Not Letting This Break Me.

Hello. My apologies for any mistakes I may or will make. lol I have never joined a forum, created a thread or dealt with anything like tinitus. I am a 36 year old, Male, Dad, Husband, Uncle, Brother, Son. I am a very "special" person. I have some issues (as most of us do) My main issue is, I have an anger problem. I enjoy my quiet time. My personal space and downtime. I used to sit in a room, with no tv on and just stare at the wall or out of the window and just enjoy silence. I have been going to see a counselor/therapist over the last few months for my anger, and so far so good. I have come a long way in a short period of time. I know I still have a very long way to go, but its nice to see progress.

I have always had great hearing. I could hear things no one else could. With no effort. I remember 6 months ago, laying in bed, watching tv and my wife asked me. "can you even hear that? I can't hear a single word they are saying." About 3 months ago, while at a restaurant, I noticed some anxiety from all of the noise. Almost like a sensory overload. And in that moment, I noticed that I couldn't make out exactly what my cousin across the table was saying to me. I thought there was too much noise. Shortly after that, I noticed a ringing in my left ear. Then it was my wife saying, "can you turn the tv down? I'm trying to sleep. Are you deaf?" lol Then the ringing got worse. I'm not sure if it got worse or I just became fixated on it. My anger still gets the best of me, and when the ringing gets too bad, I do not know what to do.

So off to the ENT I went. I did the hearing test, and the examination. The examination of my ears came back great. The sound test (don't quote me) came back that my left ear dropped about 30db from 4k-6 maybe 8k htz. I'll go back in a month and request a copy of my medical records, so I can clarify more if need be. I have a slight dip in my right ear at the same frequency but it was still in the "normal" range. I informed them that I have no recollection of any loud noise or trauma to my ears. I did tell them that I have shot guns (long ago and not often) without hearing protection. I used to do construction, but nothing prolonged or too crazy loud. Their concerned with the hearing loss only being in one ear and it happening so sudden with no trauma to record.

I go this Tuesday for an M.R.I. to rule out any tumors or "acoustic neuroma". I noted to them that I have not had any dizziness. I've had a few headaches, but nothing outside of the normal. Nothing that would seem irregular or cause any concern. Then I can go back on December 5th for my follow up with the ENT. I'm going to call tomorrow and see if I can be on a cancellation list or move my appointment up. This ringing sound is getting the best of me and I am at a loss.

I really feel like I have no options. Everything but a shower makes it worse. I have tried music, white noise, headphones, ear plugs, etc. I feel like this is going to make me or break me. I know how strong willed, and stubborn I am. I will not let this break me, but I would be a liar if I didn't admit that this is the WORST thing I have ever had to deal with, mentally. The thought of shoving a pencil in my ear actually sounded relieving the other day. I would rather be completely deaf and have no ringing in my ear than to be able to hear what I can and have to live with this.

They advised me that if I do have a tumor growing on the nerves of my inner ear that it may be correctable and it my not. They told me if it is not a tumor than I can take prescription meds (completely against that) or a hearing aid. I am all for trying a hearing aid. I will start another thread or look for one on hearing aid options and reviews from actual people who suffer from tinnitus. I am currently looking into mediation also. I think what I hate the most is, the fact that I have no more silence in my life. Sounds selfish to some. I don't ask for much in life. I'm a pretty simple person. I just wish there were a temporary relief from the ringing.

So far, drowning the ringing with white noise, or music seems to help, but its still noise and chaos in my head. And when the music stops (no pun intended lol) the noise is still there and it seems louder than before I put the headphones on. So today I tried foam ear plugs. They seem to work better for me than drowning the ringing sound out with more noise. I couldn't hear voices as well. Sound was a bit muffled, and I could still hear the ringing sound. But when I removed the ear plug, it seemed as normal volume noise was enough to make the ringing SEEM drowned out. So in my head the background noise was a bit more quiet but the ringing never stopped. It did seem more tolerable once the ear plugs were removed.

I'm up for any and all suggestions. Thank you to whomever took the time to read this vent/rant. Again, I will post a thread just asking for advise on coping skills, meditation, and hearing aid recommendations. I will work on getting the exact results/findings from my ENT so I can give more information if needed. I know it could be worse. I have been reading some of the threads about others and their stories. A lot of you have it worse than I do. I know I'm new to this and I'm hopeful it may get better, or my body/brain will learn to cope a little better. To all of you suffering, I'm sorry. I'm hear to listen (read lol) and help in any way that I can.

 

Hello @Silent Lucidity, and welcome.

That is common, I have the exact same problem. Where your tinnitus is new, hopefully that will get better as yout tinnitus improves.

Does the shower sounds make it better or less noticeable? There is "Shower Sound" audio available online which you may want to consider using for masking.

You may want to be careful with headphones, they can make tinnitus worse.

@Michael Leigh wrote the following post on headphone use and tinnitus:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/headphones-and-tinnitus.12062/

It is worth the read, You will find that Michael is very knowledgable about tinnitus and I will be recommending at least one more of his posts before I finish my reply.

I do not think earplugs will help, and will probably make the ringing more noticeable, as you seem to have experienced. I am certainly not an expert, but the ringing, in some tinnitus cases, is coming form inside your head. One theory is that the ringing actually mirrors hearing loss of certain frequencies. The way my ENT described it is that you have lost the ability to hear a specific frequency, your brain realized this and fills it in by itself. This is similar to the fact that the very center of the back of your eye is a blind spot, but your brain fills what it thinks you should see. With tinnitus, according to that theory, your brain knows that you can no longer hear that frequency, so it fills it in, and unfortunately, it plays it all the time.

I woudl recommend searching for @Michael Leigh and finding his posts. Here is a great one to start with that will give you a lot of information on tinnitus in general, treatment options, coping mechanisms, and habituation:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/

Staying positive is also important and many here have reported great results by maintaining a positive mindset.

@billie48 wrote his success story demonstrating how positivity helped him habituate.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

@Michael Leigh wrote the following, excellent post on the importance of positivity: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-positivity-important.23150/ and the following on negativity and tinnitus
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/

And where your tinnitus is new, you probably have a good chance at recovery.

@Bill Bauer wrote the following post discussing studies that show a fairly high recovery rate from tinnitus ( https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/spontaneous-recovery-stats-over-70-recover-3-studies.21441/ )

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

You are in the right place. There are a lot of very knowledgable, compassionate, sympathetic, and overall great people here who are willing to help even while they themselves are suffering.

I wish you the best, and please keep us updated on your progress (let us know how the MRI goes, etc..)

 

/

less noticeable. and thank you. I have started using an app on my phone called "white noise free" it has shower sounds that I can use while not able to shower. I find the headphones or noise does make it worse. I think the ear plugs help. Not while using them but after I take them out. Its almost like I'm masking it with natural background noise instead of the headphones, or white noise. The ear plugs do make the ringing more noticeable while they are in but once it's removed, it seems more tolerable. Thanks for all of the links. Its my bedtime but I will be sure to read them this week and I will post the results of my MRI as soon as I hear (lol) something.

 

You and me both. Unfortunately, many deaf people can still hear the sound of tinnitus (as the sound is produced by the brain)...

 

I understand. BUT,....if I had the option. That's just due to the fact that I have not learned how to cope yet. I will get this. It will not get me.

 

There is a high chance that your tinnitus will fade or even disappear. Have you experienced any improvement compared to how it sounded in September? You might want to protect your ears from moderate noises like that of a vacuum cleaner, blender, hair dryer.

Have you tried sound enrichment to let you listen to something else besides your tinnitus?