People without Tinnitus Just Don't Seem to Understand (Long Rant)

Just needed to get a few things off my chest. Recently my mom went to a doctor's visit with me where I asked the doctor if certain noises will damage my hearing. The doctor said only noises such as loud music and power tools cause damage. Of course, my mom uses this information to her advantage whenever I freak out about certain noises. She doesn't believe that I went deaf from a cup falling into a sink, and thinks its because of my "panic" from the incident. I'm pretty sure it was the sudden burst of loud noise, and not the "panic". Or else I'd be going deaf every time I watch a horror movie or something.

She's pretty understanding lately about not exposing my ears to loud noises as she does kitchen work whilst I'm sitting in the dining room and eating. However, she makes me go outside to noisy places such as family dinners or the mart, or to pick up my nephew. She uses an excuse and says I need to "go outside to get fresh air", but going outside for 1 minute then entering another house, doesn't count as going outside. I can do that without going to a noisy gathering, or being confined in a car with a screaming toddler.

She's just exposing me to more unnecessary noises. Sometimes she even tells me to get a hearing aid when I complain about my ears. I don't need a hearing aid, what I do need is TIME TO HEAL. My hearing has been getting better as well as my tinnitus. But that keeps getting set back because she keeps making me go places, and bringing my baby nephew home to play. All he does is scream all day, and that sure as hell does damage to both my hearing and tinnitus. But she thinks that it doesn't. It's impossible to ignore him since he's my nephew, so I keep my distance, but sometimes I have to watch him which results in me being exposed to his screams at a closer distance. I try not to wear earmuffs in these situations since it's considered everyday noise, but maybe I really need to start doing so.

I also try to be reasonable and go to gatherings when necessary. We already gather almost 20 times a year for official events (birthdays, holidays, other religious stuff), yet she wants me to go to more. My family is pretty vocal and loud, which hurts my ears. There's a lot going on such as kitchen noise, entertainment noise from the TV, and karaoke, lots of clapping and screaming at holidays, etc. I even had to sit through the TV being at almost 99/100 volume just because I couldn't speak up. My dad eventually noticed me scarfing down my food to get out the dining room quickly and went to turn down the TV himself. I don't completely avoid going since I do love my family and want to see them, but I don't want to go to more gatherings than necessary. Some of my cousins don't even go to these gatherings, yet I'm forced to go to every single one. I'm sick of scarfing down my food quickly to escape the noise by going to another room. I just want time to heal. It's all I ask for.

At the end of the day, she's not the one straining to see if she can still hear the birds, being anxious from spikes, sudden deafness, and fleeting tinnitus, or struggling to fall asleep due to high pitched ringing. I am. She judges what damages/hurts my ears merely based on what the doctor says. Not my own personal experience.

I know she really wants me to get out and socialize/be happy and forget all about it. But how can I do that when those types of environments damages and hurts my ears? I certainly cannot just "forget all about it" when my tinnitus serves as a reminder that "hey today really damaged your ears" as it screams "eeeeeeeeeee" while I try to fall asleep.

I really want to heal naturally with time. Not just give up all hope and expose my ears to a lot of sounds and end up having to use a hearing aid. I know I will have to use one eventually, but the later the better.

Just a side note: Yes, I know I'm an adult that can make my own decisions as where to go and where not to go. But coming from an asian household, it's hard to constantly reject your parents and say no.

 

Personally, I would wear the muffs when around a small child.

Have you been wearing earplugs during those gatherings?

If you feel like not rejecting her advice is interfering with your healing, you might want to try being more assertive, and hope that eventually she will learn that she won't get her way and back down...

 

this could be pain hyperacusis, people with pain hyperacusis are more at risk for hearing loss then those without it.

 

When I say hurt, I don't mean like physical pain but like that feeling of hearing a nail on a chalkboard. That kind of discomfort. But yeah, I don't doubt my ears are at more risk than the average person since I have really small ear canals.

 

Yeah, definitely going to start wearing muffs around the baby. I can't wear plugs because I can't hear people talk to me otherwise I just retreat to a different room to avoid the noise and conversations completely haha. (I also have an earwax problem so I rather use muffs than earplugs, and I'm kind of scared my family will think I'm crazy for wearing muffs at a simple gathering) I will definitely try being more assertive! It's not like I'm completely avoiding seeing my extended family... I'm just seeing them less lol. We definitely meet more often than the average family too.

 

You have seen some improvement, so there is a high chance that in a year or two you will feel better about attending loud gatherings. You could ask your mom to give you a year to heal... Hopefully she can be reasonable.

 

Thanks Bill! I sure hope so. My hearing/tinnitus keeps fluctuating because of noise exposure and possibly me sleeping late lol. I will definitely try to reason with her and be more adamant about limiting my exposures.

 

Show her the NOISH hearing chart.