I Still Need Help and Advice

Hi all. I'm back again after a good spell. I need your support once more.

Recently, I've been doing really well after last year's breakdown and T. The T had backed off a bit or I was habituating (or both). All that was left were two things. A temporary spike after being out which reduced again when indoors after 20 minutes or so. I've been getting used to this as well. That just left the low tone in the left ear which ranges from intermittent beeps to a continuous note.

This low tone is all that really troubles me now and it's only really heard in my bedroom or in bed itself. BUT I still want it gone even though I sometimes even have silence at times. I don't want it and it's become my latest obsession. I still can't really move on 100%.

The thing that brought me back here is that I've been a bit stressed today and it is spiking a little. This has really upset me as I didn't expect any more spikes so I'm back to thinking the terrible thoughts that I had so much last year. I don't think I'll ever completely habituate.

I'm still using my Oasis Sound System but I'm also still impatient to go without it too and I'm back to testing again to see if I've finally managed to be well enough not to need it.

This is the first panic attack I've had for some days and it's a big shock. The anxiety is back.

 

Did you think you were going to habituate at all when this started? I bet you didn't. I don't even know how possible it is imagine a different state of feeling/thinking/experiencing, but I want you to trust that it is there. The mind is capable of some extraordinary things. It's even possible for people to find comfort in sounds that they used to find distressing.

 

No you're right I didn't think I'd get this far. It's just that I can't seem to finish the race. I thought it was going. It isn't, at least not enough for me after 16/17 months.

It's still there saying 'this serves you right for thinking you were beating me. I haven't gone away you know and I'm going to spike every time you get stressed and that will limit what you can do in life'.

I think about it every day although not as much. Do I carry on with the sound therapy and just accept that I'll need it forever or will I eventually HABITUATE TO THIS DAMN THING so I can move on at last?

 

Men, you are holding all the aces in your hand. Just give it time. It is normal to breakdown after a while feeling good. Is part of your mind working to adjust.

I can hear my T everytime, everywhere, in streets, on the bus, with my kids... and does not bother me. Its my NEW silence.

You have just to let go that, silence for us, is not about NO sounds anymore.

When I'm in a quite room, I can hear my T loud and clear, but that is my new silence, i can relax, think, and chill.

Remember, ACCEPT your new silence, and you will start to habituate faster and better.

You are going the right direction.

Regards,
Johnny.

 

Habituation for me would be as good as a cure really whether it comes and goes or not. I just want to NOT CARE anymore. That's all and yes, accept it as my 'new normal'. It's taking sooooo long although people with T much worse than mine eventually accept theirs. Will it happen?

 

Each of our psychologies is a combination lock on a safe. You gotta be the creative and really take an intelligent look at yourself and learn what it is that you find so disressing about it.
What are the things(plural) that you believe, fear, love, that influence how you respond subconsciously?
Your subconscious is a child that you must train to behave differently; and each child is different. If you have been trying to just say "no, don't notice the T!", you will have to take a more forensic look at things. Don't just slap your subconscious around and say "habituate d@mnit!". Woo it, entice it, encourage it, rebuke it rationally.
You'll find the code to unlock the safe-door, and the treasures inside will be worth it.

 

The subconscious is a beast that's for sure. There is a program about the brain written and presented by the neuroscientist David Eagleman. It's on BBC iplayer at the moment but it's an American show so should be available over in the US. It really shows how complex we are, as some of the experiments demonstrate how little control we have. We think we're in control but a huge percentage of who we are and the decisions/actions we take are not actually our conscious decisions, even though we think they are.

There is an experiment they perform to show how easy it is to make a decision for someone by merely stimulating a part of the brain. All the volunteers have to do is decide that they are going to move an arm, and when the screen changes colour (or something to that effect) they need to move the arm they chose. What they found is it only took a small stimulation to a certain area and people literally change their minds. When asked afterwards about their thought process, they always say it was their decision and that they changed their mind at the last minute. They still completely believe it was their conscious decision yet it wasn't.

There are lots of things which work from the subconscious, such as driving to work and making meals etc. You are not thinking at all, it is all done on complete auto pilot, so we really do have to respect our subconscious as it does far more than most of us realise. Being a musician I know a lot about this as its how we reach a high level of ability. If you need to think about what you are playing, you will almost certainly mess it up!

If we consciously focus on T and attach emotions to it, even if we are not fully aware we are doing it, your subconscious will make a note and make the signal more important. It really is a huge step to take your attention away from T as much as possible, or at the very least honestly convince yourself it's ok. If you lie your subconscious will know, that's why it's so damn hard! It's the whole limbic system getting in the way.