I Wish Everyone Here on TT the Absolute Best!!

Discussion in 'Support' started by stacey, Aug 25, 2015.

tinnitus forum
    1. stacey
      Bookworm

      stacey Member

      Location:
      New York, NY
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/15/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I hope everyone on here is doing well and still trying to overcome this battle with tinnitus. I can no longer take it, I won't be on here anymore. Tinnitus and hyperacusis has literally cost me my life, i've lost everything, family, friends, relationship, I couldn't even get a job in fear of my tinnitus worsening from loud sounds. The disability office denied my case twice....... I have NO future my life is over and im only 25. All I can say was that I tried, I tried to live with this and I failed, feeling more alone then i've ever felt in my life. You don't just get tinnitus, you also get anxiety and depression. Who wouldn't be depressed when a horrible noise in your ears ruined your life, where can we go if loud sounds will give us a spike......whats the point if we are living in isolation and complete fear. I hope that others on here can get through this. I just can't, ive tried for a full year and in the process lost everything. I want my life back so bad but that's impossible, tinnitus stole my life. I wish everyone on here the best, try to continue living.
       
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    2. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      Stacy please hold strong. I totally get it and I am from your area . please don't do any thing rash. We care about you and there is hope. We don't know what's on the other side and its not worth risking . you live in a loud city and its tough being there I know - if you want to come up to Westchester to go out in nature and talk I'm here. Just message me.
       
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    3. uae96
      Thinking

      uae96 Member

      Location:
      Dubai, UAE
      Tinnitus Since:
      6/14/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
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    4. Gosia
      Balanced

      Gosia Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      earplugs/ hearing loss
      @stacey , come on..If you lost everything ( your family too ? How come ??) that's probably what makes you feel the most miserable. Can you tell us how that happened? Are really all those things lost ? We're closer to get a real treatment than ever, it's too early to give up. I know this shit limits us, but you can still find plenty of jobs where you won't have to worry about things getting worse. And you're so young you may have still a few lives ahead of you. Anyway, if it can get worse, it can only be better! Have you tried any treatment among the options existing for now? Just tell us your story in details, it may help you.
       
    5. stacey
      Bookworm

      stacey Member

      Location:
      New York, NY
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/15/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @Gosia Yes ive lost everything including my family, they don't wanna be around me anymore because they are always so loud and hate that they have to not yell or scream when around me, so they literally stopped speaking to me and don't even ask how im doing. Your right I feel even more miserable that my family couldn't tolerate my T situation. Living in New York makes things even worse its so loud out here so I can't go anywhere and can't find a job that wouldn't worsen my T. I have nothing.... There's still no sufficient treatment/cure yet. I'm just tired of watching myself deteriorate. I don't mean to sound so negative but I'm just at a point where I feel like I tried and failed.
       
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    6. stacey
      Bookworm

      stacey Member

      Location:
      New York, NY
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/15/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      @SoulStation yes living in NY makes things worse since it's so loud out here
       
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    7. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      I know - trust me. I am just north of the city in new Rochelle. . it is not too bad here but the planes bug me sometimes. Seriously though there are some gorgeous nature preserves - the invite is on the table. They're super quiet.
       
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    8. Gosia
      Balanced

      Gosia Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      earplugs/ hearing loss
      I'm so sorry to read that your family behave like this, it's beyond understanding. But don't end your life now, I'm sure you want to live, you're ''just'' in a lot of pain. Have you tried any meds ? Sometimes some of them bring relief. Why not using internet to find a job elsewhere than NY ? Is your H so bad any noise makes it worse? Have you done all the possible medical check ups ?How did you get your T ? Try at least NAC ( I read it can cure H ) , magnesium, vitamins B, C , Vinpocetine, melatonine. To feel a bit better and not risk worsening things you can pop some hydroxizine ( on prescription). What surely makes things worse is that you're deeply unhappy , which is undertandable..People get T ''only'' because of such problems like problematic relationships or break ups, so what happened to you as a cause of T is currently making it worse. I don't know , maybe you know this, but in case you don't understanding what is happening can actually calm down your T. Hard to advice if I don't get more info..You lost all, so you can raise from the ashes and start a new life..Is your T very loud? Can you sleep? Would an office job be too loud too ?
       
    9. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Just saw this alert about your dire situation. Sorry to hear you are struggling so hard, @stacey. Don't quit on yourself and life. Life is precious. At least we still can walk, talk, see, smell, eat, live in a free country etc. etc. Tinnitus is harsh but it is only one slice of our life. We understand your challenge. That is the low point when you feel your family is ignoring you and your needs. But at least they have not abandoned you physically, and despite T, you still have a young able body. Try to watch this video to see if this young lady's story can uplift your spirit. She was born without lower limbs and abandoned at birth by her birth parents. Yet by looking at life more positively instead of feeling sorry for herself, she has created a life for herself and has inspired others. Here is Jennifer Bricker's story:

      Inspirational Athlete Born Without Legs Learns...


      Try to find some strength to stand up and feel positive about yourself and life. Read up the Positivity Thread to get some strength and read up the success story so you know T is not an end game.T is bothersome but it is livable and manageable if you give it time and seek out something which work for you. Try to stay on TT to chat & rant. One year is not enough time for really bad T. The body needs time to get used to T. Many people are in your shoe, losing job, losing the support of love ones, and yet continue to live on. I know of a lady in our area who is deaf in one ear and so she couldn't mask her T fully. She had to go to ER often due to her extreme suffering. Her husband dumped her during her toughest time. She lost her job and now on disability assistance. She had to depend on meds to survive the ordeal. But she is doing fine the last time we chatted and it is her 12 years after having awful struggle with her bad T. Tough time will pass. You still have lot of life left even though the current moment is tough. There is always the silver lining behind each dark cloud. Hang in there. As others say, offing oneself may not solve any suffering. During my toughest struggle, I had repeated suicide ideations. So I checked out youtube for videos of people who came back from near death experience after trying to off themselves. You should watch them by searching youtube with 'near death experience from suicide' and come to your conclusion. I decided that I rather stay here to fight 'hell' than risking the unknown on the other side. It seems that offing oneself on survivable situation doesn't lead to relief at all.

      Many of us have had it bad with T. Many have more than T. I have ultra high pitch T and severe hyperacusis plus anxiety and panic disorder. I spent the first year or two in a mess a lot of time. I thought my good life and even my mortal life was coming to an end. I though I never would recover and have good life again. Wrong! In 3 years, I wrote my first success story. I also posted my story here in TT, 'From Darkness to Light....'. I hope you can read it and read how others can recover over time in the success stories. Good life can be back. Don't despair and please don't give up. There are already drugs in the test phase which has proven to be effective to some members who have tried them, like Autifony, AM-101, even Trobalt. @dan & @Danny Boy can give you some advice there. Please contact your local life-line support if you are in such dire condition and needing some psychiatric help. PM me if you need to talk. I am here for you if you need me. You may not have family support, but here is the big global family and we love & care about you. Take good care.

      God bless you,

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

      Lena to hell & back story and she is young too:
      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/i-finally-get-out-of-hell.7576/\
       
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    10. Karen
      Talkative

      Karen Manager Staff Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador

      Location:
      U.S.
      Tinnitus Since:
      05/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      First time: Noise 2nd Time: Ototoxic drug
      Stacey,

      Lots of big hugs coming your way! I'm so sorry you're having such difficulties right now, especially with your family. Perhaps if they realized what a difficult time you're having, they would be more understanding. You need them very much right now. Your Tinnitus Talk family is here for you, no matter what.

      I just wanted to comment on working with tinnitus. I'm 69 years old, and should be retired, but I started back to work (I'm working 30 to 35 hours per week), in an office position. I have both severe tinnitus and pulsatile tinnitus, and it was driving me crazy being at home in the quiet. Starting back to work again was the best thing I ever did for my tinnitus. Being distracted all day, solving problems, and being around other people is very therapeutic for me. I have an under-desk heater/fan, and I turn it on whenever my tinnitus is bothering me. Working has given me a purpose again, and has shown me that I still have value and can still do something, in spite of the noises in my head! Perhaps you could search for work outside the big city; it might give you a new lease on life.

      We care about you, and want you to know that tinnitus isn't the end of things. It can, in fact, be the catalyst for a new beginning!!

      Best wishes and lots of hugs,
      Karen
       
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    11. Gr8fulDude
      Balanced

      Gr8fulDude Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2012
      Lots of love here. Keep it coming.
       
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    12. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Have you tried Keppra and Trobalt yet? What do you have to lose???
       
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    13. Hi. That's a tremendous amount of "stuff" to having going on in the space of a year. I really feel for you, and I hope you will hang with us.

      The things that struck me were that you mentioned depression and anxiety. If you haven't yet, I hope you will reach out to someone to get help with meds and/or talk therapy. Unfortunately, depression and anxiety are frequently part of the package, but they can be addressed.

      The important thing right now is to do what you need to do to get to tomorrow (and then the day after that). It's great that folks have given you a phone number. Reach out to them or call a hotline (1 (800) 273-8255) if necessary. Whatever it takes to get to tomorrow.
       
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    14. Markku
      Inspired

      Markku Director Staff Benefactor Hall of Fame Team Trobalt Team Tech Team Awareness Team Research

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2010
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Syringing
      I'm so saddened to read this but at the same time I'm feeling so very proud of our members who are here to support you through thick and thin.

      I think it is an unforgivable injustice that in the midst of this suffering you've been denied disability twice. Makes me angry.

      It's wonderful to see @Karen, @billie48 and others offering the friendship, support and compassion that you now need.

      Likewise, I'll always be here, only a message away if you feel like wanting to get my perspective and support. Never think you are a bother.

      Hopefully you are sleeping as I'm writing this and waking up to a little better feeling.

      You will remain in my and all of our thoughts!!

      Take care and hugs,
      Markku
       
      • Like Like x 9
    15. Mad maggot
      Breezy

      Mad maggot Member

      Location:
      New zealand
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Hi Stacey.
      Lost count of the times I prayed not to wake up in the morning. I understand how you are feeling. Been there many times in the first year or year and half. But I'm still here and can't imagine wanting to die now. Not because my T and bouncing vision have gone away. I still lose my balance and trip over, the room spins now and then while I'm trying to cook for my family, my vision shakes and bounces so I'm not sure where the floor is . But now I laugh about it and joke that I'm in the funny house at the fair. Some days I might need to lie down for an hour or so as I'm exhausted from it but I'm ok with it. If this never goes and I never find an answer to what it is that's ok. I'm happy anyway. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life and if I find out what it is and something that can fix it - I'll take it! But if I have no choice and there's nothing to be done, it's ok. I've learned to live my life this way and be ok with it. I suppose it's like someone who lost their legs or lost their eye sight. in the beginning they scream and rant and fight it but then you realise none of those things is going to bring back your legs or your sight or whatever so now you get on with life as it is now.
      Perhaps your family think that you want them to leave you alone and are misunderstanding your needs? They may be reading your behaviour and misinterpreting it? Can you talk to them and let them know you feel deserted and unloved? Perhaps they'll be shocked to realise they have been sending out the wrong messages? If not and they really are leaving you then were they worth having in the first place if this is really who they are? You would never do this to them. Ask them if they don't want you any more. Make them say it, if it's true. If they can't say it to your face then maybe it's not really what they feel. They might be suffering because they don't know what to do and hurt that you are hurting because they really do love you and hate seeing you go through this.
      If they have not told you that they don't want you, if they haven't said it to you, then you cannot be sure that's what they feel. Give them a chance and ask them. If they do still love you then tell them what you need. Sometimes people want to support you but don't know what you want or need from them. We often expect them to know because we think that if they love us we shouldn't have to tell them - we want them to do the impossible, read our minds. And then get angry with them because they don't.
      Anyway, hugs to you and if they don't want to be there for you there are others who do.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    16. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      Hey there, I'm in your shoes right now. I got T a year ago and just when I could say that I was pretty much habituated I've gone and made it much much worse to the point that I cannot mask it and my friends and family don't want to be around me either because I need it quiet and because I am severely depressed. I think about suicide and death every day and nothing brings me happiness anymore. I too don't know how I am even alive. I wish I had words to say to you that would give you support and encouragement or some kind of pep talk but I don't. T is a monster and no one but us who have can possibly begin to understand. But that's just the thing, everyone here is suffering and I think that's more comforting than anything, that there is someone out there that does understand.
       
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    17. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      We do understand and I'm sorry to here how bad things are for you @derpytia (I am struggling too). But maybe it's not wise to tell someone who's suicidle that you're in the same place. I just think we need to support her.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    18. gary
      Transparent

      gary Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Macomb, MI. USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      07/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Who Knows
      Stacey, I can't think of anything to tell you that has not already been said, except to say we all love you....
       
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    19. InfiniteLoop
      Sunshine

      InfiniteLoop Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Redwood City, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not sure. Long-term microbial overgrowth?
      I have gone through T for 19 months. I have never habituated to my very fluctuating head companion. I kept fighting to get the impossible cure, and in my case a few months ago, I got a break about the possibility of a commensal systemic infection (most likely Candidiasis) being the possible root cause of my T. I have been taking Fluconazole for three months, and now I am starting to see good results. All this progress happened recently, and it was only possible because I was able to survive the darkest moments of this horrible condition. Stacey, there is hope. Your T might get better or become more acceptable. Do not give up to your future. I am glad I did not.

      Note: This is my first message at Tinnitus Talk after being just an avid reader for most of my T life. Stacey, thanks for giving me the strength to step up from the shadows.
       
      • Like Like x 2
    20. here2help

      here2help Member

      @stacey, I don’t think you are going to take your life. I think you are afraid you will take your life because you feel such a sense of loss of quiet, peace, family, friends, work, and fun. The fear that you have no option but to take your life is very frightening and very real, but also very different from the act itself.

      I think you feel you have nothing to live for and I believe you feel hopeless, frightened, sad, and isolated. You are looking at things thru the distorting lens of depression and a lot of what you are thinking about yourself and about tinnitus and hyperacusis is colored by how terrible you feel. Have you considered talking to a psychotherapist about how depressed you are? Getting a handle on that could help you take on tinnitus and hyperacusis?

      If your post can affect this many people, none of whom you have ever met, imagine the impact you could have on people who will actually be in your life, people you haven’t even met yet.

      Sometimes, the best time to take on tinnitus and hyperacusis and defeat them is when we feel we have no options, like you do now. I mean it. The folks with options have the option to do nothing. You no longer have that option.

      You haven’t failed and it isn’t true that there is no sufficient treatment for tinnitus or hyperacusis. There are several very good approaches to managing tinnitus and improving sound tolerance that help people feel much better and could help you.

      here2help
       
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    21. awbw8
      Balanced

      awbw8 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2013
      Stacey, I know so many here have said wonderful things already, and I hope you can feel all the love and prayers that are radiating your way. Even more than that, I hope you can see and feel that many of us here have been in your shoes and come out on the other side. Please do not give up.

      If you need to talk with someone or just want to get out of the house to somewhere quiet, I live in NY, NY, too and have rather diligently scouted out every quiet place in the city ;) I'm only a message away if you want someone to talk to face-to-face, over the phone or via email. Sometimes it helps just to talk to someone who understands. I also have so many great resources in the city now after dealing with my own T here that I'm more than happy to share.

      Depression, anxiety, H, T, they are all horrible, we know, but your life isn't over, even if it feels that way right now. I know you're probably scared that the most permanent way out is the only way out of this seemingly bottomless suffering, but I just do not believe that to be true. I've seen people live good lives past terrible suffering. I know I might not have made it out of my own very dark place if it hadn't been for the love and support of those who loved me and the benefit of time. So please reach out to us, we care, we love you and we're here for you.
       
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    22. Dubbyaman
      Angry

      Dubbyaman Member

      Location:
      Northern Indiana
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Excessive loud noise
      I find it both sad and infuriating that we all can find more love, understanding and support from each other (Strangers from all over the world that we hardly know) then our own family and friends.
       
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    23. Gosia
      Balanced

      Gosia Member

      Location:
      France
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      earplugs/ hearing loss
      Yep, I wonder too..Usually when one gets seriously ill the family is all around him, sometimes sacrificing all the other fields in life , to take care of the sick person, but when you get T and all you really want from them is to be queiter they often can't give that little..:dunno:I hope @stacey is still there ..
       
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    24. Richard zurowski

      Richard zurowski Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      27/12/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection.
      Stacey. there is some wonderful comments on here so I can't add to what has already been said. But please do take note of these comments. And please! Please! Don't do any harm to yourself. I have lived with loud tinnitus for three years but it does get better and you do learn to adjust. I wish you well.
       
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    25. dan
      Chatty

      dan Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2011
      Also @stacey if you kill yourself now you wont know if Autifony is gonna be a success!
      As others have said, you can PM me anytime if you just wanna talk.
      I dont have a house so I cant offer you free lodging on a wooded 2 acres, but, I have a good T buddy in Janesville, WI, who got approved for tinnitus disability on his first shot - no questions asked!
      Maybe you should consider moving to WI, its very quiet there too and cheap to live.
       
    26. Cheza
      Wishful

      Cheza Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Oregon
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barking dogs/stress
      @stacey My tinnitus began 3 months before yours. It has taken this long for me to begin to have some days where the noise really does begin to fade a bit. Sometimes it's a question of what supplement or meds will work for you as an individual.

      If you're at the point of wanting to end it all, and believe me I've had a lot of dark times in the last year and four months, then please see a neurologist and try to get a Trobalt prescription. You might be one of the lucky ones who benefits. At the very least, take up Soul Station on his offer. A sympathetic listener and peaceful surroundings will do you good, both body and soul.

      By the way, your family sounds very selfish since they won't try to accommodate you by doing something as simple as not yelling and screaming. :mad:
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    27. Rube
      Fine

      Rube Member Benefactor

      Location:
      U.S.A
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      @stacey I think you are important to your family on this forum as you can see by many of the posts above. if you need someone to talk to please send me a message. I live in NYC and work in Manhattan, If you need someone to lean on :)
       
      • Like Like x 4
    28. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      True that. I guess that's because tinnitus is highly misunderstood, it's invisible and not considered life threatening.
      This sort of discrepancy is very real even amongst tinnitus sufferers where those with mild tinnitus will tell those that suffer; oh it's just a noise, it's your reaction..... and the rest:(
      So all in all if another person with tinnitus can't appreciate how much worse someone else can have it what hope do we have that a person with no tinnitus will understand at all.
      Sad really.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    29. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      @stacey, how are you??

      Many people here, including myself, are concerned and care about you. Many of us have walked in your shoes and remember how dark those days can be. But things can, and will, be better -- if you can find the strength to believe it. Just hang on and let time do its healing.

      Please let us know what's up.


      MOONGODDESS.jpg
       
      • Like Like x 3
    30. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      On the contrary, it might be helpful. Sometimes when someone's at this point, it helps to know that they are not alone in those specific feelings because sometimes it really feels like the rest of the world is happy and dealing with everything okay except yourself. But I'll leave it up to the mods/staff and the OP to decide.
       
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