It's Xmas and I'm So Sad

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Luvkitties, Dec 26, 2015.

    1. Luvkitties

      Luvkitties Member

      Olympia WA
      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Do Not Know
      I got hit with T four months ago. I am 68 but everyone says I look much younger....probably because I stayed in good health all my life. Ate healthy, no smoking or drinking, jogged for over 40 years and worked in government for 35 years. Never thought something like this would bring me down as I was enjoying my retirement after buying my first home, enjoying the outdoors and peace and quiet with my two kitties. No problem with my hearing only very slight drop in one ear but nothing I had even noticed. Been to acupuncturist, chiropractor, MRI, different doctors, etc. and of course nothing was found wrong. I have been suffering with high pitch squealing that builds up during the day. It seems to be adrenaline based because any loud noise or getting upset will kick it up a few notches. So now I feel like I am walking on egg shells trying to keep it down. It stays real loud for a couple days and then gives me a little relief but lately I am noticing that even on good days it doesn't drop to the low buzz I was getting before. I have a buzzing constantly but when it's real bad it is chirping which drives me crazy. Also get severe neck tension when it's real loud. Take Buspar twice a day and doctor just upped my dosage and then take Hydroxyzine to get to sleep at night or if it gets unbearable and I begin to freak out. Not sure I am taking the right meds but they seem to be helping me a little with the panic. I am such an active person and can't deal with how much this has slowed me down when I wasn't at all ready. What I can't understand is some days it will be just a loud buzz which I have learned to tolerate by keeping busy but some days it ramps up so loud I want to die. I live alone by choice....I enjoy my solitude and being independent. I have found that being alone now is terrible.....I get panic attacks and pace the floor and think if I only had someone to take my mind off this. I was always a pretty uptight person with a little OCD but kept my fears and emotions hidden and always in control. I was told by a counselor I have PTSD from a lot of bad things happening in my past. So then I was told stress may have brought this on but in researching I see it can just happen and no one knows why. I have pretty much accepted it will not go away. If it's this bad it doesn't seem possible it will one day be gone. But's Xmas and I couldn't even decorate my house because it reminded me how much I enjoyed the holidays last year and this year it's been so awful. I am thankful for this forum but it surprises me so many people are in the same misery....funny how I have never heard anyone going through this ever......slight ringing in the ears everybody gets now and then but this is so much more insidious the way in creeps into your very soul and lets you know it has the power. I keep reading that it will someday get better but it's Xmas and I'm alone and wondering when that day will be.
      • Hug Hug x 6
    2. Dubbyaman

      Dubbyaman Member Advocate

      Northern Indiana
      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Excessive loud noise
      Im sorry your going thru this bull shit. If it makes you feel better, I got my T at 31 from loud headphone use. Mine is similar to yours. Very loud days and very quiet days. All I can say is hang in there bud. You're still kind of in the beginning stages. It was terrible for me at first too but it does get easier. Just hope they figure something out for it and maybe since yours just randomly started, it may go away some day. Who knows but I will does SUCK!
      • Like Like x 2
    3. Lorac

      Lorac Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Sudden profound hearing loss in left ear.
      Hi @Luvkitties,
      Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you are feeling so down on Christmas day. For me and for many others on this forum, things do get better with time. The panicky feelings tend to improve. I agree that you cannot really understand how frightening severe tinnitus can be until you live with it. If you have found your way to this forum, then it is probably not the run of the mill ringing in your ears that my husband and so many others have. The tinnitus is ever present with me but I have learned to habituate to some degree. I wish it wasn't there but I am not afraid of it now. Hang in there. Be strong. We are here for you.
    4. Cheza

      Cheza Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barking dogs/stress
      You sound a lot like me, except I'm a dog lover :)

      Your tinnitus is recent onset, and as I've mentioned in other posts, the first months are the worst months. You're lucky in that it's already cycling, meaning some days it's loud and other days it's mild. That didn't happen with me until eight months after the tinnitus beast dragged me into its hell hole. I think cycling is a good sign, because there are those on this forum that never get a break, so you can just imagine what it's like for them day after day after day.

      Try to be optimistic about celebrating New Year's Eve with a mild T day. And remember, any holiday is just another day except for the importance that we attach to it.

      Find the thread on this forum that discusses audio notch therapy. I think it will help you. Also the Back To Silence thread is a good one. Hasn't helped me much, but I'm thankful for even the smallest improvement.
      • Like Like x 1
      • Agree Agree x 1
    5. James
      No Mood

      James Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      Pulsing 03/2013
      Christmas is over, Hello @Luvkitties
      I'm right with you, I was feeling so bad yesterday I emailed my Doctors, depression. Then my doctor says I now have parkinsons, a hand tremor. I'm really getting tired of that.

      Today I'm going for a walk outdoors. Four months was not enough time, at least not for me, to feel better about my T. One day at a time and lets all look forward to sunny days ahead after winter. I hope you feel better soon, lets all feel better and get rid of the Holidays blues. Stay busy and be distracted away from T. God bless.
      • Like Like x 1
    6. michaelbio

      michaelbio Member Benefactor

      Long Island, New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      Sorry to hear you recently got it. You will learn to habituate overtime. I know that sounds like a quick answer, but your brain will adjust and tune out the sound overtime. Whenever I focus on my tinnitus it sounds louder and I think about it more. When you keep busy and you aren't 'checking in' with tinnitus, it seems softer or you just notice it less. I would try to keep as busy as possible, if you like to exercise, don't quit it, just go light and easy if you feel like your anxious. If you're home alone, get white noise machines. Place them in a few rooms and keep them low, that helps me during bad weeks if I focus too much on it. Go outdoors and take walks, for some reason outdoor sounds seem to mask tinnitus naturally. Don't worry it will get better. Focusing and monitoring tinnitus will amplify it. Take it day by day.
      • Like Like x 2
    7. Robin mounter

      Robin mounter Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      September 6th 2015
      Look, if your feeling sad and depressed, I know how it feels and all of us do. You'll learn how live with overtime. Look at how I feel, I started having tinnitus 3 months ago at the age of 11. I've learned how to deel with it. Ent gave me excellent advice.

      Stress will only make tinntius worse, try to have at least 20 to 30 minute walk just to unwind and relax. Relaxing will make tinititus better. Your brain will cope with the sound and you'll never really notice it

      Good luck, have hope for a cure
      • Like Like x 1

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