I'm well habituated to my T.....but what does it mean? I can still hear it ....but I never look for it so I hardly notice it. When I look for it ...it's damn loud and the longer I listen to it the louder it seems to get...... Same with my H by the way So what is different comparing more than 1.5 years ago when it all began....... T did not change.... I wrote in a lot of posts that my T was down in volume but I also always said that ...well read the firste sentences ...that if I look for it I still hear it and it's damn loud in a silent room or when I look for it. What most people forget especially the newbies....is the stress and anxiety and depression (the state your are in at that moment) makes it all so much worse. Sometimes I thought I was out of the depression or anxiety...but until 1.5 years I knew I realy was not.... I was habituating.....and perhaps I still am, but since the sound did not change the only thing that left my body was stress, anxiety and the depression. Without these tree killers T is there..... but I do not care. I had suicidal thought when I just got T.... my body broke down....and for more than a year I searched the internet ...took all kind of herbs ....bought books about "Get Rid of your T for Free" for $40 dollars I spoke to a lot of people I did TRT ...you name it and I did it.... but when I look back....the real thing that helped me was getting rid of the anxiety , stress and depression regarding T. Sure it ain't no cure....but for most of us there is no cure, Do I feel handicapt by my T now.....NO ABSOLUTLY not..... but when I just got it I thought my life was over and wanted to transfer all my safings to my girlfriend and end my life. The problem with this.....there is no easy fix.....no magic pill ....that helps you get rid of it in a second. For the regular people here they might remember there was a topic with the title "What did you learn from your T" or something like "Did T bring you something positive" My answer was...."Nothing....nothing at all.... I hate it etc etc" Ok....so now I'm here again on this forum telling it DID learn me something. Lets focus on my current situation : I have a depression...... not regarding my T , but something at the dentist went wrong and I went in total panic mode.... Could not stop it...it was my body doing this to me. But wait a minute....all the feelings of suicide ...stress....feeling down, no energy...stop seeing friends.... a total meltdown feeling.... all regarding this symptom I now have (will not go in much detail about that because it does not matter) It felt/feels the same as when T started. So what did T learned me ..... That I can also overcome this again and will not notice it anymore when the depression and anxiety have been overcome. Because the feelings are the same but the symptoms are different this time. First it was T ...now this.... so I know it will take time to overcome this, but I know for a fact that my mind can stop focussing on it. When we first encounter a depression or anxiety attack ...no matter if it stays there for a minute or months....we think we are going nuts...together with T and or H you think your life is over. But check this site http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml#symptomslist It shows you all kind of symptoms for anxiety....well I found 15 that I thought were some severe diseases I had but were all just a part of anxiety....the moment I understood that...the symptoms went slowly away...because I could place them in my head that it was my mind doing tricks on me because it is in panic mode and wants to defend itself against this symptom that we do not see as NORMAL anymore...or like T is not normal but your body sees it as the worst enemy. As soon as you body does not see it as an enemy anymore.....you also could care less that it is there. Sure you think at the moment when you are reading this and are extremely bothered by it that it´s easy talking for me, but it is not. My T is loud...very loud....but my will to live is stronger than my T now......The problem was that I did not know how to fight an enemy that you cannot touch. The other problem was that you should not fight against an enemy when your mentaly unstable and do not have the energy to go into that fight. That is the moment you need help!! ....But like me I was not used to find help for the mind.... So you go to the doctor and cry for help and you say `Doctor I have T ... I want to end my life please help me` The doctor says "Your fine...it's just a sound....lots of people have it, learn to live with it" From that day on your doctor is the biggest scumbag in the world and you do not even know how he became a doctor in the first place You want to open the gates of hell on him for not helping you....you are in total panic and fear and you hear a sound that is always there and you hate it so much that you focus on it all day long hating on it ....checking if it's there or if it's less loud .... Do I hear it here do I hear it there You just cannot stop ..... You go to a forum like this to ventilate and talk to others who also hate their doctor now because they told them the same damn thing.....learn to live with it you dummy....it's only a sound But what if.....you read all this ....and you know that anxiety just kicked in your front door and was not invited but wants to sleep over for like.....for ever!! .....should I hate it or have a toast If you experienced a depression before and you get T...people seem to act differently on it (talked to some people about this) ....they understand the feelings they go through and take a brake from work or something to get adjusted to the new situation....they do not panic that much. Same with the depression I am in now....a depression is a disease... so I cannot fight it. But I can look in a different way at it so I get less anxiety because I know with help the feelings and symptoms will go away or better will be part of my sub-concious again. Perphaps we fight T to much here sometimes....but you also cannot win a boxing match with air. You can punch it as much you want but it will still be there. Do I believe that T is worse for some than others........absolutly.....for a fact....we have mild T and severy T people here....but our bodies can still react with the same negative force to mild T and severy T. So if somebody is feeling totaly down and out and has mild T ...does not make him feel better or less than the ones with severy T , because somebody with severe T could not care a damn thing about it. It just depends on what you are feeling. Anxiety is the killer.... it gives you extra symptoms you never knew could happen to you. And because there is no real 100% cure against T...you might think that everything you are experiencing can not be overcome. Well there is light in the tunnel ...but do not think you will be there fast..... seek help if you are realy depressed and have symptoms like the ones in the list (http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml#symptomslist) I know for me this will be a long road to overcome the symptoms of the depression, but what T have learned me is that I can deal with it and will ride it out until the smokes clear up. During that time I get professional help. Do not give up.....what you are dealing with are things we all deal with and the symptoms that come along with it are not only regarding to T but are common to a lot of stuff we have to deal with what is new and an enemy for our body and or mind. PS Sorry for the bad english... but I hope you get the point ........there is a way to make you feel better. Perhaps not cure you from T, but at least get your life back. For some it's way harder than others ...believe me I know.... but still.....you cannot give up anyway !!!