The "What If..." Thread

Lots of us, unfortunately, gained T after doing something wrong, like loud events, medical issues, etc.

These events were avoidable if only we had the opportunity to know the consequences and protect our ears or act in differents ways.

Now I am in the same boat, since it seems that my new tone is causes by benzo c/t, and all that stops me to habituate to this new tone is "What if I had not taken that drug" etc. triggering the anxious / depressive spiral.

I would like to use this thread for those who had this kind of experience and what did they do to habituate despite regret thoughts. It could help those people like me who are more bothered from the thoughts than the T presence.

 

My doctor gave me an ototoxic ear drop to try, even if it was a wrong prescription, it triggered my catastrophic T, in the last two years I have been asking myself what if I had not gone to the doctor in the first place...what if he had not given me that bloody ear drop to try....once I am in the loop I am never out.

So my advice is Do Not think about "what if.." because there is no way to go back to regret.

 

WTF? Why would they even make an ototoxic drug to be put directly in your ear?

For me it's what if I had never taken that job. The job was a huge pay cut for me and I was afraid it would hurt my career accepting it. I never thought an idiot coworker would fuck up my life.

 

There are some old ototopical ear drops are ototoxic themselves, not logical at all, I know.. the one I used was neomycin based.

 

What is done..is done.....by saying what if, does not change our present situation. All of us have regrets and wish we could have changed things and not be at our current spots. If we live in regrets, then accepting and coping can be a slower/harder process....

 

@l.m
Thank you for this thread. My regrets are so deep that i'm losing myself in my thoughts. And I'm currently in this phase. I'm not accpeting my situation and would never I think cause the consequences are too big. T&H. T is awful,H is horrible and I'm sorry to say that. Mine is noise induced. And all I can say is that has ruined my life and my projects. I'm too young to have this curse ruining my life. It has ruined my serenity. So I mean of course people have to think what if cause that's not something which is easy. If you're lucky enough to have just mild T that's ok. In other cases that's too hard.

@fishbone You're strong if you can do this, accepting and coping.

 

Hindsight never works. People make mistakes all the time. Doctors kill people every day. If you cannot get over these negative processes, seek the consultation of a CBT therapist.

But I understand!!

 

this is not a good thread. sorry to say that. But its really not good. very contraproductive in terms of accepting and letting go - which means contraproductive to habituate and be happy again. The "what if-thought" is tempting, i know. but really this isnt a good way to talk about how we got T.

 

Oh yes have been thinking that many times. Shouldnt have taken that drug. It didnt help anyway and am now left with a horrible side effect. If it at least had helped for what it was prescribed that could have made the T a little more bearable or maybe not. But what does it help thinking like that? Not much.

 

Anyone here who has T and/or H should not be thinking of the regrettable moments. I first remember T from an antibiotic I took when I was 10, it was very mild then. Being a musician made it worse. The reality is I would have gotten it some other way at some other time period eventually. It's no different than a person who goes to concert after concert, who doesn't wear ear protection and has no sign of T. Yes, there are ways to minimize the possibilities, but I believe it is a predisposition.

I have a family history of tinnitus. 3 uncles on my Dad side, my grandmother who passed on my dads side. My brother and I. My grandmother never went to any loud events in her lifetime, and other than managing diabetes she was healthy.

How someone is more susceptible to diabetes, cancers, heart attacks, I believe our brains are more fragile to acquiring a hearing disorder.

Life will always have regrets.

 

The only thing that I think about is going to the ENT and getting my ears cleaned out cause after 3 years of wax buildup I was bad ear pain and a spike. I curse the day I went and blame myself for having healthcare.

 

Scott T

I was just wondering did you have your ear wax removed using suction ? I have had that done once before and it cause a bad spike but it finally did settle back down after a month or so. Now I tell everyone to ONLY get it removed manually under an microscope. It's the only safe way.

How long ago did you have it done, if I may ask ?


Anyway, I can understand you having a regret about that.


Hope things get better for you someday soon.


Louie

Quietatnight

 

Hi Louie,
Yes, it was the microsuction. I have had it in the past as well but I was in a spike with ear pain and this was the reason why I went. It has been 11 days and I have been going through the stages of death and seeking penance for all of my wrong doings in my life.

 

what if my best friend hadn't died of cancer when she was 33? :-P

 

Scott T

11 days is nothing, like I said it took me over a month almost 2 to totally to get back to my baseline, but you will recover too in time. They need to outlaw that procedure, they only do it that way to save time and get more people in and out of the office faster. The more people in a day the more money they make. Manual removal takes a lot longer, and they can't charge more for it so they don't offer it. Last time that I had it done it took 45 minutes. It's always about the almighty dollar. Did you ask the ENT for steriods ? Couldn't hurt to give that a try, I took them about 3 days after my suction ordeal, I can't be sure if it helped or not. 11 days may be a little too long, but they still couldn't hurt. Just something to think about.

You hang in there, it's will get better. Try and keep busy.


Good luck

Louie

Quietatnight

 

What if I hadn't gotten so stoned I could barely tell left from right and then watched that anime on my PC at all volume levels maxed out for 30 minutes while wearing noise-cancelling headphones?

Oh yeah, I'd probably not have less hearing damage!

Oh well. What's done is done. Life moves on... I'll just keep living it.

 

Also, Mami is the best character. Nice avatar matey @i.m

 

If someone had caused me T my life would be infinite hate. Hope yours isnt and you find a way to get past the tough obstacles of life.

 

My life is just what ifs,it's all I think about every second of every single day,I literally have nothing else to do only look back with sorrow,anger and regret.

What if I hadn't gone to that ENT who spiked my T,what if I hadn't of put on YouTube the following day to calm my nerves as a result of my spike only for a noise to blast out of my screen giving me H.

What if I hadn't of met my current girlfriend,would I have pushed myself a little harder than I normally would?

What if she hadn't of kissed me near my ear?

What if I had of just stayed at home in February?

What if I didn't got to that audiologist in March?

I would be much happier now,living a happy life like I use to.My life just seems to be piss poor luck and unfortunate happenings over and over again.All I care about is my ears and yet the only thing that gets screwed over is my ears always when I least expect it.

I can't protect them,the world goes out of its way to kill them everytime my guard is down.

I pray for a treatment everyday,I simply cannot accept this fate thrown upon me.If I had done it myself then I would accept it,if someone else deliberately done it then I would want revenge,but circumstance and bad luck done this to me and sadly,there's no beating Lady Luck.

 

I still haven't moved past it. I still work with the guy, and he's kind of a narcissist. I don't think he's self aware of it though. Like he apologizes and he's nice to people, but then he'll flip a switch and it will be all about him. He's nice to everyone but I'm the one that works with him all day and sees the other side. So when I'm pissed off, people just think I'm the asshole.

 

What if the alarm just didn't go off that night.

 

Fair play too you for not murdering him.

 

You arent the asshole. If you think everyone thinks you are the one at fault you are wrong because we know your side of the story and we understand it. Im having the same issue right now with a close ones wedding coming near and Im totally clueless what to do. If I dont go to that SUPER LOUD wedding I am the "asshole". I dont even want to bother telling them about Tinnitus since my family has lots of rednecks and they cant even pronounce the word. Im so fucked. I dont know how to survive a loud wedding party..

 

I mean everyone at work. I don't really talk to people and he's social and nice to everyone. I was even threatened to not talk about my injury or symptoms to coworkers, so most people don't even know it happened.

 

This reminds me of my first and last job. The people there were using me as a slave. No appreciation, teamwork or respect. Quit it as fast as I could. Funny thing is they were surprised why I quit the job after getting my contract extended for another year. Horrible job.

 

Last job? Do you still work?

 

No im a college student. Dont really need to work atm

 

@Alue
My uncle got T from his best mate firing a shotgun next to his head intentionally.Funnily enough,they're still best mates to this day.

Me personally,I don't know if I could be so forgiving,if I was left with mild T then maybe but he would have to be a very close friend.

A stranger on the other hand is a different story,even if I was left with mild T I would still make it my life's mission to deafen him in return.

I remember back in 2011,it was Halloween and I was still coming to terms with having T,I was at a mates house where there were 20 or so of them getting ready to head off to a fancy dress nightclub gig.
One of them was dressed as Mr.T and had a pellet gun in his hand as part of the costume and was going around firing it off(empty)in people's ears causing them to ring.Everyone thought it was hilarious,he would fire it next to their ear and it would ring and it was all a great laugh for everyone himself included.

I remember getting more and more insulted as I watched this,my friends could see I was angry about what he was doing and asked me what my problem was,that's when I snapped.

I got up and said that I'm glad they find it all so funny,bang your ear rings and it's all a great laugh,but what if that ringing doesn't stop?Will it be funny then?Because that's what I'm living every single day now,a permanent constant ringing in both my ears and you all find something as mundane as that hilarious!Step in my shoes and see how funny it is!

He put the gun down and had a look of quilt on his face,and then as I was leaving I looked down to grab the door handle when a pop goes off near my left ear and my hearing drops.He had just done it to me!!!

I turned around and punched him square in the mouth knocking him on his ass and of course I WAS THE BAD GUY?Everyone started saying that I overreacted?

It took two weeks for the spike to settle,I was lucky that he didn't permanently worsen me from it,but as I said above its all just a big joke to people until the ringing doesn't stop.

Someone actually took a picture just as he done it too,so I also have a permanent reminder of that incident greeting me on Facebook.

 

What if some engineer didn't go around and make 75% volume the new 50%, leaving the rest of us struggling to achieve balance with minimal control on lower volume.

 

I started typing out my answer here, but I decided against it because it still hurts too much.

I still haven't gotten past the denial/anger stages.