In a Dark Place, Trying Not to Lose Hope

Hello, I am new to TinnitusTalk, I have spent the last two months or so reading posts and decided to create an account as I feel I am running out of options. I am a student, barely in my 20s and I already have tinnitus.

My tinnitus started roughly one year and a half ago, I noticed it in the morning after being at a welcome dance party for a short period of time. At that time it scared me, because I had always avoided parties and loud places in general. It was a quiet sound in my left ear, high pitch, and I only heard it at night or when the room was silent. Nevertheless, I soon got used to it and was living a happy life.

Fast forward, and a little less than two months ago I was dragged by a friend into what I thought was a small celebration. We were in a rather small living room for 3 hours or so and they had a TV blasting music, which at one point they turned up to 100% volume and started singing. The next morning I noticed my tinnitus was quite a bit louder in my left ear. I felt nausea and generally felt sick. I had an important trip scheduled in a few days, so I went to my GP and was given nose spray to clear my sinuses a bit (my nose was a bit stuffy).

After 10 days or so and two 11 hour flights I was back home and my issues had not gone away. Furthermore I had pain in my ears after the flight. I went back to my GP and was given another nose spray and I was directed to a ENT. I had to wait several weeks for my ENT appointment and couldn't stand it as I had trouble staying asleep and focusing. I went to a hospital emergency area (roughly four weeks after the noise incident) and was given methylprednisone. They tested my hearing and it came out all-right without any significant hearing loss.

After my prednisone treatment things didn't improve and I went to my ENT appointment that I originally scheduled. They found some mild hearing loss (~20dB) in both ears at around 4k Hz. I was shocked as previously, no hearing loss was detected. I was told my ears look fine and that I would have to live with this. He discarded any further treatment options.

I am really struggling to cope with this. I can't take it anymore, I have trouble staying asleep for more than 6 hours (which is already an improvement, as I used to wake up several times a night) and I cannot focus. I have tinnitus in both ears, with a hissing and high frequency whine that louder in my left ear. It is hard to mask with just the sound of my fridge or even light rain noises. When I am outside and there is a lot of ambient noise its better, but I struggle a lot when working inside.

I have exams coming up and I feel I cannot stand this anymore. I feel like I am not myself, I do not enjoy doing things that used to make me happy. After frantically searching for a treatment I have come up with little that has brought me hope. I am taking magnesium and zinc at the moment along with Q10. I am scared that I will never be my fully functional self anymore. I have lost weight, I'm depressed and on some days I feel like my life is done. Less than two months ago I was happy doing great in school and now I am barely functional.

Is there any hope for improvement? Are there any treatments that might still be effective?


Sorry for the long post, I had to let this out.

 

Welcome to the forum. Here we understand your struggle and have true empathy for your suffering because many of us have been where you are. You are going through the initial period of either a new T or a T with a new level of loudness and this is the time the body will have a hard time to cope with it and it is customary to have high anxiety and stress level with depression plus sleeplessness. Your reaction, though tough, is quite normal for people facing T or a louder T initially.

I know the darkness of it all as a few years back I was in the same shoe when my ultra high pitch T hit me suddenly overnight, and then severe H soon joined in the misery. H on top of T was so hard to live with as H turned all normal sounds so unbearably loud and piercingly hurtful. So I tried to wear earplugs to please the H but doing that blocked all outside masking sounds, making the harsh T shrill so unbearably dominant and hard to take. I was stuck in between two tortuous monsters who dislike each other. Gosh!!! I was in a dark tunnel with no end in sight. I had dark thoughts and I never thought I would recover. But never say never. Today I live a normal and productive plus absolutely enjoyable life. I wrote my story like other did and share some strategies I learned from others plus some of my own. Try to read the success stories to give you hope and to learn some insights. Copy success. If you like to read my story, the following is the link. Don't despair and don't panic. Good life can be back. Believe it. Take good care. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

There is definitely hope for improvement as you read the success stories. People do get better over time but time plus some helpful strategies are needed to get you there. There are drugs such as Trobalt some find helpful. But besides drugs people are getting better by treatments such as TRT, CBT, Mindfulness, etc. The success stories will show you that people do get better by various means, some by diet change, some by taking supplements, some by a simple technique as talked about in the success story 'Back to Silence' by IWLM which is the most read success story in TT. Try read it.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/

 

Thank you @billie48 , I read your story and I'm sorry to hear about all the trauma you had to go through. How long did it take for you to start habituating to it?

I will try to be positive and I hope with time I will habituate again. I feel like maybe I still have a chance to do something about it, I have been looking into HBOT (Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy) but I am unsure if at this point it could help me.

 

@missingsilence,
Welcome to the forum! I hope you can find some help here.
You may have to make some adjustments to your lifestyle going forward but I believe you will be functional and happy again. You will probably need to avoid loud clubs and concerts and sporting events, just as I do. I suffered sudden hearing loss and the onset of tinnitus nearly four years ago and there were many dark days for me in the beginning. I didn't think I would be functional or happy again. I didn't want to go on living. I am still in the process of habituating and I still have some painful days but I am not fearful or depressed now. I am loved, I am functional and happy! It takes time.
Do you hear your tinnitus when you sleep? Sleep has always been my sanctuary because the noise stops. I think of sleep as my vacation from tinnitus.

 

@Lorac
Thank you for your reply,
I'm more careful to avoid all places that are excessively loud, my new permanent spike has left me so frightened that I make sure to carry earplugs with me. Unfortunately I hear my tinnitus 24/7, it doesn't subside and I hear it at night as well when I go to sleep. I love and hate sleep, I've been having trouble staying asleep and getting good night of sleep where I'm not tired.

Did you try any treatments for your hearing loss and tinnitus? Did you notice it get quieter over time?

 

It was a slow but progressive thing. It is not exactly that my progress is by the year but in general I can summarize it as such. First year was in a dark tunnel without much hope and totally surviving on drugs to stop anxiety and panic attacks as will power alone couldn't stop these attacks due to my prior history of PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder. Second year was more stable but still lots of setbacks and back to square one, with a benzo drug like Ativan in my pocket everywhere I went just in case. Third year was spent more to internalize all that I have learned and making progress as the body finally caught up with my will power and so things would improve much faster. The body also started to realize T is an irritation, sometimes a really bad irritation, but it is not a mortal threat and that life can go on with some degree of normalcy. The positive approach finally took full blown positive effect so much so that there was no more negative response to T, high or low.

Everybody can take a different time frame. I think mine is considered slow as the success stories are full of people who got better within 6 months or a year. I am slower because of all the mental challenges I had to face prior to T & H, and particularly, I had to deal with both T & H at the same time while most don't have to face these two tortuous monsters simultaneously.

 

I am new to this forum as well. My Tinnitus started in 2004 after a dental procedure. After 3 years it habituated. Work
probably was the best thing. The first year was many medical visits and just trying to cope. Fast forward to March 2017
and I have had a spike! I am were I first started. If I keep moving I do not hear it. The second I stop wow. I have read
Back to Silence and hoping this technique works. I know this takes time. Trying to stay positive. My sleep is not good .I
All I hear is the squealing in both ears. The left is worse. Not losing hope because it disappeared before. Would love to
hear from someone who had habituated and then just came back on out of no where.

 

Try a set of hearing aids. See if the ambient noise will reduce the tinnitus noticeability. Even a 20db correction might help.

 

@missingsilence I developed tinnitus in 2008 a few months before starting at university, and had a big spike and increase right in the middle of it, so believe me, I know exactly what you are going through: the depression, weight loss, not feeling like yourself, and the trouble focusing...anxiety that you won't be able to finish your studies. Been there, done it, and got the diploma ;-)

Give it time (don't ask me how long, everyone is different). Just be patient, treat yourself with kindness, avoid really loud events. When I had spikes, I would take long walks through the park/gardens by my school, practicing focused breathing and relaxation. I would vent to friends, take hot showers, and drank lots of kava tea. It didn't feel great while it was happening, but eventually you will come out of this darkness. Your tinnitus may still be there, just as loud, but your mind just needs time to make room for the new sound. You will get there. Hang tight. This is a battle that you will win.

Sending light and love.

V.

 

I had a bad night today, couldn't fall asleep, it was loud and I was anxious about it. It scares to think that this can get worse when I can barely handle it right now. Worst thing is that everything was fine less than two months ago. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and have stayed at home, avoided any noise. Nevertheless, I'm trying to let go of these thoughts, I realize they don't help me, I can't change the past no matter how much I wish I could.

My ENT advised me not to undergo Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy as he believes it will most likely not work and give me false hope, in addition to potentially making things worse. That kind of crushed some hope I had. I somehow hope that maybe it will go back to how it was before (although I have mild hearing loss) or maybe it will go away over time so I can go back to being normal self, not tired, not anxious, not depressed or feeling like at any moment it can get worse. I'm trying not to isolate myself too much, although I feel like I have drifted away and some people have noticed that they haven't heard from me in a while, or that I haven't been around on campus as much. Few people understand what its really like, some shrug it off or think it's a quick fix at the doctors office. It makes me feel alone.

One thing I have learned throughout this ordeal is that it is so important to cherish what you have, things can happen so suddenly and there's no way of going back. A few years ago I would have never thought I could be in this situation.

This morning I left my house to go to school, after my lack of sleep and anxiety I think its the best thing I can do to keep myself together.

 

@missingsilence,
Staying busy and concentrating on other things besides the tinnitus noise is best. I know that is hard to do when tinnitus is new but it really is helpful. I don't care one iota about tinnitus when I am wrapped up in a competitive game of ping pong! The old adage "laughter is the best medicine" really applies with tinnitus.
Like billie48, I was slow to get beyond the anxiety in the beginning. Some people start to settle down within a few months but it took me longer. We're all different.
We are different as far as treatments go also. I checked into tinnitus retraining therapy but I could tell right away that it would not work for me. I tested twice for hearing aids but they actually decreased my hearing ability! My hearing loss is very different than yours though. I have a complete loss in one ear and sensitivity to external sounds, so treatments that do not help me could work for you. I did get help from a therapist.
It takes time to feel better.

 

Welcome to the forum @Lillian!
I have hope that you will habituate again, since you have done so once already. There are a few people on the forum who have had tinnitus reoccur but I am not one of them. Maybe you could begin a new thread with that topic heading so the right people can respond. Anyway, I'm glad you found us. Hang in there!

 

Thank you for your reply. I will do that. Not sure how this all works but I will figure it out. Need to hear from others.

 

Silly question. How does one start a new thread? Totally out of the loop with computers!

 

Yes, do this!

There is a phrase often associated with Alcoholics Anonymous, but I am not sure it is actually from them: "Fake it 'til you make it" Regardless of how nasty you feel, keep moving forward as if all was normal. That is how you show your brain not to pay so much attention to this new sound. If your brain is distracted with your studies, friends, etc., it won't have as much time or energy to focus on the buzz. It is really hard, and it doesn't feel good to do these things at first, but one day you will realize that you aren't really faking it anymore.

My personal mantra is: "No matter how much the wind may howl, the Mountain does not bow to it." When I am at my lowest, I say this to myself over and over again and it give me strength. Hope it helps for you too.

Sending strength!

V.

 

Mine started after a dental filling just under a year ago.
I have not yet got used to it but I'm getting stronger.
Tried everything I can but I am convinced only time and luck heal or allow you to ignore it.
If you got used to it before I am sure you will again
Seems all we can do is stay busy, don't listen out for it, be happy, sleep well, eat well and avoid dental work.
I have not yet been back to my dentist in total fear.
Wishing you peace again soon X

 

I think my 9 year old grandson knows more about computers than I know, but I can help you with this.
Click on Introduce Yourself under the forums column. Then click on Post New Thread, which you will see in gray on the right side of screen. You can choose a title for your thread and then fill in the body with your message, and click on Create New Thread at the bottom.

 

Thank you. Will certainly give this a try this afternoon. As I am sitting here at my computer I hear the squealing in my
ears.Going to have to put in my ear buds on quiet music. Usually water sounds. I have to ignore this but have some very weak moments. I will remain positive. Traveling this weekend to see my grandson who is turning one. I have protection
for my ears as I am flying. I was always afraid of the noise and had custom plugs made for my ears several years ago.
Now I have this spike and will be very careful. I am thankful for all the wonderful things I have. Perhaps being with my
family the following week I will have a differnet focus. Hoping for quieter times.

 

Hi Guys,

I've been trying to be more positive about things the last few days but I continue having trouble sleeping. How did you deal with sleeping problems (if you have/had them)? I consistently struggle to get solid sleep, I manage to fall asleep but I wake up after 3-5 hours of sleep. Sometimes I fall asleep again (if its after 3 hours or so), and most of the time when I wake up after 5 or 6 hours I am tired but cannot fall asleep again. I tried melatonin and it gets me to sleep faster but does little if anything to keep me asleep, even if I am physically tired from taking a long walk or jog. I also use sound enhancement/masking (I play rain noises throughout the night). This is over two months since my spike in T. Does sleep get better over time? Will I ever get back to having normal 8 hour nights of high quality sleep, or is this the new norm?

Is there any chance that my spike (from acoustic trauma with mild hearing loss) will decrease over time? Its been more than two months without any noticeable changes. It's frustrating to think that just a few months ago I was my normal self, coping well with T.

Thanks in advance!

 

During my first month, I used amitriptyline anti-depressant (10 mg tablets) as a sleeping aid. It allowed me to sleep, I didn't feel drowsy in the morning, and it is non-addictive.

 

Update: The last day or two I have noticed that I can't recall waking up in the middle of the night. A small sign that my sleep seems to be improving, I still generally get around 5-6 hours of sleep but I take that as an improvement.

Aside from that I am still in despair, its been almost 3 months since my spike and I am worried that this is the new normal. Is there any chance that my spike (with mild hearing loss, I have a notch of approx. 20dB in both ears) will decrease over time?

I still feel like my hearing is muffled and like my ears are a bit stuck. I also have a stuffy feeling in my nose, although I do not have an apparent cold.

 

Hi missingsilence,
Glad to hear your sleeping better ,
Your sinuses might be bunged up from a virus or allergy.
Try a antihistamine and see if it helps at all.
Love glynis

 

I am scared, I have noticed that sounds that used to sound normal in the past sound muffled, like the sound of fountains or running water (splashing). I fear that my hearing loss means that I will be stuck with this forever.

I know I cannot change the past, but I am frustrated and angry with myself. I generally avoid loud places with a lot of rigor. One celebration were my friend dragged me into triggered this, 3 hours with a TV maxed out blasting music. I should have seen it coming, I should have left, I felt awkward to leave. If I hadn't run into my friend that day I wouldn't even have been there. I should have simply left immediately, but I didn't. Now I pay the price. Intrusive tinnitus and hearing loss. I would give anything to go back to that day and simply have stayed at home.

It has changed my entire outlook on life, I feel like I am a different person. I no longer do the same things, I no longer sleep the same, hear the same, think the same. But life doesn't stop, assignments and exams at school are stressing me out and I don't want to fail. I have worked hard to get to where I am and now I feel like I'm losing my grip on life. Everything is falling apart, and just a few months ago it was going so well. I had plans, dreams and ideas that have been pushed away entirely. I was at a friends house not long ago and their room was silent, yet for me it was filled with my loud T. It nearly brought me to tears that I would never be able to enjoy a silent room. At home I have to open the window, use a noise machine. Outside I notice certain sounds differently. It's like there is no escape from this.

Sorry for the pessimistic ramble, I feel like I'm going into a downwards spiral. It frustrates me so much, how could this happen, how could I allow it to happen!?!

 

@missingsilence 20db is still in the normal range of hearing just. I have 30db drop at 3 and 4khz, I don't notice it too much though as the other ear is good and the rest of the frequencies i hear in the affected eae are at about 10-15db.