Life Came to a Screeching Halt

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Jdborrelli, Aug 6, 2015.

tinnitus forum
    1. Jdborrelli

      Jdborrelli Member

      Location:
      Sewell nj
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/01/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music
      Hello everyone, my name is Jusin. I'm 25 years old and about a week ago my titinnus began. I woke up thinking an alarm was going off and ran all Ovrr my house in a panic trying to find it. I couldn't find anything and wind up pssing out anyway. When I woke up the next day and still years the noise I almost lost my mind. I Ran outside to escape the sound but it followed me. I began researching and that is how I ended up here...while everyone reading knows what I'm going through maybe you can help shed some light because I just don't think I'm going to make it past a month....

      Cut to a few days later and i don't have any idea how to do this. For the past 3 days I've thiugh of nothing other that suicide, the thoufh of living another 60+ years like this is enough to make me sick enough to throw up!! I try and explain it to everyone around me and no one takes me serious. I tell my family suicide has been on my mind for days and they tell me to see a therapist! I don't see how a therapist could possibly help because this sound is soo unbearable! I've done nothing at work the past week. I have not been interested in eating or doing any of the normal activities that interest me. I see plenty of articles of people committing suicide for this very reason so I'm clearly not the only one. How can I support myself when I can focus on work? How am i supposed to maintain any relationships if I'm constantly in a panick attack or miserable.. I know I've only had it for a week but knowing that this is my life... Forever... It's too heavy of a burden to carry.
       
      • Hug Hug x 3
    2. uae96
      Thinking

      uae96 Member

      Location:
      Dubai, UAE
      Tinnitus Since:
      6/14/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      You know what caused it ??
       
    3. Jdborrelli

      Jdborrelli Member

      Location:
      Sewell nj
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/01/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music
      I'm still unsure the exact cause I only saw my GP who told me everything looked totally fine. I have an appointment with an ENT doc tomorrow morning.
       
    4. uae96
      Thinking

      uae96 Member

      Location:
      Dubai, UAE
      Tinnitus Since:
      6/14/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      Have u been to a concert or listen to loud music before u got it ?
       
    5. Jdborrelli

      Jdborrelli Member

      Location:
      Sewell nj
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/01/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music
      No I don't goto concerts, I hardly goto bars, never clubs. I listen to headphones at the gym and my car is slightly loud but nothing that crazy, I rarely go anywhere loud really. That's the main reason I'm so upset, I cherrish my alone time. My favorite thing is to get home after work and watch movies, play videos games, read a book but now being alone in a quite room is a recipe for disaster!
       
    6. uae96
      Thinking

      uae96 Member

      Location:
      Dubai, UAE
      Tinnitus Since:
      6/14/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      It will get better you're just 1 week in
       
    7. Tamalak
      Volatile

      Tamalak Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      3/2011
      Did your T start suddenly? Did you have no T related problems before the "alarm went off" all at once?

      Could you describe your T?

      Not all T is forever. Mine went away. You don't really hear about those who get better because mostly they don't talk about it.

      If your T is not hearing damage related it is more likely to go away I believe.
       
    8. Jdborrelli

      Jdborrelli Member

      Location:
      Sewell nj
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/01/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music
      I was laying in bed, and then boom it was like someone flipped a switch. It sounds very similar to what most hear. There was a video when I signed up giving examples and it's very similar. I have never had any hearing problems in my life. It's coming from my left ear although it sounds like it's coming from my head sometimes. The thing is, if I close my right ear the sound gets louder.
       
    9. uae96
      Thinking

      uae96 Member

      Location:
      Dubai, UAE
      Tinnitus Since:
      6/14/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise
      That's exactly how mine started , probably from loud music u listen to in you're car like I did , very similar situation
       
    10. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      Hey @Jdborrelli, sorry you are going through this. Sudden onset tinnitus can be hell -- one minute, boom!, it's there. It can be very difficult to determine exactly what causes tinnitus, which is more of a function of our brains than our ears.

      Anyway, a few quick comments that I hope may help:

      * Number one: Chances are good, at this point, that your tinnitus will just go away. So please, stop thinking in "forever" terms. It's way too soon and not productive. Just say to yourself: "I am going to hope this will vanish as quickly as it came. And in the mean time, I will find out as much as I can to help myself through this time." Which you are doing by coming here to TT.

      * Try to ignore all the scare stories about suicide. The reality is that while many of us may think about suicide when tinnitus begins -- I did! -- very few people go on to do it. Most people, like me, get used to it in time and regard it just as an annoyance. Yes, it's true. It can happen. Hang in there.

      * If you are having panic attacks and extreme anxiety with your tinnitus onset -- again, I did! -- you need to get your anxiety under control before you deal with your T. Nothing, in my experience, is worse than panic. Deep breathing, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), meditation and mindfulness tapes, and distraction all can help. If the panic/anxiety are ongoing, I would consider medication and professional CBT therapy. Ignore the even more scare stories you'll hear about taking anxiety drugs in the benzodiazpene family, like Valium and Xanax. While they are potentially dangerous medications and should be used with caution, and under the supervision of a MD mental health professional, they can be lifesavers. They were for me. I took them for more than a year but easily quit them when it was time. Again, experience may vary by user.

      * Re work: This is just my opinion. But I would not quit your job unless you absolutely can't bear it. Work served as a great and sorely needed distraction for me. Sitting at home all day, alone with your ringing ears, is not a good plan. My psychiatrist strongly encouraged me to keep working, and I am grateful he did. Use a masking sound generator at your desk, if necessary. You will get through your work day, although some days will be hard.

      Good luck. If you search on the board under the Support Forum, you will find more advice. Take care,
      LadyDi
       
      • Agree Agree x 6
      • Hug Hug x 2
    11. Jdborrelli

      Jdborrelli Member

      Location:
      Sewell nj
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/01/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music
      Thank you everyone for your advise!!!

      I have an meeting with an ent doc tomorrow and next week I will be meeting with a therapist. I figure the beginning is the hardest so I should not waste time. I will let you all know the results and I look forward to getting to know you all.
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    12. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      Great news, @Jdborrelli! My guess is you will find you are in a much better place emotionally by taking charge of your tinnitus and getting help fast. Keep us posted. Most of us have been there and we care.
       
    13. Peter61

      Peter61 Member

      Location:
      The Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2012
      Hi,
      What you go through now, is what all T sufferers go through shortly after the onset of T. I considered suicide several times during the first 12 months, and the only reason I didn't do it was because I have a daughter who I didn't want to leave behind. But T is a life changer, and it takes a lot of time to get used to it, to habituate. After three long years I can say now that I have found a new but still delicate balance and it's slowly getting better day by day. It's possible to gradually get your life back with T. If I can do it, you can do it too. But you have to be patient. And stay away from noise, or use hearing protection.
       
    14. Richard zurowski

      Richard zurowski Member Benefactor

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      27/12/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection.
      Can't really add to this what has already been said. There's some good advice said here so take note. It's early days so the chances are it will go away. I wish you well.
       
    15. eldudebro
      Doh

      eldudebro Member

      Location:
      Glasgow, United Kingdom
      Tinnitus Since:
      31/07/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma/Loud Music.

      Your post is something I would have written 12 months ago, I completely understand what you are saying as I have been there.

      I'll tell it to you straight, the tinnitus will most likely stay. You will be very fortunate if it goes. I know this isn't what you want to hear but the sooner you stop seeing the tinnitus as catastrophic, the sooner your anxiety will lower and you'll begin to adapt. Make no mistake, it's the anxiety that's the real problem here. I myself went several months without any real sleep, barely eating, drastic weight loss.... It wasn't a fun time.

      On a more optimistic note, you will learn to live with it. I'm over a year in now and although the tinnitus remains, my emotional reaction to it is zero. If I do think about my tinnitus these days it's for seconds before my mind goes onto something else. It's just a thing that's there. I don't suffer from it , I don't deal with it, I just have it. Like I have lungs I need to breathe with.

      It'll take time, there is no easy fix. Just try and take your mind off it whatever way you can. Do not focus on the "long term" negative posts on here, these are from a very small minority of people who suffer from this affliction. The majority recover and life returns to normal.

      Good luck.
       
      • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    16. billie48
      Sunshine

      billie48 Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Research

      Location:
      Vancouver, Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2009
      Welcome @Jdborrelli . You have received excellent advice from notable members who have walked their talk. We had been there where you are now. We do understand and have empathy for your suffering. But make no mistake. You will definitely get better. The newness of your T is causing you to have many distorted thoughts, something they call Cognitive Distortions (google it) in CBT. Two such distorted thoughts are 'Catastrophic Thinking about the future' (like my future is doomed and full of the same suffering as now), and 'All or Nothing Thinking' (like my life is not worth living unless my T is gone). These distorted thoughts aggravate our sufferings, and more stress, anxiety and depression pile up the suffering, resulting in despair and sleeplessness.

      I had been there a few years back with ultra high pitch dog whistle T and severe hyperacusis. I went through hell with them, with relentless anxiety and panic attacks on auto mode whenever T woke me up with its loud ringing. My T started like yours, waking up with this alien, awful scream in the ears. I was in a mess and I had suicidal thoughts like you. But like others mention, very few actually kill themselves over T. In fact millions have T and continue to live life. I thought like you that no way I could live with this T for life and I suffered badly because I made the mistake of projecting a catastrophic future based on the worst time of suffering. Now I am back to living a normal and absolutely enjoyable life. I wrote my success story and explained the important points towards recovery. For brevity, here is the link if you have time to read it. All the best and God bless.

      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

      Doctors can have bad T too. Here is Dr. Hubbard using CBT to help himself:
      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/how-cbt-helped-me-live-again-dr-hubbards-story.4608/
       
    17. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      Hi @Jdborrelli, just wanted to check in and see how things are going with you. You mentioned you were seeing a doctor and a therapist soon. Hope they were helpful. We are here if you need us.

      And: nice explanation of two important principles re. cognitive behavioral therapy, @billie48. Thanks! CBT truly helped me on the tinnitus journey, and life's journey, by teaching me how to realign my thinking. May not work for everyone, but worked for me.
       
    18. Jdborrelli

      Jdborrelli Member

      Location:
      Sewell nj
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/01/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music
      @LadyDi

      Thank you for following up!

      It has been extremely frustrating so far. I went to an ENT who prescribed prednisone for about 2 weeks. The thing is the T is very ransom and comes and goes sometimes soft sometimes very loud so when it does come it's hard for me to get used to it and I have major panick attacks!! I'm actually at the waiting room now to speak with my GP about possible anxiety medication because I'm having a hard time coping.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    19. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      Hey there @Jdborrelli, so sorry to hear that. As I mentioned in my first post to you, my experience was that until I got my anxiety and panic under control, I couldn't do much of anything about my tinnitus. Anxiety just takes over your entire life; I feared just leaving the house would set it off. No wonder people with severe anxiety can become agoraphobic.

      Part of the problem with tinnitus is it is completely unpredictable. Even today, I can't tell if I am going to have "loud" or "quiet" day. The difference is now, two years later, I am able to handle loud days, no problem. You will get there one day, too, if you end up with your T for the long term (which you may not). As you may already know: tinnitus (which actually is a "sound" that your own brain is making, not a real sound in the traditional sense) interacts with your own automatic nervous and limbic system, the part that controls our primitive "flight or fight" mechanism. Because your brain perceives this new sound that it, your own brain, is making as a threat, it kicks those primitive survival responses into high gear, causing panic. Medications that your GP may give you interact with your brain chemistry, soothing panic. You will feel better soon. Just remember to use them with great caution, and only exactly as directed. Never stop them cold turkey, as the withdrawal can be miserable. These meds are better used under the direction of a psychiatrist but short term, you probably will be OK with a GP.

      Prednisone is a common first course for tinnitus from a ENT but did they test you in any way, to see if you had a sinus or other type of infection? If acoustic trauma set off your tinnitus, I would have suggested a heavy-duty steroid treatment, but doesn't sound like noise was your cause.

      Hang in there...
      Others may offer suggestions, too.
       
    20. Jdborrelli

      Jdborrelli Member

      Location:
      Sewell nj
      Tinnitus Since:
      08/01/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Music
      @LadyDi

      Well the ENT I saw said I had slight hearing loss in my left ear which is where it is coming from. I just don't understand how because I don't really put myself in loud enviroments.. Just an unlucky case I guess. Either way I will be starting meds
      To help because otherwise I find myself in a black hole its of them day..... I'm only two weeks in so I know I have a long way to go for recovery. Sometimes I still feel like his is all a bad dream..
       
    21. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      Hey @Jdborrelli:

      I feel for you, honest. Your feelings completely mirror my own two years ago. I kept thinking I would wake up one day and find it was all a dream, that everything was back to normal. It is going to take awhile, if this is permanent. But one day... you will realize that tinnitus is your new normal. T truly rarely bothers me any more. I had to work to get here. But today, tinnitus in no way runs my life. I do pretty much everything I used to. Some days, I don't even hear it until I go to bed.

      I encourage you to read posts in the Success Stories forum, or just check out some of my old posts on anxiety and cognitive behavioral therapy. Many of us here at TT have shared how we successfully learned to live with this condition.

      So sorry about your hearing loss. Who knows how it happened and yes, it is unfair. But there is so much in life that is unfair and random, that we can't control no matter how careful we are. What we can control is how we choose to deal with crisis. I am confident that you are going to rise and fly above this all, and will be OK.

      For now, try not to think in terms of "forever." Think about: what can I do to help myself this week? You already are doing a lot, getting help with your anxiety and going to therapy. You will go on to live the life you have imagined. Trust me.

      Hugs and lots of positive energy coming your way.
      LadyDI
       
    22. awbw8
      Balanced

      awbw8 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2013

      I am so sorry you're going through this horribly difficult time. As you can see from the posts, it is a familiar time to most of us here, however, most people who come here go get past this point. I, too, though about suicide, had panic attacks and took a leave from work for almost two months, but today life is pretty good, though the tinnitus has stuck around.

      There isn't much I can say beyond the great advice given by others here, but I wanted to add one more voice of someone who came out of that very black place.

      Though I know it can seem less than useful, I would consider following your family's advice and seeing a therapist. True, they aren't going to be able to do anything to actually make the sound go away, but as LadyDi said, the worst part is the fear, the anxiety, the thought circles of "this is forever, how will I get over it, I'm doomed etc." Those are things a therapist can help with - especially if you get a good, caring psychiatrist, that's someone to talk to, an MD who is a captive, interested audience for your questions for an hour (unlike most other MDs), and someone who can help both talk to you, see things from a different perspective, and guide and monitor meds if needed. Sometimes it just helps to have a person to talk to who is there for you. I know that helped me a great deal.

      I would also double up in saying that reading the success stories is very helpful. The ones here are especially good, detailed, full of advice and I think you'd find that you can find something similar in the level of suffering and difficulty many of those people described experiencing during their early days with T.

      You're not alone, hang in there, we're here for you.
       
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