Ever since my T got worse got unknown reason in beginning of November I have been having a really hard time, and it's not getting better. I am quick to blame it all on T, it is a really big part, but now I start to wonder what is the biggest thing that I struggle with. Even when in the shower where it masks the T, or when I am outside in town and sometimes I don't hear it as super loud, even then I cannot smile or find "calm". It's like my body is in a state of depression no matter what happens, except on Christmas Eve when I felt better, and then again Christmas morning. But then on the ride home it all came rushing back. I tried natural supplements like 5-HTP, L-tyrosine for depression that helped many people It seems, but I feel they dont do much. Maybe I am in to deep of a depression that these does not work, and I need to take Antidepressants? I can also look back, I lived the past 3 years with my T just fine, no issues really. But even then I was not happy with my life at all, but I did things to kill time like playing games, watching movies etc. Right now I cannot do any of those because I both focus on T which is above almost everything (maybe due to me focusing on it 24/7) and even if the T "feels" more in the background so I just hear the hizzing some times when watching a series I just cannot enjoy it. It's like all joy is just gone. Maybe the flu I had, then shot back just jumpstarted the depression I was headed for anyway in time, I don't know. And yeah with that T gets focus 24/7 I also have the problem with that some sounds are annoying, weirdly enough this have come and gone 2 times since November, I know its linked to my anxiety/depression etc. Now its been here for 2 weeks and speech hurt again some times, but music is fine, or voices in series etc. Its some real life voices that hurt if I am to close. Maybe it's time to throw all the supplements and natural mood lifters like 5-HTP etc to the side and try an antidepressant. Because until now I just though, it's only my T that is bringing me down. But I am not so sure anymore, It feels like I really am in a deep depression and that T makes it worse as well. I hate trying antidepressants again, but maybe I don't have a choice right now. I am taking walks, talking to therapist, seeing doctor etc but just that does not seem to help.