Newbie... Sad, Scared, Pissed, and Can't Stop Researching!

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by denise w., Mar 4, 2016.

tinnitus forum
    1. denise w.

      denise w. Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/29/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Hello all,

      I am brand new. My tinnitus has been with me for about a month, but the volume increased about 90 hours ago. Yes I'm counting hours. Longest four days of my frigin life! Started in psych office, went to primary care, then ENT, going to audiology March 11th, if I don't hurl myself off my balcony by then. We are in the midst of trying to detect the source of my T, but, I'm getting the sense that I'm going to be one of those that they have no idea where it's coming from.

      And if I could just complain - a little more - docs are pissing me off with the stress thing. I feel like they're victim blaming. Of course I'm meditating, drinking chamomile tea, lighting candles, praying to god, walking, listening to pink noise, trying to breath, smile and be grateful, but they just keep talking about stress. I'm like shove it up you A$$ I've been stressed for a decade, nothing new - I'm sure stress makes it worse, but I'm so tired of them wasting my time talking about that - it's like they say that because they don't know. I feel blamed for this condition. I want to try all the sound therapy I can first before I start resorting to shoving needles in my ear or taking meds.

      Anyway, today is the worst I've had. I put earphones in last night for the first time and it was nice to sleep with, I listened to native american wind sounds that was nice, bc I don't know enough about noise cancelling sounds yet bc I don't know my frequency. but I'm thinking that headphone use overnight screwed up my T for the day. I've been awake for 4 hours and it's still shrieking in my skull. I just downloaded like 8 apps to look for something new for tonight....doing this of course as I watch my career crumble in the face of obsessive researcing. I see everywhere to stop doing it - but it's like heroin or something, I step away from Google, and end up right back there again looking for a solution. Yesterday was good and the day before I was able to focus and get my work done. I'm a college professor and about to start a PhD program. UGH!!! Today - it's just too damn loud to get anything done. Want to cry and just feel hopeless.

      I know you can't solve this for me.But knowing your out there helps me incredibly. My partner kept snoozing away nicely and I was so angry I wanted to hit him in the head that I wish I could have that silence I used to have. People just look at me like --- they are sorry, but I know they don't understand, bc I wouldn't have. I know you do.

      I'll be seeing you around!

      Denise
       
      • Hug Hug x 6
    2. STi

      STi Member

      Nobody understands but us....I have read that TMJ, wax build up,fluid, ear infections...And the obvious noise induced can cause T. I don't agree with stress causing Tinnitus tho.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    3. hurtingdream

      hurtingdream Member

      Location:
      Michigan, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      01/2002
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Unknown/ETD since 11/2015
      Hi Denise! I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I've had T for about 15 yrs but had a spike 3 months ago. I'm finally feeling somewhat better. I think it decreased or my brain just habituated. The last 2 months I did have thoughts of suicide. If I didn't have my faith and family I probably would've done it. I'm hoping time is on your side!
       
      • Like Like x 1
    4. ceauses97
      Speechless

      ceauses97 Member

      Location:
      Norway
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/12/15
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      loud music/chemotherapy/hypercalcemia
      Hello @denise w.

      I've had tinnitus since early December (3 months) and I can tell you it DOES get better. Trust me. I was a mess when I first got tinnitus, just look at my thread when I was 2 weeks in. Although my tinnitus volume has incresed, I'm coping a lot better today. There are hours when I don't pay attention to my tinnitus, and even if I hear it I seriously don't care. I can't explain how or why. It's just how amazing how our brain works. I still have some dark moments, but this forum has helped me go trough the days when I'm depressed. All in all I'm doing fine, and you will be fine as well. If you're lucky your tinnitus may even subside. Either way, you will be OK! This will be a tough fight, maybe the hardest one in your life, but you will win. 3 months from now you will look back at this post knowing I was right. Good luck.
       
      • Like Like x 2
      • Helpful Helpful x 2
      • Winner Winner x 1
    5. Phil-O

      Phil-O Member

      Location:
      Lancashire UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2015
      Hi @denise w.
      I have had T for about 12 months, so can't advise you too much, but know exactly how you feel.
      There are many wise experienced people on here who will definitely support you through this journey.
      Their advice how the brain will filter out and start to neither focus on it, nor see T as a threat has helped me lots.
      In the meantime check out the success and positivity stories, they certainly show how there's light at the end of the tunnel, and helped to start me on the path to recovery. Although it takes time, try http://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172. Also watch the new back to silence video on page 32 of the thread, have your pencil and paper ready! Best wishes Phil
       
      • Like Like x 1
    6. denise w.

      denise w. Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/29/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      Thanks everyone for the welcome! @ceauses97 I hope you're right. And thanks for validating what I thought @STi @hurtingdream - I cannot frigin imagine how i will ever get used to this...trying to have faith. And @Phil-O I am ready for some good news!
      I will be spending most of my time reading over posts..blah!! I try to keep telling myself it could be worse, my mother just had a stroke and that's making me sad, but I did see one person post that they had a stroke and it finally cured their T :LOL::confused: I'm thinking hmmmmmm.... a stroke wouldn't be so bad?? :cyclops: but then again...I know it would and I'm trying to remind myself that when I think "why me?" I think, "why not me?" And here I am.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    7. Phil-O

      Phil-O Member

      Location:
      Lancashire UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2015
      Hi @denise w.
      Thanks for the reply. Here's a direct link to the new back to silence video.
      Back To Silence method for coping with tinnitus

      It's hard to explain, it does take time, and how it works I don't know, but it's a good place to start to feeling better. Kind regards Phil
       
      • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    8. STi

      STi Member

      Stroke to cure T omg...No thank You...Stroke would be horrible...Hope your mom is doing ok!

      I have had To since November 15...Was devastated for weeks...now it's just more of an annoyance. ..I do miss silence....I would not try strong meds to fix T..You will end up hurting other parts of your system. Soon the cicada bugs will be out and help you sleep better.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    9. Rintintin
      Frantic

      Rintintin Member

      Location:
      East Coast
      Tinnitus Since:
      Sept 2015
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Loud music and head injury
      Denise,

      I would feel really aggrieved if my T had just come out of nowhere. I got mine from listening to loud music, there is no one to blame but my own stupidity. Sorry to hear that you are going through this - I was going berserk my first couple of weeks. Likely your Tinnitus will get better. The odds are with you. It has only been a short time and I have no idea why it got worse. Like yourself, I was freaking out and very scared when mine started. After a while, we find ways to manage things and adapt. I wonder if mine will be there the rest of my life. It's a scary thought. It is hard to say for sure or to count on a cure. But, I wouldn't be surprised if yours improved since it is early, and you just hit a rough spot. I am also an intellectual and it has affected my study, though that is starting to come around. I wish you well.

      What subject to you teach in college?

      Rintintin
       
      • Like Like x 1
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    10. denise w.

      denise w. Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      02/29/16
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      unknown
      funny about the cicada bugs @STi .

      @Rintintin thanks for the hope. I'm listening to my pink, blue, brown, whatever noisemaker as I write. Hoping I will habituate fast so I can keep my career moving. I teach sociology :) I have a huge interview in a few weeks. I want to be able to handle this with a smile and a burst of fresh air and motivated enthusiasm. Not a fighting to hear what someone is saying to me face of frustration. I need like a tinnitus habituation boot camp.

      by the way @Phil-O I have been taking the suggestions from the video. I had two whole days of joy - very few interruptions, but also the volume was much lower. I was exposed to loud music last night, I'm not giving up going out, gonna have to get some good ear plugs. But at least I know why the volume increased. Sucked to be in the dark. hopefully tomorrow will be better. but the video was very helpful thank you :) so grateful for this forum.
       
      • Like Like x 1
    11. Phil-O

      Phil-O Member

      Location:
      Lancashire UK
      Tinnitus Since:
      02/2015
      Hi @denise w.
      Don't be too disappointed if BTS takes a while. After several months I am down to 15 -20 responses a day and the responses are less depressive, sad, nervous and anxious. The fact you can do the BTS method makes you feel hopeful and gives you something proactive to do. There will be good days and bad, but overall you are on the road to recovery. Best wishes Phil
       
    12. Mont

      Mont Member

      Location:
      West Deptford, NJ
      Tinnitus Since:
      12/2015
      I know what you are going through. I have dealing with it for 2 months now. ENT have been no help at all. i have good days and bad ones. Been more good in last month, but my T is screaming today. Good luck
       
    13. GregCA
      Crappy

      GregCA Member

      Tinnitus Since:
      03/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Otosclerosis
      Hi Denise,

      It's not that bad to not know where it's coming from yet, because it means you have some hope that it's something that can be fixed. T is a symptom, not a disease. Find the culprit, and if it's fixable you have a good chance of getting rid of T.

      Don't feel bad about researching. Many do the same: the more information you have, the better positioned to make decisions you are. Nobody is as vested in your well being and health than yourself: don't be afraid to ask, steer and push for your treatment.

      Hold tight and keep moving forward with debugging your issue. Don't leave any rock unturned.

      Good luck

      -- Greg
       
    14. volsung37

      volsung37 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      2014
      Pressed on the BTS video arrow and it says 'this video does not exist'. A dark existential joke?
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    15. Dominic1955
      Depressed

      Dominic1955 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Waverly, Pennsylvania
      Tinnitus Since:
      4/2/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic hearing loss
      Denise do you have hearing loss?
       
    16. Dominic1955
      Depressed

      Dominic1955 Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Waverly, Pennsylvania
      Tinnitus Since:
      4/2/2016
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Idiopathic hearing loss
      Denise I developed sudden hearing loss with severe tinnitus 2 months ago, I was contemplating suicide ! I gave my handguns to my son to keep at his home, I was scared that I was going to kill myself, did not sleep for 6 weeks.
      Went to ent and psychiatrist started taking antidepressants and Xanax. Now my Anxity is gone but the tinnitus continues! But I no longer want to kill myself. Hang in the anxiety will get better, see ent and if need too a psychiatrist. I can hear my T all day long. Nothing can mask it. I am hoping that eventually I can habituate,

      Hang in there !!?
       

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