This Time I Think I Will Commit Suicide — I Was Habituated, Now After Cold My Tinnitus Is Worse

OK.

Long story made short: I started with a little tinnitus in 2016. In 2017 I had a permanent spike and my tinnitus was severe, but with a lot of effort I habituated within a year, and from 2018 onwards till now I have been living happily.

Last week I started to feel something weird in my ears, but I was having a cold and I thought it was something related to congestion. Yesterday I went to the doctor and she says that I have an ear infection. I'm on a course of Amoxicillin for a week, but she says my right eardrum is somewhat damaged.

I have been hearing a lot of tinnitus, and I have a sizzling sound that apparently can't be masked. I can't concentrate, plus I'm very afraid that my hearing won't be the same and I will stay like this or worse forever.

I will wait to see if the antibiotics have any effect, but if not, I think I will be gone from this life. I don't want to suffer anymore, I don't have the strength to struggle more, and to make my family and girlfriend pass through this hell again. It's unbelievable that 2 weeks ago I was fine and now this.

Thanks a lot to everyone.

 

Give it time for the infection to heal. It may seem worse because of it and it's understandable to be fearful of the future.

We are all in the same boat here and the thought of a quick end enters our minds all the time and that's normal too when you have such a distressing condition. But what's for us doesn't go past us, there is greater reason why we were chosen. It might not be apparent now and may take some years to realise why we were, but there has to be and there will be meaning to all this.

Get through it, one day at a time.

 

Amigo @dipp

Suicide is never an option! I have a bit of the same situation, I was doing very well with my tinnitus, and I have been working on a great project, and next week I am going to travel long distance to be 2 days with investors and present them the whole business idea.

A few days ago, I got a cold and now my tinnitus has spiked a lot, and I am in a similar situation as you, very anxious

BUT remember how difficult were your first weeks and months with tinnitus and how you habituated and had many happy months, it will be the same now too.

Colds tend to increase tinnitus, due to all the ear inflammation and clogging, so healing well helps and the tinnitus will probably get back to the same level as before for sure, trust me!

I am in your situation but I know we will recover from the colds and tinnitus will set back, be brave!

 

Oh no @dipp I'm so so sorry to hear this is happening. It's so terrifying, I completely understand. Please dont commit suicide, there is so much hope coming up with new treatments. Give it time and things may settle down once it's all better, there is a very good chance they will.

 

I appreciate a lot your help and kind words. Thanks a lot.

But the problem is that I have ear infection, that I think has spiked my tinnitus permanently, and possibly it has damaged my hearing.

I have had some spikes but not like this... I will wait 2 weeks or more, but if not, I can't see a way out, and I don't want to pass through this and to make my family and girlfriend suffer again.

Yes, you will say that if I commit suicide they will suffer, and that's true, they will suffer a lot, but at least they won't be all day long worried about me and in a few years they can start being happy again.

 

Trust me my friend! Colds and infections means more inflammation to the whole system, clogged eustachian tubes, worse nerve functioning.

Now you must focus on healing well, work at the inflammation and follow the treatment the doctor has given you. Take also NAC, it will help you to battle any oxidative stress inflammation may bring to your ears.

And believe me! It is high unlikely that a cold can change your tinnitus permanently, best!

 

Dipp, I’m so sorry that you’re suffering like this. I wish more people understood the misery that this condition can cause as it’s no joke. Please don’t do anything stupid; reach out to family and friends and/or a support group (in the real world) and talk it out. We often can’t think straight when our emotions become this intense, and I know all too well how crippling it feels.

Colds can and will make tinnitus symptoms worse and eardrums can heal. Try not to let your thoughts run away with themselves, even though I know this is practically impossible at the moment. I’m here for you if you need me.

 

Ed, you are such a magnificent person, I can tell. Maybe you can't remember but in my last crisis (in 2017) you posted some encouraging posts to me and it actually helped a lot, I will never forget about that.

I have now made an appointment to see the psychologist I worked with the last time, to see if it helps.

You're right, now I have to focus on healing the ear infection and then we will see what's next. But for now I'm terribly worried that I could stay like I am now forever, and I can't think clearly even if I try. But if I stay like this, I don't discard any option, even that one...

 

These setbacks can happen, dipp. I’ve had some significant ones but I’ve always bounced back eventually. I know how you are feeling buddy, and how difficult it is, but you must try and stay positive. Make sure you let others know how you are feeling and get the support you need.

 

Hi @dipp -- Sorry to hear about the very intense and challenging times you're going through. Regarding your above comment, I think the operative word is "think". Others on this forum have thought their tinnitus spiked permanently, only to have it come back down to baseline, If that happens for you (good probability IMHO), it sounds like you could get back to your life which you've been able to enjoy.

Perhaps an even more operative word is patience. Nobody knows how long spikes will last. Some on this board have reported they lasted months before improving. I myself had a cold at one point, and went through an intense 2-week or so spike, though I don't believe I had an ear infection like you. So your spike might take a little longer. But if you can get yourself into some kind of "patience" mode, I think there's a very good probability you'll be able to ride this out and get back to better times.

All the Best...

 

I guarantee that your girlfriend and family would rather deal with your tinnitus than deal with your suicide.

 

I'm not sure if you're looking for that kind of support and advice but Neuromod is expected to launch their device against tinnitus in certain European countries this year. Also, since your spike is related to an ear infection, it might still go back to baseline once your body is fully healed. Wishing you all the best!

 

That’s not a given for all of us I’m afraid. My family have completely given up on me and I lost my partner of over a decade after just a few months of this. Friends pretty much all gone too. Just me and the dog now.

I understand. I’ve been altered irrevocably by this. I’m not the person they once knew and it’s painful and sad for them to be around this depressed stranger who is tortured by something they can’t imagine or see.

They’ve all moved on and accepted that I will probably kill myself soon enough.

 

Everybody has said what I was going to say but I’ll add this. I recently got over a bad cold chest infection and my ears spiked though the roof, like even hear it over the shower loud. Just over 2 months and my ears are more or less back to baseline, I know you probably don’t want to hear this when your tubes get bunged up with a cold or ear infection it can take time for it to heal and get rid of all the gunk. I was a mess when it increased and felt pretty much like you emotionally but some very kind and encouraging words from @Ed209 and @Deamon22 and others helped me a lot. I know it’s easy to think the worst but there’s no guarantee it will be permanent just let it takes it’s course as annoying and emotionally draining as it is.

Stay strong buddy, let it take it cause and I’m hoping it’ll go back to baseline for you, as @Autumnly has said there are a few devices on the horizon that look promising as well.

 

Eardrums heal. Colds effect sinus' and T. If you have moderate to severe inflammation in your sinus cavities from colds and or allergies it also effects the Eustachian tubes. That sizzling sound is sticky and or inflamed Eustachian tubes trying to open and drain. Middle ear air flow is important. Also most dont realize how deep sinus' are in our heads and how the Trigeminal neuralgia is associated w/ sinusitus and T. You will get better.

 

@dipp

It is amazing what this condition can do to formerly excellent human beings! Suicide ideation is just another tinnitus treatment that does not work.
Work on your brain hardening skills: Meditation, acceptance, stay calm.... In spite of the noise, one can still have a reasonable life even if it is going to be different from the life one wants.

 

My tinnitus is from an ear infection. It was very intense at first but slowly settled down over the course of several weeks. I have noticed that it spikes when I have a cold. Wait it out, in all likelihood you will be doing better after some time passes.

 

I hope one day you get humbled and have to eat your words. People like you would probably watch your dog die a terrible death rather than just put it out if its misery. One day when you’re done and in pain and can’t take it, you will meet karma for your ignorant statements.

 

Hey Dipp. Do you still have the sizzling sound or did that go away?

 

My friends are gone and rarely talk to me now.

My brother is annoying by saying he 'gets it' but is not understanding. Getting annoyed or angry because I cannot do routine things always on your schedule is not demonstrating understanding.

 

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I felt the same way as you when I first got tinnitus. I did not think I could live like that. It's more than just the sound, it just seems to suck the soul out of you.

But you defeated the beast before and you can do it again.

At least you know the likely cause of this attack. The infection will pass and the inflammation will subside and so will your tinnitus.

I am wondering if anyone one this site has recommended hearing aids with sound therapy. Especially if you have hearing loss they can be a great tool to help with your habituation. They also have some new sound therapies that have shown promising results, such as notched music or musical neuromodulation.

Please hang in there, it will get better. I will be praying for you.