Think I Know the Source of My Tinnitus

I think I know the cause of my tinnitus. After my car died in March I moved into an apartment to continue school. The shower head in the bathroom there made a very loud whistling noise during each shower I took. Sometimes I took multiple showers a day. It was around April I noticed this ringing. I have long suspected that was the cause. And this and the loss of my social life all could have been avoided had I not been lazy and changed the oil.

Now one dumb mistake had ruined my life. I don't want to habituated and "be happy with/despite" of the tinnitus. I want it gone, I want my joy and happiness back which is impossible with this disease. Yes I said it, disease, not symptom.

Alas fate has dealt me a fatal card by giving me a condition that refuses to ruin brain, heart, or immune function, making me otherwise healthy. Death is my only sweet release, and so far my brain in a selfish crusade to protect itself had tried to keep me on the road to habituation. Now I will get off this road and on the road to death.

 

How much time has passed since the beginning of tinnitus? Do not you take any antidepressants / tranquilizers? Did you check the hearing status on the Audiogram? Dude, it's complicated, it's unfair. Did you really decide to leave? Did you try hearing aids?

 

It's been six months. No medication is for tinnitus and I'm just going to treat anxiety or depression l. Not wearing a hearing aid at age 23.

 

Mine start to heal after six month, do not take medicine and do not use external sound for sleeping, it must improves

 

Would you settle for a reduction or do you want nothing less than for it to disappear altogether? I feel for you.

 

@GLOwout,
I know tinnitus is mental torture but a hearing aid can helpyou and wear it with pride and nothing to be ashamed of at all and it wont make you look any different or less important as I wear two!
A tiny Hearing aid could give you your life back so stay positive.
Love glynis

 

SAME and I am young too!

 

I mean, I guess if it reduced to where I can't "feel" it and can barely hear it then fine.

 

A little late for that. I've tried two different medications and take Zquil for sleep.

 

@Gl0w0ut I think it's incredibly unlikely that a loud shower damaged your hearing to this extent, and if that's what happened then it means very routine noise damaged your hearing for some reason and this would have happened anyway. No sense in beating yourself up over it, you didn't make a "mistake".

You said in another thread that you have HPPD and visual problems. Have you had exposure to psychedelic drugs? That's a lot more likely to be dangerous than a squeaky shower; on the other hand, millions of people drop acid and are fine.

From your post history it seems like your real problem is that you're incredibly anxious and depressed because you've hit the age where you start to recognize that your body is not immortal and will progressively fall apart around you as you age. That's just how it works. Yes, some people make it to 50 without much beyond minor aches and pains, while other people develop CRPS in their 20s; there's no "justice" or "normal" to any of this. But, that basic concept of "ahhh I am stuck inside a machine that is painfully and horribly falling apart around me" isn't abnormal: that's just how it works.

A Buddhist legend related in the Samyutta Nikaya is of a King who has asked the Buddha, "Is anyone who is born, free from aging and death?", the Buddha replied:

You've basically got two choices: accept your life and try to make it as rich and comfortable as it can possibly be within the constraints the universe has laid out for you, or refuse to accept and make yourself increasingly miserable in the struggle.

There's no magic here. That's what it is. This is your life, right here, right now, in this space and time.

How is your support network? Do you have people in your life who listen to you? Do you have people who will tell you "I love you just as you are" on a regular basis?

 

I'm not accepting this. I will fight habituation because I will not settle for this "life". Nature has wronged by giving me a brain that thinks not losing a useless hearing frequency is more important than my sanity. I have been prescribed medication that I am now refusing to take as it addresses anxiety and depression and not the disease of tinnitus. I will not "make a comfortable life" because there is none to be had. No doctor will attack my brain and treat it like an enemy, so I will never have any cure for the matter. Being kind and working with your brain and its flaws is the problem. Those precious, hopefully irreplaceable neural circuits that are critical to tinnitus and the brain;s ability to adapt to hearing loss need to be destroyed. That way when future hair cells die the brain is left without that hearing range and no ability to adapt.

There is no relief that isn't "reduced anxiety". That is NOT relief. Since my brain won't destroy the parts that annoy me, I guess I will have to take matters into my own hands. Whether that means killing myself or inducing irreversible brain damage, I'm not sure yet. I don't want "relief" I want a cure. And I will settle for nothing less. Any ENT who says you just have to live with it, should be held down to a table against their will and be directly exposed to a loud siren for 12 hours. Then when they cannot live a normal and happy life and are miserable like we are, then I will be happy. So fuck accepting it and fuck habituation.

 

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@Gl0w0ut - Despite so many of the members' efforts to try their very best to understand and help you, offer support and comfort, and to try to assuage your worries as much as possible, you still persist in remaining almost irrational. I suppose, after all is said and done, the rest is up to you. I hate to say this, but it appears almost a wasted effort for anyone to try to reason with you. My goodness... there will be countless trials up ahead in life with which you will have to contend and... even if you had no problems whatsoever with your ears, I think you would still insist on being a negative, extremely angry, unhappy and unappreciative person. I too have tried to reason with you but you refuse to be a reasonable individual and for that I do feel sorry for you. Quit cursing and try to do something constructive for yourself and perhaps you will find habituation ((that dreaded (according to you) psychological learning process) may actually come about.

Sending best wishes,
Barbara

 

Nature doesn't make mistakes, it simply is. If you're unwilling to change your attitude, good luck with life. I do not believe there is anything that anyone else can do or say in that case.

I get it, I've been there, but I'm not going to waste any more time trying to get through to you.

 

Fine, be off then. This site claims we're all in the same boat but we aren't. Our tones and the way it affects our lives vary. I cannot bear to live with this affliction and I think I finally will stop doing so very soon.

 

There will be no trials ahead, I can assure you that. Just click "ignore" and go on then. Its better for all parties involved.

 

I'm also surprised that my cursing offends you so much. It clearly does otherwise you wouldn't keep bringing it up. But honestly, if I'm such a waste just ignore me. Don't comment on my threads anymore if it bothers you so much.

 

I've been thinking this for a while but haven't wanted to say it. It's incredibly rude but at this point I think it needs to be said before anyone can really help you...

...You are entitled. Nature does not owe you anything. Some of us never even had the option of normalcy because a person can be born broken. Nature is a chaotic force with no identity. It decides nothing. It just is. You have been duped into believing the comfortable lifestyle that we live is something we all deserve. When in reality, civilization doesn't take away from the fact that we are simply animals, hardly different than a cow or a wolf. We eat, sleep, reproduce, and survive. You have been duped into believing that civilization is advanced and powerful when in reality it is still mostly unknown territory.

You have especially been duped into thinking that we all go our lives without getting life altering scars. If it's not tinnitus, it's chronic pain, or diabetes, or multiple sclerosis or the loss of a limb. Life is suffering and there is no meaning to it. We have to find that meaning ourselves and you can't change nature.

 

so you refuse to habituate. I hope a cure comes, so you can start living your life. I live my life regardless if there is a cure in my lifetime or not. It's a shame that you choose this. I have seen more DEMONS, than you have bro, but I still looked for a way to make my life better.

I have been on the highest amount of benzos (because of a moron DR) and I had the worst withdrawls (limbs would be numb for 5+ hours a day) and I have had siblings drunk and messed up out of their minds , BANGING on my doors while my body was numb and my mind was freaking out.

You choose your ways and how you want to live your life, this board has shown you love and support, yet you don't want it.

Good luck, i still wish you the best

PS- I am super positive and full love and compassion. I want all people on this board to live a better life and enjoy. It does sadden me that you are so young, and the world is yours and you have this mentality. I hope you change your ways bro and see that life is beautiful and that you can live it and thrive it.

My tinnitus is horse crap and my hearing is very bad, I still make an effort to do what I love. I called a girl that is beyond sexy and I told her that I am taking her out next week and I will not take a NO or an answer. This gal is a model and I love em like that. My ears ring loud like hell and i cant hear all that well either

I see no limitation at all, the hell with ringing ears, the hell with bad ears. Who cares, I will still go after what I WANT.

I say these things, because I want you and others to see that life can go on and YOU can still live a quality life...ringing or not.

 

Shut up. I was born with a broken brain so I am well aware that nature doesn't owe me anything. Nature has screwed me since day one, so how fucking dare you talk to me like I don't understand that. What your problem? Anxiety? Depression? I've had that and worse written in my DNA since birth. Nature doesn't give a shit about any of us and it shouldn't. And likewise, I don't give a shit about nature. Nature wants the brain to fill in the missing gap, and I want to recreate it. Take the power away from nature so when the brain is vulnerable and in distress, it has no defense mechanisms to protect itself and if forced into trauma.

My eventual suicide is showing nature that the brain can try all it likes to preserve life, but I will ultimately pull the plug and cause it to fail it's one goal in life. My whole nervous system will explode as the neurons die out and cease to function, the once glowing cells of hyperactivity forever dark because of it.

So maybe think there is more layers to this onion before you get up on your soapbox to lecture me. I'm not sure how on Earth chronic pain disallows you to use your hands and eyes while looking at a screen, but I don't presume because I don't know you. Unlike you.

 

I appreciate the sentiment but don't call me "bro". I'm not your obnoxious frat brother.

 

I tried man. we all did......no point in supporting someone, that doesn't care for it.

 

@Gl0w0ut - You are surely a misanthrope and I can not understand why you choose to be a member of a forum such as this one. I honestly am puzzled. You continuously show your complete disdain for every person here and you should be seeing a therapist on a steady basis. If you already are, he is not helping you.. that's for certain.

 

Whatever. I'm a bother. Tomorrow I'm going to reset my password to something unknown so I cannot access my account anymore

 

Also didn't you comment earlier as to being done? What else could I expect from someone who thought that asshole from Thailand was nice. You even claimed I "misunderstood" him without explaining how

 

Of course. It's impossible for me to know what you've been through. I go off what you say alone. I can only go off what I know from your posts or what anyone posts. And if no one ever did, then forums wouldn't really be much of a thing. Your words just give me a different impression than your intentions. It happens. I get that you responded the way you did here. I insulted you. It's just you aren't exactly an agreeable person and it seems that no matter what angle a person writes to you, you always respond similarly.

I don't want to encourage a person to commit suicide but I do have a similar outlook. If free will is an illusion then the best way to be free willed is to do exactly what is against nature: the dismissal of survival. Suicide is courageous because it is turning away from natural instincts. Not a herd-like response so of course most will disagree with me on that. I do actually respect your decision to that choice but I think you could at least give positivity a chance before you go that way.

I wish to engage you mostly. Because I am lonely and see you are here a lot and suffering. Anyway, intentionally or not you are questioning the validity of my suffering in regards to my chronic pain. I would not say it is as bad as some others but I use assisstive programming to help me, as do many from those with various disabilities (as opposed to just rolling over in bed like a vegetable). Being able to power through things that bring me pain was a naive assumption I had at the beginning. It's very easy to think that dealing with pain is a matter of will power, if you go by the movies, but it will stop anyone in their tracks and alter their life. Depending on severity, doesn't make life unlivable but just like with T changes need to be made if one chooses to live.

 

I purposefully dug at you by mocking your pain because I was angry. I crossed a line and I'm sorry.

 

This freaking guy. How come I've been put on the mod watchlist but this guy never gets anything coming his way? Seems folks around here have a lot more against me, even though everything "bad" about me he does worse.

 

We have nothing against nobody. This is a forum to help people and not single them out. This is a compassionate forum and I see it daily and people care here.

 

It certainly isn't, and I hate to single you out but you're probably the primary case-in-point. I drop three funnies on your comments and you decide to lead a personal crusade to get me permabanned from the site. All I'm saying is that Gl0wout is lucky that I desensitized everyone or nobody would have been nearly as tolerant of him.

 

I think this was about 2-3 months ago? right? I been very nice to you and have not led anything against you. I'm sorry you feel this way, I come here to support people and it's my duty to help them. I am not telling mods or admins to like or dislike you

You are not bad person and what you type doesn't make me judge you......

Be well....