My Wife Is Leaving Me Because of Tinnitus

Discussion in 'Support' started by Astro, Oct 8, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. Astro
      Alone

      Astro Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      She doesn't understand why I am depressed and never want to go out. She's taking our two children... They were my only reason to fight. Ill give tinnitus another 6 months to leave. If it doesn't. I'm putting my .40 in my mouth and taking the long nap.
       
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    2. Mario martz
      Creative

      Mario martz Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      Man!! No dont say that, i know you might be serious and you are going through a though time.
      first of all, you are very young and healthy you can not waste life just because things seem to get darker.
      im so sorry that your wife doesnt understand you, and that shes taking your kids.
      you can fight for your childen and explain your situation.

      you need to find a woman who loves you and understands you!! you deserve it.
      dont waste any more time with someone who wont help you out throught the dark times.
      life is beautiful everytime, dont let "them" win, make your parents proud and keep going.

      you are stronger than you think, and can do this.

      also, look up for people with tinnitus that are still doing great things, singers, actors, doctors etccc.
      you can do it!, this is a rough patch, you can overcome it!
       
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    3. Jacob83

      Jacob83 Member

      Location:
      Wisconsin
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2000
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud headphones
      If she's leaving you because you're suffering, you're better off without her. Fuck her. What kind of person is that? You never know how relationships are going to go, even in marriage. Happens all the time. Sometimes it takes struggle to see someone's true colors. She's leaving you because of THIS? Good, tell her to leave. If it wasn't this, it would be somethig else. You don't need her.

      Two kids, man, TWO KIDS. Those kids are counting on you, man. Depressed or not, they NEED you. Tinnitus can be annoying, but it's no reason to off yourself. You need to see those kids grow up, you need to grow with them. You'll be such a better person in the years to come and tinnitus is going to be on the end list of shit to worry about. You're new to this, I understand. The way you feel now IS NOT GOING TO BE THE WAY YOU FEEL LATER.

      She's not leaving you because of tinnitus, she's leaving you because she's selfish.
       
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    4. Mario martz
      Creative

      Mario martz Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      AMEN! truth in every sentence
       
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    5. Michael Leigh

      Michael Leigh Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Brighton, UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      April /1996
      @Astro
      Sorry to hear about your situation Astro. Have you been able to get any help with the tinnitus at ENT and referred to a Hearing Therapist? There are things that can help: TRT (tinnitus retraining therapy) counselling, CBT cognitive behavioural therapy) wearing white noise generators. Using sound enrichment (sound therapy) at night. Antidepressant to help with your depression. Try and get a referral to a Hearing Therapist.

      Tinnitus usually gets easier as time passes although it might not seem like it at the moment. Try to avoid quiet rooms especially at night. Have some low level music playing in the background or nature sounds which you can download onto your cell phone. A sound machine would also help at night.

      Hope you start to feel better soon
      Michael
      Please click on the link below as there's information about tinnitus that you might find helpful
      https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/an-introduction-to-tinnitus.12100/
       
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    6. DDD

      DDD Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      8/16/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      noice induced/acoustic trauma
      Let her leave. If she's the type to leave someone just because they are going through a tough time, then please, Let. Her. Leave.
       
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    7. AGAG

      AGAG Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      March 2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      @Astro, couldn't agree more with Jacob83 - and I am a woman... T can put quite a strain on a relationship, especially so since it is invisible, and so very hard to understand when you don't suffer from it. It can also exacerbate some relationship issues which were already there before the T onset. In any case, from what you write, your partner does not sound empathic in the least to what you are going through.
      You are right, your kids 'were your only reason to fight', and they still are! They are the very best reasons anyone can ever get to stick around. Continue to fight for them, they are entirely worth it and they do count on you. They need you. Write this down and keep the note under your eyes if need be, but never think for a second that they don't, or that they would be better off without you.
      You will be the best dad because you are their dad - don't give up. And Michael Leigh has some very good advice in the link he gave you.
      Hang in there.
       
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    8. st0rch
      Creative

      st0rch Member

      Location:
      Taylorsville, Utah
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/18/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Acoustic Trauma
      I lost everything I love. My parents, my brother, my girlfriend of 4 years, my job... Either dead or left me for one reason or another. I don't know how I made it through to where I am. Suicidal doesn't begin to describe the feelings I felt. Things are still very hard, yet somehow I can appreciate things in life. Something I thought I'd never be able to do again.

      My tinnitus was unavoidably bad for about 2 years. It rarely surfaces now to the point where it affects my mood now. I had no desire to go out, was so bloody depressed that the thought of not being able to do things I did before made me contemplate drowning myself when I took baths. I would pray to be blindsided by another car on my way to work.

      But here I am. I no longer have those desires. Life is unexpected but if you do decide to give this a chance, I can almost guarantee you you'll feel 200x better than what you're experiencing now. You'll become stronger, and meet people that deserve you.

      If your wife was in your position, your kids, would you disregard them? leave them? no. First of all, she doesn't understand the emotional distress this causes. None of the people I loved did, and they all resented me for it. No one cares, until you meet someone that does. Someone that understands and has compassion. Someone that you truly deserve. They are out there, and as fucking rough as it is, you don't want someone like your wife, who would leave when things get difficult. Especially so soon.

      You will get through this. It will be difficult. You will want to kill yourself some days. If you don't, life will reward you for being strong, and so many people will be better off because you decided to stay. Your kids are your purpose in life, be grateful you understand that, and that you even have that in the first place. Stay strong, you're not alone.
       
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    9. Stakovic

      Stakovic Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      with all these serious consequences the scientific community does not care.
       
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    10. Penate

      Penate Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/04/2015
      I'm in the same position, my tinnitus,hyperacusiss and reactive is impossible to masking, almost 2 years still, 4 different sound in my head, metallic jets engines in my ears, my wife don't have a single clue what I going through,she wants to divorce, but my kids need me, every thing for me is sadness and dark, i am professional musician for 20 years and I have to stop the things that make me happy for this horrendous condition, I don't really know how long I going to be strong,but here I'm still fading for my kids, is a shame 2016 still NOTHING to treat this evil and horrendous thing. We need people from the government and health department coming to this forums and see how much we suffering.
       
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    11. Mario martz
      Creative

      Mario martz Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2016
      this is something i also needed to read today, thanks for posting :)
       
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    12. Penate

      Penate Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/04/2015
      If somebody important in the government or somebody scientist get this diabolical condition, I bet my life the cure appears in less than two weeks.
       
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    13. InfiniteLoop
      Sunshine

      InfiniteLoop Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Redwood City, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Not sure. Long-term microbial overgrowth?
      @Astro

      Let be this the low point and the darkest place. Start rebuilding your life and managing the T. Many at TT have gone through intense emotional distress and setbacks, and somehow we are able to go through the days, yow will be able also. Your T is still recent and you need more time for habituation to kick in.
       
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    14. glynis-harbron
      Feminine

      glynis-harbron Member Benefactor Hall of Fame Ambassador Team Awareness Team Research

      Location:
      England, Stoke-on-Trent
      Tinnitus Since:
      2004
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Meniere's Disease
      Hi Astro.
      Tinnitus is a really hard condition and emotionally distressing when depression hits hard too.
      I suffer badly with tinnitus and know I must have put my hubby through so much pressure and he has not been so understanding and even for me I've struggled getting him understand.
      I hope She can come on here and read the posts and we can support you both as you deal with depression and tinnitus.
      I hope you are getting the support you need for depression with one to one counselling and can work together with your wife to help her understand your not going mad and over time the depression will lift and life with tinnitus will get better and your confidence in socialising with tinnitus will improve and protect your ears as needed.

      I have been going through depression due to my ears and having support from the Mental Health accsess team visiting me at home every week for a few weeks and my hubby has benifited from what they have had to say so might be worth it for you .

      Your children need you so mutch and I promise you will come through this difficult time in your life as I have been through it and going through it .

      We are all here for you and your wife so please keep posting for support as we all do care and understand what your going through.
      Lots of love glynis x
       
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    15. OnceUponaTime
      Facebooking

      OnceUponaTime Member Benefactor

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/11
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Allergies or Acoustic Trauma, Stress
      @Astro So sorry that you have to go through this. Many of us here on TT have been through it too. I have t. for 5 years now... very hard thing to deal with but you have to fight. Your precious children need their father. Please try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, try hearing aids with masking, try different things to see what might help you. Never give up...you stay STANDING strong for your children! I will pray you may find peace and strength at this difficult time.... God is always near. Call upon Him. :) I hope and pray you start feeling better soon...
       
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    16. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      Same here....same here my friend, our best years wasted on this crap, families ruined, social life non existent, jobs lost.... what could be worse?
       
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    17. Astro
      Alone

      Astro Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown
      I appreciate all of your replies. I really do. Atleast I have some complete strangers who understand.. Im in the process of packing up my things but when I get a chance I will reply to your comments individually. I really want to fight to get over this for my kids but another part of me just thinks I should off myself so my wife will find another partner and I trust her judgment that he will be a good man my son is 3 and my daughter is 1. They won't remember me if I end it now... They don't deserve to have a broken father. I don't want them to hurt for me or resent me for my illnesses. Just feel really alone... And tired. I love this woman so much and she thinks that im lying to her about tinnitus trying to make her miserable.. Her and the kids don't deserve this shit. She might not understand whats going on with me but she's a wonderful mother and im holding her back
       
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    18. PaulBe

      PaulBe Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Cairns
      Tinnitus Since:
      11/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Probably sound, though never proven
      Hasn't worked for George Soros. I think he resolves his frustration by destroying the lives and Nations of others. Oh well, therapy is therapy.
       
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    19. Penate

      Penate Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      07/04/2015
      Maybe George Soros don't have soper catastrophic severe tinnitus,hyperacusiss and reactive like me.
       
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    20. MikeP505
      Curious

      MikeP505 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Ontario Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Punishment for being so darn good looking!
      Amen to all those who answered to let her go. This is NOT a wife. That's some girl looking for everything to be perfect or EF YOU! Goodness brother, let her go. Let some other dude deal with her selfishness.

      No reason to use the .40 tho. You have 2 great kids and you will ALWAYS be dad!! You can be a fantastic dad without living with IT (her)!! I have lost many people in my life over this. Good riddance! True colors sure do come thru at times like this no? She will only raise your stress in the long run and make this T harder to deal with. One day she may regret losing a good relationship over this, but only if she ever grows up.
       
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    21. Sweet Caroline
      Angelic

      Sweet Caroline Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2008
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Ahhh I am sorry to hear you have such suffering ... As she left you because you are suffering, and, we all umderstand how bad this suffering is, it doesn't say much for her stability, and, her charity. Those kids would never get over it for their whole lives if you did something like that. If she persists in 'leaving' perhaps you should get a lawyer. I don't know. You are sick, and, she abandoned you with your children. There are others here who could tell you better I am sure,or, add to my thoughts. You will always have your kids, and, under the circumstances you will get the best of the deal. What a terrible way to put it I know.
      Do you have a Doc that you could confide in? Someone who could really care for your tinnitus and depression? Will pray for you. Don't let those kiddos down guy!!
       
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    22. MikeP505
      Curious

      MikeP505 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Ontario Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Punishment for being so darn good looking!
      I'm going to tell you a little story here. I typically only tell this story to those who ask me about my life. I will try my best to make it short.

      I was living in a small city near Toronto most of my life. Ended up meeting the "love of my life" after dating many girls. I helped her thru university and medical school as much as possible. I owned and operated a business that worked directly for Insurance Companies doing -Wind Fire Water- damage repairs. My business was solid and booming. Making more money than Trump at the time. (i wish) Anyways......

      After her studies were complete we married. Made plans for family etc. She was offered a terrific position about 3 hours away from where we live. I had a bit of a dilemma. Always tried to support her dreams and now they were coming true. Do I shut down my business and move away to this other town so she can take this great position or do I tell her to try to look for work closer. I decided we best go up to this town, spend a few days at a hotel and I will see what opportunities I have for work there. I pretty much had a solid job offer. The sooner I could start, the better. Not the same pay but it was not bad, and I had less responsibilities. So I told her to take the offer, I will stay back awhile to close down my business and be up to start work there soon. She agreed.

      A few months later I was up there working and living in a house we rented. We decided to buy a home. We found a perfect little place on the water. It was used as a cottage but had many permanent homes on the road. It needed tons of work. Was neglected because it was just a cottage for the past owner. So with my skills, I begin to rip apart the place one floor at a time. Kitchen, living room, bathroom were 1st on the list. I worked all day and renovated our cute little home at night and weekends. She worked all day and .......... well, bitched a bit about the mess but hey, it won't be forever!

      So she goes to work where everyone is dressed well, no one breaks a nail, and shoes are always clean. Comes home to a hard working man who wears t-shirts and jeans and is sweating trying to get up the drywall. Well some clean dressed dude at work puts the moves on her. She falls for it. She see's Mr. Perfect vs. Mr. Grunt! Comes home late often. I don't worry as I feel she needs a break from the mess right? One day she comes home and says she is pregnant with tears in her eyes. I'm kinda stunned. How long off are you? We haven't had sex in quite awhile and when we did, I used condoms cause I wanted to finish the renovations first. She was balling her eyes out. You see Mike, this is NOT your child!! OMG! I staggered back a bit. Sat down. Asked her what her plans are. She tells me she is moving in with the guy and having the baby! I told her it's best she leaves for the night. I need time to digest this ALONE!!

      The next day after a long and serious think, I call her up, tell her to come and get anything she needs and go. I will finish the renovations and sell the house. Then I want a divorce!

      She started crying. She was shocked I wanted a divorce!! Pardon? I simply told her she doesn't love me. Told her she has no CLUE what love is. I told her I deserve way more than her!!

      Her relationship with that guy lasted under 2 years, and he was in bed with another married woman!!
       
      Last edited: Oct 9, 2016
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    23. ruben ruiz

      ruben ruiz Member

      Location:
      Tucson, AZ
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      I believe it was meds and stress
      Love makes walls tumble the sky light up. Ten years ago my mother died. My siblings tried to take my inheritance they did a good job of losing it to the lawyers. My girl who I loved told me my family was to toxic and I was getting sick time to move on. It killed me. I think of suicide still. The tinnitus is in the middle of all this adversity.
       
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    24. MikeP505
      Curious

      MikeP505 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Ontario Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Punishment for being so darn good looking!
      I know exactly how you feel. Trust me I have had every though run thru my mind during my struggles. I am no longer close to family. Lost many friends. I am different now. A different life. Just because our old lives fell apart is no reason to run. Grab on to the new life and make the best of it.
       
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    25. valeri

      valeri Member Benefactor Team Awareness

      Location:
      Australia
      Tinnitus Since:
      09/2011
      He's probably got some Mickey Mouse (need to look for it to find it) tinnitus and lives a normal life!
      Unless one experience the true hell they can't understand.
       
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    26. rzhang
      Transparent

      rzhang Member

      These anecdotes and others really make me sad. If anyone knows that guy from China, Aaron, he also has a similar story. I'm sorry that you all have had to experience a fundamental lack of empathy from the last people to be like that.

      Maybe its because they don't understand but still seeing a grown adult reduced to barely surviving... why doesn't that make you wonder?

      I hope someone out there can give you the compassion we all deserve. I know its tough but don't let the world's BULLSHIT get to you.
       
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    27. volsung37

      volsung37 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      Tinnitus is a tough teacher. It will show you which things in your life are real and what is BS pretence. A lot of people go through life marking time in relationships which one or the other finds meaningless but they put up with for appearance sake or inertia. The same goes for friendships. Don't judge your wife too harshly. She's human. Very few people can understand what we're going through24/7. If someone had told me two years ago I would be hearing a loud drone in one ear and high pitched tones in the other I don't think I would have believed such a thing was even possible. Time will heal you. You will find unexpected joy some days. Hopefully you will see your children grow and develop their personalities. This is a great gift.
       
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    28. MikeP505
      Curious

      MikeP505 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Ontario Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Punishment for being so darn good looking!
      C'mon brother. The guy is going thru a tough time and she adds to his misery with threats of separation. She is taking the kids and hitting the road!! I can judge that easily!! Let her go!! If she realizes what she gave up, she will be back and most likely more understanding. If not, then she may be human, but a cold hearted human who wants no issues in her life. Just wait til she gets older.................and alone............
       
    29. MikeP505
      Curious

      MikeP505 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Ontario Canada
      Tinnitus Since:
      2011
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Punishment for being so darn good looking!
      BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!
       
    30. vegasjon

      vegasjon Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      I worry that I will decay and become nothing of use to my own family. Three years in, the ringing is loud as ever and I fear my hearing has deteriorated. What happens two years from now? Five?

      I feel your pain, Astro.
       
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