I Miss Silence

I miss how I could just relax on the sofa or bed and hear nothing at all. The absolute quiet that filled the room with only the wind slightly hitting the window. Or, a day outside after a fresh snowfall and how crisp the air was that you believe you could hear a pin drop from miles away. I miss laying in the grass at the park and hearing nothing but the soft chirps of the birds in the trees. Sorry, I just had to vent.

 

Welcome to TT @Ears Hurt . Don't have to feel sorry. Ranting here is expected after dealing with the frustration and suffering of T alone all this times. So feel free to express yourself.

I know what you mean about wanting silence. That was how I felt too when T just woke me up one night blasting away 7/24, causing endless anxiety and panic attacks daily. I missed silence too. I never though I could cope with this unceasing scream and so when the doctors said no cure, I felt like it was the death sentence of sort.

But I guess the brain is trainable to accept things it gets used to. In my success story I talked about a young pretty Zoe Cartwright & jazz singer Melody Gardot. They had worst problem than just bad T. Zoe was completely deaf at young 15 and was hearing an unmaskable rumbling in her ears 7/24 w/o escape. If was bad enough to lose hearing at such a young age, and it is absolutely horrible to be encircled with a never ending sounds in your ears that you can't block due to deafness.

Melody was hit by a SUV causing massive damage to her body resulting in handicapped condition and chronic pain. This is on top of her severe T & H which she had to wear earplugs all the time. You would think these young ladies would quit on life but instead they focus on the positive side of life and excel and achieve more than normal persons can. They train their brain to accept a life without silence and instead focus on pursuing their respective goals in life, and they come out a winner. I talk about these ladies in my success story in more depth. You can read it for more detail from below. Take good care. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

@billie48 thank you. It just gets to me at times.

 

I agree with this so much!
I have heard people say most don't think about silence until they get tinnitus. Bullshit!
I loved silence, sometimes, it was the only place I could relax. That's what was stolen from me when someone blasted my ears giving me this loud screeching, they stole my only sanctuary. Something so personal that I never thought could be taken away from me.

 

I understand and identify with this COMPLETELY. I LOVED silence. I SOUGHT it. I RECOGNIZED and KNEW it.

@Alue , it's not MUCH consolation, but please try to at LEAST stay connected with the PART of you who loved silence. Even without the silence itself, the YOU who loved it is still there. Try to make THAT into some semblance (not the same, I KNOW) of stillness. <3

 

Hmm, I'm not sure how to do that, but I'll think about it. Good to know I'm not the only one that cherished silence.

 

Pretty much cherished it above all else, and amazed that I am coping with this without screaming my head off non-stop (but then, that would just add to this crap).

Believe me, I was (still am, essentially) a thinker in silence, a writer in silence, someone who could get a headache from extraneous non-natural environmental sounds.

Sometimes I try, for several seconds, to focus on the SILENCE that I know is still "there" outside of the sounds in my head, and also to focus on the memory of the FEELING of that. I can do it ever so briefly, and I think it's important. Not to taunt myself, but to celebrate what it was, and to keep alive a sense of hope of what it might once again BE.

I am also very actively re-structuring my thinking so that I can just dissolve all this negative reactivity to the presence of the tinnitus. I want my mind to be my own again. Well, it always has been my own, but what I mean, is, I want to be the one who is sailing the ship, and not my "reactivity" to the negative presence of the tinnitus.

This is requiring me to both accept its presence, but not to accept IT (if that makes any sense). I am re-framing my responses to it. It's a work in progress. It HAS allowed more of the old "silence" me to come glowing through again.

I wish the same for you, @Alue , in whatever way that could work for you.

 

You are not alone. I've always cherished, appreciated and sought peace and quiet in my life.

 

I don't give two shits about silence, what I really miss is being able to hear things properly. Having T blasting in on everything in life and distorting my hearing is hell on earth. I wasn't much for sitting around in a silent room, kinda gave me the creeps, rather be out enjoying life and all the sounds that go with it.

 

Sorry you are suffering. I've read many of your posts and have a lot of empathy for you. I had a sudden hearing loss and have H as well and understand the hell on earth. Others that enjoy silence don't necessarily sit around in silent rooms - although I'd happily do that if I was reading. I was super active and spent a lot of time outdoors in nature and wilderness. Now my T just screams in these beautiful locations.

 

Exactly, I guess quiet doesn't necessarily mean absolute silence, but just being in nature and enjoying the subtle noises that are not very loud, going hiking, walking after a fresh snow with no cars around etc.

 

We all would like silence when we choose to have it. I know that is probably not going to happen but we have to thank God for what we do have. I can still hear and do all the things I did befor T and I have become in better physical condition not consuming salt, sugar, junk food, excess alcohol and have dropped 25 lbs and look real fit. Now keep stress at a minium and do the gym 5 times a week and am taking up tai chi for more stress relief. I am not stating that I want this sound in my head but it has modified my life style to be more healthy overall if there is a positive of having T.

 

So glad to know this has given you other positive outcomes and you are coping so well. I've read the same has happened to others on TT and they have taken better care of their health as well.
I've had the opposite happen. I was grateful for everything, was super fit and healthy, no salt, sugar or junk food. Had the blood pressure and cholesterol of a teenager. Now I'm battling and my health is going downhill. Different personality type I guess. Hoping time helps me adjust and habituate to get to where you are.

 

Tamika, I have a type A personality and if I can be successful coping with T you can too. Exercise is a big stress reliever and a healthy diet to avoid trigger foods is obviously very helpful. Keeping yourself busy doing constructive projects and also do the things that you have fun or enjoy. Sometimes my T fades for my brain is occupied with other things. Xanax reduces T in most individuals and puts you into more of a calm state for it helps me at the lowest dosage. Go on youtube and check out Julian Cowan Hill T expert that helped me alot with his short videos. Also checkout Kevin Hogan he has programs that are not expensive than can help you if you are struggling. You must be positive and let the T go and you can do it !!!!!!!!! Oh in by the way I can hear my T over the TV but I try not to pay attention to it but focus on what im watching. Hope this helps you.......

 

This positive you can make it if you really want blabla is ignorant. Who knows who is able to habituate and who is not?! In my opinion even slight differences in loudness, pitch and sound can make it either easy or impossible.
Be respectful!

 

Marlino, Let just all go and slit our wrist. Negativity draws negativity. If you want to be miserable with your T thats your choice. People that need help on this forum certainly dont need negativity. You can make the best of a situation or be miserable with it no matter how loud your T is and I am respectful to everyone on this forum so dont start that bull shit.

 

@william adams : no offense, pal! I just want people to keep in mind that even encouraging words can be be very frustrating to some people who might just have it worse.

 

No problem pal.....

 

There's no need to start calling people negative because they can't habituate. You can be very positive and still suffer greatly. Speaking of negativity, things like "let's all just go and slit our wrists" is incredibly negative, rude and disrespectful. No one needs to be called down and labeled because they are suffering and aren't habituating. Some people don't habituate, doesn't mean they have to slit their wrists or be negative people.

 

Telis read the whole thread I made positive comments trying to help Tamika and got called disrespectful by Merlino and I was not disrespectful and it pissed me off. If anything people who are suffering need positive post dont you agree.

 

@william adams @Telis @Marlino
I probably should not have commented. I'm sorry this has caused disagreement. There is truth in what all of you say. William thank you for your positive ideas. I'm glad you have adjusted so well. I am still hoping for habituation. It is great that you support others with such positivity from your own experience, especially new people. I am normally a very positive 'can do' person, I notice your T started in December. Mine started 8 months previous to that - 14 months now. All of the things you have listed I have certainly done - and more. I was even doing massive bike rides at the beginning and still only slept 2-3 hours a night.

I do believe we are all so unique in our personalities and how we are emotionally wired and the type of damage we have that causes T and H. I know many people with T (including my husband) who have had it a long time (although it came on gradually) but have never suffered like I do.

 

My T started in March 2015 after rock concert; I do all the things I was doing before T onset meaning working, biking, reading, and T does not interfere with my concentration any more. But I still miss silence and I don't believe I will ever come fully to terms with that. You realize how beautiful silence is once you loose it.

 

I actually do not care about silence. I can watch TV, watch movies, read books, attend classes etc with eeee sounds in my ears. But the most bothersome thing with T for me is the reactive head T. It can get so loud that you can feel your hear is going to explode. It is more like a electrical sensation. If it vanishes one day, I'll count myself completely alright.

 

I miss the silence. You miss too?

 

I miss, too.