Is Tinnitus the Problem or the Feelings About It?

Discussion in 'Support' started by RicoS, Feb 6, 2015.

tinnitus forum
    1. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      I'm well habituated to my T.....but what does it mean?
      I can still hear it ....but I never look for it so I hardly notice it. When I look for it ...it's damn loud and the longer I listen to it the louder it seems to get...... Same with my H by the way

      So what is different comparing more than 1.5 years ago when it all began....... T did not change....
      I wrote in a lot of posts that my T was down in volume but I also always said that ...well read the firste sentences ...that if I look for it I still hear it and it's damn loud in a silent room or when I look for it.

      What most people forget especially the newbies....is the stress and anxiety and depression (the state your are in at that moment) makes it all so much worse.
      Sometimes I thought I was out of the depression or anxiety...but until 1.5 years I knew I realy was not.... I was habituating.....and perhaps I still am, but since the sound did not change the only thing that left my body was stress, anxiety and the depression.

      Without these tree killers T is there..... but I do not care.
      I had suicidal thought when I just got T.... my body broke down....and for more than a year I searched the internet ...took all kind of herbs ....bought books about "Get Rid of your T for Free" for $40 dollars (n):ROFL:
      I spoke to a lot of people I did TRT ...you name it and I did it.... but when I look back....the real thing that helped me was getting rid of the anxiety , stress and depression regarding T.

      Sure it ain't no cure....but for most of us there is no cure,
      Do I feel handicapt by my T now.....NO ABSOLUTLY not..... but when I just got it I thought my life was over and wanted to transfer all my safings to my girlfriend and end my life. :X3:

      The problem with this.....there is no easy fix.....no magic pill ....that helps you get rid of it in a second.

      For the regular people here they might remember there was a topic with the title "What did you learn from your T" or something like "Did T bring you something positive"
      My answer was...."Nothing....nothing at all.... I hate it etc etc"

      Ok....so now I'm here again on this forum telling it DID learn me something.

      Lets focus on my current situation :wideyed::
      I have a depression...... not regarding my T , but something at the dentist went wrong and I went in total panic mode.... Could not stop it...it was my body doing this to me. But wait a minute....all the feelings of suicide ...stress....feeling down, no energy...stop seeing friends.... a total meltdown feeling.... all regarding this symptom I now have (will not go in much detail about that because it does not matter)
      It felt/feels the same as when T started.
      So what did T learned me ..... That I can also overcome this again and will not notice it anymore when the depression and anxiety have been overcome. Because the feelings are the same but the symptoms are different this time. First it was T ...now this.... so I know it will take time to overcome this, but I know for a fact that my mind can stop focussing on it.:angelic:

      When we first encounter a depression or anxiety attack ...no matter if it stays there for a minute or months....we think we are going nuts...together with T and or H you think your life is over.
      But check this site http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml#symptomslist
      It shows you all kind of symptoms for anxiety....well I found 15 that I thought were some severe diseases I had but were all just a part of anxiety....the moment I understood that...the symptoms went slowly away...because I could place them in my head that it was my mind doing tricks on me because it is in panic mode and wants to defend itself against this symptom that we do not see as NORMAL anymore...or like T is not normal but your body sees it as the worst enemy.

      As soon as you body does not see it as an enemy anymore.....you also could care less that it is there. Sure you think at the moment when you are reading this and are extremely bothered by it that it´s easy talking for me, but it is not.

      My T is loud...very loud....but my will to live is stronger than my T now......The problem was that I did not know how to fight an enemy that you cannot touch.
      The other problem was that you should not fight against an enemy when your mentaly unstable and do not have the energy to go into that fight. That is the moment you need help!! ....But like me I was not used to find help for the mind....

      So you go to the doctor and cry for help and you say `Doctor I have T ... I want to end my life please help me`
      The doctor says "Your fine...it's just a sound....lots of people have it, learn to live with it"

      From that day on your doctor is the biggest scumbag in the world and you do not even know how he became a doctor in the first place :mad:

      You want to open the gates of hell on him for not helping you....you are in total panic and fear and you hear a sound that is always there and you hate it so much that you focus on it all day long hating on it ....checking if it's there or if it's less loud .... Do I hear it here do I hear it there :banghead: You just cannot stop .....

      You go to a forum like this to ventilate and talk to others who also hate their doctor now because they told them the same damn thing.....learn to live with it you dummy....it's only a sound :meh:

      But what if.....you read all this ....and you know that anxiety just kicked in your front door and was not invited but wants to sleep over for like.....for ever!! .....should I hate it :wacky: or have a toast :beeranimation:

      If you experienced a depression before and you get T...people seem to act differently on it (talked to some people about this) ....they understand the feelings they go through and take a brake from work or something to get adjusted to the new situation....they do not panic that much.
      Same with the depression I am in now....a depression is a disease... so I cannot fight it. But I can look in a different way at it so I get less anxiety because I know with help the feelings and symptoms will go away or better will be part of my sub-concious again.

      Perphaps we fight T to much here sometimes....but you also cannot win a boxing match with air.
      You can punch it as much you want but it will still be there. :hungry:

      Do I believe that T is worse for some than others........absolutly.....for a fact....we have mild T and severy T people here....but our bodies can still react with the same negative force to mild T and severy T.

      So if somebody is feeling totaly down and out and has mild T ...does not make him feel better or less than the ones with severy T , because somebody with severe T could not care a damn thing about it. It just depends on what you are feeling.

      Anxiety is the killer.... it gives you extra symptoms you never knew could happen to you.
      And because there is no real 100% cure against T...you might think that everything you are experiencing can not be overcome.

      Well there is light in the tunnel ...but do not think you will be there fast..... seek help if you are realy depressed and have symptoms like the ones in the list (http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml#symptomslist)

      I know for me this will be a long road to overcome the symptoms of the depression, but what T have learned me is that I can deal with it and will ride it out until the smokes clear up. During that time I get professional help.

      Do not give up.....what you are dealing with are things we all deal with and the symptoms that come along with it are not only regarding to T but are common to a lot of stuff we have to deal with what is new and an enemy for our body and or mind.

      PS Sorry for the bad english... but I hope you get the point :wideyed: ........there is a way to make you feel better. Perhaps not cure you from T, but at least get your life back. For some it's way harder than others ...believe me I know.... but still.....you cannot give up anyway !!!
       
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    2. Mark662
      Transparent

      Mark662 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      United Kingdom
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/1988
      Thanks for putting your thoughts into words. You are absolutely right in what you describe, and I have felt the same way for years. If only we could lessen our negative reaction to it we could all benefit. It is easier said than done. It is an intrusive annoyance that gets into our core, creating anxiety and depression, tiredness, aches and pains......you name it.
      It acts like an emotional barometer, feel bad and stressed one day and tinnitus perception goes up....
       
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    3. Paul201
      Worried

      Paul201 Member

      Location:
      Ireland
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Subwoofer
      RicoS, you did TRT, how did you find that? Did it lower the volume of your T or just make you ignore it a bit better? Would you recommend it, or is finding your own way to lower anxiety and move on sufficient?
       
    4. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      Hi Paul,

      I guess TRT is different with everbody.

      For me it did not do very much because my expectations of it were more than it could offer. The thing it offered I was already doing that for my self. They acknowledged that too so after 2 months I stopped. I was already well on my way with habituation on my own but I understand that if I had done it a year earlier I perhaps was habituated sooner and did not go through the major depression and anxiety.

      They did not follow Jasterboff fully though...and I know a lot of TRT specialist will say..."well than it is not TRT".
      I don't care what they call it ...but where I went they called it TRT.
      I had the maskers with white noise and had to put them on etc etc....but I already did that ...I masked my T with very low natural sounds so I could habituat etc etc (yes I also had the white noise headgear stuff that I had to wear during the day)

      I will give you an answer now if it lower my T. I hate this answer because I hate it when people gave me this answer ..... but here it comes.

      "Does it matter!? Does it matter that it became lower or not. Because if you do not care anymore you won't pay attention to it anyway."

      But to not be a dick about it :rolleyes: I will give you a more clear answer anyway.
      YES I notice it less so the feeling is that it became lower. BUUUUUUUT when I put my fingers in my ear it is just as loud as 1.5 year back. The more I listen to it the more my brain focus on it.

      You cannot force habituation....you can make it faster by getting you anxiety and depression out of the way....that is a fact because the moment that was gone I stopped thinking about my T.

      A depression or anxiety disorder can make you focus on your T like it is the only thing left in the world there is.....that is what I thought all the time.... I put my fingers in my ear for more than a year every day more than 50 times a day.

      Why???? because I would listen if it was still there..... WHY????????? I don't know.... I knew it would not go away and my actions just made it worse because I was more focused on it. But it was just like itching or something I could not stop it. It was like obsessive compulsive disorder...I could just not stop doing it. Did I hear it in the shower...did I hear it outside.... I'm at the shop buying clothes....can I hear it now? I did this all of the time....and it just made matters worse...because you are learning your brain to hear it in all does places.

      Also some stupid stuff I did was sitting in a silent room and see if I could take it and live with this new situation.
      OF COURSE YOU CANNOT!!!!!! You are tortering yourself....you have anxiety and a depression so why on earth was this action going to help me.
      So than I thought to myself.... I'm not doing this so I know I can take it....but i'm doing this to proof to myself that I cannot take it.

      I believed that I could not adjust to this horror that it never will go away and I never sleep again ....never enjoy sex or enjoy nature. :confused:

      Well for most of us with T .... I can say you will get there.......
      When will you not get there..... If you keep doing the stupid stuff I did all the time.
      And yes.... I thought is was getting better in that time and sometims had major setbacks.... but I kept doing the stupid things and trying to listen for it.

      My girlfriend says....why are you doing this... I also have T but I never listen for it so I never hear it.
      I said to her..... Ok I will stop doing that too.

      I guess what............ I did not :banghead:

      Because I had an anxiety issue and/or a depression.

      You cannot make yourself doing something just because you know it's the right thing to do. If my body and mind say "Rico we make you feel terrible about your T" than that's the way it is at that moment. I can say to myself...well I do not have to worry about it. But that is not going to help me.

      People say....keep yourself busy.....live your life as normal...... I did that..........and it helped....but you think that it does not because T is screaming like a mofo all the time. But like I said you cannot be habituated in an hour......it takes a lot of time......

      Suddenly....... you forgot about your T..... That is what happend to me.. from just one day on the other....my body said....enough of this..... and I did not even notice it because I forgot about it..... I forgot about something that was 24/7 in my life.... so after 3 hours a thought about it again and there was T again.,,,
      These periods became longer and longer.....sure I have fleeting T from time to time and I hear it very loud sometimes....but I do not react to it.....

      Why should I ...my body does not care and I know for a fact that if I cry or panic about it, it will not go away. It will even make matters worse.

      If I just had T and I read what I have typed just now..... I would have thought... "YEAH RIGHT MAN BUT I GUESS YOUR T IS NOT THAT LOUD"

      Believe me my T is loud.... and believe me .... I have been where you are now.

      Lets say that I get another T tone in my head/ears.... perhaps my body will go in full panic mode again and I will come here on this forum telling this time is much worse than the last time.
      Keep in mind that it's the anxiety speaking at that moment not me.
      I've been to the darkest corners life could bring me.... I wanted to end my life because of this T and H.
      Now I'm glad I did not.

      What sucked is that I spend money on all kind of medicine and herbs and other stuff that did not helped but I just hoped it did or told myself that it helped. I went to doctor who said...take this pill and your T will go away.... that will be 300 dollars please. Time after time people stole my money because they are wolves seeing a sheep in panic. And if you are in panic you have the bad habit to trust everybody.

      Now looking back..........all this ginko biloba and other stuff did not help my T....but perhaps helped me deal with anxiety and panicattacks. But had I know that beforehand than my strategy was way different.

      Every month new people come here on this forum asking the same questions people asked a month before them.

      Is my T ever going away?
      How can you all deal with this horror?
      Does this work , does that work?
      I want to end my life...please help?
      I got a major spike I think it is not going away?
      I have T for 2 weeks now do you think mine will pass?
      etc etc

      That is not a bad thing....but it shows we all struggle with the same stuff.... and that is not T in the first place but FEAR and the UNKNOWN.

      This forum was a lifesaver for me.... You laugh together you cry together....you have discussions together.....
      but you have to be carefull to stay in this T world to long. You have to get out and do something that is not regarding your T.

      To let T go....you have to let T go and that is easier said than done.
      I know a lot of people will not read this long posts ....but I know that I did read the long one when I was very depressed.

      The long ones have more inside info and always told more ...so you could better relate to it. So I hope in some way I help the people who read these long ones.

      :puppykisses:
       
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    5. Paul201
      Worried

      Paul201 Member

      Location:
      Ireland
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Subwoofer
      Super, thanks for the detailed answer. Yes these vultures or quacks are out there and in all walks of life, medical, financial, motor etc and more than happy to take peoples money and/or even worse latch on to people who are at a vulnerable stage and give them all sorts of false hope and basically lies

      Just one more question for you since you seem to have reached a stage where your brain is ignoring t quite well. Do you think that masking is essential to habituation? I have been trying to get used to the t sound without masking since I figured I will have to adjust to it in the long run without it, but it seems lots of people say masking will speed up habituation which seems a little odd to me. If so, is masking at night enough (eg) rain app or is a daytime ear piece required. I really don't fancy too much the idea of having to wear an earpiece playing tones in my ear all day or is this all personal preference, as in lots of people get to habitation via different routes. Cheers.
       
    6. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      @RicoS
      Excellent your explanation. When reading, I thought reading my own story. Much is what I have also gone through and still doing. I am not as far as you, but I can definitely confirm the one or other thing:

      - After onset (mine was switched on from 0 to suicidal T in a second), you concentrate only on this hellish, loud sound. And you know your life will change forever.

      - You start fighting it like crazy. But how to fight an invisible enemy? That drives you crazy.

      - You develop anxiety and depression. You think your life is over.

      - Every morning you don't know how to survive the day - increasing T, anxiety and depression.

      - People say: "Don't react and go on with your life." I really tried and still try hard following this. But the thing is, my body reacts - with anxiety symptoms. But I live my life like without T.

      - I have three days behind me where I started listening to blue noise. My T still clearly audible, but it gave me some control. My T seemed to be a little bit lower. Is it really lower or is it maybe because my anxiety went down a little bit?

      - I sometimes do not know if depression caused my T or T my depression.

      - Many more, in particular all what you wrote above.

      T is IMHO much about thoughts and reactions. If you no longer react to it, just ignore it, then habituation will follow. But this takes time, long time. I am not there yet, so it is more a hope or believe.

      I wish you all the best my friend on your journey.
       
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    7. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      Regarding masking... I masked the hell out of it. My middle name could be MASK. I mask it everywhere where it is to loud. But what I did I used birds in nature sounds....people at work always thought it came from outside but it was my mobilephone that was on my desk playing these sounds. I made sure I had a track that lasted about 30 minutes otherwhise you notice the loop to much and it gets on your nerves.
      You also can download the app TUNEIN RADIO and search for Nature sounds...very relaxing. I have it on all day 24/7....But I do not notice it just like my T.

      So yes I think and believe masking helped me a lot.

      Let make one thing clear here..... Me being habituated does not mean I like my T sound or something. When I go to bed I still put on the birdsounds. I can sleep with T ,but would you listen to a radio station you do not like but cannot turn off? :LOL: So than I turn on the birdsounds and I sleep like a baby.

      I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who has a cold and his T is screaming at the moment so he just wanted to talk. It happens that I also have a cold and my T is also louder. So he just asked me ,.....man how can you stand this? I said I still hate it...but my body does not so I go back on my PS4 in a view minutes and play Battlefield HArdline Beta before my son wakes up who also has a cold. So he said he would join me to not think of his T so much. :cool:

      But back to masking. You can use a small desk vetilator or whatever you have no feelings with and can stand.
      That is important though....it must be something that you not going to listen to. So a radio station is a bad idea. It has to be something which does not give you to much emotions. The natursesound for me are neutral. I do not feel happy, not sad....just normal and I do not listen for it....my T is just way less and my subcontious focus on both the sound and T at that moment I guess.

      Well lets see....right at this moment I sit behind my PC typing this.....I do not hear T ..... wait 5 seconds.......
      .............................. Now I Do ;)

      Tell people who your close with how your situation is because with masking I told all my friends and collegues it and when I had a meeting or something nobody asked me where the birdsounds came from because they knew it was me. And if you come forward with it....you may be surprised how many people also have T and never told a soul.
       
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    8. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      Hi Martin,

      Anxiety and the depression symptoms are worse than T for me..... I realy hate all these weird symptoms but it is getting less and less by the day.
      The problem with not reacting to T or some other symptom is that you most of the time cannot help it.
      Your body just shuts down and gives you that dark negative feeling like the gates of hell just has opened and everybody is coming over to visit you.
      This scary feeling you must endure....I do not take meds anymore for it.... I know how it feels now so I just sit it out and wait for it to go away....
      And I complain a lot to my girlfriend and friend when I have an anxiety or panic attack.... I complain so much that I just as well could record my complaining and press PLAY when I have an attack because every time my complaining is the same :chicken:

      But it a way to ventilate your negative feelings and if somebody tells you at that moment that everything will be allright that you believe them.
      For people who never had this this sounds weird, but believe me ....when you have a panic attack...nothing is real anymore...you want to flight or hide, but you cannot escape yourself.
      Very scary feeling.........

      T is indeed a lot of thought and reaction...the killer question is .....how can you stop thinking about it if you thinking about it......... There is no answer to that........because you limit the things you were normaly doing and focus more on your T.

      Even if you live your life like before....you do not think of things like before because you think about T now.
      You can go to work just like before T but now you are stuck with thinking about T all day.

      You can go swimming because you like that but when your swimming you might think....."I do not hear my T hear...but if I go back home in a sec I will hear my T again damnit"

      Your mind keeps reminding you of T ......

      It also depends on the type of person you are. Some people just can let it go....and some just like me must know where it came from ....what it is..... why it is louder here than there .....on what kHz range it is. Do I hear it by nighttime more than during the day. How many tones do I have? and on and on and on....

      The more you do that....the harder it gets to let it go.
      Stop searching the internet for all these answers.....because who cares in what range you T is...you have it....it is not that you can choose another kHz range or something.

      What we people like to do is compare with others...mine is at 8000 ...oh man min is at 13000 like a dog whistle....mine is very low.....mine is like a train...mine is etc etc etc So what you just than did is being even more aware of more T if your own T was not enough already.

      We are people we do these things....but it most of the time selfdestructive thinking because we keep staying in the circle of T.

      People ask me a lot ... Where do you think your T comes from.... I said I don't know I just noticed it in June 2013 but perhaps it was born on Mars or the Moon or something....Why? are you ging to send it back where it came from ? :) Some dummies than tell me.... "No I mean what do you think caused it? "
      So I act a fool also and say "Oooooh do you mean that......why do you want to know....can you fix T if it is caused by something you know a cure for".....Than they say..."No but It's just a question..."
      Well ask me about the weather and I happely talk about that but I do not want to talk to much about T anymore if I want to forget about it.

      And believe me the moment you do not care anymore you can come here to this forum and talk about it as much as you like and you still do not care anymore.

      Ok I go play Battlefield Hardline Beta now ;)
       
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    9. uncle vikin
      Musical

      uncle vikin Member

      Location:
      nashville tennessee
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Subjective tinnitus r ear cause ( unknown)
      It is like we all we're chosen for the ultimate test to ignore something in our own brains.Something thats always screaming hey look at me look at me.Mabe we all needed to be toughen upped .We'll you gotta be tough to push through T but it can be done.
       
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    10. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      I thought that myself also...choosen for the ultimate test, but T is just one test....in life there are still more to come.
      T is just as bad as you body and mind make it to be..... when you have been past that ....another challenge is awaiting around the corner with perhaps give you the same negative feelings.
      So you need to learn how to deal with these feelings that can always comeback again.
       
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    11. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      How to stop thinking about something you "think about 24/7" and you "hear 24/7"?
      That's the master question. I guess, the only way is ignoring T, maybe using IWLMs "Back to silence technic", use some background masking and live in hope that one day a cure will come.
       
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    12. Kathi
      Balanced

      Kathi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      NJ/USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/30/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      HFHL and stress


      You will get there @Martin69. We are so close in T dates. You will get there...have faith. I still have T and it is loud most days--I do have some low days--but I also have reached a point where I mostly don't care. I still hear it--yes I do forget it when totally engaged in what I'm doing--but I know that every morning it will be there. It's a fact of my life and I am no longer afraid of mornings--no longer afraid to sleep. My body was in that fight or flight mode for months--my anxiety was ruling my life. With work to get this under control, I'm habituating. Habituation to me does not mean I won't hear it anymore--it just means that when I do hear it that I don't care. It can't hurt us Martin--it can't ruin our lives unless we let it. I learned that here and in CBT. It's not 'ignoring it' that helped me, it was exposing myself to it--time and time again and seeing that it didn't hurt me. I also now only measure my reaction--not the T itself (thanks
      @I who love music )--it's been a great help.

      I still mask but not like before. Blue and purple noise are the best --white noise aggravated my T. Try listening to some audiobooks--the helped me and they are a partial masker.
       
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    13. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      The problem is still your reaction to it...and not only you but your whole body.
      You also have hands and arms... and believe me in therapy I met people who cannot stand for example their left arm. They know it is normal because we all have it but because of an anxiety disorder her body brings her totaly in panicmode when she is aware of her left arm. I met people who are totaly focused on their breathing and experience the same anxiety and depression feelings we have/had with T. Even somebody who feel his clothes all the time so he just do not want to wear it, but he knows it's normal.
      In the past I was fast to say that these people are crazy.....but they are not..... They also know that what they experience is not normal and their reaction to it is out of proportion.

      It's to easy to say well just stop thinking about your breathing or thinking about your arm or your T or whatever....
      You just cannot.....your mind is totaly focused on it ....so the first thing they work on is accaptence....

      And it's a long road ahead....for some a view months for others years. For me it openend my eyes that T is not the only problem and if you brain tells you something is a problem from now on...you are stuck with it and will hate stuff you thought was normal.

      T can bring your body and mind out of balance....and when you are out of balance you body does not work right anymore and you get anxiety and depression etc etc But it can also be the other way around....you could already be stressed or had a depression and T is a symptom of that. So that is kind of what was first....the chicken or the egg.

      But than you realise it does not matter what was first ....because it's still there.... you have to keep your focus on how to deal with T.

      Live with it and wait on habituation is an option but if you are so damn focused about it like I was I know it is hard to let go because it was 24/7 on my mind.

      Talking helped me a lot.... talking so much about it I got tired of my own talking and noticed that everyday I repeated the same stuff. So than I kept it more to my self and...well the rest is history.

      If you want to cry...just do so....if you want to yell ...you can do that too. I know I have....Why me I always said? Perhaps this is just a nightmare and I wake up in a view minutes......but no....this is it....this is my life and I have to deal with it no matter what.

      My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to take a walk outside because I'm sick from 4 days already. So I said ...yeah ok lets do it. So my son came along also with his little bike and he realy enjoyed it. My T was screaming because outside it was complete silent.... but I noticed it the moment I was not busy with my son and girlfriend and wondered of and thought .....well this is silent where is my T............... and EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
      there it was.....

      What I also did was bookmark the threads that give you positive energy. Posts where people say it will be allright etc.... when your down you just read those old posts. It helped me a lot.
       
      • Like Like x 3
    14. Rube
      Fine

      Rube Member Benefactor

      Location:
      U.S.A
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Thanks for your last few posts, very well said and very helpful.
       
    15. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      @RicoS
      Yes, so true.
      I was in a psychosomatic clinic, since they treat T patients there. There were so many different things people had to deal with. Teenagers being anorexic, people with compulsions (if this is the right translation), clinical depressions, people who simply hurt themselves and so on. And you don't understand why people cannot eat.
      For T it is a little bit different. People really feel sorry when playing a dog whistle to them.
      But as you said, we have to deal with it. We have to deal with our whole body reaction.
      The goal of TRT is that we no longer react, neither consciously nor subconsciously.
      The other goal is NOT seeking it.
      The past days, my T was milder. Was it really milder? Or is it some kind of residual inhibition because of listening to blue noise?
      And if I am distracted from T (today was watching a football match outside), I can put it in the background (although I still hear it). Afterwards I was seeking it automatically.
      Therefore I unfortunately sometimes fear, that even if we would get rid of T (for whatever reason), we (our brain) would seek for any sound inside us until something is found. Reminds me of a guy who "found" his T during a yoga session.
      So we have to deal wit it and all symptoms it brings us - until the symptoms diminish or a cure is found.
      I have to add: I can deal with it better than the first months. Still not feeling like normal, but better than after onset.
       
      • Like Like x 3
    16. Matt01

      Matt01 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      28/11/14
      I really agree with a lot of the above. I have had this for 9 weeks. For the first few weeks it didn't bother me as I assumed it would go, then I felt terrible realising it might be permanent and the nights were bad and the T was louder. Recently I started to feel a bit better and couldn't hear it as much, but then I got anxious again and could hear it loads this weekend. In short, I am wondering whether the T and volume havnt changed, just my reaction to it.
       
    17. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Hi Matt.
      You will find here sometimes the description "roller coaster ride" and "unpredictible T".
      T is a mental game like most chronic conditions.
      Nevertheless, if it is only 9 weeks, you have good chances it will go down or leave completely.
      I am somehow still optimistic, don't know why, that there will be a day in my lifetime I have silence again.
      Be it real silence or silence with T - where I don't care. Many have reached that stage.
       
    18. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Hi Kathi.
      Thanks for your kind words.
      Yes, I feel better than in my early stages.
      The biggest problem is still high tension - which is an automatic body reaction. I cannot control it. The dog whistle in my head is simply nothing which can be masked or ignored.
      And being on high tension a great part of the day makes life a challenge.
      My anxiety has gone down, my depression is also better. But high tension makes job and functioning really difficult.
      Blue noise helps me best currently. Yes, and audio books I listening to when I do long walks.
      I am not there yet where you are, but it is better.
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Hug Hug x 1
    19. David J
      Confused

      David J Member

      Location:
      Kent, Ohio
      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2011
      It really is all about acceptance. Much like anything else in life that we cannot change....we must accept. You can fight it all you want. You can look for answers until doomsday. You can write, read, listen, but when all is said and done, you learn to accept it. So you have a noise in your head? Your life isn't over. You can do anything anyone else can do. Be anything you want to be. Life can be normal...............if you accept it.
       
      • Like Like x 2
      • Agree Agree x 1
    20. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Hey David.
      Good advise. My TRT therapist said the same.
      But explain me "Accept it". If I tell myself "Accept it", it doesn't work.
      Sounds a little bit sarcastic. But if people tell me to accept it, I don't understand this.
      I don't look for answers, I know more or less everything. I know that it will be probably with me forever.
      How can I accept a 15 kHz, oscillating dog whistle in my head?
       
    21. Kathi
      Balanced

      Kathi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      NJ/USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/30/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      HFHL and stress
      I am so sorry that you are suffering so Martin--I don't have any words that you haven't heard before. Just know that I am on this journey with you--we all are. Acceptance is not something that can be forced. It just happens when you accept that tinnitus is not a threat. It has to be really felt so our limbic system knows that we are no longer threatened. It's just a day in, day out kind of thing. I know it sucks--excuse my language but it does suck. You will get there. @Dr. Nagler did and he has very severe intrusive tinnitus. He made it to mostly habituating his tinnitus--you can too. You have to believe in yourself.
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Agree Agree x 1
    22. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma

      Accepting is not one thing so they cannot tell you to just accept it....you need to learn that.

      Try to react less to it...if you cannot resist than just react to it but promise yourself the next time you just let it go. And if there is no next time because it's just one long time...let your emotions go from time to time....most people stuff all the feeling away you should not do that. And after that continu what you were doing.

      You say you know more or a less everything...just like me just like some others here..... The problem with this all knowing is that it did not result in a cure. You hate the sound you hear...and so did I.....accepting can be a part of not hating.
      When I went to sleep and it was realy loud and even masking did not work.....I thought of things I like to do realy visualise them in my mind and doing those things....I was hearing my T but slowly it went to the background as long as I kept imagening the things I did.

      But sometimes I woke up in stress ...antoher day with T. And that feeling right there...when you wake up ...that is a feeling you got to work on and get rid of.
      If you tell yourself negative things they will stick to you. You think you can never accept this sound, but believe me I thought that too and I have 3 sounds. But if your there you just do not care anymore. Stop fighting it....but fight for yourself. As long as you give it negative energie you mind will keep thinking it is importat and will focus on it.

      Say to yourself...ok it's here....but I still accept myself as I am and I love myself like I am. If you cannot accept yourself ...how can you accept T.

      I know you will slowly get there, but the moment you think you are there you most of the time are not there yet and have a fallback from time to time......deep in your heart you know when you are there....I remember that day very well.... my mind just stopped carring....just from one day upan the next.

      If you want to accept it...you have to find yourself a way to get relax....what ever it takes. But try to get yourself relax do not make it the goal to overcome T....but to get your whole body back into relax mode...with or without T.

      I know you know this also but you want it to be quick and that will not happen....the more you search for habituation the longer it takes (for me). The moment I just said f4ck it ..... it became less. Stop talking about it ....leave the forum for a couple of days ....do not make it your escape out of panick place....that should be something other not related to T.

      But find a place where or situation where you can be relax ....even while hearing T. If you can mask it ...also good as long as you can relax yourself.

      For me a hot bath while the water is still on is 5 minutes of complete rest. Use those moments to regain strength.
      Your life is not normal at the moment and needs special attention from you , so by all means find your relax place
       
      • Like Like x 3
    23. I who love music
      Cheerful

      I who love music Member

      Location:
      Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      mid seventies
      My T doesn't get in the way of my hearing. But it used to get on my nerves.
       
    24. David J
      Confused

      David J Member

      Location:
      Kent, Ohio
      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2011
      Acceptance is not easy. I didn't say that. You said "how can I accept this 15 kHz dog whistle?" You are fighting it. It is human nature. It isn't natural to say; O.K., this is it, I'll have this noise for the rest of my life so I just have to learn to live with it. No, you don't want to.
      There are a lot of terrible things that can happen to us that we don't want to accept. However, when we learn to accept them, then we can move on with our lives. We can rid ourselves of the stress and anxiety.
      It comes under the heading:
      God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
      You can't change the "T", but you can change your approach to it.
       
      • Like Like x 3
    25. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      Hi David.
      Of course I know you are right.
      Maybe it is because I am an IT troubleshooter.
      I prefer fixing things and not living with "workarounds".
      Nevertheless, I move on with my life. It is a bumpy road now.
      My life was never easy, so I will also go through this.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    26. kevin b
      Fine

      kevin b Member

      Location:
      Hope well junction, NY
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/2014
      For me it is definetly the feelings about it. The problem I am having now is I believe I accidentally took extra doses of my AD for a few days and developed a hissing in my ear. I have had pulsating T in my right ear for about a year and over the past month was really making progress and now the depression, anxiety, and self-blame are with me causing much stress. Any advice on how to get thru this setback?
       
    27. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      It's like I wrote above already...everytime you think your almost there...your not....you have setbacks and this is one of them.
      Sometimes my T spiked for 2 weeks sometimes it was lower....but at the end it didn't matter because I hated it anyway.

      If you have bad anxiety like I have...you have to accept it and let is pass. .
      You can blame yourself, but that does not going to help because you are not going to punish yourself about what you are blaming yourself for. So you can stop that right away. :couchpotato:

      It ain't easy and life is not fair...that is a fact....but what you just typed we all experience sometime in T life.... if you were already on your way to deal with it ...I'm sure you will come back on track again and this is just temporary.

      But it's still a proces which is not fun and you still have to go through. It's a part of your T life now and perhaps you will have more of these moments.....Try to learn from it so you won't have to get a depression the next time.
       
    28. kevin b
      Fine

      kevin b Member

      Location:
      Hope well junction, NY
      Tinnitus Since:
      1/2014
      I hope you are right Rico, it is such a kick in the stomach to feel like I was getting so close to putting T behind me for a good part of each day, I was getting hours of not hearing it and the anxiety and depression of having it was getting better. Granted I am not back to ground zero, but it is disheartning to say the least. But i have heard from my therapist recovery is 3 steps forward and two steps back.
       
    29. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      Yes it always is.... I experience that myself also... so knowing that I do not try to go in panic mode when my body wants to and try to relax myself asap!!!
       
    30. RicoS
      Confused

      RicoS Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Netherlands
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress or Acoustic trauma
      Hi Martin,

      Your just like me because I also could not accept things I also want to have them cured of fixed. For these type of people it is always harder to deal with it in the first place.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1

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