Resentments — One of Your Biggest Enemies

Resentments.

Have a few? Pull one up. In your mind relive the situation. Someone did someone do something that you find unacceptable? Completely unjustified? Do you ever find, in your head reliving the situation? In your head you imagine that you wish you had said just the right thing at that moment to put that person in their place. To save face? To take them down a peg?
Do you ever find yourself ruminating over things like this? If you find yourself doing this, when you do, notice the volume of your tinnitus. And then don't do it anymore. It can be a real killer.

 

Yes! I have exactly this problem, but the person I resent is myself.

Ironically the thing I resent most is that I might have given myself tinnitus. When I think about that, it causes the biggest tinnitus spike possible.

I often have daydreams about rewinding time back to my first day of primary school, so that I can life my life properly this time. I have an intuition (totally irrational) that I would by ruling the world by now, if I got that opportunity.

 

Yeah, the guy that caused my T... When I think about it my T gets worse.

 

I endlessly think about how much I regret taking the prescription drug that gave me tinnitus, but no, it does not impact the perceived amplitude of the tinnitus.

 

I do this everyday!Why did I go to that loud place?Why did that high frequency noise go off near me two years later,if only I had of done things differently maybe I wouldn't be where I am today.Hindsight is a wonderful thing but sometimes it can destroy youI spend everyday reliving every noise I was exposed to trying to pick where I went wrong and should have I done things differently,the only thing I know is that it's pointless thinking like this,because unfortunately there's no time machine that can bring us back.

 

A great quote I saw the other day: "Worry is a misuse of the imagination."

This can apply here too. It's tempting to go into that dark circle of spinning thoughts, but, well, then it's just actively piling more hurt on yourself. Forward march! Make life as good as you can!

 

Someone I've been working with lately has been encouraging me to consciously step back from any kind of negative thought, and then willfully send compassion/love in the direction of the target of the negative thought. This has a lot in common with metta buddhist practices. Probably a good life skill for disconnecting from all sorts of adversity.