Isn't Tinnitus a Nightmare!

Here is a description of what I am going through. I believe It all started when I was too close to a speaker at a rock concert. Shortly after that evening I had a low hum in my left ear and 9 years later, It is still there. My right ear is not affected.

It is constant wherever I go but when I went to Colorado which is 1 mile above sea level (lower pressure) it stopped for the full 10 days of my visit!! Come back to the UK and it returns.
If I violently shake my head from side to side it stops for around 1 minute.
I have to sleep with speakers in my pillow because I have to have noise 24/7. As soon as the surroundings are silent, the humming starts. As long as the tv is on or the radio etc it makes the humming stop.

It drives me insane. I have a great family and partner, but if the day comes where they are not in my life, I will commit suicide and put an end to this unbearable condition. I would pay thousands to get it sorted but apparently there is no cure. I realize that there is no cure for tinnitus but I am convinced that there must be an operation to sort me out.

I have become a very intolerant and angry person and tinnitus is to blame. I often sit here alone punching myself in the face with force, I hate myself and wish I want here but I have to be strong for my family and partner.

 

Have you considered a permanent move to the mountains?

 

You are on to something then. Try to repeat the experiment and if you confirm that external pressure has an impact, you should definitely explore and see if there is something that can be done (possibly surgery of the middle ear).

 

Your t seems mild if it can be masked by a TV or radio, consider yourself lucky.

Also. I notice your reaction to it seems negative. When i hear mine i no longer react angrily, i have no emotion towards it now. I can mask it with pink noise from my phone which i do when im at home. The tv doesn't quite cover it unless there's a busy scene. Anyways, work on your reaction to it and it will make it easier to deal with . a hum is far easier to deal with than a loud puretone which many on this forum have to deal with.

 

Why don't you play radio all day long in this case? I think it's a better soluition than ending your life. Mine T is mild too (I usually hear my T when watching TV though), I hate it so I play radio, TV, nature sounds or pink noise to cancel it. I know people without T at my work who would listen to radio all day long at work, radio is also on at my parents house. For instance my sister who does not have T listens to radio/classical music at work, at home she also have radio on all the time. I know it's not ideal and silence is preferred but isn't it better than endless dwelling on T? I know it's irritating, but look we need to change the way we think about our T. Instead of thinking T is bad, just think radio is good or neutral, rain sounds / pink noise are nautral, etc. In the end our hearing system was created to listen to sounds and not to sit in silence. Try to think silence is not good, sounds are good. Honestly I get cought with the similar thoughts as you have, but whne I start to dwell on it I slap my face and say to myslef: don't waste your life just because you have to listen to radio all the time. If TV is enought to cover your T than watch a lot of TV. Again believe me there are lots of people who do listen to radio/music all day long, it's definitely better than ending your life. Life is to be lived.

 

You're not the only one there. It's pretty sad when the only thing in life you look forward to is sleeping, but I have to keep reminding myself that there is always someone suffering worse than me.

 

Went to a 5 day meditation retreat in a quiet part of Ireland. Was dreading it as without city noise my hum and pure tones are very noticeable. The first night was awful. So quiet with no masking. However as the days progressed I had to get up earlier, go to bed later, interact with interesting people and take two sound baths. By the end of the 5 days my T sounds had noticeably lessened. I could sleep well. Things stayed like this for several days after my return. My take on this is is that feeling oneself to be a meaningful part of a group is important, getting healthily tired is good, sound baths may be a help. My normal life is disconnected and probably lazy as I feel so demotivated by T. Just my 2 cents.

 

I believe that when I went up in the mountains on a vacation, that my tinnitus stopped for the full time I was there. Too bad I got altitude illness there. Maybe the altitude thing might be something.

 

While it is understandable you feel angry about having tinnitus, your reaction is very severe -- having self-hatred, speaking of suicide and being self-injurious is neither a healthy nor constructive way of coping. Have you ever thought about seeking therapy? Of course a mental health professional can not cure your tinnitus but may be able to assist you with your negative feelings and dispense medication if needed to treat anxiety. As with a percentage of any population, some people with tinnitus may also have other underlying issues with which they need to deal and this serves to compound the tinnitus itself. To harm yourself the way you have described is not good. You are fortunate to have a great family and partner.

Sending my best wishes.