Need Help

Guys! I think I could do with some support.
Today was dreadful, and I don't even know why. There actually were no spikes, my ringing wasn't louder, though from time to time it seems to me that I start hearing ringing in my second ear.
But for some reason I'm overwhelmed with pure terror. I barely got home from work. It's difficult to breath. I want to cry, but I'm afraid of making it worse.
I now lay in bed, with a stuffed cat my mom made for me (I'm almost 25, heh).
Suicidal thoughts have been creeping around the whole day, I scare them away as good as I can.

I know it's more of a psychological problem, but still.
Or maybe you could tell me of your methods to calm down.

 

I checked again, and I DO have the new tone in my other ear. What a day.

 

Hey there. I can imagine the distress as that was what I felt when I first had it. Just the thought of stepping into my room constricts my throat. Do distract yourself from focusing on the T. I have the audio masker from this website on the moment I stepped into my room or office. It does a wonderful job of masking the ringing. I also download a ambient app on my mobile that helps with sleep.

Do try to distract yourself from listening to the ringing and checking it out constantly even though I know it is bloody tough. I realize that the ringing becomes easier to manage when the anxiety is under control.

It's tough shit but hang in there. You will get through these days. All of us here have gone through and managed to overcome difficult days caused by a temperamental T. You will too. Baby steps.

 

Thanks, Shan!
I think I got too confident over the last couple of weeks, when I managed to fall asleep without background noise, and that backfired.
And I do realize my anxiety only makes it worse, but it's a damn tough thing to control.
Turned RainyMood on. Hope for the better.

 

Hey, It's Jeff here. Been battling last few days too (as you know). F-ing SUCKS!! BUT ..... we are going to get through!! BREATHE!! BREATHE! Slow and methodical. In through the nose and out the mouth rhythmically. Get out of your head for awhile. Yesterday I was freaking out! I put on the headphones, watched some music videos on my tablet for awhile, put on some relaxation music and read, looked at photos from the past and completely crushed any thoughts of "S". What do you enjoy doing???? DO IT!! You WILL get through this!! Dig deep and want it!!! Peace and prayers to you!!

 

Thank you!
Right now it feels like there's nothing in the world I can enjoy. Probably, you know that feeling.
Being alone doesn't help as well. My wife's away training, my parents, who I could at least talk to via Skype, are now in an area without internet.
And for some reason unknown, me ears are sore. Because of nerves, I guess.

 

I totally understand. But you are NOT alone !!!! We are here!! Direct message me if you need to talk. You are going to get thru dude!!

 

Thanks again for your support!
I am also a bit worried by the fact that my sound constantly changes. Basically, I have two tones in my right ear, one at about 11 kHz, the second one much lower and usually inaudible, didn't even measure it. But what amazes me is that they constantly switch. And the higher tone changes from being similar to sine wave, then it turns into some kind of fairy bells, then it is white noise. What the hell is going on, and does the sound really change, or is it just my mind playing tricks?
Sorry for my incessant whining, soon I'll go to sleep and be silent for at least 8 hours)

 

Hey Garden Ring, hang in there...

Sounds like you are having a panic attack. It is the most miserable feeling in the world. I had rolling panic attacks in the beginning; it was the only time in my life that I really questioned if life was worth living.

The good news is that you can learn to shut down panic and anxiety. You may want to start with a low dose of alprazolam (Xanax) in the beginning. It is fast acting and will help calm you down. Panic attacks are a vicious loop. You are getting freaked out by the sound changes, which feeds the panic, which then starts causing physical changes (tight chest, shortness of breath, blurred vision and loss of appetite if it gets extreme), which in turn makes you panic more.

As JeffM said, you need to learn what is called diaphragmatic breathing to help calm you down. Below is a link to a video that basically shows you how to do it:

Diaphragmic Breathing - For Meditation,...

You also can google "four-square breathing" which is the same thing.

A good cognitive behavioral therapist also can help you craft self-statements that you can say to yourself, that will help calm you down down. But I remember you saying that CBT is hard to get in your country. In that case, I recommend this CD that helped me tremendously. It has self-statements that you can listen to, and say along with the narrator:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1881405931/?tag=tinntalk-20

Please post back if you need us. I can completely sympathize. I told people having a panic attack felt like an alien was crawling around in my body. But you can control it, with practice. Distraction is good, as others have mentioned. Go for a long walk. Listen to peaceful music to help you ignore your tinnitus. Your T is feeding into your automatic and limbic nervous systems right now, which is making you react this way. Reassure yourself, as you do your deep breathing, that anxiety is extremely physically uncomfortable... but it will pass. Tell yourself you look forward to it passing, that you will okay, that your recognize what you are feeling is panic but it will get better and will not hurt you.

So sorry you must go through this.

 

Thank you very much!
Will be trying the breathing. I tried to do it along with the video and it felt soothing.

 

Good, good, I am glad it is helping, Garden Ring. That's a good sign.

I do recommend the CD I mentioned, too. I both loaded it onto my phone and carried it in my car. Sometimes, I would start panicking and pull over when I was driving, and breathe along with Bellaruth, listening to her calm voice and instructions. One thing I can promise you: once you practice these breathing techniques and self statements, you can indeed get to the point that you can shut down panic attacks before they happen. You should practice every day, in the beginning, even when you aren't having an attack. Then your body and brain will know what to do when you start the technique and need the help.

There have been times, when the situation has been intense, that I have had some anxiety start up that made me physically uncomfortable. But I haven't had a true panic attack in five months.

Thinking of you.

 

You need to go to the doctor and get some medicine for anxiety and depression

 

Garden ring - dunno how you're going now. I got an inner ear virus 6 mths back. Horrendous volume. I had anxiety attacks as well. A friend who has them constantly told me a simple breathing technique - Breathe 3 seconds in and 6 seconds out. I never had another proper one. I could curtail them whenever I felt one come on....

Doc put me on Quetapel, also called Quetiapine - a v mild sedative.... helped me heaps.... not addictive...

Chin up. Feel free to chat...

 

Thanks to everybody for your kind words and advice.
I managed to calm down and fall asleep, then woke up in complete peace (after a good night's sleep I can barely hear my T).
Now I'm in my office, a bit nervous, but at least not panicking

 

Hey Garden Ring, thanks for the update. SO glad you are feeling better.

Having said that, you may want to work on practicing the breathing and try a panic disorder CD or book. Once panic attacks start, they can come back. The secret is to recognize the warning signs and stop them before they start that loop in your nervous system.

 

Hey, thanks Karen. Yes, it did take some work ... but I am so glad I found something that will help me. I still have uncomfortable moments with anxiety, but not full blown panic. Prior to tinnitus, I had two panic episodes in my life, both related to some health anxiety. But they were really minor -- some chest tightening, a little shortness of breath. The tinnitus sparked these full blown attacks that kept coming; I would have one, it would stop, then soon after I would feel things starting again and know another one was around the corner. I couldn't eat anything for days and became afraid to leave the house.

I also didn't initially recognize some of the symptoms as panic symptoms: the blurred vision ,watery legs, total aversion to food. Its fascinating (from a distance) that its all part of the primitive "fight or flight" response, that our body is doing all these things -- dilating our pupils so we can see if we have to run in the dark, shutting down our digestive system so we can conserve all our energy to fight -- so we can battle wild animals that haven't preyed on us for thousands of years.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. I really do feel for anyone who has had these terrible attacks. It made me so sad to think of Garden Ring alone, clutching his stuffed cat, his wife away and facing this by himself. My husband tried to be as supportive as he could, but he really didn't understand what was happening, as I usually am very in control. At one point, he asked me if I thought I was just upset about the US doing so miserably in the Tour de France, which was going on at the time.

 

Yeah Garden Ring! Stoked you are doing better! As you can tell by all of these supportive posts, you are never alone!! We all need to stick together, because we all get it! My wife knows me better and loves me more than anyone, but she still doesn't totally get it, because she doesn't have a smoke alarm going off in her ears 24/7 (Thank God!!). So hang in there and know we are always here for help and support!! (Just as i know you'll be there for me during my rough times !!!) Peace!!

 

I suffered the first panic attack when I was young due to an unfortunate incident when I thought I was going to die out of an accident. Then at age 24, it came back in full blown mode and it since came on and off for decades. Every panic attack broght were scary symptoms like those of a heart attack, with shortness of breath, tightness of chest, chest pain, sweating profusely, strong adrenalin rush, phobia, feeling dizzy, disoriented, very scared not just for the moment but the future as if my life and my world are caving into me, and these were followed by periods of sleeplessness, despair, headaches, nightmares, loss of appetite, loss of interest in anything, not being able to focus on anything with the mind constantly drifting away into some horror stories, etc. etc.

So when tinnitus and hyperacusis hit me a few years ago, they literally opened the flood gate of hell of relentless anxiety & panic attacks on auto mode. No amount of will power could turn them off. Every day was a long dark day of sufferings of tinnitus, hyperacusis, anxiety and panic attacks, so much so that every night when I went to sleep, if I could sleep at all with the aid of sleeping pills, I wished not to wake up to repeat the torture cycle again and again. I took Ativan, Prozac and sleeping pills often to cope. Ativan calmed the nerve, Prozac took off the edges of depression, but it did one miracle for me. It stopped the relentless panic attacks or reduce the symptoms so much so that I could still cope. That was how I survived those dark, dark, days a few years back.

Gradually, with the help of things I learned from CBT about cognitive distortions, I learned to think more positively and realistically. I changed my mental approach towards life. Having suffered from anxiety and panic disorders for so long, I slowly learned to accept the attacks and its symptoms, as if they are now part of my being, my reality. In my search on internet about the best way to cope with anxiety and panic attacks, I found that some experts are suggesting acceptance, even accepting the dreaded symptoms. They propose to accept your fears, the discomforts, the phobia or whatever your mind is suggesting. I listened & tried to follow.

My motto now is 'a life controlled by fear is not worth fearing or worrying about'. In other word, let it be. Accept the consequence, whatever. If it is meant to be, so be. I will rather live life or face life's consequences than fearing about them. I am applying these to managing my reaction to tinnitus and hyperacusis. I let them be what they be, high or low any given day (as I usually wake up with loud screaming T to start my day). I live life abundantly to compensate for whatever sufferings they can bring, if any. It works for me. I have not had any panic attacks for a few years now since the initial horror show. I don't count on it not showing again. If it comes back, I will accept and flow with it.

In 'The Power of Now', Eckart Tolle taught me to flow with life and live the present. The past is gone and the future is not yet a reality. The only thing I can manage is the present, and I live each present moment with positivity, even with T blasting away. I sometimes treat the sound as if I am a driller facing the loud drilling noise having a long day's shift and accept that as my imperfect analogy. I learn to live my life with grace. That is an acquired life's skill which is crucial to provide some sense of stability and peace amid the pain of an ultra high pitch tinnitus blasting away most mornings to start my day. Now my brain is hardened to the T and it doesn't even respond to it. It can be done. It may take time to get there, but it is doable.

 

Thanks for your post, Billie. You obviously gained a lot of wisdom and courage through dealing with what life has thrown you. I can't imagine having panic attacks on and off for decades.

Like you, I got back on track with some help from medications and a lot of CBT. I also learned to accept my tinnitus, rather than object to it, and live without fear. I don't let my T keep me from having the life I had before and want now (with a few rare exceptions. I turned down free Billy Joel concert tickets recently because I thought a stadium show was not a good idea.) When my tinnitus really ramps up, I do a visualization and see it as a cat -- a cat I have had for a long time and know well, that is part of my life and lives in my house, and is driving me crazy with its incessant meowing. I acknowledge the cat in the visualization, let it into house, scratch its back and give it something to eat. Sometimes, you just have to lean into the experience and accept it.

Thanks again for sharing your insights with us.

 

Today I ran across a statement which is obvious, yet we very often forget about it:
"Stop reading forums. Like I said in my big post, nobody goes to a forum to say "I am feeling normal and happy today"."

So I would like to make up for it.
For about four days I have been feeling happy and almost normal.

What made me feel that way? First of all, previously I could not accept the fact that I have tinnitus. In my head I kept going back to the day when I went to that concert, wishing I could reverse time and change what I did.
It is still hard for me to accept. But at least I realized that I will have to. I dream a lot, but I live in a real world, and in this world we have to deal with what we have. So it's either I live in constant misery dreaming about past, or I get my s**t together and do something about my life.

Secondly, I started reading the TRT book by Jastreboff. I'm not as rich as to go to a real TRT clinic, and I highly doubt we have them in Russia, anyway. So I downloaded a book and read it. The best part about it is that it set a goal for me. Before reading it all I knew was that the T doesn't usually go away on its own and there is nothing you can do about it. It made me think I would have to suffer like I did at the moment for the rest of my life. The book clearly states that it is possible (and was proven clinically) to feel great with T and even forget about it. Sounds impossible, but it's backed up with statistical data. I love statistical data. So, when you see the goal, all you have to do is just follow the path to it.

And by the way, when I told one of my friends about what happened to me, he yelled back: "You! What have you done! Now I also hear it!" He has a ringing ear as well. Every time I bring the subject up in a conversation, he remembers about it and starts hearing it. Otherwise, he is never bothered by it. This also added some optimism to my life.

Thirdly, I have spent last four days in Swiss Alps. Unfortunately, I didn't have the time to enjoy some snowboarding, as I had to work, but the incredible view, clean air and a change of scenery worked like a charm. I was busy, I didn't think about my T, and even when I did, I didn't panic.
Now I'm back home and I'm still feeling well.

It doesn't mean there won't be hard times ahead of me. It's perfectly possible that in a couple of days I will break down again and come here crying for help. But I know that eventually I will manage to get rid of my reaction to tinnitus, and in the long run even stop hearing it. Sincerely, that would be enough. If ever there is a cure (and I'm almost sure it will appear in 5-7 years) maybe I will consider having it, after carefully studying the side effects
But as for now, I know I will be able to overcome this myself.
And we all will.
All we need is just some dedication and patience.

 

By the way, this is the story I referred to in my post: http://www.reddit.com/r/tinnitus/comments/trn2m/tinnitus_16_years_later_tinnitus_oh_yea_i_forgot/

It's truly optimistic and made me feel much better.

 

What a nice post from you Garden & a positive confirmation post by Karen. You folks are confirming what some of the T veterans have been saying all along - T is livable and beatable if not curable (as of now at least). There is life after T even if it doesn't go away. Even loud T can be accepted by the brain which then fades it out of consciousness most of the time, especially if you don't put up a painful, emotional and traumatic reaction to it. When you start to accept T, it slowly becomes just a neutral sound which the brain can get hardened to and in time will ignore it.

The trick is really TRUE ACCEPTANCE - which means you truly is willing to accept it as part of your being and not accepting it because you have a great few days (and then you fall back to panic when it strikes hard again). With true acceptance, you are willing to compromise by willing to co-exist peacefully with T and you go back to living your life as enjoyable and as abundantly as you can, holding nothing back, keeping yourself busy but not stressed out. When there is so much joy and meaning out of life, T becomes just a piece of the puzzles of life and it doesn't matter if it goes up or down.

I just came back from a flight to Toronto and sitting at the last row. My ultra high pitch loud T could be heard over the jet noise. It is that loud and high pitched, like a high energy laser beam piercing through the dark sky. But it is accepted as part of my being and it took some time to get used to it and it now is just a piece of the puzzles of life for me. It is livable because it is not even the most important piece. Given time, it gets less and less important and your good life will be back again.

Again, great posts and congrats to your progress, Garden.

 

Acceptance is everything, Garden Ring, although it ain't easy. So GLAD you are doing better.