Story of an Abusive Family:

The life of narcissistic family lead to a permanent disablement.

Starting in early childhood my biological father would on occasions hit my mother, sisters and me. One night my father was so violent that after attempting to get him off of my sister he nearly broke my arm. It should be noted that I ten at the time. Later in life I started to suspect that my father was a narcissit brought on by his parents dying when he was young. Eventually in 2008, after a business had failed, my mother devorced my father.

The next events began to unfold in 2013 when discussing with my Brother in Law if being paid for University Project constitued a job. When I failed to drop the subject my brother in Law gave me a noggie. I responded by stating that if he even tried something like that again I'd kill him resulting in him laughing. The outcome of this was me punching him and he wanted to fight me. So I lead him to the front door, waited for him to step outside and locked the door.

Because the family sided with me in this instant it lead to some ressentiment from my sister who waited for any opportunity to posion the family against me. Hell, I once spent an entire day with her at a fair making sure to not offend her only for her to say she wanted to thump me afterwards.

The next event occured in 2014 when after finishing a bachelor degree in Science I decided to enroll into a masters degree at a university near our family home hence I moved back home. One night when a paper for my masters was due the next day my Step Father requested that I empty the bin.

I stated that when the paper was complete I'd empty the bin in my room. However, this made my stepfather upset leading him to enter the room where he proceeded to punch me stating that I'm only doing masters to avoid working. This lead to mental break down and withdrawing from University.

The next year I started another degree and moved away from home when after a job search I had failed to be hired.But, when I returned home during the holidays my grandmother stated to fun of personal traits leading to another break down with me stating that this is how people end up with disablements.

This was made worse by my sister antagonist spreading the rumor that I was holding down her children and spitting in their mouths. This lead to major depression because I thought that if someone could believe that about me there must be something deeply wrong with me. So I decided to take nootropics because the drugs
on the market were not safe.

During the major depression I went into Paralysis where I could not move from the floor of my room. When University started again my stepfather picked me up from the floor and tossed me outside.

This year I also stopped talking to my father for two reasons:
(1): He called me an idiot and refused to apologise.
(2): He stated that he was glad that I had dropped out of my first degree.

Tinnitus:

Starting in 2018 I moved back home to save some money. Before moving back home I requested that my family not abuse me because I could not take it anymore with their response being that they had no idea what I was talking about.

When I moved back my mother stated that she wanted me to patch things with my sisters and father with her logic being that it was my fault because as she put it "I'm the common denominator".

One day when I was home studying for a test and I had a flighted parrot next to me and without warning one of my sisters came around to use the washing machine. When she failed to open the door with her key she dammed to be let inside. After getting up from my chair and putting the parrot in her cage I asked my sister to say please (as she always makes a fuss when I don't say it). Her response was if you don't open this door I will murder you and so I left her outside. Refusing to say please she called her husband who made a threat to kill me if I did not open the door.

Fowarding to September:

Tinnitus was the result of a cold.

I visited the ENT in December in which he stated the tinnitus would fade.

In that moment I knew that my family abuse would make it permanent but tried to keep myslef calm by saying they know to take this situation seriously. Furthermore, I stated to the ENT that there were no plans on taking nootropics.

In order to avoid the abuse I did the following:
First I moved to family holiday house in order to avoid any confrontation but because someone had booked the house I could not stay long.

Second when at my mother's house I attempted to be on my best behaviour but she was getting sick of me asking for the doors to be shut softly and me swearing when a car set of the hyperacusis.

She also wanted to focus on my sister's Pregnancy. She actually told me that my condition better not get in the way.

Third I went to my Grandparents house and sat on the lounge just watching television. They kicked me out of their house after a couple of days because I did not have a job.

During these events I stated to everyone that I had no plans on taking any nootropics because the risk to reward ratio was high.

Regardless, all these things failed so:
When I moved back to my Mum's house they still did not understand the condition and mocked me for wearing earplugs and they also still slammed the doors.

I felt isolated and alone so I took some nootropics to calm my nerves.

Sadly, I was kicked out my mother's house for not working in the holidays so with no option left I stayed with my father, which I had previously begged my mother not to move me to as I knew he was an asshole.

When I arrived he stated that he was not happy with me being at his place, how I treatmented my sisters, and did not understand why people were caring about my condition. Note he never cared about my side in the situation with the sisters since he believed I was a liar.

One day when I needed to get a blood work I decided to take his keys, without asking, to let myself back in when I returned. The reasoning behind this was that my father was asleep at the time, was suffering from back pain and had not left his place for three weeks even to empty his bins.

When I returned he stated that I was a selfish person for taking the keys and said he'd kick me out if I did not apologise for being selfish.

When I was back at mother's house she stated that I should apologise to my father as she did not want me at home. In order to make me leave she yelled at me at the top of her voice.

So I left and stayed at a hotel that night.

The next day my mother and I patched things up. So I was allowed to stay.

Sadly, between the abuse I decided to order an unsafe nootropic which I debated on taking and at one point decided not to take. However, due to the abuse I no longer cared if I died and hence I ended up with permanet tinnitus.

Because of these events I started to hate my family with the firm belief that they had ruinned my life.

This lead to an intervention stating they my behaviour was wrong and they were kicking me out of the family.

During that time they also forced me commit myself to a mental institution (voluntary).

Finally, they went though with cutting me off from the family.

The end result was ending up in a four day coma when I tried to take my life.

So when people ask can it get worse than tinnitus the answer is yes.

 

Have you experienced any fading compared to how your tinnitus was 6 months ago?

 

Hi JohnSmith117,

That’s one hell of a harrowing story. You’ve been through hell. Surround yourself by healthy loving people and if you need medical help seek that as well.

I grew up in a dysfunctional, sometimes violent house, in a part of the city where fighting was normal, expected.

I have spent years channeling hate and anger into love... perhaps you can try this when you have time. It’s not easy when you’ve been abused, but through breathing and help from a therapist you can heal your wounds. Honest. You may even consider getting a pet.

I am glad you posted, you’ve got a lot on your plate.
First and foremost you need calm and a safe environment, avoid hostility and fighting, walk away.

You’ve come a long way and your gonna get to a better place, but you need to do the foot work.
Be well, take care, and breathe deep.

 

Kudos to you my friend. You have turned ugly situations into positivity. I have had a HELLISH life as well and always used the negativity as fuel to inspire and create positivity for myself and others. You got my respect brother!

PS-It's the negativity and obstacles that pushed me into lifting weights and becoming a martial artist. Each day I lift weight, each day I am in the martial art studio I represent all those good people that had hardship. I represent all those good people that overcame their obstacles.

 

If you do not have any family or close friends to talk with, or access to a therapist, consider talking with a pastor. You can simply find a church online and email the pastor. Most people trying to help you will talk about love and forgiveness in order to move on, just remember that this can be a long slow process, and don't feel guilty about not having good feelings towards your family. One thing to remember is that your family may never see the wrong in what they did (this can be hard to accept) and you may never see eye to eye about your childhood. For example, what you see as abuse your family might see it as discipline. Another thing to accept is that your family may never change. Don't waste on your time and energy on convincing/changing your family. The best thing you can do right now is to focus on yourself.

 

Thanks fishbone, just had a really good workout and feel great.

Keep up the good work, you help a lot of people here and I thank you.

My son is starting to kick my ass in sports and even combat.......it's crazy. I love it.

We need to channel constantly negative to positive.

Take care bud.

 

Sadly, the tinnitus has not faded and I now have high frequency hearing loss. Compared to the start of the year where no hearing loss was detected.

 

Sorry, I'm an athesist so a pastor will not help me.

Regardless, I'm focusing my energy on something positive for myself which keeps me distracted for most of the day.

Still, the part for me is telling multiple people that this sort of abuse will lead to disability and that I was not more active in stopping the abuse. Granted, at one point I started to post stories of my family on social media praying that it would open their eyes, but instead I was reprimanded.