In Loving Memory of Brian Jordan Pariente (Brian P)

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Tinnitus Talk would like to commemorate Brian Jordan Pariente, known as @Brian P, an active and valued member of this community, who struggled greatly with his tinnitus.

His family started a fundraiser in his name. Although we don't have details on where they intend to donate the money, the cause is described as "supporting research in finding better quality care for those facing a similar diagnosis." We will try to get in touch with his family if possible, and we wish them strength in these dark times.

If you have suicidal thoughts, please do not suffer alone and try to get help.

 

Brian P first came to my attention last summer (although we didn't begin speaking until later that autumn) a few months after I joined Tinnitus Talk. He immediately stood out as a member of the forum to me because of his blunt delivery of opinion, pessimistic/realistic predictions (depending on one's own perspective) with regards to the likelihood of future treatments for our illness, and transparency in depicting publicly what developing severe tinnitus had reduced his life to. There was no mistaking him for someone who was sharing anything other than their honest and unvetted thoughts and feelings. That is to say, it's plain to see he never shared anything with the aim of being "liked". However you felt about him, he was undisputedly genuine and true to himself.

Like many people here, Brian P was a victim of misfortune, just doing what he thought was best to keep healthy, safe and alive for himself, his family and his friends. He developed Meniere's disease in 2016 and subsequently developed mild tinnitus a year later. Then, in February 2021 wanting to avoid any complications with COVID-19 and his asthma, opted to take the COVID-19 Pfizer shots. Unfortunately after his second shot, his tinnitus jumped from mild to severe, and a taper off of a six week course of Clonazepam prescribed to him by his ENT for the newly onset severe tinnitus, only served to make things worse. In the time after his severe onset, he made two attempts to take his own life (despite only just having become a father the same year; an indication of just how much pain he must have been in), although both were unsuccessful.

To his credit, the reason I can tell you all this, is again, because he made no effort to hide the reality of what he was going, and had been, through. He shared, unabashed, the details of his suicide attempts, and was candid about the fact they would not necessarily be his last. He told us his story on the forum, and no matter how unpleasant some of it might have been, and despite some members even trying to silence him, he did so for the benefit of others, so that they might not go wrong where he had.

Although I didn't know him then, my belief is that prior to tinnitus, Brian P was an extremely popular and charismatic figure with a wide social circle. Reason being that even when he was in abject hell with newly onset severe tinnitus, he made friends here quickly and demonstrated a brilliant (sometimes unashamedly self-deprecating) sense of humour. Even in his, and others, darkest times, he was able to make the people he had become close to here, laugh at the absurdity of our shared circumstances.

In any case, I (personally) believe there are two fundamentals to be taken from the last year of Brian P's life.

One is that we can never afford to become complacent with this illness. It is, as I have said many times over, not a joke. It is not to be played down, and we should not gaslight ourselves into believing that it's bringing us to our knees is simply an "overreaction" or a "weakness". Brian P was here with us, living with mild tinnitus only 16 months ago; so it would be prudent to remember that what is perfectly liveable, mild/moderate tinnitus, today, has every possibility of becoming catastrophic, life-destroying tinnitus tomorrow. This, as tinnitus sufferers, is the precarious reality of our everyday lives.

Which brings me to the second; the absolute necessity for a treatment in the (very) near future. I had discussed both the likelihood of natural improvement (i.e. habituation) and effective medical treatments, with Brian P last December, and remember telling him that one of the things I actually liked about him was his pessimistic character. A bit like a resident in candy-land, where every meal is not letting this get to me with an unrealistic sprinkling of follow your dreams, I found his deadpan lack of facade refreshing. But his lack of hope is where our agreement ended. One thing I could never advocate is a lack of hope, and according to him, I almost made him a convert, because I wholeheartedly believe tinnitus will be treated, and soon (taking into account the varying definitions of the word "treated").

Thirdly (despite only having warned of two "fundamentals"), I want to say that the loss of members of our tinnitus family, such as @Brian P, @Allan1967 and @Danny Boy must never be in vain. Whatever their ends (whether by suicide, experimentation with dangerous off-label drugs, or perhaps just an anxiety induced heart attack) tinnitus is almost always a contributing factor; a factor that is rarely acknowledged by the media, the medical establishment and sometimes even the sufferer's own family and friends. Which is where we come in. Because while we should always strive to give people hope things can get better (on their own, in time, and/or via the identification of more elaborate root causes than plain hearing loss), we do ourselves and the memory of our lost a disservice by denying the volatility and lethality of our condition. It's a difficult balancing act, granted, but being the only people who will ever understand each other, we owe ourselves this basic respect.

Finally, I'm sure if I had told Brian P I was going to be writing a "eulogy" for him based off the short time we had known each other, he would have laughed. I'm also certain he would have told me to keep "any sh*t about hope, treatments and natural improvement" out of it. So sorry in advance mate. Your friends here will never forget you.

 

Rest In Peace @Brian P. Very sad to hear this news.

 

Very sad indeed. He struggled badly, particularly in his last months. Rest In Peace.

 

Rest in peace, Brian.

 

RIP champ.

 

On 07/03/20, I said this about @Allan1967:

"Here it is 20 years into the New Century, and Medical Science should be held accountable for not having recognized the dire seriousness of this condition and done what was necessary to develop an effective treatment."

One year and nine months later, and how very unfortunate that this is still true.

 

This is just terrible. I've had those same thoughts from time to time. It's tough to live with hearing loss and constant tinnitus. I fight through it on a daily basis.

Hearing aids have helped me a lot but I'm still not satisfied with my life.

 

Life can certainly be cruel and unfair...

I hope he finds peace and quiet where he is now.

My condolences to his family.

 

Oh no, not again. This is so tragic, Brian P was also father of a young child. At least he will be at peace and in silence now. I'm so sorry for his family.

Great eulogy, @Damocles.

Completely agree, @DaveFromChicago. We are in the barbaric ages of ear medicine, brain medicine, neurology... sigh.

 

It's a genuine crime how this thing seems to only happen to good people. Rest well Brian P.

 

Rest in peace Brian.

 

Rest easy Brian. I hope you find peace wherever you now are. <3

 

Oh no, yet another poor, poor soul lost to this hidden torture. So many people have lost their lives to this. And still the medical community doesn't give it much consideration.

Rest in peace Brian. You're free now, but how I wish it hadn't been this way. You deserved so much better. I feel deeply for his family too. Severe tinnitus/hyperacusis destroys not only the inflicted but whole families.

 

So sad to read this. He hadn't been on here for a while and I was afraid this was the reason why.

Rest In Peace Brian.

 

So sad to hear that another member has ended up taking his own life.
Sincere condolences to Brian’s family.
RIP brother x

 

Such sad sad news.

My condolences to his family.

Rest in peace Brian.

 

Like @Damocles said, he held nothing back. Even through suffering he would show his humor. He was waiting for improvement, but unfortunately it was just not coming fast enough. This disease is ridiculous as it robs you of any rest or relief. I hope something good can come of this, he was just trying to do the right thing and everything snowballed.

Rest in peace.

 

My condolences to his friends and family.

Rest in peace, Brian.

 

Tragic. I know how much he was suffering, as I saw a lot of his posts and his despair was palpable. I feel bad about this and hope his family can find peace.

I’m also worried about another member on here who was thinking about committing suicide last weekend. I tried to provide hope for them, but I see they haven’t signed on for almost a week now, which is highly unusual.

How many more people have to die before the medical and media establishments take tinnitus more seriously? Even a billionaire’s death last year only provided a gentle nudge to pique their interest.

Texas Roadhouse CEO Kent Taylor dying should have been a huge eye-opener for many, as it showed how truly terrible tinnitus can be at its worst. All that money, success, and fame was not enough when weighed against the immense suffering of severe tinnitus.

 

I thought about Brian regularly. He seemed like such a genuine and kind soul. I'm so sorry it had to end this way. My heart and sincere condolences go out to his friends and family.

Rest in peace, you won't be forgotten.

 

So sad to hear, rest in peace Brian and my condolences to your loved ones!

 

RIP Brian.

I have spoken with Brian once. We shared our struggle. I was/still am suicidal just as much as he was. I have thought about him in recent months following his last posts and something in me thought it would come down to this. Our conversations were brief and not really productive. I couldn't help him as I was just in the same position as he was.

I need help but I have no idea where to find one. I have reached out to suicide helpline many times for help but to no avail. Last month I was hospitalized for a week following a suicide attempt. Even today my tinnitus is still getting worse everyday.

I'm sorry Brian. I truly am. I hope you found the peace you were looking for.

 

There are no words that can do justice at times like these, so to say this is a tragedy is a monumental understatement.

I didn’t know you that well, Brian, but may your star shine eternally brightly now that you’re at peace. My condolences go out to your friends and family at what will be an extremely difficult time.

I become more reflective in the face of such devastating news and always appreciate the good parts of my life so much more. We may strive for things like personal success in our jobs, wealth, and other such trivial things, but without connection and our health, it all means nothing. Not a damn thing. I often see people in various threads falling out with each other over the silliest of things, but we are ultimately here for the same reasons: to support each other and to help further the cause so that nobody else has to suffer. This is the bond that unites us, and without this community, the world would be a much poorer place.

RIP, Brian.

 

RIP Brian.

You had a big mouth and a big heart.

I miss you a lot buddy...

Anyone out there being suicidal please find the research threads and see if it can give you some hope.

 

RIP brother. I raise a glass to you.

 

This is beautifully written, @Damocles. Your eulogy is a true homage to a beloved TT'er. May Brian's soul rest in peace.

 

Rest In Peace Brian.

We understand.

 

This hurts a lot, as a fairly new sufferer, I remember him very well. Poor guy was struggling a lot, because he was really vocal about his tinnitus. I hope he is in a better place now. RIP Brian.

 

My heart sinks. RIP Brian.

Well said...