Feeling down and angry about my Tinnitus so I'm going to rant and let some of that out. Ok first of all I can't express how angry I am at the media, nobody takes Tinnitus seriously they just think what's the worse that can happen from having a little ring in your ears. I am angry that I was NEVER warned about Tinnitus, my stupid metalhead friends think it's actually a good thing to them I say IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH HAVE MINE, they are all lucky, why is it that they get to go to concerts and gigs and everything and have no Tinnitus. And yet I go to only the 2nd gig of my life and BAM TINNITUS. Finally I was happy in life, before 3 months I was alone, no friends, no going out, no social contact at all. Then I get friends, I finally start being happy but then comes along life with all it's bullshit. YOU DARE LIVE LIFE WITHOUT HAVING A PROBLEM? HOW DARE YOU?! 2nd gig of my life and I get Tinnitus. I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO F@KING GO I JUST WENT BECAUSE I WAS SO DESPERATE FOR FRIENDSHIP, I knew I would have to wait for the bus from 12AM to 8am sitting on a cold bench on the bus stop with a friend BUT I WAS ACTUALLY OK WITH THAT THE MASSIVE IDIOT I AM. I never put myself first, anyone who actually liked himself would say "Hey I would love to come but I can't wait 8 hours on a cold bus stop for a gig sorry" BUT HOW COULD I THE FRIENDSHIP HUNGRY IDIOT I AM. To make things worse It might end up being PERMANENT I MEAN SERIOUSLY FUCK MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. No 1 day Tinnitus. What happened to it has to happen a few times before it's permanent. My dad had Tinnitus while working around loud machines, he quit and never had it again, my mom had it, my grandma has it because she had an ear infection she didn't want to go to the doctors too, BUT I HAVE IT CAUSE I WENT TO A FRIGIN GIG IN A SHIT BASEMENT GREAT JUST GREAT. The only loud music I have in my life is the several month use of stereo headphones which I'm not even sure go to 90dB. I just checked all it says is it can go from 20Hz to 20KHz, probably the manufacturer covering his ass or someshit. That's it a couple of months of headphone use which I am not sure I even used at max volume and 2 gigs,AINT THAT GREAT LIFE REALLY IS GREAT ISN'T IT? AND THEN as if my life wasn't broken enough I get this stupid shit where if I listen to a fridge or my own PC ON WHICH I SPEND 70% OF MY DAY ON it starts provoking Tinnitus sounds. GREAT so now even when I get over my Tinnitus, which I did I still get the annoying ring from things I am literally around most of the bloody day. The doctors are useless, NOT EVEN ONCE did the ENT take a medical history. Yeah fucking right the just sent me to a bullshit audio test which I passed and they went, it'll go away. YEAH FUCKING RIGHT IT WILL. No have you had this before, no have you ever had damage to your ears no tests for loudness discomfort levels. They just said you have suffered auditory trauma and your ears are still sensitive to sound because they are still in the process of healing. I hope its true, because I WILL LOSE MY SHIT if I get over my Tinnitus only to have my fucking pc make my ears ring the whole fucking day. The treatments cost a fuck load of money where I come from. The "Research" only began like 3 years ago because hey Tinnitus won't kill you, it'll diminish your quality of life by a large margin, make you hate everything and depressed but hey atleast it's not cancer. I WOULD RATHER HAVE CANCER now. I would rather have had my leg conveniently chopped off during my trip to the gig because then I would get a prosthetic leg, get therapy and be done with it. I'm a teenager going to PC technology and electrical engineering school why would I give a shit about not having a leg I sit on my ass most of the day anyway. And when the cure does come I can be sure that these GREEDY COMPANIES WILL GO "Hey if you want silence you should have no problem shelling out 1000$ for our drug" Mute button is coming out and it's going to cost 700 euros. I'M GOING TO COLLEGE I DON'T HAVE 700 euros just because some greedy bastards want to capitalize on people suffering from this. What else oh right stem cell, I hope that works and they work it out in the next 5 years, but even when that happens it's going to take me going to the capital city of my country to get the expensive treatment, so great just great. The media puts no focus on Tinnitus what so ever, there are no warnings on clubs,earphones,earbuds. Nobody cares. I was happy before, I played games, watched anime, watched TV shows, did boxing, but then TINNITUS BECAUSE FUCK YOU FOR WANTING A HAPPY LIFE. And I hate when someone tells me "You can learn to live with it" I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH IT I WANT IT OUT OF MY HEAD Why is it that we always have to LIVE with something, while the 1% get to have everything. Then I go online and instead of seeing "Tinnitus cure found" I see "Kim Kardashian gained 20 pounds in her ass" WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WITH KIM FUCKING KARDASHIAN AND HER ASS Before the internet I didn't used to believe people were this stupid. I didn't used to believe that some 70IQ whore could get famous for her fat ass. All in all I just want the sound sensitivity to go away. I want for the sound sensitivity to go away so I am no longer bothered by the ringing my fucking tv produces and the Tinnitus to if it's gonna stay, stay on the air sounds and leave it at that. I can deal with air sounds and having to wear ear buds, I'm fine with that. But I just want the sensitivity and the glooming paranoia that my Tinnitus will actually out of the blue get worse one day to go away. Why did I have to get Tinnitus? I believe in God, I also believe god is at times the biggest asshole there is. Whenever my friends come and say believing in god is stupid I simply shrug it off and say believing that nothing exploded into nothing and then nothing made something and then something made us billions of years later is much more idiotic than believing that an almighty deity made us. I feel like there is a God but I wonder, for a being filled with compassion and love why does he do this to me? rather why does he do anything? The wars, the hunger, the disease. Why are babies born blind, why do teenagers who are just beginning to be happy have their life ripped apart by something they didn't even know about, why? OH AND IF YOU COME AND SAY HE's TESTING YOU, I will renounce all religion if I actually start believing that god makes our lives shit to test our faith in him. I simply chose not to believe that someone who is supposed to be all knowing has the mental attitude of a bitchy girlfriend that makes me call her 50times a day to make sure I'm not cheating on her. THERE RANT OVER TINNITUS SUCKS AND SO DOES LIFE, see you all tomorrow when I'm cooled down.