Having Real Trouble

Discussion in 'Support' started by Louise, Nov 29, 2012.

tinnitus forum
    1. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Hi, I am in a mess and wanted to hear from anyone who has felt as bad as I do and has then gone on to be ok again.

      I am having constant panic, severe depression and suicidal thoughts. I have tremors and hyperventilation. The doctor has given me an antidepressant (Citalopram).

      I am unable to get out of bed in the morning or do things anymore. I cant think even of the list of chores that need to be done. I am wading through thick mud when I try and do anything. I feel so bad its just not worth living like this. Its a living death.

      Has anyone gone this low because of T and then come back?

      Louise.
       
    2. Chicken

      Chicken Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      October 2011
      Louise,

      It can be really scary, but the best thing to do is to keep busy as much as possible. Try working out somehow, make yourself tired. Also read chick's blog a million times just to get it into your head that it may go away but after a long time. I was a mess for about 10 months. It seems to have settled down a bit. I don't take anything, my treatment with my orthotic has gone by for the year and at least my jaw doesn't pop or crack anymore. But, I do think I still have an issue with my eustachian tubes but I use a saline spray a few times a day. Hang in there.
       
    3. DezDog
      Angry

      DezDog Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2009
      I've been that low. I just wouldn't wish it on anybody, not my worst enemy, it makes me sad that people are living like that. I lost so much weight, cried every day, would look at people and wonder how they could just *go on* as if everything was alright. I'd look at them and wish I was them. It felt like any other set of problems would be preferable. You can only take each day at a time and look for the positives.

      You need to take it a day at a time until the medication takes effect. It takes a few weeks. One day you get through the day without crying. One morning you wake and the feeling of dread isn't there. You're having a wee before you realize you woke up fine. Perhaps you get to work and get the sweats, but you put your headphones on and try to focus. And so on.

      It gets better a tiny bit at a time. Don't expect too much of yourself right now, be kind to yourself. Remember to eat (told you this before!)
       
    4. erik
      Breezy

      erik Manager Staff Benefactor

      Location:
      Washington State, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/15/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Most likely hearing loss
      Yes, Louise I too have been that low. I never thought I would emerge from the dark hole I was in but I did. It took me some time to work myself out of it but it can be done and you CAN and WILL do it. Like Dez says give it a few weeks to let the meds take effect. You will feel much better as time goes on and see that life is worth living. Try to do things as much as possible. At first you will be doing things and thinking about T all the time but eventually, you will be doing things and not thinking about T as much. Go out with a friend, engage in hobbies or learn something you have always wanted to learn, find out about some local events in your area and volunteer. They always need volunteers this time of year. At my lowest point with T, I did some volunteer work and though I didn't necessarily feel better at the time, I now realize it was one of the steps to help get me back to my life. You have us here who care about you and are here for you.
       
    5. Petloy
      Happy

      Petloy Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2012
      Louise, do you still think about the past and what happened to you in the theater? STOP! Let it go, When I stopped blaming myself for not leaving early or using plugs last Sept 7 when I attended church service with amplified music which changed my T I noticed it began to get better. You will get better! We seem to have the same experience and mishaps so Don't give up! Hang in there! We will get through this! Months from now we will post positive comments as well!
       
    6. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      I've lost weight too. So much in 2.5 weeks. I cant eat as my stomach is in knots and I have NO appetite at all. I cannot cook and wouldnt eat at all if a friend didnt take me out to the local pub to eat every day. I have to *drag* myself out of bed and out of the house. I lost my job and havent worked for the last 3 weeks. I cannot envisage working again.

      I identify with what you say about looking at other people and wishing you were them. I watch TV and look at people on there and wish I was them.

      I dont understand how people can habituate this. It must depend on the type of noise or volume, must do. My noise MOVES. Its like whips of sound going up and down.

      I am forcing myself to eat DD, and its actually hard. I've always had a massive appetite and jsut cant believe this.
       
    7. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Erik, how did you get yourself out of that hole? I feel incapable of doing anything. At night I dread the next morning as I know how Im going to feel. I just do not want to get up to another day in the morning. I honestly am not able to do anything, volunteering etc. I can hardly get myself together to go out anywhere. I have to have someone with me now to go out too as I am on the verge of panic all the time.

      I've found that I am thinking about T ALL the time. Even if I'm somewhere I cant hear it. Im upset that I've got it. Do you know what I mean? There is not one minute now when I dont think about it. I really thing I'm losing my mind.

      Thanks everyone for being here for me, like Erik says.
       
    8. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Yes, I do think about the theatre but much more than that I think about that night it happened before the theatre, the night I watched the rock band. I KNEW the band was too loud and I was literally a heartbeat away from moving away to the back of the room. I could easily have done it but didnt. I told myself it would be ok. I told myself I was just being too sensitive as usual and I stayed there AGAINST my better judgement. I cant get over that. I had the conversation with myself about moving away, but I didnt do it. How can I get over that? How?
       
    9. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Do people have an opinion on what are the best meds? I couldve had anything really. I couldve had Sertraline (Zoloft) but the doc preferred Citalopram as he said Sertraline makes you drowsy.

      What do people think about the ototoxicity of these meds?
       
    10. Petloy
      Happy

      Petloy Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2012
      Louise, What I did is I wrote myself a letter...I literally forgave myself, I'll read it when I feel the thoughts of my past mistakes creeping up on me...I also wrote down the things that are important to me, my wife, my son, my family and I will look at their pictures and would call them or talk to them...I would cry often in the arms of my wife and it was cathartic, before I know it I was out of the hole of blaming myself. Give your medication a chance to set in, I hope this helps. and I try to stay busy a lot, exercise would help it releases endorphins which helps to alleviate depression.

      Lastly, just send us a PM if you feel you need to vent anytime!
       
    11. click
      Busy

      click Member Benefactor

      Location:
      West Cornwall, England, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/04/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not sure


      Hi Louise,

      Pretty sure I'm repeating what you already know... so please forgive the repetition!

      Back in April I couldn't think straight and just the simplest of tasks was like pushing through a thick fudge like substance. And anyway - I didn't want to do them. I didn't care about anything except tinnitus. All that mattered was that the T went away. That I could find out what caused it. That someone could tell me that it would go. And nobody could.

      The blank stares from the GP were awful but the worst thing of all was my neighbour. She said she hadn't seen me for a while when I took the wheelie bin down the garden & I told her about the T... & she said (in a thick Cornish accent) " Oh dear... you don't want to go down that road. How awful".

      She was being sympathetic but her words still resonate when I think about them. They still hurt. I didn't know it at the time but I was in shock. In shock because I suddenly had this life changing thing happening to me... and here was someone, who'd had cancer and got through it, basically telling me that she wouldn't want to go down the road that I was apparently travelling down. I didn't go out for 3 days after that. I just kept hearing that phrase, over and over, obsessing about the fact that she was 80 odd years old and the thought of having tinnitus was something she wouldn't be able to bear.

      I didn't know how I'd ever even talk normally to people again. I was positive that I wouldn't be able to continue running my company. How the hell could I... I couldn't even sleep (I literally wandered around all night not knowing what to do) let alone write some software! I was petrified because I had something that I was positive would ruin my life.

      I really did have to force myself to do things - I too stayed with my friend and every time she left me, even for a few minutes, I panicked. I knew it was daft but I couldn't do anything about it. She slept beside me on the floor and if she went to the loo in the middle of the night I was so scared to be alone that I literally shook. There was absolutely nothing I could do to change this. I had no control over how I felt. And I think that is how you're feeling right now.

      Mine moves too. 'Whips' are a good description. It darts, it screeches, it buzzes and it changes position. It annoyed the hell out of me every minute of every day for the first few months. Even though it sometimes went away it still had a hold over me because I waited for it to come back and when it did the sense of disappointment was unbearable. Habituation is so hard when the T goes away completely and comes back.

      I still have days when it annoys the hell out of me. But the panicking is down to perhaps just a few minutes each week - far and few between. I no longer need someone sleeping on the floor beside me even though every morning it's back regardless of what the night before was like. Screeching through my head. Reminding me that I'm not the person that I used to be.

      I really do believe that it's time that changes us. I know we're supposed to have the 'right attitude' and that 'our reaction' is supposed to be the biggest problem. This may be true but I wasn't able to change my attitude or reaction just by being told that it's what I should do.

      I think it's just time. Lots of time. Just getting used to the fact that I am not the same person anymore. That I have this thing and that I have to cope with it - somehow. I've read the Jastreboff book four times now. From cover to cover. During the early days when I read it I hung on every word. I tried so hard to do the things it said were 'correct'. Don't mask it - make sure your brain can still hear it... don't panic etc etc. But I really don't think it helped that much.

      Reading that people do get this and it does go away for them really helped me. It doesn't matter what the cause was - many people get this and it goes whether they listened to music by standing right next to the speaker or just have hearing loss or stress. I know this for a fact. It is on the Internet but I have also spoken to people who know people who have had it - really bad T - and it has gone away. It takes so long ( a couple of years isn't unusual) and because it isn't a steady improvement it's difficult to even tell if it really is getting better. Mine really is more distant now and I have very, very few 'bad' days but I live in hope that it will go away completely. For me this helps far more than 'acceptance'. Nobody can tell me why I got T and nobody can tell me that it won't eventually go away.... so I'm going to go on believing that it will go - it might take a couple of years.. but it will go.

      I just have to hang on in there until it does... and so do you. Because yours may go eventually. Nobody here can tell you that it won't because they don't know. So it might. Just hang in there. Be incredibly kind to yourself and do/take whatever helps.

      Nearly 8 months into T and I'm running my company again in almost the same way as I was before. I'm not doing 16 hour days anymore and I haven't done an 'all nighter' for ages - but I'm still playing with code and it's still just as much fun as it always was. I'm doing all those things that I was convinced I would never do again. I'm positive that you will too.

      take care you xxx

      ps. did you do any more about a hearing aid? It will be my first call if mine gets worse again...

      pps. I still look at people I don't know and think ... you don't have tinnitus. I don't wish I was them but it still goes through my mind that they don't have to cope with this... weird.
       
    12. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chicago
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2011
      Louise -
      Having read your posts, I know how intelligent you are. Keep in mind what LisaWalker says, "It's your REACTION to it".

      We don't have much control over the fight-or-flight syndrome, because it acts on our subconsious level. You've gotta hang on to the roller coaster until it stops. All of this takes time. These antidepressants take a while to kick in. They will help you get sleep. Lack of sleep is a major factor that I had at first.

      If you live in the U.K. and are near London, there is an excellent tinnitus clinic, the Tinnitus and Hyperacusis Centre in London, run by the Dr. Jonathan Haskall. If you can findTRT conselors like that, seek these people out. They know how to bring you back. It's doable.
       
    13. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Thanks for your words Jane. I will try to hang in there and let time help. I really identify with the 'not the same person anymore' and 'life-changing' parts of your message. Thats exactly how I feel. I dont know how people can control their reaction to this. Stronger people than I am.
       
    14. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      I've read about the reaction to it and that its our feeling about it that cause the problem but I dont know how people change this. How do people change it? What does Jastreboff say to do? I have the book but am not in a state where I could read it at the moment.

      The anti-depressants I have list 'very common side effects (occurs in more than 1 in 10 people)' as: sleepiness, difficulty sleeping, agitation, nervousness.

      That last thing I want is those last 3. Think I'll have to go back to the doctor.

      I dont live in London (I'm 200 miles north). But even if I did I cant afford the sessions. It should be available on the NHS :(
       
    15. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chicago
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2011
      Louise -
      I assume that you've read "Harry Potter". I especially liked the first book. In order to get into that book you need to have a "willing suspension of disbelief". You need to temporary allow yourself to believe in wizards.

      People can also be skeptical of TRT. I myself have some questions. When Jastreboff says the noise level is irrelevant, it's tough to swallow. I am reading Jastreboff with a "willing suspension of disbelief" on a few points. It's in my best interest to do so. He's the expert.

      We can talk ourselves out of the idea of success, even before we start. Sometime we can be so careful to find just the right cure, examining so many "What If?" scenarios, that we can undermine our efforts to get well. It's like tying a boat to the dock, examining the map, and never sailing.

      You're in the freak out stage. I was too at first. My blood pressure was going through the roof. I couldn't sleep. Then I saw my psychiatrist. After that I was able to sleep. My blood pressure went down. Now I have a blood pressure monitor sitting next to my bed I haven't used for a year.

      After that came my education about what tinnitus is. If we are ignorant about what is causing the sound, we freak out. If we understand what is causing the sound, we start to get in control of our bodies. Gaining an understanding of the mechanics of tinnitus is how we can demystify it. The better we understand it, allows us to calm down our subconcious reaction.
       
    16. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Thanks Karl.

      Is the 'freak out' a stage? What stage comes after that?

      About what's causing the sound, I have read/heard several things now:
      1. The neurons that were mapped to the hearing loss area have started mis-firing and bunched up together and started mis-firing synchronously and this is the T noise.
      2. The neurons that were mapped to the hearing loss area have got nothing to do now and so have gone over to the nearest frequencies next to them thus strengthening the hearing in those frequencies which is the T noise.
      3. The normal filters which protect us from hearing any inner ear noises have been reduced in the hearing loss area by the brain in an attempt to make us hear better but this has made it possible for us to hear the normal background activity and this is the T sound.
      4. Excess Glutamate production by the inner ear which results in excitotoxicity of the neurons so they are firing to much and this is the T noise.
      5. Misfiring of the Nerve of hearing (dont know which bit or why it would mis-fire, perhaps this means the same things are 1 & 2).

      Can you shed any light on what you've read is the cause?
       
    17. click
      Busy

      click Member Benefactor

      Location:
      West Cornwall, England, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/04/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not sure

      This must be my problem. I haven't got and cannot ever summon up a 'willing suspension of disbelief'. I hate Harry Potter books. I think they're just plain daft... oh dear.

      Perhaps this is why I have to listen for my T all the time.

      I do agree with you though Karl. The power of positive thought is incredible. I do have that.. even though I'll never be able to believe in wizards . And understanding that T isn't going to hurt us, that it's just us hearing the brain etc. - that really does help to stop the freaking out.

      Do you really have your own psychiatrist? It's pretty unusual in the UK.
       
    18. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chicago
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2011
      Louise -
      There is NO CENSENSUS about what is the cause of tinnitus. But, beyond that, they know that we can make tinnitus an insignfican part of our lives.

      (Click -
      I liked the first 2 books of Harry Potter. The rest were tough to get through. But I had to keep up with my kids at the time. Never got to the last book.)

      Here are some important figures from TRT book:
      This first one shows how the vicious cycle gets going.




      Fig1.JPG
      This next one shows how to fix the cycle, by not reacting to it....
      Fig2.JPG
      This last one shows how my masking or sound enrichment, the relative sound of tinnitus can be decreased:
      Fig3.JPG
       
    19. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Thanks Karl. Not sure I understand those diagrams that well, especially about how to remove the reinforcement & reaction. I mean how do you?

      Which of the theories do you go with? Which one makes a person feel 'Ah, this is just normal activity I can hear, no need to be upset'?
       
    20. Karl

      Karl Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Chicago
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2011
      Today the firm where I have worked the past 23 years may have gone out of business. We are hanging by our toenails. There is no more money for payroll next week. Now I'm on to "Plan B".

      I am a structural engineer, and I' ve worked at a major AE firm. My position was the "structural technical director". I've designed major structures in, some of them famous, everywhere you look. Lots of bridges and buildings.

      Last year, we were targeted by a down state politician who didn't like us, saying that we made auditing mistakes, calling us crooks. We became a political target, with false stories fed to the "gossip" papers. We had a hearing where the judge found us not-guilty. However, this politician didn't like that ruling, and like Stalin he condemned us to a 3 year suspension that killed our business. It was a death sentence. We went from a 150 employess to 25 in 6 months. Today the money ran out. I never thought I would see this day.

      The firm designed major construction for 45 years, which is not an easy thing to do. You can't do this type of engineering by being a hack. And yet, one person in the state weilded so much power, he was judge, jury and executioner. He used newspapers and television to smear our name. Just a few reporters supported us, but then it became old news. A lot of people in the firm who have loans may go bankrupt. Fortunately, I'm not one of them.

      That's the world we live in. There are a lot of contentious assholes out there can abuse their power. Some of them have no concept of the difficulty of engineering structures - to them it's like digging a hole, I suppose. I never thought that I would see this happen. It sucks.

      I just wanted to write this, because I think it's over. The public doesn't really get the truth, because we need to be careful about what we say. On a World tinnitus site, this must sound so foreign, without using names, but it sucks. I've wanted to get this story out of me. This seems to be a safe place to express my feelings without being too specific...Perhaps it will backfire on me. I hope not.

      This has caused me a lot of stress.

      -----
      So back to tinnitus: I'm "OK". It's not spiking or anything. This book that I'm reading is very helpful. However, it cautions about people getting information over the Internet.

      I've been addicted to writing on this website. It helps me to try and figure out what is the cause of tinnitus. Louise, you are a lot like me, I can tell. But I think you're still in the inital freak out stage. The TRT book that I'm reading cautions about taking benzos for long term. I've been taking 1/4 of a pill, and I will probably stop. The TRT book also says that benzos can cloud a person's thinking, which is counterproductive toward getting habituated.

      I don't think it does much good asking me what I think is "The Cause" in terms of physiology. It may not matter in so far as helping one habituate. Some people who are religious may think that God has something to do with it, whereas others think in terms of biology. I fall into the latter group, always the scientist. The TRT book says that many tinnitus sufferers go through elaborate lengths to find a cure, going to as many as 30 ENT doctors.

      The best advice I say to you is, try to find a TRT therapist. I would assume that in Britain there may be many more resources to help people with tinnitus and hearing problems. In the States, we are still fighting about the Health Care Law.

      For me, I've got to find a new job. I may not be writing much on this website in the near future! I have found this website to be very informative. But use advice with caution.
       
    21. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Thats really bad Karl. It sounds so unfair. Glad you got it out of you if it helps.Good luck with the job search.

      I just want a definition of the mechanism that's causing this noise for me to hang my hat on. Then I can stop thinking about it and say 'Ah, that's what its doing'. Although I doubt I could stop thinking about it but it might make it easier.
      I'm really at the end of my tether, cant even be bothered to write anything properly. I cant work because of the panic and now I dont think the welfare will pay me anything as I've been self-employed. Looks like I'll be losing the house soon and there's no equity in it so no money there either. Its pretty desperate. Sorry, I shouldnt really write that stuff.
       
    22. click
      Busy

      click Member Benefactor

      Location:
      West Cornwall, England, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/04/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not sure
      Good luck Karl - really hope you manage to find another position quickly.

      And if you don't manage to post on the forum in the future.. thank you so much for everything that you have written here. Even when I don't agree with you... it still gives me more to think about... a different perspective... so it still helps in the battle against T!

      Jane
       
    23. click
      Busy

      click Member Benefactor

      Location:
      West Cornwall, England, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/04/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not sure

      During the first few months of T I actually envisaged what it would be like to live in a small council flat - I was positive that this was what would happen because of T & me believing that I wouldn't be able to work anymore. I actually decided that I wouldn't care. Somewhere on here someone asked for preferences 'winning the pools or getting rid of T'. For me it's a no-brainer... getting rid of the T is worth more than any money. I just wish we had that choice!

      Really hope that in a few weeks you'll feel stronger and will be able to go for another contract Louise.
      x
       
    24. Molan
      No Mood

      Molan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2005
      Karl I'm really sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I really hope somehow you can find your way out of this situation. I wanted to say if you are not able to write as much here on the future thank for all your contributions. I have enjoyed reading your posts.

      To Louise I hope also that you too will find a way to help yourself through this.
       
    25. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Thanks Jane & Molan.
       
    26. erik
      Breezy

      erik Manager Staff Benefactor

      Location:
      Washington State, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/15/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Most likely hearing loss
      Karl, I wish you the best luck in finding a job and I thank you for all your contributions here. I hope you can find time stay but I understand that you need to take care of you and your family first.

      Louise, the best thing you can do is get your anxiety and depression under control and slowly work up to getting back to doing the things you did before T. Take it day by day and week by week. Progress is slow but steady. You will get there.
       
    27. DezDog
      Angry

      DezDog Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2009
      Karl, I'm really sorry to hear your news. I hope you're able to move onto something more positive, and soon. I'm glad you shared it with us.
      DD
       
    28. DezDog
      Angry

      DezDog Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2009
      Louise, you've got to believe you're going to be OK. I have to confess though, that I really didn't believe I would get better. My wife told me every day that I would be OK, that it was just a blip. I still hear my noise, but I just don't care about it any more. Not caring about it makes it so that you can go a whole day without noticing it, and when you do, it's just annoying, not frightening. Not caring about it makes it quieter too; this is something you can look forward to. You've got a future, please believe it.
      DD
       
    29. Louise

      Louise Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Yorkshire, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      29/06/2012
      Thanks DD. Its very hard to see that from here. Good to know that its possible to not care. How did you get to that point, do you have any tips?
       
    30. DezDog
      Angry

      DezDog Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2009
      I was restarting antidepressants, and knew that it would take a few weeks to kick in; I figured around 6-8 weeks. So, I had my hopes pinned on this magic day when they'd be effective.

      I had an appointment with a hearing specialist. Up to that point I'd been *convinced* I'd damaged my hearing playing in my band at a series of loud gigs. The specialist showed me my hearing was undamaged. This was the key to recovery for me; I *knew* without doubt then that it was "all in my mind". Work-stress (multiple projects, with no help), plus a niggling feeling that I needed ear protection while playing, had mated one terrible night and ignited into kill-myself anxiety and inescapable tinnitus.

      So, I went back to the band and started rehearsals again with my earplugs jammed in tight, measuring the sound. It was a horrible night, very stressful, but it was important because I'd started going back to the things that belonged to my "former" life, and was rejecting the victim status. I went back to work, listening to Jim's tracks in the day to get some distraction. I was useless at work, but I did manage to implement a new feature (I'm a developer). I met some friends for drinks, went to a quiz night, and started noticing how I was becoming more easily distracted from the noise. Up until that point, it was a constant endless stream of testing myself and thinking about the noise, with no relief, exhausting and maddening, and fear that I was really going to end up insane, jobless, unable to support my family.

      So - tips. I don't know. I think it's because I took action; I made sure my GP got me on medication for the anxiety; they declared it was a symptom of depression and I didn't argue. I got my ears checked out, and faced whatever they were going to tell me. Luckily that killed one of my fears, that I'd damaged myself. From then on I started claiming back my previous life, despite being scared to do each of those things.

      Writing all this has spiked my T, but I know it's because we're talking about it, but I also don't care. I'm going to drink my tea, and get the xmas decorations out of the loft, and then muck about with some development.

      Get your laptop out and go read reddit.com/r/programming, and find some cool programming stuff to browse. Play one of Jim's water tracks, softly, while you do it. Do this and pat yourself on the back, because you're facing the right direction (upwards, not downwards).

      DD
       

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If you have ringing ears then you've come to the right place. We are a friendly tinnitus support board, dedicated to helping you discuss and understand what tinnitus treatments may work for you.