My Life Changed 3 Months Ago...

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Marlino, May 1, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Hello all,

      I'm not happy for the reasons I join this community. But still, it's better to be together in this than being just on your own.

      Also I write the following introduction down for the very hope that someday in the future
      I will re-read those words and they will be not more than a bitter reminder of this dark time, a light house to show me the abyss I've been into and a experience to be endless grateful for every good day in life again.

      My ear sound started roughly 3 month ago. I can't say that it was never there before, but if so it was only occasionally and I never noticed it really. Hard to say afterwards. Anyway, it started when I was with my new girl friend (1 week only) at her place. I think we watched TV and I heard this unpleasant high noise from her old tube television again since a long time. I've always disliked it since I was young.
      This day I noticed a very similar sound in my left ear when I laid in bed. Very faint, but irritating. So I downloaded some random T apps in hope to mask it somehow and to do something against it. I was not really concerned. I didn't know the impact then...

      - About myself: I'm 33 years old guy from south Germany. I got a good job in electrical engineering and had luck with girls. My new girlfriend was very exciting and I was hopeful with her. My hobbies were cool and I loved them, I enjoyed horse riding, running with friends, going to the gym... I felt good, strong, experienced, attractive and proven. I knew how thing are. I was active. But also on the other hand, I was very moved about breaking up with my former girlfriend, for whom I never really understood my own feelings and for which I felt incredibly guilty and desperate. My employer asked (or more correct forced) me to move to an east-europian country for a year, the scheduled day came closer and closer and my heart became heavier and heavier since I realized how much I loved my current environment. One year abroad...what for? My best friend told me he is going to be a father. So I felt good, strong, experienced and proven and a little lost. A mild mid-life crisis maybe?...but what does it matter now! -

      Next day I had to visit the east european country for a week. And the ear sound became more and more noticeable. At one day in the mid of the week I could even hear it in the office, even though it was full of chatting girls. I tried to mask it with music and earbuds...and got concerned.

      - Here I've to admit that I've had mild T 10 years ago and almost forgot about it until this very moment. Even though it annoyed me for as much as a year. Why did I forget about it or at least did not take it serious anymore? Because then I learned it's just about the attitude. If you want to bother yourself about this imperfectness of your body, you can do...but if you don't it plays not much of a role. This insight took me 12 month, but finally removed T completely out of my life. Nothing, completely vanished after a year.
      I remember the moment very well a couple of month ago when I was in Asia traveling (traveling...one of my passions) and talked with two swiss girls about T. They told me it is very, very serious and I said naayyy, it's not much of a problem if you don't make it one. One girl objected it could make people suicidal and she knows about someone...and I couldn't believe. And even if, shouldn't medicine have invented something in the meantime? -

      When I came back from the business trip on Friday, I was more than concerned with this persisting sound. On the weekend it got so worse I couldn't even sleep anymore and on Monday I went to my GP. He asked me about my life and stress. My tension and anxiety came out in tears and I told him about the breaking up with my girl friend and the move to another country. So he said it might be due to stress. Sent me to ENT and I got a sick note for one week. I went instantaneously to ENT and after a quick check I was sent home with some Ginko prescription. Nothing else done.

      So what did I do. I thought about my new situation and was scared. Finally I asked my employer to dismiss the idea to move to another country for a year. He was ok with that. I went back to work. Optimistically. I slept much and easily, thought it might be the key to quick recovery. I knew from my last time, its just about acceptance and not being bothered. So I tried about habituation then I guess.
      Unfortunately things went bad. I got something I didn't knew before: nightly spikes. They stroke me maybe two weeks later and so badly. I woke up and didn't knew anymore where is up and down. This is impossible, I thought. This simply cannot be happening. I was so moved I couldn't sleep anymore and got myself a sick note next day.
      From then I experienced this nightly spikes and wake ups now regularly. Also I began to study my ear sound. It was really annoying. Not easy to bear, if you are in a silent room. Almost painful. A high noise somewhere above the usual spectrum and on top of it a very slight hiss, very high and oscillating and tickling. Ok, the noise is manageable, but the hiss. Its almost to feel and somehow also appearing in the head and not only in the ear. Also I noticed, that the spikes are the very same hiss, but stronger, more tonal and giving it the sensation of pain now...

      What happened then? I got more sick notes - am I still working? I don't know. I went to all doctors. I tried to get rid of all emotional stress that I can cope better, but I realized it had no effect. T was my only stressor. I broke up with my new girlfriend, because I couldn't tell her anymore every single day that I fell bad - for 3 month in a row.
      I went to my refuge, my grandpas place, where I go to calm down usually in hard times. This time it was just destroying. I couldn't bear to watch TV or to sit calm at the river with bird sounds and water rushing. It was so painfully piercing, I just couldn't. I couldn't sleep anymore. I woke up every two hours. Masking with my smart phone? Impossible! Only being focused on something or active outside helped me to not hear this sound but I couldn't forget it for seconds.
      I came back fully destroyed, depressed and suicidal. I lay in bed and thought of how ending it, all night long.
      Next day I didn't went to work but to a psychiatrist. I got a prescription for mirtazapin, another sick note and the referral for psychosomatic clinic.

      This was one week ago. I'm not in the clinic but at home, not because I didn't think of it, but because of the long waiting period. Also I don't know how they possibly can help me.

      This is where I'm now. From 100 to 0. In 3 month. Which other disease can do that? It makes me dizzy and I still can't truly believe it.

      But I don't want to lose hope.

      My first success: I found a way to mask it during night time which is giving me a good sleep again (besides the mirtazapin, I guess) and almost more important: a good morning without really hearing it.

      I have good support from my parents and my friends and especially from A. Thank you so so much, even if you most probably will never read this.

      So I hope for the future that it betters somehow.

      What is worst for me: That the sound is so unpleasant, sometimes really painful, even though I wouldn't say its really loud. But I can hear almost always due to its very high pitch. I can't bear it for long in silence, if I'm not distracted. For masking or at least not focussing on it, I need a very complex sound environment, many different sounds. But it seems to make me tired, even when I'm not really hearing it.
      If that changes, I will not complain anymore, not with a single word, I promise!!!

      So here is the masking idea for sleeping. It might help other people with very high pitched T which can't be masked easily:

      Get a plastic paper bin and a water pump, like this:
      http://www.amazon.de/helit-Papierko...&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00

      http://www.amazon.de/Berlan-Springb...&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00

      Just put water in the bin and the pump without any attachment and you get a very loud broad band sound which makes me really sleepy but is so rich to almost mask the T. But take care, depending on the water level the frequencies can be lower or higher. But with to little water in it, it begins to throw water high and out of the bin -> flood in the sleeping room.

      Good luck and much strength to all,
      M
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    2. BrianC
      Blah

      BrianC Member

      Location:
      Third Coast
      Tinnitus Since:
      03/29/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise Induced Hearing Loss
      I'm new to T, just one month in. I've had to quit my job as a musician and producer to go back and live with my parents. I'm also leaving a girl I love. One that I didn't treat as well as I should have. I'm going to miss her incredibly. My small hatchback is packed and I'm leaving too many things behind but I can't afford to pay rent and live on my own right now. I am devastated to say the least.

      I have hope that I will habituate and less hope that it will go away. But these are dark days for me. I feel your pain Marlino, I hope you get some relief from your spikes soon.
       
    3. Sebastians

      Sebastians Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      13/10/2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Guitars, loud girls and guns
      Hmm i got insane night spikes ('awakening responses') when i was about 1-2 months in with T. I'm happy to say these are all but gone now a few months later. Been sleeping better and better. Tried white noise at night but that did more bad than good on ly ers. Don't give up hope mate!
       
    4. carlover
      English

      carlover Member Benefactor

      Location:
      London
      Tinnitus Since:
      1986
      sebastion white is harsh google youtube pink or/and purple good luck.
       
    5. dragonjax

      dragonjax Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      08/2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      Hi, @Marlino - I'm glad you found a masking technique that helps. I hope it continues to help.
       
      • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    6. Penate

      Penate Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/04/2015
      BrianC I feel your pain I'm in this hell for 11 months ago iam a musician to , no more this's the one of the worst thing can happen to anyone I have too kids and this is the only thing keeping me awake my noise is like engine jets in my ears and one big power transformers in my head very lao never going down,I Ben trying everything and nothing works, i can take this eny longer .
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    7. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Am now sitting at the doctors waiting room. Let's see how it goes on.

      Last two days were quite good actually, but still annoying.
      All days before were spoiled by demoralizing spikes.

      Two things I've discovered so far:
      Its better to avoid black tea.
      Bird twittering via earbuds helps during night.
       
    8. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Just crazy. After 33 years of experimenting and fighting, going through difficult times, surviving the biggest bruises .... I finally achieved the state of mind and life where I was satisfied with. Perfectly pleased with myself. Knowing what is me. My spirit.
      ...All gone one instant later with this tiny little evil thing not working in my left ear, my achilles heel, taking my life without killing me...
      Tragedy of life.
       
    9. Magpie87

      Magpie87 Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Combo of power tools and loud music
      Its a tough road but peaks and troughs are natural parts of tinnitus, esp when considering your environment. I moved to an Eastern European city, Warsaw, from London, and found it actually improved my tinnitus, as I was living in a busier place and was more focussed on other stuff as naturally happens when you relocate. Funnily enough I am now in Munich (your neck of the woods I guess?), and it is a lot quiter city, but my tinnitus hasnt got any noticibly more disruptive.

      I find that by listening to music I am able to mask it quiet well, but I a little afraid of wearing headphones for longer than a few minutes in case it damages it furtehr. What other sounds do people find is effective at masking T?
       
    10. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      For m
      I use mainly birds or bonfire works as well. Has to have high frequency parts in it.
       
    11. JasonP

      JasonP Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      6/2006
      Hey, I am sorry to hear about your tinnitus. Have you tried getting your hearing checked? Even a mild loss corrected with hearing aids can reduce or eliminate the perception of tinnitus. Also, many hearing aids have built in maskers. Ask for an audiogram at least to 12khz.
       
    12. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      I've done the standard test up to 8khz only. My T ear (left) shows a 20db-25db dip on 4khz.
      My T frequency is probably above 12khz though.
      Is a hearing aid promising?
       
    13. JasonP

      JasonP Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      6/2006
      According to this document on page 3, a dip at 4k is usually due to noise damange:

      http://www.chimehealth.co.uk/web/data/audiogram-hearing-loss-examples-2.pdf

      I have a dip at 3k,4k, and 6k and part of my tinnitus is around 4k. The more I think about my T the more I wonder if I had hearing loss due to noise damage and then later something like stress or medicine caused the T. I would say hearing aids are worth a try if the hearing aid guy knows what he is doing and is experienced with tinnitus. Maybe he can amplify the frequencies your T is on a little bit more. Just make sure the sound is only amplified to a safe level.
       
    14. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Hi guys,

      time for brief update.
      After 4 month things are getting better. I don't know why. T still sucks but definitely got better. Maybe 30%-50%. Less bad spikes anymore and the reactivity (was the worst part, since it made it impossible to mask) is gone.

      I just need a little circada sound in quiet and during night. Just very little since it does like RI. So...I'm better. Even though there are still rare ugly moments. Like sitting outside on a bench and T is spoiling the peacefull moment of bird singing and wind catching in the trees. What a roller-coaster.

      Hope it gets still better.
      Good luck to all.
       
      • Like Like x 1
      • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    15. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Maybe an illustration. One month ago I had traded my two legs to get rid of T.
      2 weeks ago it was maybe one leg.

      Now its in the range of toes.
       
      • Like Like x 2
    16. MarioT
      No Mood

      MarioT Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Stress + SSRI medication
      Hey Marlino,

      your story is pretty similar to mine. Also living in Germany, same profession, same seamingly social life pre-T, similar T onset experience.

      Really happy you re doing better. Most important thing is to manage to keep "calm", avoid stress when possible and live a healthy life. Harder said than done, but this is the only way I have found to contain the T to a bearable and tolerable level.

      Do not be dissapointed though if it gets worse again. It usually oscillates with good, worse and catastrophic periods. During the latter, always remember that is will go back again to baseline.

      Alles Gute,
      m
       
    17. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      @MarioT :
      Danke! Ich habe vermutlich noch die Gelegenheit jetzt beim AM-trial in Ulm mitzumachen. Wie geht es dir inzwischen?
       
    18. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Haha. Well foreseen. It's catastrophic today. Makes me so moody and desperate again, it's ridiculous. ..
       
    19. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      brief update:

      I had different episodes until now. Days to weeks where it was so good that I found it acceptable and feasible to adapt. I remember saying to myself T plays no role anymore.
      But then again several hard days in a row where T is really bad and totally makes me frustrated. This up and down is really malicious.

      I tried a lot. Several supplements. Keto diet. Stay away from this forum. But it all has little to no effect. Nothing seems to have any reliable outcome. Only sports seems to make it temporarily worse and sex seems to make it soft for a while (5 minutes).

      I hope the better days become more and the bad days less...

      To keep patient I try to use the same psychological trick like mentioned here:
      My Tinnitus Is Fading 4% Each Month
      Its very clever just to expect to be 4% a month. It's so little progress, who can say if it takes place or not...but its soothing!
       
    20. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      After having almost 2 weeks of not beeing disturbed by T much or at all, this is 2nd bad day again.

      The cycling behavior of my T is getting more and more obvious.

      Still don't have any clue about the reasons.
       
    21. Marlino
      Cowboy

      Marlino Member Team Research

      Location:
      Germany
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Today its better again. Almost non audible in office.
      But after the two days spike , I have today this weird sensation again. Not hearing it but somehow more feeling it.
      Most probably it's just an nervous delusion, but to me it's still annoying.
       

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