Hanging On By A Prayer

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by JoelS, May 19, 2016.

    1. JoelS

      JoelS Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hey all, my name is Joel and I've had Tinnitus now for about 8 years. But the last couple of years it's been on steroids. I've heard quite a few stories since checking out different boards on the web and watching videos of others with tinnitus, and to tell you the truth when I saw my first videos.....it was like...I'm not crazy after all! My T started off years ago as an little nuisance high pitch that would come and go. After a year or so....I guess it just stuck around. I don't really remember the day or month that it never left. However, I do know when it started to get louder...and louder...Spring 2014...It would get so bad at times that I would actually catch myself telling it to "shut up will ya!". Of course anyone around me or in earshot at the time probably gave me the O'l weird side glance....and then sloooowly started waling away...faster.

      I've been rated as having "catastrophic tinnitus" by the Veterans Affairs docs in the US. For awhile, and sometimes still a bit today, I felt VERY isolated with my situation, and miserable and a bit like I was paying for a wrong done. Yet I know the Lord loves me so I always fight back those thoughts......but they come. I've heard how some people have T come and go, and that for them it's usually a single "high pitched sound" or a "buzzing" or "cricket-like". Some even have "wooshing/wispers", clicking, rumbling, humming, whistles, screeches/nails-on-blackboards type. What a variety. The more I read about others with T the more I felt...."normal-ized". My T is an unrelenting unmerciful creature, that I never know just what level of bad mood it's going to be in for the day.

      My T creature is almost always comprised of around 3 high pitch tones, 2 or three mid ranges and a layer of cricket like sounds in the background. A couple of the high pitches take turns being "variable" in their tones while usually only one of the mid tones becomes variable; they like to take turns. The crickets are very, very faithful performers, and at times they invite more of their friends, which makes the layer VERY busy sometimes. The usual; meaning general everyday volume, is always at a 7 or 7.5; although on some very odd and exceedingly unpredictable days of the month (3-4) it's almost like my T creature has some pity on me and calms down to 5.5/6. That's the time when I usually only hear one warbling high tone....but the crickets...well they bring more friends.

      When my T creature "transforms" it turns into an orchestra of VERY, VERY loud Cicadas, which sing like they're on Red Bull or something. During those times; which can come at ANY time of the day, even when I'm sleeping, thinking is a very arduous task. Regularly, I suppose like most, it competes with any conversation I'm having, or reading I'm doing or video I'm watching, etc...So concentrating on ANYTHING for me is a battle and a chore.

      Just recently I've hearing new sounds joining in with the crickets; as if they didn't already have enough company. It sounds like "whispering knives"....I hope some out there can understand what I mean by that. Today my T creature has been a very, very bad creature....keeping its volume at a very steady 9, with the high pitches so loud they almost seem like it could hurt.

      Thankfully..the Lord continues to give me strength to hold on....but sometimes....I just don't want to hold on anymore....I'd rather just be deaf, or make myself deaf somehow...or something....Like today. I believe that stopping in this room was a blessing of sorts, because I just get so very overwhelmed at times and depressed and lonely even around others; if you can understand what I mean, that finding this site and sharing a bit of my T journey.....Well, it meant a whole lot to me right now, and I thank you ALL for taking time to read this if you do, and I thank the people that created this site for doing just that.

      God bless you all...thank you so much again for being patient with me....
    2. billie48

      billie48 Member Benefactor Ambassador Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      not sure
      Welcome to the forum. Sorry about your spiking T. We all have those moments when T just went off the roof. There are many causes that can trigger or aggravate T, hearing loss, drug side effects, TMJ, ear infection, acoustic trauma, elevated stress and anxiety, sleep problem, etc. etc. Do you find anything which have contributed to the increase in the volume? Yes, at difficult time like this, those of us who love the Lord will humble ourselves before God to ask strength and support from the Most High. We can't expect miracle that T will disappear after praying, but we can trust that the Lord is mindful of our suffering and that hopefully things will improve over time. God has mercy on those who are struggling with intrusive T big time. Take care. God bless.

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