Quitting Music...

Discussion in 'Support' started by derpytia, Jun 2, 2015.

tinnitus forum
    1. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      I think it is in my best interests, despite what I said in my "Success Story" thread, to quit music for a long while. The other day I was helping set up for an event, and before I could put my earplugs in, someone starting riffing on their guitar with the amp near me cranked up to 115 db. I lost more hearing and have gain a tinnitus tone so painfully high pitched that I'm back to where I was when I first joined this board a year ago. I have to semi-habituate again and I have a new demon to wrestle, I now have H. So after I finish this quarter of college I'm quitting choir. I'm still a music major and I only have one year left that I need to finish. Luckily the last classes I need to take involve business stuff and no played music.

      This is extremely hard for me as I have been singing and listening to music since I was very very small. I had just sorta kinda not really habituated to this demon and now I must climb that hill again and give up the one thing that I have loved for my entire life. I can't even listen to music softly as it triggers my reactive T. This high pitched shrill in my head is so psychologically and physically and emotionally painful. God knows what's going to happen when I get my wisdom teeth out soon. I don't know what I'm gonna do for work.

      So back to square 0. Goodbye music. I didn't appreciate the silence I had before while I had it. I didn't appreciate a lot of the things I had before. I regret so many things now.
       
      • Hug Hug x 15
      • Agree Agree x 1
    2. So sorry. ((hugs))
       
    3. walkthroughwalls

      walkthroughwalls Member

      Location:
      The Netherlands
      Tinnitus Since:
      10/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      possibly noise
      It's late over here and I should really go to bed now, but I'm staying up to write this...

      First off, I'm really sorry to hear that this has happened to you! Probably the last thing you need right now is someone rambling on about their own life, or someone telling you what to do or how to feel... it's just that I've been in a slightly similar situation, and although no two persons are actually comparable, I just hope that you can get anything positive out of this.


      Music has been incredibly important in my life as well. At some points, it was the only thing I could hang on to. I've been in bands since I was 15 or so and eventually got two bachelor diplomas in music. During those years it really was eat/sleep/music/repeat. Although still loving music, I eventually had enough of the music business/world/scene and decided to go back to school for computing science in September 2014, at the age of 28.
      In October I got T and H. I had to directly quit all musical activities. The T was paralyzing and the H was making it almost impossible to use a computer keyboard or eat soy-yogurt out of a bowl with a metal spoon. I've since recovered a little bit, but things won't be the same ever again.

      One thing I've discovered along the way, is that part of my interest in music comes from an interest in creativity and expression in general. I'm now slowly discovering photography, literature and lyrics/poetry. And sometimes I can even use my creativity and out-of-the-box thinking to solve programming puzzles.
      I guess that what I'm trying to say is, you may be able to be find these aspects which make you love music also in other things. You're not definitely giving up music now, right? Staying away from any potentially loud music seems like a good idea, but there's always a chance that you can return to softer, acoustic music. And even in the worst case, there are a million other things to explore.

      Of course, that doesn't detract from the fact that it all still sucks :/
      I just can't find the words to express my sympathies and how much I wish it all was different. I hope things will get better soon. I wish you all the best. Really. All. The. Best.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    4. I who love music
      Cheerful

      I who love music Member

      Location:
      Michigan
      Tinnitus Since:
      mid seventies
      It's tough when you love music. But it's not music hurting you, it's loud music. I think you'll adjust. I never thought I would but it happened. I had to give up ALL music, even soft acoustic music. But here I am today enjoying CDs in my car, playing music, teaching music ... just not the loud stuff. Good luck, derp
       
      • Informative Informative x 1
    5. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      I recommend you attempt to get some keppra, as it's treated my hyperacusis. Hyperacusis is a real demon...It manifests itself and drives you barmy! My reactive tinnitus has also gone since I took keppra. So I would suggest trying that and I am only recommending, you don't have to follow what I'm saying through. This is from my personal experience. I hope you get better.
       
    6. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      I would love to get keppra but my GP will NEVER give it to me as he doesn't care about my health and only see's me for 10 minutes and doesn't take what I have to say about my health to heart. He was also unsympathetic about my T so I'm sure he'll say no. I live in Cali and it's very hard to get doctors to give you medicine for a condition you don't have. I'll never get my hands on it.
       
    7. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Well, it's all on Autifony to save you from h/t...Although, you could ask around, to see if someone would sell you some keppra? I mean, there's bound to be people who live in Spain who could get their hands on it, as over there, you can get any drug you want. So ask someone from Spain and I'm sure if they understand they'd be able to buy you some.
       
    8. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      I'm just really heartbroken, I had to tell my professors today that I'm quitting performing and they just looked so sad and disappointed and I'm finding it really hard to keep it together as I have been. I feel like I'm giving up half of my body. I don't really have faith in Autifony because AM101 sounded promising and look where that went. I don't want to get drugs illegally and I don't know anyone from Spain. I tried to have hope but I just can't. I wish I could go and erase my "Success" thread because this isn't success. This is the end of my livelihood and my hope of a stable future.
       
      • Hug Hug x 2
    9. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      It isn't illegal to import prescription drugs to America in personal quantities. As for Autifony, they will be successful as I've been taking Keppra and trobalt which both are potassium channel modulators and they lower tinnitus and help treat hyperacusis. Listen, ask around tinnitus talk, that's how I got trobalt. If I can do it you can.
       
    10. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      How exactly do I do that? I don't know if I can just 'waltz' up to someone on here if I see they are from Spain and be like "hey can you get me some Keppra?"
       
    11. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Well, I'm sure you can do that. Surely someone there would help you?
       
    12. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      @Danny Boy , except in the rare cases where the drug is not scheduled in the US, it is a violation of serious laws to try to import any amount of it. Importing keppra or trobalt without a prescription could definitely get you jacked up on severe Federal penalties.

      Please don't encourage people to do illegal things, tinnitus is bad enough without being in a Federal hellhile for twenty.
       
      • Agree Agree x 3
    13. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      My mistake. I read somewhere that it wasn't illegal for personal usage. In the UK, we can import prescription drugs as long as we don't give them to other people. Then again, I know a few people who imported trobalt with no hassle in the US? So what gives?
       
    14. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      In most circumstances, it is illegal for individuals to import drugs into the United States for personal use. This is because drugs from other countries that are available for purchase by individuals often have not been approved by FDA for use and sale in the United States. For example, if a drug is approved by Health Canada (FDA’s counterpart in Canada) but has not been approved by FDA, it is an unapproved drug in the United States and, therefore, illegal to import. FDA cannot ensure the safety and effectiveness of drugs that it has not approved.

      FDA, however, has a policy explaining that it typically does not object to personal imports of drugs that FDA has not approved under certain circumstances, including the following situation:

      • The drug is for use for a serious condition for which effective treatment is not available in the United States;
      • There is no commercialization or promotion of the drug to U.S. residents;
      • The drug is considered not to represent an unreasonable risk;
      • The individual importing the drug verifies in writing that it is for his or her own use, and provides contact information for the doctor providing treatment or shows the product is for the continuation of treatment begun in a foreign country; and
      • Generally, not more than a 3-month supply of the drug is imported.
       
    15. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection





      "It is illegal to buy prescription-only drugs without a prescription or consultation in the UK, whether on or offline. This law currently does not apply to websites based abroad as long as you're buying for personal use. The same rule applies if you were to bring them through airport customs here.

      There is currently a loophole in UK in the Medicines Act 1968 which means that although many drugs can be dispensed only after a patient has consulted a doctor, the consultation need not be face-to-face. Therefore quick online consultations with net doctors make such dodgy transactions legal.

      It is legal to import non-prescription drugs provided you are not selling them on without the appropriate licences."
       
    16. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      This decision is literally killing me and I feel like throwing up. :(
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    17. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      I know....Which is why you need to beg and beg for keppra. They use keppra in places in Europe to treat tinnitus. So you need a doctor which isn't a prat.
       
    18. awbw8
      Balanced

      awbw8 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2013
      Danny Boy, even if it is legal, so actively encouraging people to get their hands on drugs that do have serious, serious potential side effects - even if they have worked amazingly well for you, it probably not the best idea. Ideally, any drug use should be monitored with someone by their doctor.

      That said, off-label use of drugs is not unheard of - @derpytia, if you want to talk about it with your doctor, pop around here, get all the studies and research you can, and go talk with your physician. If your physician is the worst ever, and it sounds like he is, then get another one. Somewhere out there is the right person, even if you have to make calls and send emails and go out of state. You might also try a psychiatrist - they may be more willing to talk to you about your research, listen and perhaps prescribe if you both deem it necessary and worthwhile.

      Also, do not lose hope, and do not discount your success story. I have one of those, but even now I know it may not be the case forever - success isn't a constant state, change is inevitable. You'll probably get to a good place again and right now, when you're in a bad place and at the beginning re-habituating, might not be the best time to make a decision about the rest of your life. Maybe instead of saying "I'm not doing music anymore ever," just confine that statement to the next year, or the next six months and revisit it then? That might take a little weight off. Keep in mind also, that hyperacusis fades for many people with a few weeks, especially when it's caused by an acoustic incident.

      Finally, there does seem to be reason to hope regarding autophony - I've been reading this board for a little over two years and this is the best success (as in from a treatment/trial with report of measurable T decrease) story I've seen: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...he-autifony-quiet-1-study-great-results.9743/

      Don't lose hope yet and just take care of yourself. Even if, and I do mean if, you still feel like music needs to not be a part of your life in the same way a few months from now, there's so much out there that can use the skills you've gathered in your degree and music itself, that isn't necessarily performance or involving extremely loud music/sound.

      There's so much good ahead, I'm sending good vibes your way.
       
      • Agree Agree x 2
    19. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      To be honest, keppra has been used be a few members who have reported mild side-effects like a mild headache, which isn't too bad. I'm saying she should go to her doctor and beg for it, if you know what hyperacusis is like it's horrible...
       
    20. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      I hate going through the grieving process again. I have only eaten two meals in the past two days and I have only slept about 4 hours in the past two days... High pitches are all distorted and hearing music no longer brings me joy. It just makes me sad. AnD I can hear my hearing loss cause everything is quieter.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    21. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      get your eat and sleep patterns back to normal, and things will get better and you will have more capacity to tolerate this ridiculous nonsense.

      you just had an acoustic trauma; you have a 3-8 month window (maybe a bit longer) for physical healing to occur. Some people might suggest various drugs and supplements, but literally none of that shit will matter if you don't have enough protein and neurotransmitter balance for your normal healing mechanics to work. You MUST eat now, lots of nutritious food. Sleep is a lot harder in a state of acute stress, but, at a minimum you want to be laying in the dark for the same 7-8 hours every night. When I had my worst insomnia, body scan meditation tapes were somewhat helpful.

      The way you feel now, is not permanent, but you're going to have to be proactive in digging yourself out of this.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    22. LadyDi
      Busy

      LadyDi Member Benefactor

      Location:
      Florida, USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      06/2013
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Barotrauma/airplane
      I am so sorry for you, @derpytia. I am hoping you just need a break for a bit. I had to quit the large choir I was singing in for about a year. But I was able to go back this past year and its been OK. Other musicians here had similar experiences.

      You ARE a success story. As others have said, there is much ahead.
       
      • Like Like x 1
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    23. awbw8
      Balanced

      awbw8 Member Benefactor

      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2013
      It does suck immensely, without question, and I am so, so sorry you're having to do this again.

      That said, @linearb is correct, you have to eat and sleep as best you can to give your body its best chance at healing. If you're not eating and sleeping you will feel, emotionally and physically, markedly worse. Do talk to a doctor, psychiatrist etc. about getting help sleeping/relaxing if you need it. You're strong, you've done this before and you can again. You will not feel this way forever. Try not to play catastrophic thought cycles in your head.

      A ton can change, especially with an acoustic trauma in the first weeks and months. When I got my acoustic trauma, my hearing was also muffled and strange for quite a while, that faded almost completely. Do not get too hung up on how you're feeling/hearing so soon after the event. Just get rest and everything will look better in time. Even if it's not perfect, it will without question look/feel better than it does now - with time. Hang in there, be good to yourself.
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    24. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      What do you people who have T so high pitched that nothing on this earth can mask it? Before I could mask my T. Now I cannot.
       
      • Hug Hug x 1
    25. linearb
      Psychedelic

      linearb Member Hall of Fame

      Location:
      East Coast USA
      Tinnitus Since:
      1998
      Can you hear it clearly in the shower?
       
    26. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Have you tried listening to crickets?

      Try this-

      Night time Forest Sounds 11 Hours - Forest at...
       
      • Agree Agree x 1
    27. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      Yeah I can. It's horrible now cause shower sounds make it worse and shower sounds actually hurt due to sensitivity.
       
    28. derpytia
      Pooptoast

      derpytia Member

      Location:
      Rescue, California
      Tinnitus Since:
      04/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Hearing loss / ETD
      Tried it. Good lord! Those are the worst cricket noises I've ever heard lmao I can guarantee real crickets don't sound like that. And secondly, It hurt my ears and now that exact noise is stuck playing in my ears now which is almost worse. :(
       
    29. Danny Boy
      Cheerful

      Danny Boy Member Benefactor Hall of Fame

      Location:
      England
      Tinnitus Since:
      7/2014
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Ear infection
      Wow! That normally helps with high pitched tinnitus...You must have it really bad.
       
      • Funny Funny x 1
    30. SoulStation
      No Mood

      SoulStation Member Ambassador Team Tech

      Location:
      New York
      Tinnitus Since:
      2012
      Cause of Tinnitus:
      Noise / Possible Medication
      Danny I know you mean well but PLEASE re-read your what you write before you post... How is this helpful to Derp? Saying 'you must have it really bad' is not going to help.
       
      • Agree Agree x 5
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