I Thought I Had Made It Out

I had the best two weeks in over 1 1/2 years. my depression and anxiety was bascially gone, I still heard my T once in awhile but it did not bother me. I was killing it at the gym, playing and laughing with my kids, had not cried the entire time, thanked God instead of asking for his help, looking forward to the future. I even joined the Knights of Columbus to try and give back, advice I was given by many. Friday the depression crept back in and the T got me again. My family was away because I had to work and when I got home I spent all night in bad crying. I woke today at 4am and could not go back to sleep, tossing and turning and bemoaning "what happened"? I thought I had made it out. I was even looking forward to helping people on this site to hang on. What could have happened, I am heartbroken.

 

Hi Kevin

My thoughts are with you. I’m sorry I cannot offer any great words of wisdom as I’m new to this and struggling myself. Sounds like you were doing great and this is just a temporary setback. Just wanted to say hello and send you hugs and let you know you are not alone. Thinking of you!

 

Hi Kevin, that was very much my situation, and i think it a common process.

The good things are that those nice weekends will become more frecuent, and those long times without hearing or beeing bothered by your T will be more and more. Congrats, you are reaching habituation.

Is not a one time touch down, is the process of winning and losing, and you are going to start winning more often.

My advise?, you are now in the best timing to start not worrying about your T, and start to working on the things that let this setback to happen.... maybe stress? maybe irrational thoughs?, try to find what triggered your depression back, and work on that.

Hang there!

 

Thank you so much both of you for your kind words and encouragement. I know I should be grateful for the time I had, as many don't get any relief. It is such a kick in the gut though. I was really looking forward to helping others struggling as i have been given so much support here. I have to keep on working the things I did right. Thanks again!

 

Hi @kevin b, if tinnitus has taught me anything, it's that life is full of setbacks. What you experienced very likely is just one of those. I think you will be just fine and consider the great last two weeks as a good sign you're on the road to recovery.

Best wishes!

 

Yes you are right and granted i did not fall all the way back. Im sure its not easy for anyone but with 3 young kids i dont want to let them down, they are the world to me. It felt SO AMAZING to feel like me again, laughing and playing and looking forward to the future and basically accepting the T and not giving a shit about the T, i would still hear it but i could push thru it with ease. I guess it is part of the process and I need to try and step back and hold on the good time and realize it will come back. I guess I am scared it won't come back?

 

'Depression crept back in and the t got me again'. Is that the order it happened? I was told by my t therapist that it is ALWAYS your thoughts that cause the problem and it took me years to believe it. I was absolutely convinced that my life and happiness/sadness was ruled by the volume of my t but I now know different. He said, 'It will always appear louder when you are anxious or depressed but never fall into the trap of believing that you are anxious or depressed because it is loud.' After truly suffering for years I now know that my state of mind affects my t, never the other way round. Others may disagree but accepting it was so was one of the first steps to my recovery. I hope you feel just as happy again soon and that it becomes a permanent state for you.

 

I had depression for most of my adult life, by the meds kept in great control. They stopped working last November and I have been looking for the right combination again. I upped the meds alittle a few eeks ago and that seemed to be it. Friday I crashed with depression,anxiety and T again. I upped it alittle more today and hopefully I will hit the right dosage

 

yes eric, you are right, i have fought depression many times and come back, but this is this first time with the addition of T. When the depression was alliveiated the last two weeks, not only did I feel great, but my perception of the T was almost non-exsistent, and when I did hear it is was easy to tell it to fuck off. Now it is waking me up again and causing anxiety and depression. Does that make sense?

 

Serotonin signaling appears to be pretty strongly implicated in both tinnitus and depression. So, they may both be symptoms of the same fundamental unbalance.

When I am unhappy and it is loud, I try to remind myself of this. Depression and anxiety have a nasty way of making one forget that the way one feels at any given moment of time is transient and plastic. Change is inevitable.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't think about how you've got into an old habit again, I'd focus on the positives of that two weeks if that makes sense. As you've had a two week spell of good, what's to stop you having an even longer spell in the near future? These good spells will become more and more common.

 

you are 100% right, that is what i have been trying to do today and i am feeling better. I hope you are right, i am counting on it.
Thanks and God Bless
Kevin

 

Just think positive, I keep having bad moments but then I just try to stay positive and it normally resolves its self. When I panicked the other day and made a post on here, I ended up just laughing at it thinking really? And I ended up getting to sleep straight away. Strange how a positive outlook can have such a good effect.