How Long Does It Take to Not Wanna Die?

Discussion in 'Support' started by Gigiwantstosleep, Aug 20, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. Gigiwantstosleep

      Gigiwantstosleep Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1/1/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Im an idiot
      I've had it for 8 months and my brain is not ignoring it any better so how long did it take for you guys to stop crying yourself to sleep or to not be exhausted from living or maybe that's just me.

      Damn I didn't even know this was a thing and I wish I could go back and time and just sit in sweet beautiful silence. Oh what I would give that would be amazing.

      Also all my friend are a bunch of assholes who just think I'm dramatic but maybe I am. So that's fair.

      Also all doctors are idiots and just tell me to "relax and it will go away". Like why am I am I paying you to tell me what my mom said.

      I hate everyone.

      But mostly myself.
       
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    2. PaulBe

      PaulBe Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Cairns
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably sound, though never proven
      Your story is nearly everyone's story here to some extent. It will go away when you are ready to send it away. I probably took a year and a half. You don't actually want to die though, you do want to escape the situation you are in, and at this time dying seems to offer the only possibility of doing that, which is not quite the same as wanting to die.
       
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    3. Marie79

      Marie79 Member

      Location:
      USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      2/1/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      How do you do it? "go away when you are ready to send it away"
       
    4. Mricha37

      Mricha37 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Car subwoofers for 6 years
      Grit it out, get new friends, and just keep busy. Takes about a year to 2 years for reality to sink in. If you start feeling like crap, YouTube people's stories on their chronic illnesses and physical injuries like being paralyzed....by comparison, this isn't that bad. In life, you're not guaranteed perfect health.

      Since my T. I have better health, better friends, and just a more blessed outlook on life.
       
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    5. BobDigi
      Kick ass

      BobDigi Member

      Location:
      UK, Fareham
      Tinnitus Since:
      5.6.14
      My friends were useless too. But so was my wife.
      In fact everyone was pretty useless. My family cared, but there wasn't much they could do to help.
      Because it's something only you can hear you are alone in dealing with it. But you have everyone here. And maybe you could find someone else that has it? Most people are happy to help with a problem they've had to overcome.
       
    6. Philip

      Philip Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2013
      12 to 18 months for it to become bearable.

      Near two years before its no longer the most important issue in your life.

      But that's if your tinnitus does not continue to get worse or you're not already somebody with a low threshold for mental disease.

      I'm 3.5 years in now. It hasn't gotten better or worse I just deal with it in a more healthy fashion.

      Nearly a year into havig tinnitus in my left ear, the right one started getting an on and off objective tremor that was very difficult to mask. That was the proverbial kick in face after finally feeling I could live okayishly with T.

      But just when I thought I was out! It pulled me back in.!...

      Shit I sleep on my tinnitus side now and try mask the tremor by leaving that exposed to the masking app.

      The greatest psychological breakthrough for me personally was totally giving up all hope of being cured.

      That killed me mentally more than anything else.

      Clinging on to that nagging hope that used to send me into panic attacks when I heard there was some obscure bullshit amino-acid type rubbish that would have cured me if I had of taken it in the first ear.

      I had more health supps than Boots. All they gave me was acne lol.

      Be strong and keep on keeping on.
       
    7. PaulBe

      PaulBe Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Cairns
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably sound, though never proven
      I can't really answer you in a way that I know would help you, but for me it just seems to have gradually faded (self-harm, not T&H, which belts along as ever). I didn't really get better, but I did eventually get tired of my own misery, and to go on I had to create new things in my life, and let go of what I couldn't have anymore, silence being just one of those things. I guess my interest in life slowly rekindled itself. I must say that the greatest trauma for me, apart from having to walk away from a promising music career, was the Medical callousness. In the early days that drove me toward self-harm more than any other aspect of this whole business. It made me bitter and angry, and I turned my anger inward because it had no-where else to go at the time. I've had to stop being so angry about it all, and that I think has been important. But time...its all about time, and that is inescapable.

      And I still get angry every time a Doctor plays God with me. Sometimes job-threateningly so.
       
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    8. PaulBe

      PaulBe Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Cairns
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably sound, though never proven
      Oh, and Gigi? You're not an idiot.
       
    9. Philip

      Philip Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2013
      Many doctors don't have an answer for what ails us however they don't wanna look stupid in front of us paupers.

      So they prescribe meds that a lot of the time they shouldn't.


      There are many great doctors but also complete assholes.

      One or two actually recommended grommets for tinnitus! Just for fun like.

      No proven track record in stopping tinnitus and quite a big chance of increasing it.

      But hey it looks like an answer, they still appear as the master of the universe with all the solutions.
       
    10. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      avoid loud noises but otherwise absolutely force yourself to lead the same life you would have otherwise.

      your life has changed; if you wait for it to go back to what it used to be, you'll wait forever. It can still be rich and fulfilling and exciting.
       
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    11. Madi H

      Madi H Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      Feb 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unsure, probably headphones
      Well for me it took me connecting with someone close to me and going out and seeing new things. I keep a journal where I write down every good day and every bad day. The good days because they are possible. The bad days because it's a good reminder. Get distracted. I eat frozen yogurt when I'm down or I ask my mom if we can go for a drive until I feel better. Sometimes I just cry. it's perfectly fine to just cry.
       
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    12. Raphael7713
      Alone

      Raphael7713 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      14 januaru 2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      I'm almost two weeks into my T and feel a lot better. It's not mega sound and is only hearable during nights, but the first week still broke me down HARD! Today is the first day I will sleep without sleeping pills for five-six days. If I can manage to start sleeping on my own I would say my life is almost back at normal. My only fear is the T getting louder when I'm getting older cause I'm still fairly young (27). And I still have an ENT appointment to look forward to so there is MAYBE some hope for me. But like everyone keeps saying, time WILL heal. Our brain are fantastic and it just needs some time to get used to things. But of course I hope we all get cured from this shit some day soon :)
       
    13. SilverSpiral
      Sad

      SilverSpiral Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      ACOUSTIC TRAUMA
      Longer than 10 months for me apparently.
       
    14. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      karma
      hours to years to never, I'd say. but never is pretty unusual
       
    15. buzztone

      buzztone Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      The process is going to be different for everyone. When I got extremely thick and numerous floaters in both eyes suddenly (had them checked out; my eyes are OK, it's just one of those things) - it took me about three years to get used to the idea of their permanency, that I would never experience clear vision ever again. I held onto those memories of clear vision for a long time. They were the ball on my chain.

      T has the same kind of effect, only in an auditory sense. I've only had T for a couple of months (started with a wobbly tremor after wearing not-too-loud-headphones and spiked into a full blown sine wave after a nasty infection in late December). But I suspect the process is kind of similar. It doesn't get better, but you just stop panicking. Your neurons get used to firing in the direction. Even when I felt I was psychologically ready to get used to it, my body hadn't caught up.

      But unless you find something in your life to keep your excited, diverted, or occupied, this process is going to much harder. And depression can make that really, really hard. Tinnitus = depression = hard time engaging = hard time habituating. It's a vicious cycle.
       
    16. Alue

      Alue Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      I think a lot of it depends on how loud it is and if it comes with other accompanying symptoms like hyperacusis and reactive tinnitus. I'm 13 months in and not there yet. I'm fairly certain that if I could only hear it in quiet places and did not have hyperacusis I wouldn't even care by now.
       
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    17. PaulBe

      PaulBe Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Cairns
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably sound, though never proven
      Its true isn't it. Once you add hyperacusis into the mix, then simply having tinnitus alone starts to seem like the better deal.
       
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    18. I who love music
      Cheerful

      I who love music Member

      Location:
      Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      mid seventies
      Some of my friends and family made fun of me when I talked about T. Doctors made me mad too.
      Hey, I had T for a LONG time til I finally learned how to cope with it and shut it up, try this..https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/
       
    19. Lex
      Mellow

      Lex Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Location:
      Southeast Asia
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Bad decisions
      Now into the six month with gradual worsening of H (and T I think but I'm not sure), and I still wish I'm no longer around.

      If I got a terminal illness six months ago, I'd be most likely six feet under by now and no longer suffering.
       
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    20. Ludvik

      Ludvik Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      23/11/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear Infection + Noise Induced
      Yeah it's funny to think how much I freaked out back when mine first started - even though it was super mild and I could only hear it in quiet places. Now I wish it would go back to that level, I could definitely handle that.
       
    21. slipware
      Bookworm

      slipware Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      I've had it for 5 years. I've never got used to it, never habituated and it's reactive, and loud. But - I do most of the things I ever did, try not to let it get me down. Mine wasn't acoustic trauma, but a TIA, so nothing I did caused it, it's just fate....
       
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    22. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Is trobalt not helping you anymore?
       
    23. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Well I need to let off steam today, so my perspective:
      One year in and still I would be glad not to wake up one morning.
      Interestingly I have had 2 weeks of good enough until this tuesday. Sunday I can remember to have said to my girlfriend what a great day. No kidding! We were skiing and my T was bearable.

      Since three days its now annoying again to a level were I'm suicidal.
      I hate this so much and it's so much not me.

      I doubt I will ever get stable again with this madness in my head.

      Always when I stabilize and get a tiny bit of hope, T comes back with full force.

      All I tried failed so far.

      Too many days are just survival.

      Its just frustrating!
       
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    24. dgray

      dgray Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Virginia
      Tinnitus Since:
      July 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown, High Frequency Hearing Loss
      My friend: Please just have hope that you will find a way to put it to the back of your mind. I too am struggling with this for what it is worth is why I am taking the time to reach out to you. So Many people habituate to high pitched, extremely loud tinnitus which is why I have hope and you can too. I pray to Jesus daily for strength and peace. I just prayed for you. -
       
    25. VRZ78

      VRZ78 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      infection
      Did you try Saffron ? Seems to help with head T
       
    26. AWilson32

      AWilson32 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Earphone use
      I can relate. For the last six months my T was stable and to the back of my mind. I was getting regular sleep and no spikes.

      That was until this week when the noise shot up and I came down with a severe tension headache. My sleep has been affected, my mood has been low and I hate getting up in the morning to face another day of this crap.

      I saw my GP this morning and he offered nothing for my poor sleep and stress.

      I hope my T can come down to baseline and I can get back into my routine.
       
    27. Rubenslash

      Rubenslash Member

      Location:
      Brussels
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ototoxicity
      First I had T I could only hear in quiet places and tbh I maybe thought once every month about that T, didn't bother me at all. Some others are depressive when they have this kind of T. It really depends on personality and of course volume, as my loud T now is a whole other monster to cope with.
       
    28. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Not yet. But I guess I will.

      Currently I try Amitriptylin since this week and I'm freaking out to make it worse.

      Before I took lowdose of Remeron for sleep which worked well for that. But it had no positive effect on T.

      I can not say it has never been that worse like today. But it's just shocking again and again when it gets so bad.
       
    29. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Actually my general perspective of life has become spoiled by this disease.
      It seems so perfectly constructed to bother you in the most possible way.

      Before t I was highly sceptical about life but still I was good with it. Humanist mixed with existencialist in some way.

      Now I'm full bitterness. Other people can not understand and seem to be an alien race sometimes.

      Life seems not only pointless but cruel. It brought to this world never asking you about it. Instead it goves you an very high instinct not to leave this world deliberatly again.
      What a sarcasm.
      Its all plain thermodynamics.

      It sad to feel yourself becoming bitter.
      I feel almost guilty for it :(
       
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    30. jacob21
      Amazed

      jacob21 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2008 > 2009 "cured" >2nd onset June 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induce ( loud music )
      In 2008 when I have my 1st onset it took me 14 month to find a solution to cope and get my life back . The best things who helped me at this time was hearing aids widex with small amount of amplifier on high freuquency + a soft white noise background
      This was a miracle for me for 6 years !! . I really recommend to some of you to try those new generation of hearings aids .

      Unfortunately last June my T increase and frequency change to higher frequency ( between 8 and 10 khz ) . Non maskable anymore . Now I always need to listen some weird sounds 24/7 like crickets ,shower , white noise , serenade etc.. to give some partial relief. I hope with time I ( we ) ll be able to come back to a manageable based line .
       
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