Feeling Suicidal

Discussion in 'Support' started by jamie5136, Aug 25, 2012.

tinnitus forum
    1. jamie5136

      jamie5136 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2012
      I am a 45 yr. old female with a disabled spine and insomnia and NOW bad tinnitus in my left hear..had it for almost one year. It is very high pitched and is driving me insane. I was almost off my sleep meds and it started. Not sure if it was from some dental work or from medications. To think I could have prevented this is horrible. With my spinal pain and insomnia and now this, I have no reason to live. My life is 100 percent miserable. I cry almost every day. I have tried so many meds and a few sound therapies and nothing really helps the tinnitus. I would rather be in a wheel-chair than have this. I am such a mess and not sleeping that I can't manage to travel to Belgium to see Dr. De Ridder and I certainly can't afford the HIFU surgery in Sweden... I would sell a kidney to get that surgery and to be normal again. I now take tons of sleep meds which have serious side effects....so, just waiting to die in my sleep as this life is not what I thought it would be. People say, "Oh, you will get used to it." I don't want to get used to it. It will always keep me up at night and disturb me. I think it was the straw that broke the camels back. Mine is 14 khz or whatever, so it is super high pitched. And, the meds I take to sleep only make it worse. I just want to die. My body has fallen apart and now I have some incurable disease.
       
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    2. gary
      Transparent

      gary Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Macomb, MI. USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Who Knows
      Jamie,I just read your post. My husband Gary is a sleep. But I read this site too. To help him better understand his T. If you are feeling suicidal thoughts you MUST go to the nearest Hospital. ASAP....Tell them how you feel they will help you.. Do you have a family member that can go with you to the hospital? Right now you should not be alone. My name is Diana.. Gary has been through some ruff times himself. He is getting Psychiatric help. He has had those terrible thought also.... I am praying for you.
       
    3. Shay O'Connor

      Shay O'Connor Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/12/2012
      all i can say is hang tough my friend..it actually amazes me how strong we can be..ive had such thoughts and then days where everything clicks and the t is not really an issue anymore..one thing i have learnt is that t has forced me to focus more on whatever im doing at the time..whatever task im doing..i try to get lost in things now..whether work, exercise, a movie...from this perspective i try to look at it as a plus..right now you are feeling shit though and probably cant see that..just know most of us have been there and do get thru..also i hang on to the hope that the cure is just around the corner..maybe a wee bit optimistic but it helps in the tough days..be good to yourself..
       
    4. Nils

      Nils Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2011
      Jamie, I understand how you feel! I got extreme tinnitus april 2011. I´ve had big problems/pain in my lower back and neck for over 30 years. A month after the T started I lost a great deal of hearing in the higher frequences.. I used to work as a songwriter and producer but that is all gone now. Since a month back, on top of that, I got extreme hyperacusi. I´ve had it before but this time it is extreme! It´s painful just to talk and I have become very, very handicapped... It´s like living in a nightmare that never stops... I´m fighting suicidal thoughts every day...and night.. I can´t imagine having it like this for the rest of my life.
      I have spent a huge amount of money on different kind of treatments but nothing helped so far...
       
    5. DezDog
      Angry

      DezDog Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2009
      Jamie5136 and Nils, Just to let you know another forum reader here is thinking of you both. Don't lose hope.
       
    6. Nils

      Nils Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2011
      From my heart. Thank you DezDog!
       
    7. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chicago
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2011
      Jamie -
      There are ways to treat this. Please see the thread posted by joe at https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/kevin-hogan-recovered-after-2-5-years.555/#post-3551

      This thread is under "Alternative Treatments", which I think is a misplacement. This is a excellent medicaally viable treatment protocol described by Kevin Hogan. It is known that SSRI medications, such as Zoloft, Prosac and Paxil, greatly relieve and in some cases can elimininate tinnitus. Ask your doctor for an anti-depressant such as these. You need a break.

      Most of here know and can imagine how bad the suffering you are going through. Please take my advice, if you are not on anti-depressants, then get to a psychiatrist who can help you. Tinniuts is a mentally disabling condition which can be alleviated with anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs. Somehow these medicines work. Step by step, you can get your life back. I know it's hard to believe, and I can imagine how hard you have tried. Please hang in there and seek help. You need to go on.
       
    8. Nils

      Nils Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2011
      It´s true that some people get relief by taking SSRI but there are also those how get tinnitus by taking them, or there tinnitus are getting worse. Tinnitus (and also risk for toxicity) is a well known side-effect of many SSRI. So I think it´s wrong to say that SSRI give greatly relieve... They can do so, but that is very, very individual... My self, I tried Zoloft and it gave me worse tinnitus than before and I also lost another 10 db between 6-8khz. No matter what, I will never take those SSRI again! And I have been in contact with so many other people having tinnitus, getting the same effect as I did.
       
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    9. mike

      mike Member

      Location:
      Franklin ohio
      Tinnitus Since:
      1 1/2 months
      It is bad and I got it 7 months ago and I did not think I would make it through the first Month. I left work one friday and looked around Knowing I would never come back. That was 6 months ago and I did come back. I fought through it and still keep going somehow. I still have it bad but some good days come and go. I do not know what to say but do not give up. I know there will be better days for you. Everybodys different when it come to Tinnitus.I have been where you are at
      But there was something that keep me going. I know you have heard this but it will get better. sometimes it takes more time than others.I still got it bad.Please hang in there.
       
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    10. erik
      Breezy

      erik Manager Staff Benefactor

      Location:
      Washington State, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/15/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Most likely hearing loss
      While it is true that we all have this dreaded "something" in common, as Nils said about SSRI's is also true about T - it is very individual. We all have different circumstances and different methods to helps us cope. What works for one may or may not work for another. Some people use meds and if it works, that is ok. Others choose supplements and go the more natural route. TRT or sound therapies work for some. Or a combination of everything above.

      Time
      For those who have had this some months or years, I think the one thing we can agree on no matter what methods we use, "time" seems to be the best thing to help us with T. As Mike said, some need more time then others but it does get better as the days, weeks, months and even years slowly go by. The little things you can do to get back to doing what you did before you developed T can make a huge difference.

      Hope
      I also have hope. There is more targeted tinnitus research now than ever before and yes, it is a slow process but I believe actual, effective help is in a lab or research center somewhere. Even if there never is cure, I believe there will be much more effective medications, brain therapies and other treatments that will make T much easier to live with and tolerate.

      We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for
      I am in this 5 months now and still have my issues and problem days with T. I just had 3 very low days in a row and I was feeling real good about life and things. Then today, I awoke with a pounding headache and loud T. So my day has not started well, I am feeling a bit down, frustrated and discouraged but I keep going, we all keep going. I said this in another post but I'll repeat it - We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

      I know it will get better even if it is a very slow process. I have a family to care for, a good job and I really do like my life....T or no T, I have a lot to live for and so do you.....
       
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    11. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chicago
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2011
      Nils -
      You make a good point about potential ototoxicity. Makes me wonder if the Paxil that I took 4 years ago had something to due with my "T".

      When I first got this, I couldn't sleep for about two weeks. I went to a psychiatrist, and she prescribed Zoloft. Then I read the warnings, and it said "Can cause severe tinnitus", so I didn't take it. Instead, she gave me Remeron. When I took that pill, I freaked out that it would make it worse. Fortunately, that stuff is great. It's almost like taking nothing, but it allows me to sleep. (Remeron does not make my tinnitus softer, though)

      You may be right, but I want to clarify something I read about Kevin Hogan's program: He said that in the process of going through his progam taking SSRI's, it can get worse before it gets better. Even the Dichonics sound therapy says that it can get sound worse at first, as a person's brain begins to adjust to their therapy.

      Jamie -
      I have to stand behind my advice about seeing a psychiatrist. We are not medical professionals here, only a support group who can consul and sympathesize and share stories - which is all very important. 10 years ago, my P Doc helped me in bad times. Mention concerns about ototoxity. As Mike and Erik say, you can only take it one step at a time. There's an Indian saying: "The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time."
       
    12. erik
      Breezy

      erik Manager Staff Benefactor

      Location:
      Washington State, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/15/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Most likely hearing loss
      This Article about TMS (Can Magnetic Therapy Help Tinnitus?) has an interesting bit on anti-depressants:

      From her late 60s until her death at 81, my mother complained about a constant ringing in her ears. It was also apparent that she suffered from a significant hearing loss. When various attempts to relieve the noise failed, she took antidepressants for several years. Doctors now believe that these drugs can make tinnitus worse. If the misery she suffered was typical, it's easy to see why tinnitus patients with depression would be eager to try magnetic therapy.
       
    13. allone

      allone Guest

      Tinnitus does not discriminate-it affects millions of men and women of all ethnicities, ages and occupations.
      One of the world’s most famous artists, Vincent Van Gogh, was believed to have this condition; This may be the reason why he cut off his ear in frustration and desperation.
      A few other famous people who have or had tinnitus: Barbara Streisand, Neil Young, William Shatner, David Letterman, Steve Martin, Burt Reynolds, Sting, Eric Clapton, Thomas Edison, Peter Jennings, Cher, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Don Imus, Beethoven, Larry King, Bono and The Edge (of U2), and Pete Townshend (of The Who).
       
    14. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chicago
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2011
      I would rather not "cherry pick" various resources, contradicting one opinion against another. I don't think a blanket statement can be made that antidepressants are ototoxic. (You can find any statement supporting any position on the Internet) Based on what I've read, there are actually relatively few drugs that are ototoxic - despite some lists showing hundreds of drugs. I've claimed that metoprolol gave me "T" - but I have some doubts. It could have been the situation I was in, under major stress. It could have been my age,...a little cochlear hair falling out...who knows?

      Joe posted something about Kevin Hogan and his methods for getting rid of tinnitus. Kevin Hogan says that, unless a doctor has tinnitus, they don't "get it". However, using Kevin's methods you need to work with doctors - almost educating them about a treatment plan - which requires getting certain drugs. Drugs are just one part of his program.

      Whether you believe Kevin Hogan or think he's a crock, is another matter. I tend to believe this guy. We live in a cynical society, and, yeah, there are scams out there. I haven't bought his book...yet.

      This is from the Kevin Hogan FAQ's:
       
    15. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chicago
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2011
      This is some information that I "cherry picked" about ototoxic medication, from the "Hearwell" organization (http://www.hearwell.co.nz/resources_tinnitus.php):
      Here's an idea that is fitting into my model of tinnitus: I think tinnitus initiates in one of three ways: 1. The inner ear, 2. neck/brainstem or 3. TMJ. For most of us, it's starts due to a defect in the inner ear, caused by age, ototoxic drugs, loud noise, physical damage. (I think my own is age related hearing loss)

      After a few of these inner hair cells get damaged, we hear "neural noise". This is the phantom limb pain analogy that many tinnitus specialists agree with. Those few damaged inner hair cells can no longer send the sound signal, so our brain "cranks up the gain control", sending only noise in the circuitry.

      Just thinking out loud here, but if a person has a bad experience with Zoloft, the drug may be causing an increase in neural activity/noise. It may not be necessarily ototoxic, damaging the inner ear, but worsening the baseline neural noise in the defective tinnitus circuit. I have read that if anti-depressants make it louder, it will go away if you discountinue the drug.
       
    16. erik
      Breezy

      erik Manager Staff Benefactor

      Location:
      Washington State, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/15/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Most likely hearing loss
      Good conclusions Karl. I agree. I also think there must be some further reasons for good T and bad T days. Why is it low on some days and screaming on others? What are the factors that can overexcite these neurons which makes it worse at times? Is it diet, sleep etc....? Not everyone has fluctuating T for for those of us that do, this is a big mystery: the triggers.
       
    17. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chicago
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2011
      Jamie -
      I'm sorry to be writing this stuff, thinking out loud, on your thread. The intent here is to explain to you, and others who are comtemplating desperate actions, that I believe there are options. You have nothing to lose, and everthing to gain if you can find the right people. These people may be hard to find, but they're out there.

      At the Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit, for example, they are actually doing surgery for really bad cases that fixes the damn problem (see https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/meg-and-mri-scans-used-to-cancel-tinnitus.288/ ) I keep mentioning Kevin Hogan, because he claims to fix severe tinnitus.

      erik -
      From an engineering perspective (I'm an engineer), tinnitus is beginning to come together in my mind as a "system" with components that can malfunction. I have read that you are a software engineer, so you also appreciate the value of understanding how this system might work. It's quite an interesting puzzle, as we suffer through it.
       
    18. carlover
      English

      carlover Member Benefactor

      Location:
      London
      Tinnitus Since:
      1986
      Hi all ,as new member its not good to be pessimistic but the name Kevin Hogan riles me a bit.Im in sales ,his books on that subject are complete BS ,just a mish mash of far greater peoples offerings.Im guessing so is his T book.

      Look forward to chatting with you all.
      Good Luck ,Pete
       

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