Just Want My Life Back...

Discussion in 'Support' started by hopeforhappiness, Jan 15, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. hopeforhappiness

      hopeforhappiness Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      22/12/2015
      Hi everyone,

      I have been lurking this site for the past month and figured I'd make an account. I could really use the support.

      I don't know how my T started.. That's the most frustrating part. I had been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety at work and back in December I developed terrible back and neck pain, so bad I couldn't lie down or sleep. I was taking OTC ibuprofen and acetaminophen every 4 hours for a week. I never went over the maximum recommended dose though..

      On December 17 I was pretty anxious so decided to listen to a guided meditation on my phone using earphones. I don't remember having it loud or anything as I don't like sounds. A little while after I experienced a momentary (lasting a few seconds) ring in my right ear and my ear seemed to plug up with air. I figured it would go away.

      December 19 I went on a boat ride with my family. (Not loud or noisy) As we were disembarking I felt a pressure change in my left ear and it seemed to plug up.

      The next few days I had a lot of pressure and pain from that in my ears, like after a plane ride. Tried doing valsalva gently and others but couldn't get rid of what felt like air. The pressure hurt and seemed to be muffling my hearing.
      December 20 was the last day I took ibuprofen/acetaminophen.

      December 21 i tried doing the valsalva method gently to get rid of the air bubbles. I did it but noticed it really hurt. Didn't do it hard but worried I did something bad. I went to my GP for an unrelated bladder infection and told her about the ears. She said my ears looked fine and to stop thinking about it as it was probably anxiety related.
      She also gave me penicillin (pivmecillinam/penomax) for my bladder infection which I started taking that day.
      I remember being at a restaurant that night and my ears hurting because of the pressure and feeling sensitive to sound. Not particularly loud though. Until then experienced no ringing or nothing.

      December 22 hell started and I woke up with ringing in my ears. It set my anxiety through the roof. This was my worst nightmare. I love silence. I haven't had loud noise exposure..

      Since then I've cried nearly every day, had trouble sleeping and had constant panic attacks. I feel like I hear it even more when there's other sounds. I've become bed ridden and suicidal and I feel like my life has been taken from me.

      I don't understand where this has come from and I just want it to disappear.
      I don't know if it's from the ibuprofen/acetaminophen use the week before (ringing started after stopping) or if its related to my back/neck pain I had as I also clench/grind my teeth at night.

      I went to an ENT who was useless. Barely listened to me, took a standard hearing test and said hearing was fine and lectured me about how everyone can hear sounds in their body. I know silence. This is not silence.

      He then prescribed some Betaserc (antihistamine) and told me to try that 3x a day and come back after 2 weeks. And that tinnitus wasn't dangerous.. (Duh)

      Pills don't really help. I'm so desperate after reading about prednisone that I badly want to "steal" some of my dads, as conservative doctors here in Scandinavia wouldn't prescribe it. However I don't know dosages and don't want something bad to happen.

      My GP has given me Zoloft and oxazepam as I have a history of anxiety and depression but nothing seems to be working.

      Reading on the Internet makes me more scared as I'm afraid I'm stuck with this forever and everything seems to be negative and that tinnitus never goes away.. I'm only 24 and it makes me so sad that just a little more than a month ago my life was normal.

      I really need some support here.. I don't know what to do.
      Thank you for reading.
       
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    2. daniel1111
      Shitfaced

      daniel1111 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Amsterdam
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/12/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced, repeated exposure with loud headphones.
      Hello,

      Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know it's difficult, but it's best not to worry so much about the future and living forever with it. I was in your position a few weeks ago, it got to me so much that I had to hide the knives in my kitchen just in case. I couldn't sleep, I was becoming deeply depressed, and all that was making my tinnitus louder and more noticeable. I just couldn't stand it.

      Now, already I am much happier and getting my life back on track. The noise is much quieter, and there are many times where I don't notice it. If I do hear it, it doesn't bother me. I had a kind of a half bad day with it yesterday but that was my fault because I had a bad hangover and the sound was very loud, but today it's the quietest it has ever been.

      I can't promise you anything, but almost everyone either recovers from their tinnitus or habituates to it, to the point that it doesn't bother them anymore. This forum may depress you at times because it's the unfortunate few that do have ongoing issues, people don't come here to write about life without tinnitus! Go over to the Knowledge Base -> Success Stories forum here, a lot of people recover from this, but not as many people post about it as those who suffer greatly do.

      You have to take this one day at a time. Try not to think that it will be this way in the future, the odds are completely on your side to cope with this much better, you are still very new to it and your reaction is textbook for the first month at least. Try not to measure your tinnitus sound, it's volume or pitch or what it's doing. Distract yourself from those kind of thoughts because they actually make it louder and more noticeable.

      You will find that the more anxious or depressed you are, the louder your sound will be. The best thing you can do is keep yourself busy and your mind distracted, it's going to be difficult but the more you can take your mind off of it, the better you will cope with it. Avoid situations where you can just sit there and think about tinnitus where possible. I don't know what would help with yours, but walking around the city for me was much better than watching TV or movies at home alone.

      Have you tried a white noise app for your phone? Sometimes TV or music sounds just allow your tinnitus to creep up above them which is even more annoying. These apps have other noises like white noise or crickets which more people have luck with masking the their sound, and this is really needed sometimes to get some good sleep, which is important for your mood and therefore your tinnitus.


      Good luck and be positive, you can get through this.


      Regards,
      Daniel
       
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    3. undecided
      Fine

      undecided Member

      Location:
      Greece
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown.
      Your doctor won't prescribe prednisone and instead prescribes a benzo/AD combo ... ?
      Have you actually been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety issues?
      I'm not saying that the prednisone is effective (it might have a temporary effect, at best) but prescribing these hard hitting drugs for work related anxiety is a bit absurd.
       
    4. ceauses97
      Speechless

      ceauses97 Member

      Location:
      Norway
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/12/15
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud music/chemotherapy/hypercalcemia
      Your ears are fine, your hearing is fine as well, and your tinnitus isn't noice-induced. Seems to me it will subside on its own.

      If its related to your neck/back issue, you should make an appointmed with a massage therapist, as they are trained and specialized in treating neck muscles being too tight.

      Believe it or not, stress, anxiety and depression is also known to cause tinnistus. So if you're getting more worried now, you're only walking into a evil circle. Certain things can also trigger bouts of tinnitus, or worsen it. For instance, do you smoke cigarettes? Or drink alcohol or caffeine? If yes, then quit it.

      and why the heck care? You haven't even had it for a month. 80 % of tinnitus cases resolves on its own (My sources: ENT in Norway)

      Do like me, wait for it to get better. Hopefully it will go away, AND even if it doesn't, then fuck it, I guess thats bad luck, huh? It's not like we can do anything.

      If you're thinking of taking your own life, atleast wait, because its common that tinnitus goes away within the first 6 months to a year. What if you're tinnitus was meant to subside, but you can experience that, because youre already dead. How annoying would that be, burning in hell knowing you could be in heaven enjoying silence?

      And if it doesn't go away within a year, then comfort yourself knowing there is a cure on its way. Why?

      because I'm working on it right now. lol

      you will be alright. take care. and by the way, where in Scandinavia are you from?
       
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    5. Sailboardman
      Frustrated

      Sailboardman Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/21/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Sensorineural hearing loss right ear.
      @hopeforhappiness,

      If you have no hearing loss, Prednisone won't do much to improve things. I would also stop doing the Valsalva method of clearing your ears.

      Keep busy and don't dwell on your T all day. Let some time pass before making drastic, life ending decisions. You can't be cured of death! Who knows, you maybe lucky and have only temporary T? Keep your ears protected, limit salt, caffeine and sugar for awhile. If things don't improve soon and the pressure gets worse, have an MRI done. Just make sure you bring some good earplugs if you do.

      Stay calm and hang in there.
       
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    6. Hotaru
      Depressed

      Hotaru Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      12-15-15
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      URI/ETD
      I too have had T for a month, but instead of just a bladder infection I have interstitial cystitis. Isn't it amazing how life completely changes in such a short time? Let's try to heal together. Stock up on magnesium and B vitamins.
       
    7. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Welcome @hopeforhappiness. The reactions you described above are quite normal reactions for new tinnitus sufferers. If you read the success stories, most people who have gotten better would mirror your description of the initial sufferings. Crying is a nice way to soothe out the extreme emotions. I know of an admin of another forum who said he cried for 2 years (but he is recovered now). So you are not alone. Most members here have been where you are, and many have gotten better to write their success stories. I wrote mine too.

      A few years back, my ultra high pitch dog whistle T plus severe hyperacusis just turned me into a mess initially. My T is loud and packed with so much condense energy in the pitch that I would hear it above the jet noise in the flights I took. I was having relentless anxiety and panic attacks the minute I woke up from loud T. That fact that I had suffered anxiety and panic disorders for decades prior to T & H made my situation worst. No amount of will power could stop the panic attacks. My mind was panic prone and it had no chance against the arrival of these alien monsters of T & H. The first 6 to 8 months, I had to survive on meds, like Ativan for anxiety, Prozac for depression, and sleeping pills for insomnia. The big 'S' word was dangling in front of this tired and stressed out mind, as it saw no way out. I had many distorted thoughts and scared to death about the future. I thought good life would never return.

      By here I am today living a normal and absolutely enjoyable life, as my body is hardened to the T ringing and H just faded over time. I wrote my success story like many members and I listed many helpful strategies to aid my turnaround. For brevity, if you are interested about the strategies, here is my story.

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

      Time and good strategies have been known to help people get better. In the mean time, if T gets you so stressful and anxious, try masking it actively like what I had to do initially. Here are some suggestions. Take good care & God bless your recovery.

      TT's own audio player with great masking sounds:
      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/audioplayer/

      If you need more masking sounds, here is free ‘aire freshener’:
      http://www.peterhirschberg.com/mysoftware.html

      Rain sounds are soothing indeed. You can make your own rain sounds with this rain generator:
      http://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/rainNoiseGenerator.php

      You can also search youtube by typing in the masking sounds, such as ‘white noise’, ‘tinnitus masking sounds’ or specific nature sounds of rain, waves, waterfalls etc. and you should get a good list of sounds to choose from.
       
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    8. nills
      Barefooter

      nills Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Belgium
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma
      Keep looking for a doctor that takes you seriously and walk out on anyone who doesn`t ... really, they don`t deserve your time or energy.

      It is amazing your logged all the things that happend to you and it should provide them enough info to find some kind of source of your ear problem which have led to T ...

      wait as long as you can with AD`s imo ... they bring your brain out of balance when taken to long and this could aggrivate the T I have read. But there are many different opiinions about it ... some feel anxiety is worse than the sound ... I feel you get stronger if you just sit it out and it will keep your body healthy as you are not poisining it with dangerous meds.

      good luck, keep looking for doctors! ... check your jaw for TMJ ...

      x
       
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    9. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      @nills
      Yes, ADs bring your brain out of balance. But coping with severe T, anxiety and depression is no fun.
      So since we cannot take benzos permanently, we must have something else. The standard stuff like exercising, talk therapy, CBT, a good diet etc. is not always working. My doc thinks about Sertraline, but for next weeks I keep on going without. But it is tough, in particular anxiety if you have a dog whistle and a dentist drill in your head.
       
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    10. nills
      Barefooter

      nills Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Belgium
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma
      I`m already mellowing down my standpoint ... and honestly, lately the idea of taking Ad passed my mind to .. I just want some enjoyement and peace ... but as long as it is not proven as safe and has all these bad stories connected to it I rather not. I mean, the AD is temporarily and the beast will catch up with you anyway ... and when it does it usually is more strong, and you have no meds to help you and your brain is just running behind trying to get it`s balance back ... i feel it is one step forward and two steps back.
       
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    11. Martin69
      Artistic

      Martin69 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      (Health) Anxiety
      I also want to avoid meds at all costs. I only take Remeron 7,5 mg at night, but that's nearly nothing.
      At the moment, I try coping with a strong will, exercising, masking and from time to time a Trobalt or a Lorazepam.
      Some days ago I took 200 mg Trobalt. T went down from 10/10 to maybe 5 or 6. And I had an anti-anxiety effect. I felt like normal again. No anxiety. It was awesome. It lasted 4-5 hours. So I cannot live forever with anxiety. Functioning is difficult. Either I habituate somehow or I need med support. But as said, I want to avoid as good as possible.
       
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    12. nills
      Barefooter

      nills Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Belgium
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2009
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      acoustic trauma
      interesting video ...

      A Word of Warning About Zoloft
       
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    13. Telis

      Telis Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      Calgary
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      WOW...I can relate to this. These brain zaps started as soon as I started tapering off Effexor a year and half ago, I still have them constantly to this day, on top of this my T worsened. One thing about these brain zaps though (IMO) they are nothing compared to constant severe tinnitus. Funny, I took this crap becasue of my stress with tinnitus, wish I never touched it, absolutely no up side here.
       
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    14. kristinsj

      kristinsj Member

      Location:
      Bodø, Norway
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      No known reason
      Dear @hopeforhappiness - i am sorry to read your story, and to hear about your struggles. Then again, we are many that relate to your story.

      In the battle against tinnitus knowledge is power. The main reason T becomes a problem is because of the anxiety and depression that follows the sound. You ought to search for a ENT that takes you seriously, but then again, the things you heard are true. It will get better if you stop thinking about it and stop worrying about it. Most of the times, the sound goes away in the early stages. If the sound persists, it will still help to stop thinking and worrying. But this is hard work plus it can take time. Only days ago, i was miserable and tired and fed up, as you will be when you have to cope with stuff that you don't want to cope with.

      If you are clinically depressed, you ought to treat the depression first. Please do hang in there, you might just get better and i bet you have things in your life that you don't want to let go of. I wish you all the best.
       
    15. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      One of the things we have to remember is that ADs like SSRIs are not developed for tinnitus. All medicines can have side effects, and medicines for treating depression are no exception. Although generally well-tolerated, antidepressant drugs affect each person differently. While we should respect others' opinions and experiences on using a certain medicine, we should know that drug reaction to side effects is highly personal. If you have deep depression and your doctor recommend and monitor your usage of a certain drug for treating depression, perhaps you should give it an honest shot without depending on scattered options here and there over internet forums. At best, that is their experience and not yours. You may not have side effects using the drug and may enjoy the benefit of seeing the treated symptoms getting better. Regarding Prozac, I have no adverse side effect from it and I discontinued using it without side effects. I have asked my family doctor who is a very experienced doctor about long termed usage of Prozac. He said it is not addictive and he has patients using it for decades. So I used it whenever I needed it and came off it whenever I wanted. Sometimes I would just taper it when coming off. But even without tapering, I am ok with it. Like I said, drug reaction is highly personal. If you really have to depend on it, do consult and work closely with your doctor on using it. Here is a write up on WebMD about the myth surrounding SSRI and its long-termed usage.

      http://www.webmd.com/depression/ssris-myths-and-facts-about-antidepressants
       
    16. hopeforhappiness

      hopeforhappiness Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      22/12/2015
      @daniel1111 , I wanted to thank you so much for your incredibly kind, supportive and thoughtful reply. It really meant so much to me. I've read it over again quite a few times and I'm so appreciative for the words and support. It helped me feel hopeful in a dark place. Thank you.
       
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    17. hopeforhappiness

      hopeforhappiness Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      22/12/2015
      @ceauses97, Thank you for the reply and support. I guess the frustrating part in all of this is that I have no idea what caused my T. Hearing was said to be fine by the ENT but I know they usually just check up to 8khz and sometimes "hidden hearing loss" in the higher frequencies can be the culprit. I had a hard time hearing 14 kHz and above on an online test, whereas my brother could hear it fine. I don't know.

      I appreciate your reply. I hope for all of us that this fades away or gets easier to live with. Fingers crossed.

      And or else I'm now counting on you for the cure..lol

      I'm from Denmark - hello fellow Scandinavian:)
       
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    18. hopeforhappiness

      hopeforhappiness Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      22/12/2015
      @undecided - I have a history of clinical depression and Generalized anxiety, which is the reason for the meds. It hasn't reared its ugly head in many years but new onset of T seems to have made the cup flow over unfortunately. I know that with T is a bad combination..

      Yeah doctors here are very conservative and didn't even mention prednisone which frustrates me. I found out about it though my own research and because my dad has a jar..(for gout attacks)
       
    19. hopeforhappiness

      hopeforhappiness Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      22/12/2015
      @Sailboardman - thank you for taking the time to reply. All the words of support mean more to me than anyone knows.

      I stopped doing the valsalva method that day it hurt. I was scared I could have created my T doing that but I hope not.

      Thank you for helping out a newbie. I do hope this is temporary. Trying to hang in there :)
       
    20. hopeforhappiness

      hopeforhappiness Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      22/12/2015
      @Hotaru - thank you for your response. It seems that we have a similar onset and case in where this has happened for reasons unknown. You're completely right..it makes me so sad that just a month and a half ago my life was so different and I took silence for granted.

      I truly hope this will heal for us, and that this is temporary. It's nice to know I'm not alone, thanks again :)
       
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    21. hopeforhappiness

      hopeforhappiness Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      22/12/2015
      @billie48 - thank you for taking your time to write such a thoughtful and thorough reply. Your story is truly inspirational. Thank you for giving me hope in my darkest times. It's nice to read success stories like yours where you are able to live your life albeit the daily presence of T. I hope mine either fades or I learn to not notice it..
       
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    22. daniel1111
      Shitfaced

      daniel1111 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Amsterdam
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/12/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise induced, repeated exposure with loud headphones.
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    23. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      @hopeforhappiness I hope your tinnitus goes away; I have no idea if it will, and neither does anyone else.

      I'm very sure that you'll basically get your life back, no matter what happens. It may not be exactly the same as it was before this happened; traumas across the board change us to some extent. But, that doesn't mean you're going to be upset about it forever. You won't be.
       
    24. Jovita1969

      Jovita1969 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      November 2015
      Hi! I am new to this too. I am here to talk. I have noticed anxiety and stress provokes t to be louder so relax as much as you can. I started yoga & accupuncture. hugs to you on this t journey. Please msg me anytime day or night. I am in Houston time zone. Remember YOUR NOT ALONE!:huganimation:
       
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    25. John Duck

      John Duck Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2011
      Hi
      Your responses and feelings are VERY typical to one who first starts out with tinnitus. I felt pretty much as overwhelmed as you do now. That was 5 years ago , now my tinnitus is very manageable and is really no longer a part of my life.
      My suggestion to you is to take the help from the lady above ( jovita 1969 ) that she is offering. I got help with my T from one fellow.
      Rather than have 10 different people tell you advice, working one on one with someone who understands your situation and is willing to help , is a blessing. It is what helped me and got me through it. And I am still friends to that person today although we rarely talk about T.
      Best to you...
       
    26. Robert44

      Robert44 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      April 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud concert
      Hi, When I got T I was also suicidal ... I stayed home from work for 2 weeks. After awhile your brain will learn to shut it out. I thought my life was over too. Your still might go away. Get sleep. use masking if you need to. You need to sleep to feel good during the day. When I got t I didn't sleep for 3 days. Try to stay away from drugs as much as possible . I cut out caffeine also. Anything you can do so it won't get worse. Protect your ears at all times. The first month is very difficult. everyone goes through it. I never thought I would be where I am now. I wish you the best.
       
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