Please Help! Losing My Mind

[Dginobile]

I am new to Tinnitus and it's suicidal effects! I feel like I am losing my mind, I have 3 small kids and I have been bed ridden for the last week and a half, my heart goes out to anyone that suffers from this!

I don't know what caused mine exactly and I have been living in regret wondering if I didn't let Drs run a bunch of tests on me would I be experiencing this nightmare!

I have a HIGH pitched tea kettle like ringing in my HEAD 24/7 it never quiets down or stops I can't mask and I can't be around noise it makes my head rattle!

On the 8th I went to the ER for a terrible headache I had for about a week they did a spinal tap and said my white blood count was high diagnosed me with Viral Meningitis and sent me home, things went downhill from there I had a major PRESSURE headache after the spinal tap and insisted they messed me up since then I have had two CTs and an MRI which were normal my primary said I prolly have a sinus infection and gave me Amoxicillin so during this time I was taking Ibuprofen as well.

I woke one morning and heard the sound but it wasn't that loud, I've heard it before but only in a dead silent room I always thought it was what silence sounded like, so like most ppl I turned to google and it went down hill from there with the Tinnitus the sound became excruciatingly loud as my anxiety kicked in and has been like that since.

I stopped all the meds and went to an ENT, my hearing test was fine and ears looked good and he shrugged off my tears as I cried over the screaming in my ear, he said "it is what it is" I couldn't believe it smh he gave me a 14 day of prednisone and said my eustatician tubes might be inflamed I started them yesterday and when I woke up this morning for the FIRST time it was noticeably lower BUT with much dismay it is back up at its over powering pitch I can't even wrap my children's gifts for Christmas I am a mess and I don't think I can live with this, and the internet is a scary place I don't see any hope of it going away or lowering at all.

I am heartbroken over this and I just want my life back.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Check out the many studies listed in the thread below:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/spontaneous-recovery-stats-over-70-recover-3-studies.21441
There is a good chance that your T will eventually be gone (although it might take 3-6-12-24 months before that happens).

The fact that your T doesn't relentlessly stay at the same volume, is a very encouraging sign.

T tends to change for the better (e.g., quieter, easier to ignore pitch), so even if the worst happens and your T doesn't go away, the T you will be stuck with is likely not going to be the sound you are hearing now.

Try to be patient and ride it out.

Meanwhile, try to stay away from even moderate noises like that of a vacuum cleaner.

 

[Dginobile]

@Bill Bauer thank you for your reply I have been stalking this forum all week and read a lot of your posts! This morning was the first time it was a little lower I'm not sure if it was a placebo effect because I was so hopeful that the steroid would help. I woke up at 6am and was scared to go back to sleep and wake up with it louder so I sat up in bed listening for it and it was definitely quieter but then everyone woke up and the house got noisy and my anxiety rose and it shot right back to its deafening tone I'm laying in bed shaking as I type this. I am praying it goes down if I have to live with it I can do so if it's about 60-75% lower if I only had to hear it at night I would be happy with that.

 

[Bill Bauer]

On December 22, I "celebrated" 11-months anniversary of my acoustic trauma (I will celebrate 11 months after onset of T on January 2). The major lesson I learned during all of this time is that short run fluctuations are not important - what matters is the long term (as in changes that take place over 1-4 months) trend. The fact that your T was quieter indicates that it CAN get quieter - this is encouraging. Don't get upset when it gets back to its usual level. I have been reading this forum for the past 10 months, and apart from reports from people whose T goes away after a couple of days, nobody is reporting T disappearing overnight. It is normally a very gradual process. You don't notice any difference/fading on a daily basis, but hopefully you will notice it getting quieter compared to how it was a month or two ago. If it keeps fading, you ought to eventually be fine.

So don't worry about daily fluctuations and short (inevitable) spikes. Convince yourself that the only unbearable thing about the sound is the possibility that it will be permanent. At this point, you have a good reason to hope that it will not be permanent. [I would only begin suspecting that T is here to stay if T doesn't change much a year after onset.] So tell yourself that for now you will assume that eventually it will fade or be gone, and that as a result it doesn't bother you that much. Then just wait for it to fade (while trying to stay away from noise).

 

[Michael Leigh]

I am new to Tinnitus and it's suicidal effects! I feel like I am losing my mind, I have 3 small kids and I have been bed ridden for the last week and a half, my heart goes out to anyone that suffers from this!

HI @Dginobile

It would help to know what caused the onset of your tinnitus. Before it started did you regularly listen to music through headphones or attend places where loud music was played?

 

[Bill Bauer]

On the 8th I went to the ER for a terrible headache I had for about a week they did a spinal tap and said my white blood count was high diagnosed me with Viral Meningitis and sent me home, things went downhill from there I had a major PRESSURE headache after the spinal tap and insisted they messed me up since then I have had two CTs and an MRI which were normal my primary said I prolly have a sinus infection and gave me Amoxicillin so during this time I was taking Ibuprofen as well.

There is a good chance that once the underlying cause (i.e., a sinus infection or meningitis, etc.) is gone, your T will begin fading.

 

[Dginobile]

@Michael Leigh no, no exposure to noise I believe it was something that I mentioned in the text, I'm praying it will go away. This is rough

 

[Dginobile]

@Bill Bauer i truly hope that is the case, I read of ppl getting it after a spinal tap & heard a blood patch took it away, I got the blood patch which only seemed to make it worse so I'm hoping the steroid are my answer because I feel a lot of pressure in my head, the bridge of my nose and my ear on and off. They were popping ALOT before the onset of T. I mentioned this to the ENT he looked with a scope and insisted I didn't have a sinus infection but the MRI noted a minimal infection in one of Sinuss (the one behind the frontal)

 

[Dginobile]

@Bill Bauer and sometimes I wonder is the T lower or am I just not giving that much attention because as soon as I do it very loud

 

[Dginobile]

@Bill Bauer and it's the highest pitch sound it's like a train stopping on its tracks

 

[Bill Bauer]

If all else fails, your body is capable of healing itself...

 

[Bill Bauer]

@Bill Bauer and sometimes I wonder is the T lower or am I just not giving that much attention because as soon as I do it very loud

Try to get a sense of how loud it is now. This will allow you to see, a month from now, whether it has faded.

 

[Dginobile]

@Bill Bauer i will try to hang in as long as I can, but for someone who already suffers from anxiety and depression this is debilitating for sure

 

[Michael Leigh]

@Michael Leigh no, no exposure to noise I believe it was something that I mentioned in the text, I'm praying it will go away. This is rough

Okay @Dginobile

Please click on the link below and read my post: New to tinnitus what to do. You might find it of help. Try using sound enrichment at night and not to sleep I a quiet room. More is explained in my post.

Hope you start to improve soon.
All the best
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new-to-tinnitus-what-to-do.12558/

 

[sjtinguy]

the internet is a scary place I don't see any hope of it going away or lowering at all.

Keep in mind that when you read about tinnitus experience on these forums, you are only reading the worst cases. People that move on and get better don't keep coming here, and even people making progress are less likely to post compared to those who are miserable and need support.

It sounds like you are overwhelmed with anxiety.. I can tell you anxiety can make tinnitus worse, and you get in a vicious cycle. You absolutely have to relax as much as possible. Your body has identified the sound of tinnitus as an "attack" and you are now programmed to pay attention to it and to be scared of it. As much as possible, you must tell yourself that the sound is just a background sound and that you should ignore it. I know, it's impossible to ignore a train screeching to a halt endlessly. But you even said that you notice it gets worse when you pay attention to it.

I use sounds of rain and fireplaces to help calm me down.. they dont mask the sounds but instead provide other background sound to help me focus on which help me not pay attention to the tinnitus. It doesn't always work but it's really important to spend as little time as possible focusing on the sound.

You will have good days and bad days, and even some good days will go bad unexpectedly, but the less you are anxious, the more you will be in control. At first my anxiety was insane because I didn't know what would make the tinnitus worse and didn't know how to get it under control when it did. Now that I feel more in control, I can handle the bad times better and not stress out as much. That's not to say it's always easy, but getting a handle on the anxiety is what kept me out of the looney bin and on the road to recovery

 

[Dginobile]

@sjtinguy thank you for that. It's really hard and I feel bad for my kids I lock myself in my room all day with the fan on that's the only way it's less reactive but still very loud. I try to stay calm but it's so hard. Has yours inproved? If mine would lower even halfway I think I could manage

 

[glynis]

@Dginobile,
I hope you find strength and calm over the festive hollidays and get to enjoy all the love and warmth having family around.
Have some noise reductions plugs handy .
Love to you and your family at Christmas.
Love glynis x

 

[fishbone]

Keep in mind that when you read about tinnitus experience on these forums, you are only reading the worst cases. People that move on and get better don't keep coming here, and even people making progress are less likely to post compared to those who are miserable and need support.

It sounds like you are overwhelmed with anxiety.. I can tell you anxiety can make tinnitus worse, and you get in a vicious cycle. You absolutely have to relax as much as possible. Your body has identified the sound of tinnitus as an "attack" and you are now programmed to pay attention to it and to be scared of it. As much as possible, you must tell yourself that the sound is just a background sound and that you should ignore it. I know, it's impossible to ignore a train screeching to a halt endlessly. But you even said that you notice it gets worse when you pay attention to it.

I use sounds of rain and fireplaces to help calm me down.. they dont mask the sounds but instead provide other background sound to help me focus on which help me not pay attention to the tinnitus. It doesn't always work but it's really important to spend as little time as possible focusing on the sound.

You will have good days and bad days, and even some good days will go bad unexpectedly, but the less you are anxious, the more you will be in control. At first my anxiety was insane because I didn't know what would make the tinnitus worse and didn't know how to get it under control when it did. Now that I feel more in control, I can handle the bad times better and not stress out as much. That's not to say it's always easy, but getting a handle on the anxiety is what kept me out of the looney bin and on the road to recovery

I am not miserable and I am doing great in my life. I come back here to help those that suffer. Sure many get better and move on, but some people like me, just like to help out and make sure people don't mess up with their tinnitus....like i did

 

[sjtinguy]

@sjtinguy thank you for that. It's really hard and I feel bad for my kids I lock myself in my room all day with the fan on that's the only way it's less reactive but still very loud. I try to stay calm but it's so hard. Has yours inproved? If mine would lower even halfway I think I could manage

Yes thankfully mine has improved quite a bit over the last month, going from a full time scream to almost silent for multiple hours a day, and manageable the rest of the time. I do not allow myself to be in a silent room, and deliberately avoid anything which might cause extra stress. Being in extended silence or stressing out are two things which bring back the ringing really bad, along with extended periods of too much noise.

A fan is good but perhaps try exploring sounds on youtube if you can plug in some speakers to your device. You ideally want to be able to turn down the volume of your masking sound, as I notice sometimes turning down the masking sound also turns down the tinnitus with it! I run this video on my stereo 24/7 even while I sleep

The holidays are going to be stressful especially with kids, there is no way around that I'm sure. Hang in there..

 

[sjtinguy]

I am not miserable and I am doing great in my life. I come back here to help those that suffer. Sure many get better and move on, but some people like me, just like to help out and make sure people don't mess up with their tinnitus....like i did

For sure, but there are a lot more people on here that haven't improved.. folks like you who have gotten better are much more rare on these forums, even though overall recovering from tinnitus is actually very common. So when people google "ringing in the ears" and come to this forum, they see stories of people who have had tinnitus for years with no significant improvement, and immediately they think that they also have no chance to improve

 

[Dginobile]

@fishbone did yours go away?

 

[Dginobile]

@sjtinguy thank you for the video so I should sleep with that rather than a fan? And what is too much noise I have a 1,4, and 10 year old and they're pretty noisy but they need me

 

[Bill Bauer]

I should sleep with that rather than a fan

Keep in mind, the goal is not to drown out the sound of T, the goal is to give you something else to listen to, besides your T.

I have a 1,4, and 10 year old and they're pretty noisy

I am sure 10 year old can be quiet if you ask him or her. You might want to wear earplugs underneath Peltor muffs when you are around the other two children.

 

[Ben In SD]

@Dginobile So sorry you're having to deal with this. I too have a loud tea kettle/train whistle in my head 24/7...and sleep was my biggest challenge when I first started hearing this nonstop ringing in my brain. However, here's what helped me get back to a normal sleeping schedule. Once I got my sleep back, the tinnitus wasn't so bad to deal with.

SoundPillow: http://www.soundpillow.com/

Fun fact, the guy who owns the SoundPillow company has tinnitus, so he gets it.

LectroFan: http://lectrofan.com/

I use the LectroFan every single night.

Again, I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but it gets better over time.

 

[Bill Bauer]

it gets better over time.

Have you experienced any fading, Ben?

 

[sjtinguy]

@sjtinguy thank you for the video so I should sleep with that rather than a fan? And what is too much noise I have a 1,4, and 10 year old and they're pretty noisy but they need me

Well you should use whatever you find most effective. I just find I like being able to control the volume because sometimes I feel like the tinnitus wants to ride on top of the noise, so if I lower the noise, the tinnitus goes down too.

 

[Dginobile]

@Ben In SD thank you I will try these

 

[Ben In SD]

Have you experienced any fading, Ben?

No, it's still very loud...but there are times where I don't even notice it.

For me, it has gotten better because I've learned to live with it and not focus on it every second of every day. Once I trained myself to just accept it and let go...it wasn't nearly as bad. I honestly feel like I got my life back. It's just a little different than before.

 

[attheedgeofscience]

On the 8th I went to the ER for a terrible headache I had for about a week they did a spinal tap and said my white blood count was high diagnosed me with Viral Meningitis and sent me home, things went downhill from there I had a major PRESSURE headache after the spinal tap and insisted they messed me up since then I have had two CTs and an MRI which were normal my primary said I prolly have a sinus infection and gave me Amoxicillin so during this time I was taking Ibuprofen as well.

There is a bit of literature on complications from a spinal tap in relation to tinnitus:

• www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9033682
  
• www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4894243

It is worth looking into as this is one of the cases of tinnitus that actually can be "fixed".

 

[billie48]

I am a mess and I don't think I can live with this, and the internet is a scary place I don't see any hope of it going away or lowering at all.

I am heartbroken over this and I just want my life back.

Welcome to the forum. Great advice from above posters. You will have you good life back. Many of us were in a mess like you and thought we couldn't live with this for life. But today many of us are living a normal life. I have very high pitch tinnitus too. Fan can't block my 'dentist drill' with 10 times the pitch. I could hear mine above the jet noise in my last few flights and above the raging, roaring rapids on the salmon river I fish. I need torrential rain, cicadas, shower & even squeaky faucet sound to mask. And this one on youtube with high pitch cicadas sound plus some ACRN tones has been helpful during the darkest days but you have to be able to stand cicadas to begin with. (please turn volume down before clicking on the video)



On top of the screaming T, I was also hit with severe hyperacusis. Both T & H just turned me into a mess initially as I also suffered prior condition of anxiety & panic disorder plus PTSD after losing my young son to an accident. For a few months I couldn't see the light at the end of that long, dark tunnel. I thought I never could recover and have my good life back. But never give up and never say never. Today I live a normal, productive and an absolutely enjoyable life. I wrote my success story and share some helpful strategies. Check it out if you have time and do check out many other positive success stories to give you hope. Remember your perception may change over time. Better still, your T may just fade if you can fix the cause of T.

If you find Internet scary, you can just focus on the success stories here. Don't panic nor despair. Good life can be back. Believe it. Copy success and give it time. Take good care. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/