My Life Changed 3 Months Ago...

Hello all,

I'm not happy for the reasons I join this community. But still, it's better to be together in this than being just on your own.

Also I write the following introduction down for the very hope that someday in the future
I will re-read those words and they will be not more than a bitter reminder of this dark time, a light house to show me the abyss I've been into and a experience to be endless grateful for every good day in life again.

My ear sound started roughly 3 month ago. I can't say that it was never there before, but if so it was only occasionally and I never noticed it really. Hard to say afterwards. Anyway, it started when I was with my new girl friend (1 week only) at her place. I think we watched TV and I heard this unpleasant high noise from her old tube television again since a long time. I've always disliked it since I was young.
This day I noticed a very similar sound in my left ear when I laid in bed. Very faint, but irritating. So I downloaded some random T apps in hope to mask it somehow and to do something against it. I was not really concerned. I didn't know the impact then...

- About myself: I'm 33 years old guy from south Germany. I got a good job in electrical engineering and had luck with girls. My new girlfriend was very exciting and I was hopeful with her. My hobbies were cool and I loved them, I enjoyed horse riding, running with friends, going to the gym... I felt good, strong, experienced, attractive and proven. I knew how thing are. I was active. But also on the other hand, I was very moved about breaking up with my former girlfriend, for whom I never really understood my own feelings and for which I felt incredibly guilty and desperate. My employer asked (or more correct forced) me to move to an east-europian country for a year, the scheduled day came closer and closer and my heart became heavier and heavier since I realized how much I loved my current environment. One year abroad...what for? My best friend told me he is going to be a father. So I felt good, strong, experienced and proven and a little lost. A mild mid-life crisis maybe?...but what does it matter now! -

Next day I had to visit the east european country for a week. And the ear sound became more and more noticeable. At one day in the mid of the week I could even hear it in the office, even though it was full of chatting girls. I tried to mask it with music and earbuds...and got concerned.

- Here I've to admit that I've had mild T 10 years ago and almost forgot about it until this very moment. Even though it annoyed me for as much as a year. Why did I forget about it or at least did not take it serious anymore? Because then I learned it's just about the attitude. If you want to bother yourself about this imperfectness of your body, you can do...but if you don't it plays not much of a role. This insight took me 12 month, but finally removed T completely out of my life. Nothing, completely vanished after a year.
I remember the moment very well a couple of month ago when I was in Asia traveling (traveling...one of my passions) and talked with two swiss girls about T. They told me it is very, very serious and I said naayyy, it's not much of a problem if you don't make it one. One girl objected it could make people suicidal and she knows about someone...and I couldn't believe. And even if, shouldn't medicine have invented something in the meantime? -

When I came back from the business trip on Friday, I was more than concerned with this persisting sound. On the weekend it got so worse I couldn't even sleep anymore and on Monday I went to my GP. He asked me about my life and stress. My tension and anxiety came out in tears and I told him about the breaking up with my girl friend and the move to another country. So he said it might be due to stress. Sent me to ENT and I got a sick note for one week. I went instantaneously to ENT and after a quick check I was sent home with some Ginko prescription. Nothing else done.

So what did I do. I thought about my new situation and was scared. Finally I asked my employer to dismiss the idea to move to another country for a year. He was ok with that. I went back to work. Optimistically. I slept much and easily, thought it might be the key to quick recovery. I knew from my last time, its just about acceptance and not being bothered. So I tried about habituation then I guess.
Unfortunately things went bad. I got something I didn't knew before: nightly spikes. They stroke me maybe two weeks later and so badly. I woke up and didn't knew anymore where is up and down. This is impossible, I thought. This simply cannot be happening. I was so moved I couldn't sleep anymore and got myself a sick note next day.
From then I experienced this nightly spikes and wake ups now regularly. Also I began to study my ear sound. It was really annoying. Not easy to bear, if you are in a silent room. Almost painful. A high noise somewhere above the usual spectrum and on top of it a very slight hiss, very high and oscillating and tickling. Ok, the noise is manageable, but the hiss. Its almost to feel and somehow also appearing in the head and not only in the ear. Also I noticed, that the spikes are the very same hiss, but stronger, more tonal and giving it the sensation of pain now...

What happened then? I got more sick notes - am I still working? I don't know. I went to all doctors. I tried to get rid of all emotional stress that I can cope better, but I realized it had no effect. T was my only stressor. I broke up with my new girlfriend, because I couldn't tell her anymore every single day that I fell bad - for 3 month in a row.
I went to my refuge, my grandpas place, where I go to calm down usually in hard times. This time it was just destroying. I couldn't bear to watch TV or to sit calm at the river with bird sounds and water rushing. It was so painfully piercing, I just couldn't. I couldn't sleep anymore. I woke up every two hours. Masking with my smart phone? Impossible! Only being focused on something or active outside helped me to not hear this sound but I couldn't forget it for seconds.
I came back fully destroyed, depressed and suicidal. I lay in bed and thought of how ending it, all night long.
Next day I didn't went to work but to a psychiatrist. I got a prescription for mirtazapin, another sick note and the referral for psychosomatic clinic.

This was one week ago. I'm not in the clinic but at home, not because I didn't think of it, but because of the long waiting period. Also I don't know how they possibly can help me.

This is where I'm now. From 100 to 0. In 3 month. Which other disease can do that? It makes me dizzy and I still can't truly believe it.

But I don't want to lose hope.

My first success: I found a way to mask it during night time which is giving me a good sleep again (besides the mirtazapin, I guess) and almost more important: a good morning without really hearing it.

I have good support from my parents and my friends and especially from A. Thank you so so much, even if you most probably will never read this.

So I hope for the future that it betters somehow.

What is worst for me: That the sound is so unpleasant, sometimes really painful, even though I wouldn't say its really loud. But I can hear almost always due to its very high pitch. I can't bear it for long in silence, if I'm not distracted. For masking or at least not focussing on it, I need a very complex sound environment, many different sounds. But it seems to make me tired, even when I'm not really hearing it.
If that changes, I will not complain anymore, not with a single word, I promise!!!

So here is the masking idea for sleeping. It might help other people with very high pitched T which can't be masked easily:

Get a plastic paper bin and a water pump, like this:
http://www.amazon.de/helit-Papierko...&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00

http://www.amazon.de/Berlan-Springb...&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00

Just put water in the bin and the pump without any attachment and you get a very loud broad band sound which makes me really sleepy but is so rich to almost mask the T. But take care, depending on the water level the frequencies can be lower or higher. But with to little water in it, it begins to throw water high and out of the bin -> flood in the sleeping room.

Good luck and much strength to all,
M

 

I'm new to T, just one month in. I've had to quit my job as a musician and producer to go back and live with my parents. I'm also leaving a girl I love. One that I didn't treat as well as I should have. I'm going to miss her incredibly. My small hatchback is packed and I'm leaving too many things behind but I can't afford to pay rent and live on my own right now. I am devastated to say the least.

I have hope that I will habituate and less hope that it will go away. But these are dark days for me. I feel your pain Marlino, I hope you get some relief from your spikes soon.

 

Hmm i got insane night spikes ('awakening responses') when i was about 1-2 months in with T. I'm happy to say these are all but gone now a few months later. Been sleeping better and better. Tried white noise at night but that did more bad than good on ly ers. Don't give up hope mate!

 

sebastion white is harsh google youtube pink or/and purple good luck.

 

Hi, @Marlino - I'm glad you found a masking technique that helps. I hope it continues to help.

 

BrianC I feel your pain I'm in this hell for 11 months ago iam a musician to , no more this's the one of the worst thing can happen to anyone I have too kids and this is the only thing keeping me awake my noise is like engine jets in my ears and one big power transformers in my head very lao never going down,I Ben trying everything and nothing works, i can take this eny longer .

 

Am now sitting at the doctors waiting room. Let's see how it goes on.

Last two days were quite good actually, but still annoying.
All days before were spoiled by demoralizing spikes.

Two things I've discovered so far:
Its better to avoid black tea.
Bird twittering via earbuds helps during night.

 

Just crazy. After 33 years of experimenting and fighting, going through difficult times, surviving the biggest bruises .... I finally achieved the state of mind and life where I was satisfied with. Perfectly pleased with myself. Knowing what is me. My spirit.
...All gone one instant later with this tiny little evil thing not working in my left ear, my achilles heel, taking my life without killing me...
Tragedy of life.

 

Its a tough road but peaks and troughs are natural parts of tinnitus, esp when considering your environment. I moved to an Eastern European city, Warsaw, from London, and found it actually improved my tinnitus, as I was living in a busier place and was more focussed on other stuff as naturally happens when you relocate. Funnily enough I am now in Munich (your neck of the woods I guess?), and it is a lot quiter city, but my tinnitus hasnt got any noticibly more disruptive.

I find that by listening to music I am able to mask it quiet well, but I a little afraid of wearing headphones for longer than a few minutes in case it damages it furtehr. What other sounds do people find is effective at masking T?

 

For m

I use mainly birds or bonfire works as well. Has to have high frequency parts in it.

 

Hey, I am sorry to hear about your tinnitus. Have you tried getting your hearing checked? Even a mild loss corrected with hearing aids can reduce or eliminate the perception of tinnitus. Also, many hearing aids have built in maskers. Ask for an audiogram at least to 12khz.

 

I've done the standard test up to 8khz only. My T ear (left) shows a 20db-25db dip on 4khz.
My T frequency is probably above 12khz though.
Is a hearing aid promising?

 

According to this document on page 3, a dip at 4k is usually due to noise damange:

http://www.chimehealth.co.uk/web/data/audiogram-hearing-loss-examples-2.pdf

I have a dip at 3k,4k, and 6k and part of my tinnitus is around 4k. The more I think about my T the more I wonder if I had hearing loss due to noise damage and then later something like stress or medicine caused the T. I would say hearing aids are worth a try if the hearing aid guy knows what he is doing and is experienced with tinnitus. Maybe he can amplify the frequencies your T is on a little bit more. Just make sure the sound is only amplified to a safe level.

 

Hi guys,

time for brief update.
After 4 month things are getting better. I don't know why. T still sucks but definitely got better. Maybe 30%-50%. Less bad spikes anymore and the reactivity (was the worst part, since it made it impossible to mask) is gone.

I just need a little circada sound in quiet and during night. Just very little since it does like RI. So...I'm better. Even though there are still rare ugly moments. Like sitting outside on a bench and T is spoiling the peacefull moment of bird singing and wind catching in the trees. What a roller-coaster.

Hope it gets still better.
Good luck to all.

 

Maybe an illustration. One month ago I had traded my two legs to get rid of T.
2 weeks ago it was maybe one leg.

Now its in the range of toes.

 

Hey Marlino,

your story is pretty similar to mine. Also living in Germany, same profession, same seamingly social life pre-T, similar T onset experience.

Really happy you re doing better. Most important thing is to manage to keep "calm", avoid stress when possible and live a healthy life. Harder said than done, but this is the only way I have found to contain the T to a bearable and tolerable level.

Do not be dissapointed though if it gets worse again. It usually oscillates with good, worse and catastrophic periods. During the latter, always remember that is will go back again to baseline.

Alles Gute,
m

 

@MarioT :
Danke! Ich habe vermutlich noch die Gelegenheit jetzt beim AM-trial in Ulm mitzumachen. Wie geht es dir inzwischen?

 

Haha. Well foreseen. It's catastrophic today. Makes me so moody and desperate again, it's ridiculous. ..

 

brief update:

I had different episodes until now. Days to weeks where it was so good that I found it acceptable and feasible to adapt. I remember saying to myself T plays no role anymore.
But then again several hard days in a row where T is really bad and totally makes me frustrated. This up and down is really malicious.

I tried a lot. Several supplements. Keto diet. Stay away from this forum. But it all has little to no effect. Nothing seems to have any reliable outcome. Only sports seems to make it temporarily worse and sex seems to make it soft for a while (5 minutes).

I hope the better days become more and the bad days less...

To keep patient I try to use the same psychological trick like mentioned here:
My Tinnitus Is Fading 4% Each Month
Its very clever just to expect to be 4% a month. It's so little progress, who can say if it takes place or not...but its soothing!

 

After having almost 2 weeks of not beeing disturbed by T much or at all, this is 2nd bad day again.

The cycling behavior of my T is getting more and more obvious.

Still don't have any clue about the reasons.

 

Today its better again. Almost non audible in office.
But after the two days spike , I have today this weird sensation again. Not hearing it but somehow more feeling it.
Most probably it's just an nervous delusion, but to me it's still annoying.

 

So it's time for update being almost one year in and the new year 2017 coming.

I've to say 2016 was the worst year in my life. I've seen hell, I am still in it sometimes, lost my confidence in life, lost my last tiny believe in something romantic or in any cosmic reason and many times just wished dead. So I hope 2017 to become at least a little better.

Unfortunately I've to say that I feel like I didn't make much of progress in the last couple of month. My girlfriend says though, I'm doing a lot better now. But to be honest I would attribute this only to two facts: I may not complain so much anymore and we live a long distance relationship were she might not notice so much.

My T didn't get better, that's for sure. Rather worse. It is fluctuating over periods of a couple of days going from mild-moderate to highly severe.
During mild days I would say it's frustrating but somehow acceptable. If I'm lucky and the mild days persist for more than a week in a row I somehow even feel confident again. But usually I'm still concerned about the future. It's weird and you feel a litte dishonest when talking about future plans with your girlfriend, when you have unpredictable T.
Two weeks ago I had a longer period of maybe 10 good days and I've to admit I never even bothered to look onto this site.
But not to fool myself, severe days are always and relentlessly coming again and again and after one day I get stuck on this site again desperately looking for any relief or even better cure.

So what did I do about it in the last months:
- During mild days usually not much since I tried to forget about it, the TRT way. Unfortunately I can swear that this way is no option for severe days.
I had a tooth root canal infection once and in this situation not going to the dentist but trying TRT would have been as promising.
- Stayed on Mirtazapin (Remeron) 5mg for sleeping. It's to me a life saver. I tried to discontinue it a couple of times but always on my severe days I had to rely on it to get sleep. It's literally a life saver. I can say for sure without it or something similar I wouldn't be here anymore.
- Beside that I stayed clean of brain medication. I've Trobalt here, but fear the side effects.
- I made plans and lists about patterns, looking for any correlation of T intensity with stress, sleep, sports, diet, weather, work, whatever. No relevant results. Somehow I avoid alcohol now and fear hot days. But I'm not sure about it.
- I go to work but I perform poorly. It is unsatisfactory in this condition.
- I tried LLLT. No results.
- I tried self administered Prednisolon if it helps agains severe days. Result: It might help but I couldn't take it long enough to get enough statistics. At the beginning and high dosage I had pretty strong insomnia from it but my T really went down. I didn't take Remeron then.
- I tried massages and a neck brace during sleep and a mouth guard. No results.
- I had MRI looking for acoustic neuroma. No result. Actually I doubt a little the results because the MRI was done without contrast agent. (I asked for it several times but it was dismissed).
- Many more things I cannot remember...

What I will do:
- Evaluate the possibility of a micro vascular compression.
I think for that a MRA (angio MRI) has to be performed and I will ask for one. Even though probability is little, there are case reports of complete recovery after a surgery.
- Try medication, starting with Pramipexol (if I can get it) and then, if necessary, go on to other stuff e.g. Carbarmazepine
- Try TMS. I don't like the idea behind much and I don't really believe in it.
- I wished I knew. I'm looking at stem cell treatment but I somehow I'm not convinced. E.g. a couple of million stem cells intravenous into the body, how many get into the ear or even across the blood brain barrier. For comparison: The human body has 10^14 cells, or 10^8 times more cells than stem cells injected. How are the odds that they find the right place without guidance? Probably even lower than to get severe T.

If somebody gave me a coin and there was T free on the one side and death on the other, I would burst into tears for gratitude and flip it.
What would you do?

 

Once we realize that nobody can help no matter how loud we complain, we just naturally stop complaining because well, there's nothing anyone can do, so it's a waste of energy, and a sure way to be disappointed.
Then the lack of complaint paired with invisible symptoms means you look like you're doing OK, so compared to "before" you do seem to be doing better!

 

I'd ask the person with the coin who they are, and how did they get such a coin, and how does it actually work?
Hang in there man.