I Really Need Some Words of Encouragement Right Now — My Mother Is Unsupportive

Discussion in 'Support' started by keka, Sep 11, 2019.

    1. keka
      Dreaming

      keka Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      cold
      So I just got back from this hair salon that's right next to the highway and I wore my earplugs of course. The hairstylist asked why I was wearing them so I told her about my tinnitus and hyperacusis. Next thing you know, she just starts laughing and telling me it's all in my head and that I should think positive so that ''everything in my life will be positive''. So basically I was told I'm imagining it all. Of course, I don't blame the woman because she can't possibly know what it's like. But I can't help myself but feel a sinking feeling in my chest when people tell me that.

      When my mother and I got in the car, she suddenly started yelling and saying ''how I'm always embarrassing her in front of everyone'' and that I should stop ''playing the fucking doctor'' since I don't know shit about tinnitus and hyperacusis.

      Oh please mother, like you're the one who had this shit for 8 fucking years. She knows I'm suffering and she blames me for all of it. When she was yelling I covered my ears but she slapped me on the hand and said ''you need to get used to the sounds'' and ''you're sick in the head I'm gonna put you in the hospital'' and threatened to leave me and my father if I don't get treatment for this ''mental illness''. I can't even describe how bad I'm feeling right now. I can't stop crying and just locked myself in my room.

      The tinnitus is spiking so badly right now. Why all those words from my mother, I need support from her so badly... Instead I get blamed for everything, over and over again. My father thinks I'm suicidal because of the ''horror movies that I used to watch when I was a teen'' but it's actually tinnitus and hyperacusis who got me feeling this way.

      Almost every day in my life is like this. I have nowhere to go.
       
      • Hug Hug x 21
    2. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      At least having this horrible disease reveals to many of us how fucking stupid and cold hearted so many people in this world are.
      I too get scorned by my mother for talking about my problems. I bet our mom's would be good friends, or actually sit around and try and one up each other about things the've done or people they've met.

      Your parents are totally toxic. It is not you. It hurts when the people that are supposed to love us treat us like this. I honestly bet getting shot with a gun hurts less.

      The only words of encouragement I can offer is that you're not alone in this world. I don't know anyone in real life that has this disease, just people on this forum. Hang in there, big pharma wants our money and they are working on possible treatments so there's hope in that.
       
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    3. Juan

      Juan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Several causes
      Your parents just dont understand how hard hyperacusis is, and dealing with family that does not understand can be very hard. Maybe you could improve your situation by moving somewhere else and living by yourself, away from your parents. In order to deal with hyperacusis one needs silence but also needs to be able to feel supported, confident and relaxed. It is also important to be able to do normal things, like going for a walk, without having to be in pain later on, so one needs to find places that are not noisy.
       
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    4. Joe P. Tamborra
      Inspired

      Joe P. Tamborra Member

      Location:
      U.S.A.
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic neuroma tumor
      Hello Keka, So sorry to hear that your Mom is so supportive. Have you tried prayer? I have had many bad days with tinnitus; but also many good days as well. I pray daily that Jesus will be merciful and compassionate to me, and help me live with this infirmity or heal me. I do not know if you have faith to believe God can help; but you can increase your faith by reading the Bible! You asked for Encouragement; so I am telling you how I have survived the last seven years with tinnitus! Father God, I pray for Keka in the mighty name of Jesus. I ask that you will be gracious to her this evening and quiet her tinnitus right now as I pray, to the glory of your great name! Amen!
       
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    5. fishbone
      Shitfaced

      fishbone Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1988
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud noise and very bad sickness
      I'm sorry to say, but you live in a toxic environment. I understand that these people are family, but their actions towards you are not acceptable at all. I went through this myself and my parents and many so called professionals thought I was imagining this phantom called "tinnitus". I was laughed at and they "Tried".....keyword "tried" to make me feel inferior. Of course I am mentally strong enough to separate good intentions from absolute BS, so I distanced myself from all the negative people, that did not care for my situation that I was afflicted with.

      A year ago a friend of mine kept talking louder and louder, I told him to "please" not talk as loud. I was polite about it and he still kept talking louder. He was like "dude, whats wrong with you". I was getting frustrated but I kept my cool. I explained that my ears ring, and he was like "oh man, it's all in your head." "Think positive and it all goes away". I basically knew at that point that he was an idiot. I never talked with him, ever again. If people do not respect your situation, don't go near them.

      In life we are suppose to give and get respect back. You give and see if you are given it back. If not, move on. This is how I look at things, we are all different and I wish you some peace!
       
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    6. Don Tinny

      Don Tinny Member

      Location:
      Argentina
      Tinnitus Since:
      2017 (worsening)
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud concert with ear plugs
      Just leave your mother in the worst retirement home you find. That´s all.
       
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    7. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      Why?
       
    8. Kelvin

      Kelvin Member Benefactor

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      June 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Dental Work
      Sounds to me like it's your mother that has the problem and she is taking her frustration out on you.
      I fell your pain.
      All this tension and stress will only ramp up your tinnitus.
      Stress makes T a lot worse.
      Not sure on your age but you need to find your own space and then you may have a chance of healing or at least coming to terms with Monster T.
      My wife is a nurse and whilst she's a lovely caring person she DOES NOT understand even in the slightest what a struggle T and H are.
      @keka You WILL find peace some day, and I hope its soon, but until then keep smiling and don't let the bullies win x
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    9. Cojackb
      Fine

      Cojackb Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @keka. someone shared a radio article with me today about Tinnitus which I'll forward on to you. https://radio.rte.ie/radio1highlights/doc-on-one-white-noise/

      I'm not sure if your mum will spare the time to listen to that article but it should help educate her a bit about what it is you're dealing with.

      Also, please don't ever feel isolated or alone with this condition - there's an entire community here of people who can relate with you and we're all happy to listen to what you've got to say. Please reach out if you need to talk with someone!
       
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    10. Harley

      Harley Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Sounds like your wife is a good person, therefore you can propose a little experiment:
      Ask her to wear headphones with a loud, high pitched, oscillating sound with some white noise static being played on a continuous loop for about 48 hours without taking them off (not even for a single second, as that is the whole point of the experiment).

      If she agrees, I can guarantee you that after 2 sleepless nights, she will have a much better understanding of what you are going through..especially if you ask her to immagine not being able to take the headphones off for the rest of her life.
      That alone is a huge psychological game changer.
      And that is just straight Tinnitus with no hyperacusis.

      Also tell her that a sound which originates inside your head is much worse to deal with, than any sound coming from outside.
      The body knows the difference and this is why most of us use some kind of masking sounds when trying to sleep.

      It is very important, that the people who are closest to us have at least some level of understanding of what we are facing on 24/7 basis.
       
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    11. Joe P. Tamborra
      Inspired

      Joe P. Tamborra Member

      Location:
      U.S.A.
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic neuroma tumor
      John Adams, I meant unsupportive!
       
      • Like Like x 2
    12. Earing
      No Mood

      Earing Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noise
      I don't like what your mom did to you. The thing to concentrate on is getting better. Your ears are injured and need to heal. I am starting to feel better. The tinnitus is not as bothersome but still there. The change is the hyperacusis is starting to back off. I am doing things without earplugs and my tinnitus is not ramping up. Noises are not painful or not as painful anymore. I have been doing the supplements recommended here, and I have been wearing earplugs and hearing protection a lot. I have stopped any activities that are at a dB level that is problematic. So it is starting to get better. Yours can too. Good luck and chin up!
       
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    13. AUTHOR
      AUTHOR
      keka
      Dreaming

      keka Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      cold
      She just threatened to throw the dishes on the ground. I had to run.
       
      • Hug Hug x 10
    14. Harley

      Harley Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      I'm sorry to say this, but your mother is an ignorant piece of shit.

      Threatning a person with Tinnitus and Hyperacusis with noise is about the same, as threatning a person with peanut allergies with peanuts.
      Or like poking a salt coated stick into someones fresh wound.
      This coming from your own mother is pure evil.
      You need yo get out of this toxic enviroinment ASAP.

      You deserve better than this.
      My blood is still boiling and she's lucky it wasn't me she was threathening.
       
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    15. all to gain
      No Mood

      all to gain Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      -
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      -
      She simply doesn't understand. Give her a day in your shoes and she would.

      My mother doesn't understand either. She can't see anything wrong with me, so there can't be anything wrong with me.

      It doesn't help much, but we know what you are going through.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    16. MrE
      Transparent

      MrE Member

      Location:
      Trondheim, Norway
      Tinnitus Since:
      2019
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ears popped bad.. Lost my balance.. Machine sound followed.
      I'm an 130kg teddybear, and I would hug you so hard!

      And please, PLEASE change your hairdresser. Sounds like a fucking moron. There are still humans in this world that actually has empathy for our fellow man.
       
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    17. John Mahan

      John Mahan Member

      Location:
      US
      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Tough to read keke. I feel so sorry for your situation. My mother is the opposite. She has always been my beckon of hope and wind beneath my wings.
      We can't pick our parents. Mental health professionals advise those with tormenting parents to get away from them as soon as they can. Same for all toxic people btw. Let them wallow in their own personal misery and not let them bring you down. Sadly, those that were tormented can be those that torment others. You want to break this cycle.

      Is there anybody you can turn to for support? Someone that will love you unconditionally? I hope so.
      If not right now, I hope you cultivate such a relationship. A person you give love to who reciprocates it in return.
      What we each need to sustain ourselves and get through the hard times.

      Spikes with this disorder come and go and seem to show up when we are most desperate. I hope you can get to a better place mentally. Some seek professional advice and medication to get through the tough patches.

      All the best keke. Stay close to people that treat you right and run like hell from those that don't.

      Hopefully help is coming to treat this condition medically.
       
      • Like Like x 4
    18. Juan

      Juan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Several causes
      Move and live by yourself. It's the best you can do.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    19. DBD_Drummer

      DBD_Drummer Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      I'm almost convinced that Tinnitus is somehow just all in our heads. There has to be a reason why most people can just turn it off through distraction or even sound therapy. For me, it's distraction. If something has be occupied and I'm not zoned in on the ringing, I almost forget about it completely. Lately not so much because I had a spike so I can't STOP thinking about it besides for a few moments at a time. But even still, when I catch myself not thinking about it, I realize that I haven't even heard the sound for X amount of time. But, of course, as soon as I realize this, I zone back in on the sound the volume gets cranked again. Though Tinnitus is most often caused from hearing loss, there has to be SOMETHING to be said about the ability to trick the brain into not hearing it. Up until I had a spike almost a week ago, I got to a point where I hardly even thought about the Tinnitus anymore, and thus rarely ever zoned in on that sound. The only time I would hear it without listening for it would be if I was in total silence. Just a thought. Although, my Tinnitus isn't currently accompanied with hyperacusis, so I don't know much about that aspect.
       
    20. fishbone
      Shitfaced

      fishbone Member Hall of Fame

      Tinnitus Since:
      1988
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud noise and very bad sickness
      I'm glad that this is the case for you, but for me and many others this is not realistic at all. My Tinnitus is louder than highway noise and it's impossible to not hear it. It's so loud that it causes pain in my ears and I experience fullness almost daily. Even with all of this chaos, I still do my best to live in a productive way.

      I will always remain as the beacon of positivity on this forum as well :)
       
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    21. all to gain
      No Mood

      all to gain Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      -
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      -
      You've given me a lot of good advice Fishbone, but i'm going to admit that i'm broken from having tinnitus. We aren't all warriors like you unfortunately.
       
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    22. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      Well, that's wrong, unless you mean that the disease itself originates inside the region of the head.
       
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    23. all to gain
      No Mood

      all to gain Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      -
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      -
      My wife thinks it's all in my head. I think my mother does too. Even my GP, who screwed me up, thinks i could have had my tinnitus for years but have only just noticed it. And I was putting my trust in this person!!!
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    24. JohnAdams
      Festive

      JohnAdams Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Vatican
      Tinnitus Since:
      May 1st 2018
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Aspirin Toxicity/Possibly Noise
      your GP is a Gargantuan Prick.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    25. all to gain
      No Mood

      all to gain Member Podcast Patron Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      -
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      -
      Yep, unfortunately I realised way too late. he's such a nice down to earth and friendly bloke. It's just that he has given me crap advice and made bad decisions.
       
    26. Flamingo1

      Flamingo1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Orlando, FL
      Tinnitus Since:
      4-15-2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      Sounds like he barely made it through med school.
       
    27. Flamingo1

      Flamingo1 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Orlando, FL
      Tinnitus Since:
      4-15-2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic trauma
      I'm so sorry. This sounds like child abuse! Is there anything you can do to get away from her?
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    28. Agrajag364

      Agrajag364 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @keka and @JohnAdams, I am really sorry that your mothers are like that. You are both suffering and deserve sympathy. It can cut deep when those very near us do not give us sympathy nor even belief. I guess many people are themselves damaged or lack understanding and find it hard to relate to others' pain, even their own family. Hang on to the people in your life who do support you.
       
    29. Elmer B Fuddled

      Elmer B Fuddled Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2017
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      plugged nasal eustachian tube
      Same, My GP told me, "I don't see anything going on your ears."
      Really where'd the ear infection come from? As the ear was all red and aching.
       
    30. BobDigi
      Kick ass

      BobDigi Member

      Location:
      UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      5.6.14
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud noise
      Yeah it does sound like it to me too. I'm an adult and get on well with my parents. But even when i was young and didn't get on so well with them, I can't imagine my mum acting like this!!!!!! I think you need to speak to somebody, a family, or friend.
       
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