... im just feeling a bit overwhelmed and exhausted by my lack of 'progress' with living with this. I'm tired of not being able to truly relax, switch off, enjoy silence... that's tough. I try to be as busy as possible to the point I'm exhausted so I'll sleep but how long is that sustainable? Suppose my biggest fear is being ill/bed ridden and not being able to get uput and be subjected to this internal prison!! Scares me so much and it's hard not to project into the future.

Sorry it's a bit negative guys, just needing to off load and hope I've not made any of you feel worse.....

Sending you all love because this ain't an easy battle.... let's hope it gets easier for us all, somehow! Xxxx ⭐️

 

Hi

I've had this thing severely for 7 years and it is the most challenging thing I've had to face . I think that goes for many of us on this forum.
To answer one of your questions, I have read of people whose tinnitus lessens when they are at lower altitudes. Living in Scotland, are you at a high altitiude? I come from Scotland too but have lived in England for the majority of my life.
The longer I've lived with this thing, the more resilient I have become but it still challenges me most days, as mine has worsened with time (but not everyone's worsens).
Keep walking, this helps me also.
I did a mindfulness meditation course which helped me, as it trains you to not feel you have to run away from it all the time, which is exhausting and unsustainable. It helps you face your tinnitus head on, which is challenging but can help some people. All the time we are masking or distracting ourselves, we are not facing the thing we fear. It helped me at the time but I have not been good at keeping up with the meditations.
Look out for a support group. The BTA website has a list of them. I go to a support group and find it a great help. It may not sound much fun being in a room full of people with ringing ears but we often have a laugh.

 

@Tweaker - thanks so much for taking the time to reply, so good of you. That's what really terrifies me... it progressively becoming worse, as I feel mine has and just wonder how I'll cope if it reaches a truly unmanageable level. It's just got such a negative impact on your life and there's just no sugar coating it! I can honestly say, it affects me every day, from the second it started I feel my life, to some degree stopped. It's a very bitter pill to swallow.

Walking tbh is what's keeping me (semi) sane! Support de I feel like I'm trying to walk away from it.... no such luck! I'm not at a high altitude but it's when you are in the hills and it's very windy, I just wondered if that was detrimental for the ears?

I've also done xbt and been to a support group but I just truly feel that until this noise stops (which I know is probably not Glasgow by to happen) I'll never be relaxed in my own skin again... the anxiety and stress is tough too and worrying about dealing with future curveballs and ringing ears really worries me too.....

How did yours start if you don't mind me asking?

 

I think the main factor for me was that I was in a noisy job when it started to get worse. I had it in one ear since childhood but only mild and not enough to bother me much. I didn't think it could ever change but it did in 2010, petty much overnight. It just got loud and noticeable and in both ears. I went to bed and woke up in the night to go to the loo and the T was very noticeable. It made me feel anxious and gave me insomnia, depression etc. I was off work for about 5 weeks as I was a mess. I've struggled with it through ups and downs since 2010.
Don't worry about it getting worse. Time helps you deal with it. Although mine is worse I handle it better than I did back in 2010.
I try to be thankful that I can still hear. When I go for a walk I can hear the birds sing and I am thankful. I know some folk are deaf and only hear tinnitus. My heart goes out to them.

 

@Tweaker / yeah that must be brutal to have t and be deaf, that's when I suppose you have to draw strength from this somehow...
I'm so glad to hear that you are coping better with it, that seems to be the key, to have a handle on it mentally but it's hard when it changes so often. That waking up through the night with panic and anxiety is just awful, it's such a gut wrenching thing to notice your t has changed/increased, such a cruel condition.
You mentioned the support group.. I attended one mtg and visited the audiologist weeks afterwards who ran it who micro suctioned wax from my ear. I admittedly felt uncomfortable and a bit pushed into getting this done. A week or so after my right ear got worse and I feel since then my t has worsened along with my anxiety. That's why I've not been back. I felt like he was plugging his products and associate this now with my t worsening. Suppose you just feel at the mercy of these 'experts'

 

Vicki, hi Today's my 1st day here .. You are an absolute amazing writer ! If nothing else you should stay busy by writing ! ... in my case I'm used to Living life as a gimp, broke My neck when I was 18 now I'm 56 ! Sounds horrible but it's all good ! I love life & enjoy the shit out of it .. well I was anyway lol ! Guess I'm kind of faking it now .. Living with T now since April (crazy loud) has been a challenge to say the least ! Being in a chair of corse there are going to be some tough days but one thing was I always had was that piece of mind that I'm more than ok. Well unfortunately as you know to well living with T has taken that from me. So for now I wake up everyday & say giddy up Robbo you didn't crumble when you broke your neck so dig deep & live your life ! (God knows I'm trying!) my best to you Vicki ! & thanks

 

Dear Vicki, your words exactly describe my experience with this. My heart goes out to all of us.