Hello everyone, so where I live, it is almost 5 am. Another 30 minutes and I would have to get up for work but since I have not slept the entire night despite various attempts in doing so, I won't have to bother... I'm writing because...well because right now I really don't know what to do. This disease has turned me into a monster. I'm crying as I'm writing this, maybe from lack of sleep, maybe from the T, I don't know... I'm scared. I'm scared because I know I have to call in sick and tell them the reason is „I couldn't sleep.“ I'm scared because this condition has caused me to take so many sick days that now somebody else is doing my job and whenever I am at work I rarely have anything to do. I'm scared my boss won't take lack of sleep as a reason to stay at home. And I'm scared because I don't know what to do when the sun is up. I'm sick of everthing I have to do that comes with this condition. Since November, I have been through so many doctors, most of which told me to just take psychotropic drugs – which I will not ever in my life touch because my psyche is just fine and has always been fine until the Tinnitus came along. I'm having another appointment on Thursday. Even though I know, it will be the same old talk, the same old result and I might buy yet another supplement that will simply not help. It's so tiring. Nights like these make me so suicidal. I have never felt the urge to end my life – up until last November. I am trying so hard to get rid of these thoughts but a night like this one makes one thing seem really good about death – the quietness. I cannot remember what it is like, when theres no sound and I can just relax. I don't what it's like aymore and it' killing me. I am desperate for silence. I'm so aggressive all the time, I can barely stand myself. I am not that young anymore, my next step was having children and settling down with my significant other. Now I fear that I will harm the child with my negativity and break downs from the Tinnitus. I fear that I will go insane, as stupid as it sounds. And still I am sitting here not knowing what to do next. What do I tell my boss? What do I do until Thursday? Everything seems so pointless right now. I have to make a thousand phone calls again, waiting weeks for appointments. I simply feel like I can't do it anymore. Nobody else whom I know suffers from this as much as I do. I feel so weak. I sincerely hope that I will find some sort of relief soon, I really don't know how long I'll be able to take this. Another hour before I can call work. I hope I'll even be able to keep my job. This shit scares me so much I can't even put it in words. I will look through the forum after this, again, for hours on end I'll spend time on the Internet just to come to the conclusion that nothing works...but I'll be distracted for a while at least...so...have a nice day/night everyone. I sincerely wish for all of you to get rid of this hell of a disease.