I Feel Like Crap...

Discussion in 'Support' started by Keith D Mitchell, Dec 15, 2015.

tinnitus forum
    1. Keith D Mitchell
      Worried

      Keith D Mitchell Member

      Location:
      Claymont, Delaware, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/20/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No Idea
      And not just due to the "T" and the ear popping. I recently had a heart to heart with my wife about this who ordeal as she was tired of me complaining and bitching about it all. I finally used the "you don't know how I feel or how this shit is bothering me" card and to my surprise she responded by yes she does. She went on to talk about the sounds in her ear and how she's had them, which was way longer than we've been together. And we've been together for 16, married for 14 and I've never heard her mention this or complain about it once. I knew she has issues with migraines, to which I've bitched at her about going to the doctors (She never goes) but never the "T".

      I wouldn't have believer her except she was right on the money about the sounds and she basically tells me she doesn't focus on them and she's fine. I've been probing but stopped as I didn't want her to start recalling it, though she tells me from time to time she hears it. The signs were there through, like leaving the tv on at night, never being completely silent at home when she's alone, etc.

      Here I am, bitching and crying, while my love of my life is strong willed and doesn't like small stuff bother here. My respect meter just went up that much higher for her. Now if only I could be like her vs being so anal and detail oriented and stressed the hell out.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    2. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      I don't think it's got anything to do with being strong willed, it's all about the volume and pitch.
      If you had what she has maybe you wouldn't complain either.
      I doubt she has it bad, severe tinnitus is not easy to live with!
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    3. Telis

      Telis Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Calgary
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      Yeah I agree, all T is not the same, people like to generalize, especially those that have T. I had regular T to start with as well, it's not a big deal I agree, but it can get bad, I'm not sure why this is so confusing for so many people.
       
    4. DebInAustralia

      DebInAustralia Member Benefactor Team Research

      Location:
      Geelong, Victoria
      Tinnitus Since:
      30/12/13
      ive lived with chronic pain all of my adult life. some days are worse than others, and yet, ive never mentioned this to my loved ones. Why? because on the whole, I have learnt to live with it. I think its the same for your wife. She has habituated to her t, so why talk about something that isn't an issue for her?
       
    5. Sailboardman
      Frustrated

      Sailboardman Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/21/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Sensorineural hearing loss right ear.
      If you can hear your T over just about everything in the natural world, you have it bad! I have to live in that Hell everyday. There is a difference, between pussycat T and Tiger T.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
      • Like Like x 1
    6. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      Telis it's seriously beyond me why are we still debating about this???
      This is like comparing a dull headache with debilitating 24/7 migraine!
      What on earth is so hard to "comprehend" here???!!!
      Is it possible that people can be so ignorant???
       
    7. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      Hell yes!!!
      And anyone telling you differently has never experienced Tiger Tinnitus!
       
    8. glynis-harbron
      Feminine

      glynis-harbron Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      England, Stoke-on-Trent
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      Hi Keith,
      Your tinnitus is troubling you and don't feel guilty about it as you need support and understanding.
      Your wife seems to be ok with her sound and hope one day you will be too.
      Keep posting on here for support too.....lots of love glynis
       
    9. walkthroughwalls

      walkthroughwalls Member

      Location:
      The Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      possibly noise
      It's nice for your wife that she can live with it :)

      I don't think there's a need to compare, though. If it's hard for you, then that's very real. That someone else deals with it (if it's even the same sounds at all) differently doesn't make it better for you.

      I think the way out of this t-thing is accept the reality of it, look at what options you have, and make the best of it. Hopefully with the support of others. Ignoring the problem or forcing your way through it ('manning up' or whatever you want to call it) probably won't help.

      Staying calm is half of the battle, and stressing over that someone else stays calmer probably won't help either.
      If fact there's probably always someone doing something better than you, and always someone doing something worse. It doesn't matter... How are you doing?
       
      • Like Like x 1
    10. dboy
      Jaded

      dboy Member Benefactor

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/2007 & 8/2013
      Yeah, of course t varies in severity, but I think the OP was just expressing humility and admiration for his wife's ability to cope. If she still wants the TV on at night after living with t for over sixteen years then I'd guess her t is not completely insignificant.

      I do think our personalities have some influence on ability to cope, as Keith was saying. I think I'm like Keith... my personality sometimes makes it harder for me to cope well, although I'm making no claim that my t is the worst ever.

      @Keith D Mitchell, your ability to cope will improve, and maybe your wife having t as well is an opportunity to get support from each other. Reading between the lines of what you say it seems her t might still bother your wife sometimes but that she is maybe used to feeling that she shouldn't talk about it? People without t often fail to understand, so those of us with it learn to keep it to ourselves a lot of the time. Maybe your wife has taken this very much to heart and is now expecting the same of you. Opening up about it could perhaps be good for you both if you can find a way to talk about it that works for her? I wouldn't push that, just give it time and opportunities.
       
    11. Andersson
      Worried

      Andersson Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2012
      Loudness is a factor yes. But how much the person is bothered by it is the major factor.

      When i got my T 2012 i heard it over everything, including shower on my scalp. When i learned to cope with it i still heard it when i focused on it. But i never heard it in my daily life because i got used to itm
      Now i am in a spike and i am back to 2012. I hear it over everything because i can only focus on it and that makes it even louder.

      You can never messure T. It is impossible. Yes someone that got it recent and only hear it when they really listen to it got a mild t.
       
    12. carlover
      English

      carlover Member Benefactor

      Location:
      London
      Tinnitus Since:
      1986
      mmmmm Volume ,Tone and does it give your ears Pressure.....if I was where I was 5 years ago I wouldnt even be on this Forum ,yes I had sought treatments every now and again over the years for my T well before those 5 years but it was doable...im in a lot of daily trouble with this thing now
       

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