Hi people. Another terrible day for me. Absolutely awful. I haven't stopped panicking. Went to bed not too bad but I am still not doing what I've been advised to do. I have been advised to switch on my masker as soon as I'm in my bedroom rather than listen for T first in the quiet. I can't help it. All is quiet when I have my bath but for some reason all that changes when I get my head down on the pillow. It's quiet at first but the T noises eventually arrive and keep building. By the morning, it's often quite unpleasant in volume and that sets off the panic. I can't carry on like this. It's still only really the bedroom where I'm bothered by it but I still test for the sound before putting on the masker. I am still finding it very difficult to accept that I can't have the silence all the time that I used to take for granted. This is after 13 months of T. I still don't want to admit that I need a masker maybe forever and I've had some very dark thoughts today. I'm absolutely terrified of what I might eventually do as I've suffered so much this year and i'm very tired of fighting. Going abroad, getting back to work and having relationships seem impossible at the moment. Somehow, I feel that T wins if I have to use a Masker. Also, the anniversary of my mother's passing is tomorrow (17th) which was very traumatic indeed. I have not done much today at all although I did order another masker. This is the Sound Oasis s650. Perhaps once more, some of you can offer some support and advice and I thank you in advance.